Category Archives: Books

Anxiety, Books, Disability, Health, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Stories

Moving Forward

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It’s day three of this debilitating fatigue, and I’ve been managing okay. I’m doing the bare minimum, the most essential tasks. It is strange timing, because my monthly infusion was last Friday. My energy levels should be going up, not down. There’s a little bit of hope on the horizon however. I talked to my therapist yesterday and I think we uncovered some of the factors that could be contributing to this.

Factor #1: we are having a string of below freezing temperatures here in Michigan. I’m wearing multiple layers in the house just to stay comfortable, but I think it still zaps me of energy.

Factor #2: I’ve not been running or otherwise exercising regularly for awhile. That was intentional, after I declared it hibernation season for myself.

Factor #3: I wasn’t taking my medicine and vitamins over the Christmas break. I had no routine so I had just sort of forgotten about it. None of these meds are super crucial, and I often miss a day here and there with no issue. But a whole two weeks or more? I guess it caught up to me. So I’m back on that wagon as of yesterday, and hopefully my energy comes back to functional levels. One of the prescriptions I take is Vitamin D2, which is super important for us with MS, and especially during these winter months when sunlight is in short supply, So it was a rookie move for me to not be taking that. Slap on the wrist, won’t let it happen again. Moving on!

I got some good news recently, and that’s that I was approved for O&M training through the State of Michigan. Orientation and mobility training is something I didn’t know much about until I started looking more into using a white cane in public and unfamiliar environments. Because as I may have mentioned before, in new spaces I get *super* freaked out not being able to see and recognize what’s around me. I get so fearful it’s like my physical and mental world just shrink so that I’m in this invisible bubble. I walk slowly, staring at the ground, looking up every few steps to study my immediate surroundings. It’s a very lonely feeling. I hide it well, I think, but I got tired of feeling that anxiety. Even worse, I think I avoid going out in the world in order to avoid it, and I’m tired of that too. So after meeting with a coordinator from the State I am really hopeful that this program can help me. I think I’ve become so accustomed to the struggle, and I’m looking forward to learning how I can manage better and feel more confident out in public. Yay for me being my own advocate, right? This was a very difficult decision to make, to be sure.

That is all for now, folks. I do have some book reports rolling around in my head that I hope to get hammered out in the next couple of days (weeks?) but we’ll see. Until then, stay warm my friends.



Books, Daily Snippets, Family, Health, Kids

Daily Post #2 – December 6, 2024

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Here we are again, folks! Daily recap coming atcha…

This morning I had planned to get dropped off at the lab to get some repeat blood work done (the original test was ordered incorrectly) and then walk over to the gym (they share a parking lot). However, when I woke up with the kids my stomach was not feeling right. As I moved around the kitchen it got increasingly worse, and devolved into sharp, stabbing pains. A pain I know all too well as gas. So I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do much until that got resolved. Skipped the trip and went back to bed. Falling asleep in the fetal position did the trick, and a couple hours later I was good as new.

The middle of the day didn’t consist of much. I ate some yummy leftovers and did some reading. I’m listening to The Case Against Sugar by Gary Taubes and it’s pretty interesting. Since it’s an audiobook I find myself getting distracted pretty frequently, but mostly I’m learning that a lot of what has been researched about the dangerous effects of too much sugar in our diets has been shoved under the rug by corporately funded researchers. All the folks benefiting from the sugar industry have spent a lot of money to keep people from learning that in the large quantities we consume it, sugar is harmful.

The other book I’m reading is The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung. I recently finished his other companion book, The Diabetes Code, and I kind of wish I had read them in order because a lot of what I’m learning in this one would have been useful as I muscled my way through The Diabetes Code. I am downright fascinated by the science in this book. And encouraged, because it’s debunking a lot of the closely held yet erroneous beliefs our society has about weight loss/gain. Weight loss/gain is not an exact science, nor is it a simple math equation. The answer to losing weight is not calories in/calories out. There are so many systems in our bodies that play a part in fat production and processing the calories we put into it. So we need to stop shaming people for their size. Okay? Just stop it. I got in a heated debate a few months back on social media with a guy who was griping about people using the motorized carts at the grocery store, saying they needed to leave those carts for the truly disabled. I pressed him on it, knowing I am one who is truly disabled yet doesn’t look it, and found that he was referring to the heavier people. He said they needed to just walk more. Obviously he’s never struggled with his weight.

