Category Archives: Coffee

Coffee, Low vision, Writing

Alliterative A-ha Moments

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I am learning. It’s exhilarating and exhausting. A lifelong journaler, at the age of 48 I am finally learning the craft of writing stories. The annoying thing about it though, is that I want to just get started on *actually writing* this memoir. But I know when I look back it will be fully clear to me that this all was a necessary part of the process. All of the brainstorming, list making, drafting, crying, praying, discussing. All of it is part of the design and foundation-laying of the manuscript. Right? Please tell me I’m right. Thank you. The craft part that I really don’t know much about is storytelling. I think that’s the reason I’ve been stuck all these years. I just really didn’t know what I was doing, or where to go next. I needed someone to teach me. And this memoir coach is doing that! Giving me the tools I need to accomplish this task I have so strongly desired to complete for years. But I titled this blog hinting at an a-ha moment. So let’s get to it.

After this week’s writing lessons I am ready to begin writing the scenes for my story. I was journaling about that as I sit here in my local coffee shop, writing about what might be holding me back as I move into this new phase, and I realized I was feeling overwhelmed about organizing the scenes once I write them. Where do I write them? Where do I store them? I need to start with an organizational system before it gets out of hand. (Side note, I have been drafting lame attempts at this memoir for so long, it’s already out of hand. I’ve since moved all my old drafts into an old draft folder, likely never to be seen again.)

I have been using two programs for writing: Scrivener and Microsoft Word. I don’t love Scrivener for writing because I can’t get the contrast I need to see easilly what I’m typing. But I love it for the organizational tools. I do 90% of my writing in Word, where the contrast is perfect, and I’m familiar with all the formatting tools because it’s been around since the 1900s. So. My decision was that I would Write in Word, Store in Scrivener. And just so y’all don’t feel left out of the alliteration: I’ll keep Blurbing on the Blog.

Ever since I’ve been more intentional about writing this book, and telling more people about it, I hear from people who tell me they can’t wait to read it. (No pressure, Mel. No pressure.) But that got me thinking, how will they know when it’s done? Maybe these people would like to get updates on how the process is going? I looked into starting a mailing list, and it’s downright overwhelming. I’m not super tech savvy, and also – partially blind. So, I don’t really wannt start a new thing. I do have a Substack, so I’m considering actually doing some posting there. I have a love/hate relationship with social media so that kind of stresses me out. So we’ll put a pin in that for awhile.

And now I’ve kind of entered into rambling territory, which is my signal that I need to rest. Thank you all for being here! If you are on Substack, you can follow me there: https://substack.com/@melinda6213796. I do intend to start posting there soon, as I start writing into the scenes for the memoir, so you might get some early snippets! Shalom, my friends. Until next time.

Coffee, Daily Snippets, Domestic Engineer, Music

Trouble Waking

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I’ve been sleeping late, as I tend to do in the winter months. I get up early to feed the dogs and see my daughter off to school, and then I usually head back to bed. Getting out of bed for that second time is significantly more difficult for me, and it takes a good amount of willpower to do it. Usually it’s my bladder that urges me up. Today it was the mental reminder that I needed to put a grocery order in for my daughter to pick up after school.

I got out of bed, put on my cochlear processors, and queued up a 90s music station to pep me up a little. The song that played first was R.E,M., “Everybody Hurts”. Not really the motivator I was looking for, but at least now I feel seen! Michael Stipe always gets me. If you know, you know.

Anyhoo, I’m up. Not super peppy, but I’m ready to work. Coffee in hand, I’m gonna go knock out that grocery list!

Cochlear implant, Coffee, Deafness, Faith, Funny story

This tastes like mercy

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I was standing at the coffee counter at the back of the church one Sunday, chatting. Clay came up to get a cup of coffee and was asked which kind he preferred, dark roast or regular. Clay answered, “Either one. To me, they both taste the same.” But I started chuckling, because what I heard – with these amazing but fallible cochlear implants – was, “They both taste like shame.” I told him what I had heard and we shared a laugh.

