All posts by Little M.S. Runner

Forty-something, married with two kids and two dogs. Trying hard to live every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Deep thoughts

Identity Crisis?

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I started drafting a blog post yesterday with the following (to remind myself to write about it when I had more time):
“An introvert feeling lonely after three days with minimal human interaction?”

See, yesterday I was a confused, melancholy mess, for weird and petty reasons. All day I was struggling with wanting to call someone, invite them over, but then fearing that whomever I called would be too busy for a spontaneous visit or worse, not want to see me. When my husband asked me if I was okay (knowing I wasn’t), I fought back the tears (unsuccessfully) as I explained that I had been feeling lonely. And I noted how strange that was for me, the introvert. After a healthy chat, my sweet husband offered to drop me off at the mall so I could spend the day chatting with strangers. He was joking to get a laugh out of me (which worked), but it actually sounded tempting.

Then a good friend of mine posted this link on Facebook today:
“Real Life Examples of an Extroverted Introvert So You Don’t Get Confused” I found this to be really interesting timing, having that article pop up in my news feed, validating all that I was feeling just the day before.

What I found most interesting in the article is the explanation that introversion/extroversion is not an either/or characteristic, but is more of a spectrum. That is to say, you can have tendencies for both, and some people lean more to one side than the other. I lean heavily on the introversion side, and have for most of my life. Which is why yesterday’s bout of loneliness was so dang confusing. Loneliness is not something I have encountered often. Hardly ever, in fact.

I really enjoy talking with people, hearing their stories. I want to know where they come from, what interests them. My favorite part of the day lately has been chatting with the parents from our neighborhood as we wait for the school bus. Perhaps these past two years of drastic changes have brought some extroverted tendencies my way. I suppose that’s not such a bad thing, right?

Books, Food, Piper

Shalom

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I have done almost nothing today. I mean, no real work or housekeeping or other responsible adult type of activities. Here was my day so far:

  1. Morning preparations: fed the kids breakfast, packed lunches, made coffee
  2. Took the kids to the bus stop – get this, it’s a 2 minute walk. TWO!
  3. Read a book while Piper slept at my feet. (Piper is the dog, in case you’re new here)
  4. Fixed my morning smoothie with banana, strawberries, and blueberries.
  5. Took Piper outside and played fetch.
  6. Had lunch – made a sandwich on buttered toast with leftover tomato, green pepper, onion, and fresh basil. It was surprisingly yummy!
  7. Finished reading the book (a Grisham novel…The Racketeer. Not his best work but it still kept me entertained).

Mixed in with all of that was some Facebook browsing and texting with a friend. Not much else. So it’s been a long overdue lazy day, I guess. I still have an hour before I’ll leave to meet the kids at the bus stop, and I haven’t decided how to spend it. Getting bored is kind of unnerving for me. I think I’ve forgotten how to relax.

Now, lest you get all envious of my luxurious life of no job and no responsibilities (sort of), I feel like I should remind you that what I have here is a trade-off. Multiple sclerosis, sudden deafness, visual impairment. So while it is nice on days like today to be home, I still have my regular struggles. I am extremely grateful to be home for my family and I am also extremely grateful to be able to rest when I need it. Today was a day of rest. Shalom.

Deep thoughts, Family, Movies, Prayer

I’m not dead! I’m getting better! I think I’ll go for a walk…

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That title is a Monty Python and the Holy Grail quote for those in the know… best read out loud with a British accent.

It’s true! I’m still here! Blog still somewhat active! The irony here, folks, is that when there is much going on and much to tell, there isn’t much time to sit down and write about it. But that time is coming. In fact, it’s kind of here, and as soon as the dust settles, I’m sure you’ll be hearing more from me.

Our little family of four (plus the dog) is happy and healthy. It’s beautiful and amazing and I am so thankful. However, I am surrounded by friends and family who are struggling in a variety of ways; sickness, disease, financial struggles, you name it. And seriously, my heart is aching for every single one of them. I am overwhelmed with a desire to help, now that I am awake enough to be aware of others’ needs. That fog has lifted from my internal/mental space. I am free to be aware. Which is a gift, yes, but with my limitations I don’t know HOW to help, other than to pray. So I pray, a lot, and I reach out as much as possible, because I know when I was struggling it meant the world to me when people did that. A note here, a message there, it all made such a difference. People say that it’s the thought that counts, but that’s not true. Unless the thought leads to action – great or small – it means nothing. But those actions do mean a great deal, no matter how small we think they are.