We need to be kinder, people. Because we really don’t know what we don’t know. We have been fed lies for decades that in order to achieve or even maintain a certain size, we just need to do A, B, and C. Simple right? Except that it never works. All my friends are entering the land of menopause and haven’t changed a thing, and yet we are getting larger. Is it our fault? Of course not! Hormones, baby. They have everything to do with why our bodies hold onto fat and there is not a whole lot we can do about that. I think we’re getting closer to finding answers, but what do I know? I’m just a retired accountant who likes to read about science.

Whew! Getting off that soapbox now. I finished off my day by attending my son’s wrestling meet. I don’t usually get to go, but my husband had come home early so I was able to ride up with him. We had a great time, Luke wrestled his heart out, and then we came home. Saturday we are hoping to go get a Christmas tree, so I look forward to updating you again tomorrow night!

Books, Coffee, Disability, Domestic Engineer, Exercise, Faith, Family, Food, Friends, God speaks, Health, Kids, Marriage, Stories

My very brief “75 Hard” journey and what I learned

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I don’t know if any of you have heard of “75 Hard” but it’s this bazonkers challenge that some guy made up a few years ago, and it seems to have quite the following.

The challenge is this: For 75 consecutive days you must complete the following tasks:
1) Drink one gallon of water
2) Follow a diet of your choosing, no cheat days!
3) Read 10 pages of a nonfiction book
4) Complete two non-consecutive 45-minute workouts, 1 of which must be outdoors
5) Take a progress picture

If you miss any of the tasks even once, you have to start all over again on Day One. Oof.

A good friend of mine completed this challenge a couple years ago, and she is now working the challenge once again. When she did it the first time, I seriously gave it some thought but never did anything with it. This second time I felt compelled to hop on and give it a shot.

Now a couple of these things were easy for me. I have been intermittent fasting since March of 2023 so following a diet wasn’t a big deal. I would just be more intentional about sticking with my chosen eating and fasting “windows”. No problem.

Reading 10 pages of nonfiction? I’m a huge reader, and 90% of what I enjoy reading is nonfiction. Again, no problem.

Taking a progress picture is a simple enough task, and thankfully no one would have to see it but me, so the trick was just to remember to do it. Easy peasy.

It’s the gallon of water and 2 daily exercises that were the real challenge for me. I don’t mind drinking water, but I prefer coffee, and that doesn’t count. So I just had to be intentional about sipping from and refilling my water bottle throughout the day. I even bought myself a larger bottle (half gallon) so I would only need to refill once during the day. However, since I had just been coming off training for the Sleeping Bear half marathon, I was already in the habit of daily hydrating so this wasn’t a huge deal.

For the exercising I was doing an outdoor walk and indoor Fitbod workout each day. That was going very well, and with all the water I was drinking, my muscles were recovering well every day. I would feel a bit of soreness but it never stuck around for long. I was feeling really good!

Y’all, I lasted 8 days. That 9th day I had a super busy day morning to night. Doctor appointment for me, orthodontist for both kids, and having to use paratransit to get everywhere means every trip takes awhile and has zero flexibility. But that wasn’t what killed the challenge for me. I had been out of town the weekend prior and the day before I came back, my husband left for a 3 day work trip. So on that bonkers day with all the appointments, that evening I just wanted to spend time with my husband. I had to make a decision – stay home and complete my workouts (because all the appointments prevented me from getting them done earlier) or ride with my husband to take our daughter to her horse riding lesson. I chose the latter, ending my 75 Hard challenge streak, and I have no regrets.

I may try again some other time, but I don’t know. I strongly felt like God had been leading me to that challenge, so I had to really ponder why. I think He was trying to show me how much my daily life had been lacking in discipline. And while 75 Hard was very much an all or nothing thing, installing discipline into your life doesn’t have to be that way. The key is to be intentional. So now I’ve been thinking a lot more about how I can maintain that intentionality but in a way that fits with my impairments and my daily life. I’m being humbled here. I need to cut out a lot of things in my life for awhile that were distracting me. I would spend hours on Facebook or Netflix or the stupid coloring app on my phone, and before I knew it, I had lost most of the day. Since I’m not working, I don’t have anyone telling me what or when things need to be done. I am the boss of my life, and I had been doing a shoddy job of it.

