All posts by Little M.S. Runner

Forty-something, married with two kids and two dogs. Trying hard to live every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Family, Kids, Motherhood, Photos

Best Mother’s Day ever

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I had only asked for one thing on Mother’s Day. Well, it started out as one thing. First I wanted one whole day where I didn’t have to wash dishes or cook. And a day with no fighting or tension. Then I said it would be nice to walk around downtown and stop for pie or ice cream. Oh and wouldn’t it be nice if we could do a little shopping and find that perfect side table I’ve been wanting for the living room? It was starting to feel like I was asking for too much, but I tried to be gracious and easygoing about it. The way I saw it, I was giving them options to choose from.

But no, my husband is such a giver that he managed to fit all that and more into the day! He managed to throw in something I had been wanting to do for a long time now…. drive a go-kart! I don’t get to drive real cars anymore, and I still miss it from time to time. It’s mainly the independence that I miss, but I’m gradually regaining that sense of independence with help from friends and public transportation. But just driving for the sake of driving, that’s something I always loved and still sometimes miss. So being allowed to drive around a figure eight for a few minutes was absolutely exhilarating! I’m requesting we make it a Mother’s Day tradition, since it’s something all four of us can enjoy together. And this year was made especially memorable because I got to go around the track an extra two laps! Mike was explaining to the operator after I blew past the red light the first time, that I was colorblind, and just couldn’t see that the light had changed from green to red. He had no explanation for the second time around though, as he didn’t really want to tell the guy the real story – that I couldn’t even see the lights. Ha! Next time I’ll be sure my passenger is aware of her task of letting me know when it’s time to come in.

After go-karting we came back home and took some serious naps. Then Luke grilled up some brats and we sat out on the deck and ate them along with potato salad and coleslaw. Of course we had to finish a delicious backyard meal with dessert, so afterwards we went for ice cream. I’ll have you know I took a break from counting calories this weekend. I ate a hot fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream, peanut butter, and pecans and it was so yummy I didn’t want it to end. You ever have one of those? Where you literally cherish every bite? That was me yesterday. So good.

When we got back home I napped again while the kids had fun playing ball out back with dad.

Overall it was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. I love hanging out with my family, and even more so when it’s doing things we ALL enjoy.

We have more festivities coming up this week between Luke’s baseball games starting, his 10th birthday shenanigans, and the 2017 MS Walk. So I have my literal to-do list and then I have the one floating around in my brain, taunting me and stressing me out. I have to figure out what to do about the latter, because it’s all worry over things I can’t control, and I haven’t really mastered the whole letting go thing. One day at a time, I suppose. I’m a planner so often I find myself looking too far into the future and I just need to stop that.

Today is Monday. It’s going to be a good day. Not nearly as good as yesterday, of course, but I can still hold onto those wonderful feelings. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.

Daily Snippets, Family, Food, Friends, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis, Running

Might as well call it the May Update…

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Last month I published ONE blog post, and as it’s already the 10th of May, I guess I’m off to another slow start. Lest you think my silence is a bad sign, I’m poking my head out to let you know all is well. To prove it, I will now proceed with semi-coherent ranting about what I’ve been up to. What fun, yes??

So last Friday we ran another 5k race, my son and I. He absolutely killed his time from the year before, but since he had not really been training for it his recovery was pretty rough. He’s feeling better now, but the weekend he was in rare form, complaining of sore legs, not wanting to move around. I hadn’t done a lot of training either, and my finish time reflected that, but my legs felt okay after so I’m not sorry. I stayed on my feet the entire time and that’s my one true goal when I run, so I’m happy. My daughter ran the one mile race that’s not timed, and her goal was to finish, and girl, did she finish. She cramped up a little towards the end, but she was determined to not give up, and we are super proud of her for that. Both my kids are serious fighters.

I’ve been filling my weeks judiciously with shopping trips with friends, playing fetch with the dog, and going to various doctor appointments. I saw a dermatologist (Did I blog about that? I seem to remember) and discovered I do not have acne, but rosacea. Which was still possibly triggered by my round of steroids, but treated much differently. I’m also seeing my primary doctor soon in regards to what I’m calling “significant” joint pain in my right hip and knee. I suspect it’s just my osteoarthritis acting up and hoping it’s nothing more serious. We shall see.

I decided back in November to stop eating meat. It’s going fairly well, and I do feel better. I still eat some fish and some beef (the ground beef we buy from a local farmer) but only when other options aren’t readily available. I don’t have a great explanation for the change, other than the fact that I really, really love vegetables and grains and I’m disgusted by what I’ve read about the way meat is processed in this country. So my appetite for foods I used to love is pretty much gone. Like last night, I made chili dogs for the family and I totally thought I was going to eat one too. But then I just couldn’t do it. So I made myself a spinach salad, and it was delicious.

Also, somewhere between November and April I realized I had gotten a little too uptight about food, and it was spilling out onto my family members. I’m not sure how to correct that really, but I’m trying to loosen up. Geesh, that’s the story of my life, trying to loosen up. I’ll get there, eventually. Won’t I?

My son is turning 10 in one week, and he is beyond excited. I remember turning 10… double digits was a big deal. He is just as excited, and we will be throwing him a party right here at the house. I’m a little nervous about the dog, and the noise, but I think we’ll get through it. Just praying for good weather so they can all play outside for most of it. My only major responsibility for this party is making a cheesecake, which I can do days in advance and I love that. Piling too many responsibilities into one day doesn’t work very well for me, so I love when I can spread things out throughout the week.

We have an MS Walk coming up here in May, and I’m excited for that as well. I haven’t participated in one since just after I was diagnosed 7 years ago. I had decided this was a good year to get back on that wagon and pull my friends and family together to show me some support. Selfish? Maybe, but I’m not sorry. This girl is learning to step out a little and ask for the things she wants. And I want a gang of people I love walking with me on a beautiful morning in May.