He was still laughing about it while trying to deliver the welcome message to the congregation.

When they offered communion, as they do every week, I quietly walked up to get my bread and juice. When I sat back down to pray, all I could think about was, “this does not taste like shame.” And when I turned around and shared that snippet with Clay, he said “No! It tastes like mercy.”

Mercy, indeed. I love the constant reminders that I am offered this gift of hope and freedom that I 100% do not deserve. I mess up on the daily, and yet Christ is always in my corner. Through my faith in Him, my relationship with my Creator through prayer and studying the Bible, I have peace. So much peace. I didn’t for a very long time, y’all. I’ll admit that. Like any relationship, it’s had it’s ups and downs. But God never changes. He is steady when I am not. He does not taste like shame. He offers mercy. So much mercy.

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Coffee, Faith, Friends

Book review: The Color of Compromise

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Yesterday I finished reading The Color of Compromise, by Jemar Tisby. This libary book took me two check-out periods to read, because it had a lot of big words. I am okay with big words, but I do struggle with processing information, so it made for very slow reading. However, it was definitely worth the read. This book was about the history of racism in America and how the church has been complicit in prolonging its presence in our culture. A lot of the chapters were painful to read, heartbreaking in their detail, but I think it is all necessary to learn about. While I’m still processing everything I read, I thought it would be good to jot down the pros and cons I gleaned from the book.

As I mentioned, it had a lot of big words. While I don’t mind big words here and there, many portions of the book were just saturated with three syllable words and super long sentences, and that made it very difficult to follow along with the ideas. I did, however, appreciate that it wasn’t just a bashing of Christians. With every example of our compromise or complicity with racism over the course of history, it offered words of hope and examples of things we had done in order to better the lives of and help bring justice for people of color. There’s always more work that can and should be done, however.

The book closed with some really great suggestions of practical ways we can take action against racism now and in the future. I appreciated that the writer also acknowledged the reality that there will always be some level of racism in society, because of the presence of sin in the world. We can have hope that Christ will return and make all things new.

One thing I felt challenged to do while reading this book was to make more connections with the black people around me. I tend to get really shy at my church and Bible study, and I often avoid introducing myself to new people. Part of this timidity stems from my difficulty seeing and hearing, but that’s only part of it. For too long I mistakenly feared that many of the black women wouldn’t be receptive to me because I am white, and I therefore couldn’t possibly understand them. How wrong I was! I have been a part of BSF for 8 years and in most of those years my assigned discussion group has been mostly white, with some years one or two black women. This year my discussion group was right around 50/50 black and white. I can’t even tell you how refreshing it was to be in such a diverse group. We spent nine months studying the book of Revelation together, discussing that and lots of other facets of life and you know what? We had a lot in common after all. Sure, we had different perspectives on a million different things, but we were all there to learn and share and we respected one another’s views. It was an incredible year making new friends, and I truly look forward to getting to know them better in the years and studies to come.

The bottom line: I recommend the book, if you have the stomach for it. It’s not an easy read, but it’s a necessary one.

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Coffee, Daily Snippets, Disability, Exercise, Faith, Family, Friends, Writing

Long and Rambling, perhaps

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Oh my word, friends. I joined a challenge to do 100 push ups every day in the month of May. My sister does these challenges with a Facebook group and they have always fascinated and tempted me, but this one grabbed me because she said you could do modified versions, and you could space them out in any increment, so I thought what the hell, let’s give it a shot! I have always had super weak arms and would love to get stronger so this is proving to be good motivation. We are eight days in and I have come to love the countertop pushup. It seems to be the perfect level of challenge for me. I can’t do the 100 all at once, but even in this short number of days, my endurance is already improving.

Today I decided to head back to the gym for some elliptical time and a full body circuit workout. The bonus? A hydromassage to finish it off. The hydromassage beds at Planet Fitness are 10 minutes of pure relaxation. My muscles are thanking me.

A short walk down the street and I’m parked at the coffee shop enjoying a large Americano. I was feeling so sluggish all morning and I think it was the lack of caffeine. I really had to push through that workout at the gym. It ain’t easy folks, but it’s worth it.