So that’s all I have for today, and I realize it’s a bit of a cheat, but oh well. Life goes on. Ob-la-di, ob-la-da.

Wait, before I go, can I challenge you all to something today? Turn your thoughts into actions. The positive ones, of course. If you think about doing something nice, DO IT. Be kind and courageous. I dare you!

Health, Multiple Sclerosis

MS buttkicking

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Most days I feel like I’m kicking butt. Today was not one of those days. My butt got kicked. It wasn’t a super hot day, but it was humid, and I was working in the house without the air conditioning on. I let myself get overheated, and here it’s 9pm and I’m calling it a night. My feet are burning, my legs are twitchy and slow to respond, and my balance is shot. I fell once already today, but then again as I was walking down the hallway (thank goodness for walls). Most days I am able to forget I have MS. Then it creeps up and reminds me it’s still here.

Not to worry. A night of rest will serve me well, and I will keep moving forward. Because I may have MS, but MS will never have me.

Memories

They were in the basement the whole time

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As I was unpacking and organizing in the new house the other day, I came across all our old photo albums, pictures that have been in boxes in the basement for years and years. It’s strange, looking back at who I was. The Pre-Hearing Loss Mindy. My short-term memory took a hit two years ago when I was struggling with dementia or whatever that was, but in the stress of it all I think I also forgot a lot of the long-term stuff. Things that happened years ago. Who I was, what I loved, clothes I wore. And what’s interesting is that when I started pulling the photo albums out of the boxes Natalie asked me “are those your memories?” Yes sweetie, yes they are. I look at the pictures and it’s all coming back to me. They are not lost forever after all.

Nothing

Wasting time

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You’ll never believe what I just did. I uninstalled Farmville 2 (gasp!) from my phone. Again. That stupid game just sucks me in. I had reinstalled it after going without for awhile, thinking I could handle it, but apparently I can’t. I hate to compare it to serious addictions to substances like alcohol or drugs, but I really do just need to say no. No, no, NO. When it’s there it takes over my thoughts. 24/7. It’s flippin’ ridiculous. I find myself wasting all kinds of time, all of which is essentially Free Time for me, and leaving me at the end of the day in a puddle of regret. Because I believe my time is a gift, and I am wasting it. I could be (should be?) interacting with my kids, praying for my friends, letting the dog out, unpacking, calling my mom for Pete’s sake!

So tomorrow we start again. Again. And hopefully this time I will prove to myself that I can remain strong and abstain from the life-sucking, time-wasting ridiculous farming game. One day at a time, Mindy. One. Day. At. A. Time.

Food

Frittata First

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Since moving in to this new house, I’ve used the stove and oven for simple foods a couple times, but tonight I did some real cooking for the first time. Now real cooking for me is nothing compared to what my dad and sister can do with food, but I can do some meals well enough. Tonight was a frittata, made with bacon and green pepper. These ingredients were just what I had on hand, but they also happen to be my two favorite pizza toppings. Needles to say, I found it delicious. Hubby was happy too, but the kids didn’t care for the green pepper (shocker).

It was different using an electric range, because I’ve used a gas stove (and loved it) for well over a decade. This one that came with the house has a glass cooktop, which looks nice but is a pain in the rear to clean. It also takes longer to heat up, and may not cook as evenly, but it wasn’t enough of a difference to bother me. The real test will come when I bake my famous chocolate chip cookies!

Coffee, Domestic Engineer, Family, Friends, Photos, Piper

Every Day Is Yours To Win

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2015-08-18 09.11.40

The photo above is the view from my back porch. Do you see how the sun casts sort of a glow over the deck? Or is that just me? I took the photo this morning. Our house faces east, so the back porch is still cool from the night air as the sun is rising on the other side, and under the gazebo there is a nice breeze. So this is where I have come to love sitting in the morning (granted, it’s only Day Two), with my coffee and Bible, while Piper runs around the yard or rolls in the grass. When she’s done with that nonsense, she comes and lies down at my feet. It’s lovely. Just lovely. We are so blessed with this new home.

