All posts by Little M.S. Runner

Forty-something, married with two kids and two dogs. Trying hard to live every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ.
God speaks

Fatal Sadness?

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Can you die of sadness? It sounds utterly ridiculous when you just blurt it out like that. But when you are feeling sad, it can feel utterly overwhelming. And if it doesn’t seem to go away, it can build and build until it feels so strong that you just may not be able to survive it a minute longer.

Oh, that is so depressing. I have been feeling sad this past week, on and off, and I really HATE feeling sad. Scared or mad or exhausted I can do. Sad causes me to lose my bearings. Knocks me off my feet, so to speak. Makes me doubt my ability to “handle” things.

And then I pray. I give God my sadness, because I know He knows how to handle it. I don’t think He even wants me to handle it. He’s the pro, he endures the greatest sadness of all, every day. I just don’t know how He does it. So rather than try to figure it out, I just let Him handle it. And He does. In His miraculous, mysterious ways.

Cochlear implant

Post-Surgery Day 4

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Eventually my daily posts will not be all about my surgery, but for now that’s all I’ve got.

Today I am feeling even better than yesterday. Still no nausea, some dizziness, and minimal pain (with medication). I am okay walking around, as long as I do it carefully. My balance wasn’t great to begin with, due to MS, but with inner ear disruptions it throws me way off – literally. I’ve bumped into the wall on several occasions the last few days. Couple that weeble-wobble body with my swollen ear and goofy one-sided, crooked glasses. I’m a sight to see, that’s for sure. 

Today I spent the morning with my dear friend, Sarah. She kept me company and then made me the most delicious grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup. Cheddar cheese, whole grain white bread, and Progressive tomato soup with chunks of real tomato. I’m still remembering the yumbly in my tumbly an hour later!

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Cochlear implant

Post-Surgery Day 3

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I am feeling wonderful! This is surprising, given the fact that I haven’t bathed since Friday morning, and I have a gnarly stitched-up hole in my head. I will not be posting photos, but just try to imagine. My right ear is still swollen and the right side of my glasses has been removed, so as not to rest on the incision. So here I am, with a fat ear, jacked up glasses, and a goofy smile. The journey continues!

Cochlear implant, Motherhood

Mother’s Day and Recovery Day 2

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Today is Mother’s’ Day. It is also day two of recovery from my CI surgery. I slept until noon, and woke up to a very nice surprise. Mike had made breakfast for me! And it was one of my favorites, eggs over easy with whole wheat toast and coffee. It was delicious! The kids are at Grandma’s until tonight. She is watching them so Mike can take care of me. Last Sunday Luke and Natalie gave me Mother’s Day cards, which worked out pretty well, since I am not able to see them much today.

I am feeling better than I expected to feel. I still have some dizziness, but it’s definitely better than it was before. And the pain is tolerable, unless I’m trying to go to sleep. The throbbing in my ear and neck are quite distracting, so I’ll take another pain pill when I’m ready to take a nap (which will be soon).

I sincerely hope all the mothers (and mother-types!) out there are having a blessed day!

Cochlear implant

Post-Surgery Day 1

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I am now the proud recipient of my first cochlear implant, the Advanced Bionics Naida Q70x. There is no doubt that I was, and still am, excited about this new journey. But it is too soon to be contemplating another surgery for the left ear.

Don’t get me wrong, the surgery went exactly as expected. But surgery is never expected to be fun, or easy. I have an enormous bandage strapped rather tightly around my head, with what I believe is a massive wad of cotton over my right ear. Very attractive.

When the Tylenol/Codeine starts wearing off, it is unbelievably painful. Not the worst pain I’ve ever felt, but it’s high up there in the ranks.

Can you believe I’m not very inspired to write today?

Cochlear implant

Surgery Day

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Thought for the day courtesy of The Upper Room: “The body God gave me is a good and beautiful thing.”