The interesting thing about this morning was that I was feeling really tired, but not fatigued. It was your classic – not enough sleep, not enough caffeine, wanna go back to bed – tired. I was feeling sluggish and borderline grumpy. It was refreshing in a weird way, to feel something like “normal”. Like how I used to feel sometimes on Monday mornings, heading into the office to work. A lifetime ago.

You could say I’m still working on accepting the loss of that life. It comes in bits and pieces. I am so grateful for where I am and how God has blessed me through disability. I am able to spend days like today at the coffee shop while my husband goes to work. But there are still parts of that life I long for. I’ll always long for independence. It’s just that these days it’s a muted longing, and I’m not nearly as angry about it as I used to be.

My desire to write more is coming back. A long time ago I was introduced to a memoir coach, Wendy Dale. She does paid coaching, but she also offers free coaching on YouTube videos. I had watched all the videos and was impressed with her knowledge. She was somehow able to deliver all this info in a simple and straightforward way. I was intrigued, and thought I was going to really get going at writing more, but life sort of pushed it to the side. I was more focused on my family and running than writing. And if I’m honest, that’s probably still true. Our son, our firstborn, is graduating from high school any minute now and will be off to college in the fall. You can imagine the mental load. Also, I’m working to get back into running, because I took too big of a break over the winter and my health and energy levels took that hit pretty hard. But back to Wendy. She recently published a book, “The Memoir Engineering System”, so of course I had to read it. It was all this lovely knowledge of hers, all compiled in one place. I purchased the Kindle version and devoured it in a few short days. It will be my guide book for when I am actually ready to write that book, but for now it’s all just rolling around in my head. You guys, I have so much rolling around in my head, you have no idea. Well, you have some idea because I like to ramble on here on the blog. I mean, that’s kinda what it’s here for. To help me declutter my mind. You’re welcome.

What else? I’m still reading a lot. Watching a lot of Criminal Minds reruns. Just finished up another year of BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). We studied the book of Revelation this year. In my 40 years as a Christ follower I had never read Revelation so I was a little apprehensive about it. It went well though. I had a great discussion group. Very diverse, and as my friend Cynthia noted at Share Day yesterday, full of alpha women. It was terrific. I don’t know how it is at other locations, but our BSF here in my city does a very good job at running this program. It’s always a safe space. Some days the passages we are reading are really difficult, and I have always loved that questions are welcomed and encouraged. We don’t always walk away with the answers – almost never, to be honest – but we walk away with a broader perspective and insight. I’ll miss my BSF ladies over the summer but I look forward to seeing them again in the fall!

I think that’s the bulk of my rambling updates, for now. My coffee needs my attention. Have a beautiful day, my friends.

Coffee, Daily Snippets, Disability, Exercise, Faith, God speaks, Multiple Sclerosis, Prayer, Writing

Habit Reset

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Hey! We are officially on Christmas break! That means I can sleep in a little. Sleeping in was a lot more fun when I was younger. These days I tend to still wake up fairly early, and in pain so that staying in bed is not enjoyable. So I get up, make my coffee, get my mental work done, and then, depending on how I’m feeling, go back to bed for a morning nap.

I had a good morning at church today. God and I are working on some things. He’s tugging at my heart and helping me to let go of some of my idols. Getting back into a healthier routine. Every day is an opportunity for a fresh start. Today was that for me. A reset, for sure. My fluctuating hormones and energy levels have really made it hard for me to feel balanced, and I think that by getting back to some basic daily routines, I will start to feel more steady.

The routines I’m trying to work back into my daily life include drinking 64 ounces of water, reading, spending time in prayer and Bible study, and exercise. The idols I’m working to eliminate are binge watching television and the coloring app on my phone (which has since been removed… again.). These two things are not only big time sucks, but they aren’t great for my mental health and clarity. They’ve got to go.