So I decided to make my own list:
1) Read 10 pages of a book
2) Exercise for 30 minutes
3) Drink a half gallon of water
4) Pray/study the Bible for 30 minutes
5) Write for 30 minutes

The times listed are just minimums of course. I just list them that way so I have measurable goals. I found a habit tracking app so I can keep the list in front of me and check things off as I go. It will be satisfying to see streaks of habits, but I’m allowing myself the ability to skip days if necessary. Some days my body and mind need rest, and I’m going to honor that. But I’m working really hard to not slip back into bad habits. While binging on Netflix seems like it would be restful, it’s really not. And it’s discouraging when you come off of a session of 6 episodes of Reba and realize you’ve lost your whole day, and you still need to put away that laundry you washed last Tuesday, and you have no idea what you are going to feed your people for dinner.

So yeah. I’m working on some healthy habits. I was gonna say “new” healthy habits, but then caught myself. These are not new. I’m working on some healthy habits – again. And I should say, it feels pretty damn good.

Moving forward!

Books, Daily Snippets, Food

Scary Book

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I’m reading a really scary book right now. No, it’s not a gory thriller or suspense novel. It’s a book about type 2 diabetes – The Diabetes Code by Jason Fung, and it’s freaking me out. For one, it’s very science-y so it’s slow reading. For two, I’m worried about every human I know and love because, well, sugar. Refined sugar is terrible for our systems, and at least here in the U.S., it’s in *everything*. So it’s nearly impossible to avoid. I’m trying to just get through this book and when my brain slips into panic mode I set it down for a while and move on to more pleasant things.

Like watching Reba reruns on Netflix!

Books, Disability, Multiple Sclerosis, Stories, Writing

Infusion Day

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Today was my monthly infusion for Tysabri, the drug I take to manage my M.S. and ward off relapses. I don’t generally post about infusion days because they are typically uneventful so there isn’t much to talk about. Today was a little bit different.

Today my nurse had the challenge of some uncooperative veins. I don’t know why this is a thing, and she couldn’t guess why either, but for the last couple IVs and blood draws, my veins have been extremely uncooperative. My nurse tried so hard to get a good “poke” in two different areas of my left arm, but for some reason the pain was just unbearable. She could see I was in pain and my eyes were forming tears. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me with such kindness and compassion. She said she didn’t want to be causing me pain. It looked as though it was hurting her just as much as it was me. She was patient, allowing me to collect myself and slow my breathing as she made strategic suggestions for how we could make this happen. She knows how important these infusions are for my health, and she was determined to make sure I got my medicine one way or another.

The good news is that the third poke, on my right arm, went in with ease and with almost no pain at all. I was so relieved. I can withstand a little poking and prodding at the beginning, but there was no way I would have been able to withstand the previous level of pain for the hour it takes to infuse the medicine. No way. So I am thankful that she worked with me at my pace and didn’t give up trying.

I love my nurses at this infusion center. Love them. I’ve been going there for years and they have become like friends. They know me, and they treat me with care and respect. They are outstanding at their jobs. This young nurse was my angel today. She has gone above and beyond for me on numerous occasions, and today was no exception. I am so thankful for her.

The other thing that was remarkable today was that while I was sitting around waiting for my ride to go home, I started talking with the patient next to me. I had overheard her talking about recent trouble she was having with a doctor, and how she had to stand up for herself in order to be “heard”. Having just finished the (fascinating and horrifying) book, “All In Her Head”, my ears perked up. I politely interrupted and gave her kudos for being the “squeaky wheel” in order to get the care she needed. That sparked further conversation and she shared with me her journey becoming disabled 20 years ago, at the age of 42, being forced to leave a career she loved. Her story was so different from mine in detail, yet in essence there were so many similarities. I was truly intrigued and encouraged by her fighting spirit and positive attitude that I left the infusion center feeling like I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again, but I hope I do. I don’t think I’ll soon forget her, that’s for sure.

I think the lesson for me today is that I need to keep sharing my stories. It’s people like the lady I met today, that have been through transformative difficulties and are still able to smile and encourage others at the end of the day, that keep us truckin’ along. I pray that I am able to live another 20 years and more, so that I can keep showing people that you can endure hard things and come out the other side stronger. I meet people like this all. the. time. They are everywhere, and you just don’t realize it! Let’s share our stories. Let’s keep encouraging others. We’re in this together, folks. You are not alone.