Today is surgery day. Right side cochlear implant day. I am showered and dressed (sans deodorant, per the instructions). I am ready. God is more than ready. He has been preparing for this day for ages. Let’s do this!

Cochlear implant

Surgery! Tomorrow!

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Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning I go under the knife. I am getting my first cochlear implant. Tomorrow! I have a strange nervousness hiding within me that I just can’t shake. I just keep praying for Calm, and it keeps coming. Thank you, Jesus! I am super excited about these implants. I have only been deaf for 9 months, but it has been a LONG 9 months. I dearly miss my family’s voices. And music. I miss music a great deal. So tomorrow is a big day. They won’t activate the device until mid-June, so there will still be some waiting. Waiting. The story of my life. Be still, Mindy. Cue Jeopardy music…

Kids

Trick question

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Last night my son, Luke, asked me if I was still able to make a cake (I went for *months* not baking, due to my health issues). This is how the conversation went:

Luke: Can you still make a cake?
Mom: Yes, sure I can.
Luke: Oh yay! I want you to make a cake for my birthday (in 11 days).
Mom: Okay, I can do that.
Luke: A Minecraft cake!
Mom: {stunned silence}
Luke: It’s on Pinterest!
Mom: {Still can’t speak}
Luke: You have it on your Kindle!
Mom: {long pause to swallow the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach} Uh, okay. I’ll look into it.

That sneaky kid. The next time someone asks if you can make a cake, make sure they clarify before you answer. I looked, and it is on Pinterest (not sure who to thank for introducing him to it), and it looks rather tricky. Even for an artsy person with perfect vision, which I am certainly NOT. BUT, I love my son and I know that I can teach him so much through even a failed attempt at what he is requesting. And if there is one thing I know how to do in the kitchen, it’s baking. So while it may not look like the Pinterest photos, it will taste delicious!

God speaks

Teach me to pray

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I just love it when God answers my prayers, and I especially love it when He does it so quickly!

I pray on a regular basis. Typically it is a lot of “thank you for this and this, protect my family, heal my eyes, etc.”. When I remember throughout each day, I pray for others as well, but not as often as I would like to. So last night I prayed, asking God to bring to mind those who needed prayer. Some were on my prayer list, some were new. I didn’t “feel” like this prayer was any more dynamic or real than any of my other prayers, but I know God can work with it. He knows I’m trying.

Still, I went to sleep feeling slightly disappointed. Then, this morning I received my daily Upper Room devotional email, and it started out with this verse: Colossians 4:2, “Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” And as soon as I read that verse, I knew God was listening and telling me I am on the right track.

So, what’s my calling? “Be still, Mindy, and devote yourself to prayer.” It sounds so simple on the surface, but as I’m learning, there is much more to it than meets the eye. Teach me, Lord! I am ready and willing. Here we go!

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Dinner Disaster

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My natural abilities do not reside in the kitchen. My college degree in accounting. Therefore, I am fairly decent at following directions. And that is how I’ve been managing my new role as caretaker of the home and maker of the meals.

Tonight I took a risk. We had some frozen asparagus from I don’t know when, and some frozen salmon I had sampled and loved at Sam’s Club. My husband is a diabetic so I’m always trying to design meals with that in mind. Fish is a good protein, and asparagus is green. But when I read the directions for baking the salmon, I was disappointed to read “place skin side down”. Now I know, of all people, my husband and children are NOT going to want to deal with skins. And frankly, neither did I. But we must eat to live, so into the oven they went. And asparagus boiling on the stove (per the directions, of course).

Everything seems fine, but I’m nervous. The fam arrives home, and we sit down to eat. Everyone tried the food, and everyone ate most of the salmon. The asparagus was a different story. Natalie wouldn’t touch it, and for good reason. I had *murdered* the asparagus.

So we all scrounged for fillers. Mike with a pb&j, Natalie and applesauce, and me with some leftover pizza. Luke was apparently not very hungry. It was disappointing, but you can’t win ’em all, right? Tomorrow will be redemption day: Tacos!