Daily exercise may be my biggest challenge. I don’t have much energy these days, so it’s a matter of talking myself into it. Every day. The vicious cycle is that the less I exercise, the more my energy levels drop, and the more my energy drops, the less likely I am to exercise. So I just need to resolve to do it. And that is starting tomorrow.

I also want to get my writing mojo back; I miss it. I am journaling daily, so I am still writing. I don’t think that will ever change with me. I’ve journaled since I could hold a crayon. But part of getting that mojo back is why I’m posting more here, even if it’s mindless drivel. I’m hoping to write more content that I can be excited about. Writing wakes up parts of my soul that have gone dormant, but it takes a bit of work sometimes to chip away at the crusty covered up parts.

So that is what I’ve been hammering out today, new habits. Writing, reading, hydrating, praying, studying, and exercising. Hoping for the start of a new phase. I’m getting really bored of the current one. So here’s to new days and new habits. Until next time, shalom!

Coffee, Daily Snippets, Domestic Engineer, Family, Housekeeping, Multiple Sclerosis, Running

Weekly Post #9 – December 13, 2024

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Tired of my daily updates yet? I am, a little, but I’m going to keep it up for awhile. Today was mostly uneventful, but we had some wins. I slept late, until 10:30, because I’m still recovering from three consecutive days of full activity. I was feeling really sore, and my legs were hurting a little from the cold weather outside, but I took a shower and that warmed me up a bit, so it relieved the pain. Nerve pain is no fun, but I’m glad that heat and movement are two things that help.

After my shower I went downstairs to make my coffee and loaded the dishwasher. If you see me going to bed with a stack of dirty dishes left in the sink, that’s a clear signal that I’m dealing with fatigue. I am really bothered by dirty dishes and will usually take care of them as soon as I can, so when I don’t there’s usually something wrong. But, I tend to have a bit more energy in the mornings, so this morning I just took care of them while my coffee brewed.

And then! Then, I started a movie on my laptop and started wrapping Christmas presents. This is not a fun project, ever, but it is one that feels great to have done. I finished after four hours, right as my daughter was coming home from school. Also this evening we finally decorated the tree that’s been sitting bare in our living room for the last 6 days. I guess this means I’m ready for Christmas. Next week I’ll wrap the last of the presents, make batches of puppy chow and roasted pecans.

With me being so busy and it being so cold outside, I haven’t done any running in a bit, but it’s not for lack of thinking about it. I’m sure once it slows down a bit I’ll get back out there. Cold weather runs are really difficult to get yourself out for, but they are always exhilarating and rewarding. Hopefully next week.

Anyway, that’s my update. I’m off to bed!

Coffee, Daily Snippets, Driving, Exercise, Family, Friends, Holidays, Kids, Piper, Punky

Daily Post #3 – December 7, 2024

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Long and crazy day. The original plan was for the whole family to go pick out and cut down this year’s Christmas tree. And that was going to be it, a nice relaxing day.

We ended up doing a lot more than that. To start off, a friend texted first thing in the morning inviting me to join her at the gym. I said absolutely yes, since I had missed the day before and had been itching to go back. I got reacquainted with the elliptical – I hadn’t used one in over 15 years, when I was pregnant with my daughter – and learned very quickly that the elliptical is an efficient way to work out the upper leg muscles. OOF! I’ll definitely be coming back to those. Then, with jell-o legs we went over to the 30 minute circuit and got full body strength workouts in. I was so exhausted after but it felt really good to be moving my body again. And, it’s a nice change-up from running, which can get dull at times. We finished at the gym with chair massages and then went for coffee to do some real catching up. It was a fine morning.

L to R: Mike, Luke, Natalie (leading our golden retriever, Punky) walking toward the trees to search for the one we’ll take home.

Once home and showered, I went with Mike and the kids – and Punky! – to pick out our Christmas tree. That was a blast, as always. It’s a nice tradition we’ve kept through the years and I will miss it when it’s gone.

Natalie kneeling in the snow with our golden retriever, Punky.