Books, Disability, Faith, Family, God speaks, Kids, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Stories, Visually Impaired

Learning to sit in the dark

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I recently read a book for book club called Learning to Walk in the Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor. Ever since, I’ve been thinking a lot about the dark, and my relationship to it. When I lost my vision and hearing I became very afraid of the dark. My limited field of vision leaves me wanting more. If I could just get more light in, maybe I could see the whole picture. With more light, maybe I could see it all. But that’s futile wanting. Even with full light, I still can only see fractions. I’ve had extra lighting installed everywhere in my home. Extra lamps in the bedroom, recessed lighting in the living room, under the cabinets in the kitchen. It does help when I’m trying to get work done and need to see specific things. Paperwork, food I’m preparing, the dust on the couch. But it doesn’t fix it. I’m still partially blind.

How long to you feed the longing for something you lost? How long do you entertain the yearning when you know it’s not coming back? Is the frustration worth it? Probably not. When is it time to give up the striving? Probably now.

I’m learning to sit in the dark. I woke this morning to get the kids up for school. I know they are teenagers and should be able to do this for themselves, but I enjoy it. I enjoy being around them in the calm of the morning. I know I’ll miss it when they are gone. This morning when I came downstairs to let the dogs out, I intentionally did not turn on the light in the kitchen. We have under-cabinet lighting, so it wasn’t completely dark. But it wasn’t completely light, either. It was nice. Calm. When I let the dogs outside, out of habit I flicked the outdoor light on and our deck flooded with artificial light. It was harsh, and as I looked out into the yard I noticed the moon hanging low in the sky. It was a near full moon, and it was majestic. So majestic, that I decided I needed to turn off the floodlight and let the moon shine in all its glory. I stood on the deck as the dogs ran around the yard and just absorbed the blend of early morning light and dark.

Normally I would have been trying to conjure up some profound thoughts in response to this moment, but today I just wanted to be. I just wanted to breathe in the morning, thank God for giving me the moon, and let that be enough.  Over ten years into this disability, I am still grieving my losses. I don’t think grief is a checklist to be completed. It ebbs and flows, and it never truly ends. But I am thankful that it has waned, and is not so soul-crushing as it used to be. I am learning. Learning to sit with the dark, look up to the sky for solace, and be okay. Because today, that is enough.

Books, Running, Writing

Thoughts about writing

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I’ve been thinking a lot about writing lately. This isn’t new, of course. I’ve always thought a lot about writing. But while I was consumed (obsessed?) with training for the marathon, my writer brain took a little vacation. Now that the marathon training is over, and there are no races *officially* on my calendar, my writer brain has emerged its naggy head.

Also, it’s December. This means my whole brain and body are shifting into “hunker down” mode. Hunkering down for me looks likes a cup of hot coffee, cozy blankets, crocheting, and reading or writing. Sometimes I’ll crochet while listening to an audiobook, in front of my laptop so I can pause to take notes on what I’m hearing, or just jot down random thoughts that appear.

Which reminds me of a line from one of my favorite movies, “Empire Records.” Lucas – “Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.”

And back to my winding stream of consciousness…

The audiobook I’ve been listening to this week is “Writing Down the Bones” by Natalie Goldberg. Apparently, it’s a classic and is often used in college writing courses. I had no idea. I learned of it listening to a podcast interview with Ms. Goldberg, and immediately added it to my list of books to read. I don’t know why I waited so long. Oh wait, yes I do. I was busy running. Which brings me to the interesting comparisons Goldberg makes between writing and running. Writing is a lot like running, in that your writing muscles can atrophy when you cease practicing. If you’ve been sitting on the couch for 3 months, you can’t expect to get out and run a speedy 5k. You’re going to feel a bit rusty and sore until you can get yourself back “in shape”. The same is true of writing. I had taken an extended break from writing, had neglected this practice, for so long, that every time I sit down to write here on the blog, I feel like I’ve lost the ability to write anything well.