And if that wasn’t enough, we have some really awesome neighbors. All of them. Really. They even have a private Facebook page they use to keep in touch with each other. So while we’ve done some chatting with them leading up to the day we moved in, today we actually got to meet several of them. In fact, when people started getting home from their respective jobs, they seemed  anxious to meet us and say hello. The woman from across the street walked over to say hi, and we discovered we both have sons named Luke. A lady from the end of the street stopped at our driveway as she was leaving the neighborhood, and I was able to meet her and her son (whom I found had already met Luke yesterday). Then after Mike came home we met the man who lives next door to us, as well as his wife and two kids. It’s amazing how friendly these people are. We had heard this was a great neighborhood, but now we’re experiencing it and finding it to be absolutely true.

Oh, and get this – there are at least three other couples on the block whose first names start with the same letter, just as mine and Mike’s do (Mike and Mindy). There are the S’s next door, the D’s across the street, and another set of M’s further down. I love alliteration, I really do. What can I say? I’m a geek, all the way.

The unpacking is moving along. Throughout each day there is a constant feeling that I’m about to hit a wall, but I haven’t actually done it yet. I figure if I just go slow, then even if I do hit that wall, I won’t break anything. Just in theory, of course. I am developing some killer calf muscles, going up and down the stairs. But overall, life is good here and we feel pretty well settled. We have internet now, toilet paper, milk. You know, the necessities.

And here is where my brain is shutting down for the night, whether I like it or not. Good night!

Uncategorized

To be continued

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I’ve been absent, I know. It’s just, well, we bought a new house. It’s been kind of a whirlwind. A good whirlwind, but a whirlwind nonetheless. I plan to blog all about the changes, and I have been journaling offline, so once we have working Internet I will fill you in. For now you are getting this condensed message typed from my phone.
A lot has happened, a lot has changed, but I assure you that I am still here. And yes, I am, for always, still Mindy. 😉

Cochlear implant, Deafness, Disability, Driving, Hearing Loss

Memory Fail(s)

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Funny story (to me, anyway): This morning started out just like the previous few; ease out of bed, pack lunches for the kids, wish them well as they leave with Dad to go to zoo camp… Then I watered the flowers, made some coffee, and sat down on the couch to relax and do some reading. Forty-five minutes later I hear a honk, and the dog started barking. Perplexed, I got up to see what was going on. There was a white Spec-Tran van in my driveway. To pick me up. For the hair appointment I made just two days ago.

Oh, I was frantic. They don’t have to honk, and they certainly don’t have to wait for you to get dressed because you completely forgot they were coming. So I opened the front door, waved to let the driver know I was aware and coming, and rushed back to the bedroom to put on a bra (because I was still in my pajamas). The whole time – a matter of seconds that felt like eternity – I was praying the driver would not leave me. I hurried to put Piper in her crate, slipped on some shoes, grabbed my wallet and purse with a last minute check for my keys, and headed out the door. The sense of relief as I rode in that van was extremely gratifying.

Then as we were nearing our destination, the driver asks me if the address is 4020 (they often do this, which frustrates the crap out of me because they have GPS and I’m deaf, and it’s just hard and usually extremely unnecessary) and I say yes, that I believe it was next to a Quality Dairy, but I wasn’t sure because I’ve only been there once before. But then he pulls in to the salon’s parking lot and it’s there, right where it always has been, and the nearest Quality Dairy is at least 3 blocks away. Another memory fail. But here’s my note to Spec-Tran: don’t take navigation advice from the unlicensed deaf/blind girl. Her memory is like a sieve.

Minor mishaps, really. I was there with plenty of time to spare. I got a real haircut, and afterwards was able to chat with the stylist about cochlear implants. She had seen a video on Facebook showing several people, of all ages, reacting as their implants were activated. She was fascinated by the miracle of it, even though she knows she can’t come close to knowing what it’s like. She showed me the video, smiling the whole time, and her eyes just sparkled as she watched; she seemed to really “get it”. So it was just a good moment, to share in the awe of the CI miracle with a hearing stranger. It really is a miracle.

And then I called Spec-Tran (yes! with my cell phone!) to get picked up (we were done much earlier than I expected). When I got home I changed out of my pajamas (lol), let Piper out of her crate, and poured that cup of coffee that had been waiting for me. It’s good to be alive.