So with the tree procured and placed in the living room, we decided to head back out for a special mission. My daughter’s cell phone was broken and needing replacement. Since we all have had our phones awhile and are outside of the contract, we figured now we be a good time to shop for new cell phones/plans. So we spent the entire afternoon driving to various service centers, price shopping. We finally settled on one, and tried to get it all set up, but ran into a snafu so we’re hoping to get that completed in the next day or so. Oddly enough, none of us got frustrated with each other during this whole ordeal. We actually just enjoyed hanging out together. I was extremely grateful for that. And!! For a good portion of the outing my daughter drove! She just recently got her learner’s permit so she’s learning. She kind of hates it, it really stresses her out, but I think she’s doing a great job and will hate it less as she gets more practice.

All in all, it was a pretty incredible day and I’m so thankful for my friends and family, and thankful to have a warm bed to come home to. I’ll be sleeping well tonight.

Books, Coffee, Disability, Domestic Engineer, Exercise, Faith, Family, Food, Friends, God speaks, Health, Kids, Marriage, Stories

My very brief “75 Hard” journey and what I learned

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I don’t know if any of you have heard of “75 Hard” but it’s this bazonkers challenge that some guy made up a few years ago, and it seems to have quite the following.

The challenge is this: For 75 consecutive days you must complete the following tasks:
1) Drink one gallon of water
2) Follow a diet of your choosing, no cheat days!
3) Read 10 pages of a nonfiction book
4) Complete two non-consecutive 45-minute workouts, 1 of which must be outdoors
5) Take a progress picture

If you miss any of the tasks even once, you have to start all over again on Day One. Oof.

A good friend of mine completed this challenge a couple years ago, and she is now working the challenge once again. When she did it the first time, I seriously gave it some thought but never did anything with it. This second time I felt compelled to hop on and give it a shot.

Now a couple of these things were easy for me. I have been intermittent fasting since March of 2023 so following a diet wasn’t a big deal. I would just be more intentional about sticking with my chosen eating and fasting “windows”. No problem.

Reading 10 pages of nonfiction? I’m a huge reader, and 90% of what I enjoy reading is nonfiction. Again, no problem.

Taking a progress picture is a simple enough task, and thankfully no one would have to see it but me, so the trick was just to remember to do it. Easy peasy.

It’s the gallon of water and 2 daily exercises that were the real challenge for me. I don’t mind drinking water, but I prefer coffee, and that doesn’t count. So I just had to be intentional about sipping from and refilling my water bottle throughout the day. I even bought myself a larger bottle (half gallon) so I would only need to refill once during the day. However, since I had just been coming off training for the Sleeping Bear half marathon, I was already in the habit of daily hydrating so this wasn’t a huge deal.

For the exercising I was doing an outdoor walk and indoor Fitbod workout each day. That was going very well, and with all the water I was drinking, my muscles were recovering well every day. I would feel a bit of soreness but it never stuck around for long. I was feeling really good!

Y’all, I lasted 8 days. That 9th day I had a super busy day morning to night. Doctor appointment for me, orthodontist for both kids, and having to use paratransit to get everywhere means every trip takes awhile and has zero flexibility. But that wasn’t what killed the challenge for me. I had been out of town the weekend prior and the day before I came back, my husband left for a 3 day work trip. So on that bonkers day with all the appointments, that evening I just wanted to spend time with my husband. I had to make a decision – stay home and complete my workouts (because all the appointments prevented me from getting them done earlier) or ride with my husband to take our daughter to her horse riding lesson. I chose the latter, ending my 75 Hard challenge streak, and I have no regrets.

I may try again some other time, but I don’t know. I strongly felt like God had been leading me to that challenge, so I had to really ponder why. I think He was trying to show me how much my daily life had been lacking in discipline. And while 75 Hard was very much an all or nothing thing, installing discipline into your life doesn’t have to be that way. The key is to be intentional. So now I’ve been thinking a lot more about how I can maintain that intentionality but in a way that fits with my impairments and my daily life. I’m being humbled here. I need to cut out a lot of things in my life for awhile that were distracting me. I would spend hours on Facebook or Netflix or the stupid coloring app on my phone, and before I knew it, I had lost most of the day. Since I’m not working, I don’t have anyone telling me what or when things need to be done. I am the boss of my life, and I had been doing a shoddy job of it.