So that’s going to be a focus of mine going into this winter season. I’ve decided to write every day. I’m going to warm up those muscles and I’m going to practice writing, every single day. If I am going to continue to call myself a writer, I need to be writing. Plain and simple. It may not always be good, but that’s okay because that’s not the point. I’m working those writing muscles of my mind. And hopefully it will result in some useful material for the blog here, because since marathon training is over, I’ve got absolutely nothin’ lately. We shall see!

Books, Multiple Sclerosis, Running

Week 11 Marathon Training 2.0

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Week 11! Right? I feel like I’m losing track. I am keeping notes, however, so you’re getting that at least. This week was not a lot of running. Looking at the calendar, I realized next week is my Tysabri infusion, so the fatigue was not unexpected. Not welcome either, but this week I seemed to be better emotionally about accepting it as a part of my life. I did a lot more walking than running, and when I did run I was encouraged that my legs still knew what to do and I still feel strong. Here’s your recap:

>Sunday: 0.38 mile walk with the dogs

>Monday: 0.76 mile walk with the dogs AND leg day at the gym. I happily use the seated leg press, calf extension, seated leg curl, hip abduction, hip adduction, and glute machines.

>Tuesday: Treadmill walk for 55 minutes (2.24 miles)

>Thursday*: Treadmill run/walk for 80 minutes (4.10 miles)

>Friday: 2.24 full loop around the ‘hood. Great weather this day, 70 and sunny. My only frustration is that the nozzle on my new water bottle fell off while I was running, but I survived without it.

>Saturday: 5 miles around the neighborhood. Since my new, larger water bottle was now busted (and on its way back to Amazon), I had to use my smaller one and stop at home to refill part way through, but again, I survived. I absolutely loved my pace on this run and I’m encouraged that the strength training I’ve been doing seems to be helping with my running.

*Thursday was rough. Usually I struggle to get started, but once I start I’m great at continuing until I reach my goal time or distance. On this day I was struggling to continue. I messaged my mom and sister to get “permission” to quit after 20 minutes or so. I’m so thankful they wouldn’t give it to me. My sister challenged me to take a break, refuel, and then get back on the treadmill. So that’s what I did! I ate a delicious sweet potato, loaded up the audiobook I was in the middle of listening to (one of my Sasha McCandless legal thrillers) and got back to walking. While walking at one point I looked at my timer to check how much time I had left to walk/run, and I had 33 minutes to go. Then I glanced at the audiobook and saw I had exactly 33 minutes left in the book! How awesome is that? It was exactly the motivation I needed to keep me on track to reach my goal of 80 minutes on my feet.

If this post feels a little choppy and disorganized, I apologize. Fatigue is both physical and mental. And it sucks. When I have weeks like this one, I get so scared that I’m not going to be ready for this race, or that I’ll lose some of the fitness and function I’ve built up so far. I didn’t become a runner until after I had M.S., so I don’t know what’s “normal” for running. Not only was I not a runner, I wasn’t any sort of athlete. But as I chat with others in the running community, I’m encouraged that most of my worries and hiccups are indeed very normal, and not exclusive to someone with M.S. But also, I do still have the added challenge of that diagnosis, and training for this race is teaching me more and more to respect my body and it’s capabilities. So there’s that. I just hope it returns the favor on race day.

That’s all for this (last?) week’s update. When I get some energy back maybe I’ll ramble on about all my foot issues. Doesn’t that sound fun? Maybe not, lol. For now, here are the stats: 12.48 miles traveled this week, 174.46 total miles marathon training. Add that to the 193 miles ran for the half marathon and you have 367.46 miles I’ve banked to get ready for the full in October. Yee. Ha.

Books, Exercise, Health, Multiple Sclerosis, Music, Photos, Running, Stories

Week 6 2023 Marathon Training

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Well, this week of training turned out to be quite interesting! I started off with a leisurely walk on Sunday and ended with a whopping 15 mile run on Friday.

My Sunday walk I saw three rabbits, and I got pictures but only one was halfway decent, so that’s what you have below. Along with a picture of yours truly, of course.

This bunny was nice enough to stand still for a photo!

Tuesday and Thursday I ran mostly up the main road and less around the neighborhood, so I didn’t see any more rabbits, but I did run into a neighbor walking with her daughter and her dog, so I stopped to chat for a bit. That was a nice cap to Thursday’s run!

Here’s me after successfully taking photos of the bunnies before they all ran away.