So I decided to make my own list:
1) Read 10 pages of a book
2) Exercise for 30 minutes
3) Drink a half gallon of water
4) Pray/study the Bible for 30 minutes
5) Write for 30 minutes

The times listed are just minimums of course. I just list them that way so I have measurable goals. I found a habit tracking app so I can keep the list in front of me and check things off as I go. It will be satisfying to see streaks of habits, but I’m allowing myself the ability to skip days if necessary. Some days my body and mind need rest, and I’m going to honor that. But I’m working really hard to not slip back into bad habits. While binging on Netflix seems like it would be restful, it’s really not. And it’s discouraging when you come off of a session of 6 episodes of Reba and realize you’ve lost your whole day, and you still need to put away that laundry you washed last Tuesday, and you have no idea what you are going to feed your people for dinner.

So yeah. I’m working on some healthy habits. I was gonna say “new” healthy habits, but then caught myself. These are not new. I’m working on some healthy habits – again. And I should say, it feels pretty damn good.

Moving forward!

Coffee, Family, Multiple Sclerosis, Photos, Running, Vacation

Sleeping Bear Training Week 4

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Week four! We are just moving along, folks. This week was interrupted by a quick family trip to Chicago but it didn’t hurt my fitness in any way because we walked everywhere. And you bet I’m including that walking into my week 4 recap. So here goes:

~ Sunday – 10,869 steps. A good chunk of this was a brisk half mile walk to Wrigley Field and then another half mile to the site of my mother-in-law’s old house, and then the mile back to the apartment we rented. We kind of took the long way, and determined the whole trip was closer to 3 miles. And since it was continuous walking, I counted it as a “base run”. Close enough, right?

~ Monday – 16,661 steps walking around Chicago. Some near Wrigleyville but most was after taking the L downtown. We explored Millenium Park and then took the L back to our rental to rest up before the Cubs game later that night. (The Chicago trip really deserves it’s own post but I don’t know if I’ll get around to it.)

~ Tuesday – 5,059 steps because this was our last day in the city. We did most of our walking around the Chicago History Museum before heading home.

~ Wednesday – 2,425 steps. Did you read the first three days? You can’t blame me, admit it. We were all toast.

~ Thursday – 13,161 steps. This was primarily a 4 mile walk. I’ve been walking on Thursdays with a friend so that’s been nice to have the accountability. Otherwise Thursday would have looked a lot like Wednesday.

~ Friday – 2,416 steps. To be honest, this lack of movement was less about Chicago and more about the 4 mile walk on Thursday. I can’t make sense of it, but my legs just don’t do as well with walking. Running seems to make them the happiest.

This adorable kitty was rambunctious! Loved to get down on the floor and play.

~ Saturday – 2,118 steps. This was supposed to be an 8 mile long run day. I had everything packed up and ready to go the night before, but when my alarm went off at 6 am my body was really making it clear it still needed more rest. So I laid there in bed and thought about it, whether I would regret skipping this week’s long run or not, and decided I would stay in bed. It was a good move, because that extra rest gave me the energy I needed later that day to take my daughter to the cat cafe and hang out with some cute kitties. My husband and son are allergic, so this is our way of getting some feline cuddles in. And coffee too!

Overall it was a good week for training, even if it was quite different than what I had planned. It was no running or strength training, but I did a lot of walking and stayed active, resting when my body required it. One thing to recognize is that all the walking we had to do in Chicago, I probably wouldn’t have been able to do if it weren’t for my regular running. At 46, I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been and it’s an amazing feeling. Sure, I still needed some assistance walking around the city (my husband held my hand the whole time and kept me from falling no less than 3 times) but I was able to do it on my own two feet. No wheelchair required. When I was first diagnosed with M.S., I pictured a future in a wheelchair, and I’m grateful every day that I still don’t require that.

Week 5 is already off to a really strong start and I’m excited to tell you all about it once it’s completed! Stay tuned…