Now let’s talk about the long run. First of all, I had to run on Friday since we had plans on Saturday and Sunday. Secondly, I had planned to run outdoors but at 6 am Friday the forecast showed possible thunderstorms. I did not want to take the risk of getting caught in a storm, so I pivoted to running on the treadmill. I really dislike treadmill running but mostly because I get so hot. So for this run I put a box fan next to the treadmill and that made it a lot more tolerable. This week the long run called for 15 miles. My treadmill automatically resets after 99.99 minutes of activity (remember Y2K??) so I knew I was going to have to break it down into smaller increments, which actually helped mentally as well as logistically. Three sets of 5, no big deal!

It really wasn’t a big deal. I ran a strong and steady pace for most of the run. I listened to The Princess Bride audiobook for the first 10 miles (if you loved the movie, I highly recommend the book) and then listened to my 90s music station on Pandora for the last 5. The farthest distance I have run since training for my first marathon in 2021 is the half marathon, at 13.1 miles. So you can guess that my body really struggled after hitting 13 miles and I really had to fight to keep going for those last two. But, I finished, and I’m happy I did. Now I get two weeks of rest before the next long run, which will be 17 miles. Yikes!

I was so happy to have completed those miles but my body sure took a hit. I think I hadn’t consumed enough calories so I was struggling to get enough protein and carbs back in my system before showering and collapsing on the bed for a good nap. Also, I’m having considerable pain in my right foot, originating from my big toe which I’m confident I sprained during my half marathon training and a brief experiment I had with barefoot running. It only hurt for awhile after that experiment, but I believe 15 miles was sufficient enough to aggravate it again. So I’m doing all the things. Resting, Icing, Compression, Elevation. And praying that it heals quickly so I can continue with my training. If it’s not showing improvement by Monday I may call the doctor and see about getting it looked at. But I’ll cross that bridge when and if I get there.

By the way, it never did storm. I think we got a few sprinkles but no storms after all. I could have run outside, dang it! Oh well, maybe next time.

Almost forgot the mileage…
This week I ran 25.11 miles for a subtotal of 97.39 miles since official marathon training started, and when you add it with my half marathon it comes to a whopping 290.39 miles. One. Step. At. A. Time.

Books, Multiple Sclerosis, Photos, Stories, Visually Impaired

Grieving has no expiration

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Yesterday was a weird day. We had attended our nephew’s wedding the night before, and thoroughly exhausted, I slept in until 10 am. Not to mention, my monthly infusion is coming up on Thursday, so I’m already battling fatigue. Yet, I had a growing urge to purge some things that by early afternoon I was unable to ignore. My bedroom doubles as my office, until the kids are grown and move out. In the corner I have this old secretary hutch that I use as a desk. Until yesterday, the shelves were filled with my favorite books. I haven’t been able to read normal books since I lost my vision in 2013. Ten years ago. At that time, I went through a major purge of our old house and got rid of most of my books. The survivors have been staring at me night and day from this hutch’s shelves. Yesterday I was feeling an overwhelming urge to finally say goodbye.

This turned out to be a lot more difficult than I expected. Grieving has no expiration date.

As I dusted off each book I flipped through the pages, remembering the stories, but it was more than that. These were not literary classics. John Grisham, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Gilda Radner. An eclectic mix, for sure. It wasn’t the stories that I was grieving. It was the life I had pre-disability. Which is not to say I’m ungrateful for my life now. My disabilities have brought surprising blessings, and I am grateful for all of it. But you can feel more than one feeling at a time, it turns out. You can be grateful but also sad.

So that’s what yesterday was. It was a day to feel sad. I finished packing up my books and I repurposed the hutch’s shelving. I cleaned up the mess I had created and once I had everything put in order I laid down on my bed and let myself cry. That sadness had been building all afternoon and I just had to let it out. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to feel those ugly unpleasant feelings. Process, move them through, then move on.

And I did. When I had finished crying I got up, took a deep breath, and started making dinner for my family. So now it’s tomorrow and I’m so happy with my updated office area. It looks fantastic, and it’s a nice clean space now for me to work and write. I look forward to using it every day. My vision loss is permanent, and I don’t believe I’ll ever be 100% done with grieving the loss of it, but I’m thankful that these moments come less and less often, and that I can still wake up and find joy in what I do have. Peace, my friends. Shalom.