I think that’s enough rambling for now, don’t you think? I pray you all have a blessed Wednesday and are able to soak in some sunshine!

Coffee, Grown-up Stuff, Health, Kids, Running, Visually Impaired

April Update

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I am running a 5k next week. I haven’t been training for it. Occasionally I’ll get a run in, and I do fine. So I think I’ll do fine on race day. I won’t be breaking any records, but I’m confident I’ll finish on my feet. Which I guess is the most important thing to me. Just keep swimming.

This morning when my son went to pack his lunch, he found a gang of tiny ants in his lunch box. Eww. He freaked out, rightfully so I suppose, but he went a little overboard if you ask me. I mean, they weren’t biting ants, or even the flying kind. But still, what a mess. The kids managed to get out the door to the bus on time, while I did what I could to clean up before my ride came (dermatologist appointment today), but I’m sure there are still creepy crawlies hanging around here and there. I put his backpack in the garage because they were there too. This is per my son of course, because my vision, you know? They are too small for me to see, unless I know where to look. It didn’t help that his backpack is black, so the sneaky ants are camouflaged. 

Ugh. Then my ride came 15 minutes early, and I was still in my pajamas. But the driver was plenty patient, and everything was fine. The day could only go up from there, right?

And it did! The dermatologist seemed to know exactly what is going on with my face, and it turns out it’s not my fault! It broke out again when I was on the prednisonea couple months ago, and just won’t clear up. He said the prednisone was likely just a trigger for the underlying cause, which he believes to be rosacea. Stress is also a trigger, so I think I need less stress in my life. Anyone wanna take my kids for awhile? Or the dog? Or both? Anyway, the doctor called in a script for a cream, and I’ll go back in a few weeks to see if it’s helping. And he was a super nice doctor and didn’t make me feel crazy or neurotic, so I’m feeling better now. Amazing what a difference a kind interaction can do for your mood.

Now I have the whole day ahead of me, and with a positive outlook to boot. I’m thinking a nice cup of coffee and a good book are in my future today…

Coffee, Daily Snippets, God speaks, Kids, Miracles do happen

Two for two

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2 Thessalonians 3:16 – “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

Having just shoved the kids off to the bus in typical hectic fashion, this verse today is an answer to a prayer I was too frazzled to make. I was frazzled, yes, but I didn’t blow my top today. I was miraculously able to stay calm – ish – and I did not raise my voice. A small victory, indeed.

Also, I’m drinking delicious coffee. Coffee that’s still hot. Miracle number two.

 

 

Daily Snippets, Kids, Parenting, Photos

Mother fudging

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Today it’s pajama day at the school. I was unaware because I sometimes get a little over zealous with the recycling of papers, and there was a calendar. This is according to the three other moms I contacted in a last minute frenzy this morning. Apparently there have been dress up days going on this entire month. Ugh. I don’t particularly care about these things, and I trust my kids will let me know when there is something coming up they do care about. Which they did today of course, only kind of at the last minute. Thankfully it’s a late start day and “dressing up” for pajama day doesn’t require much of a transition. Though I did notice my daughter slept in her clothes last night. What can I say, we’re breaking norms all over the place around here. 

Deep thoughts, Disability, Hearing Loss, Multiple Sclerosis, Visually Impaired

Surviving, and then some

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Today I did better than simply surviving, and that felt good. Exceedingly good.

Depression is still an issue. I’m addressing it, one baby step at a time. Talking helps, and I have amazing family and friends who make that task not feel so impossible to do. Baking also helps. I love to bake. Cooking seems to help too, though I can’t say I love it the way I love baking. Still, it’s something. At least with the baking and cooking there’s always something to show for it. And something to share with others.

Though culinary therapy may work for now, I’m not sure if it will be sufficient. I am feeling a lot of ugly emotions, and I know it’s a part of the grief process. I’m feeling some anger and frustration and homesickness. Not much in my life is familiar anymore. Everything looks and sounds different than it used to, and that’s difficult. It’s been three and a half years since I lost my hearing and vision, and I feel homesick nearly all the time. I long to feel at home in my own skin. Someday it will come, I believe.

I don’t know why I’m feeling such strong emotions after all this time, but I suspect they’ve been there all along, waiting for things to settle down before rising to the surface for me to deal with. So I guess I’ve just reached a part of the grief process I’m not familiar with, and may need some professional help to work through it. We’ll see. For now, talking helps. And cookies. There’s always cookies.

Cochlear implant, Daily Snippets, Family, Kids, Photos

Accidental game night?

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The children both happen to be grounded from screens tonight, and when they got bored with pretending not to be jumproping in the living room – oh the temptations children must overcome – I suggested they play a board game. They seemed genuinely pleased with my suggestion and ran downstairs to pick one out. Checkers, it is!

They are playing nicely while I watch from my cozy recliner, coffee and crochet in hand(s). This feels so nice and peaceful I might have to make it a regular, mandated activity around here!

Multiple Sclerosis

MS Confessions

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I am fatigued. Excessively fatigued. And my mood is frequently dropping to uncomfortably low levels. Unexplained sadness, feelings of hopelessness with no justification. I battled with depression years ago, so I remember these feelings. This is all too familiar.

However, I know I’m still suffering the effects of the prednisone, even though I’m done taking it. Also, I’ve been off my MS medication since the relapse, so I have hope this too shall pass. I’ll get the Tysabri on Friday and hopefully that will help my fatigue. My husband reminded me that exercise helps the fatigue, so hopefully this week I’ll make time to do some walking.

Meanwhile life goes on. I would rather be a part of it than be stuck in bed sulking, so unfortunately my family and friends will just have to deal with my sourpuss moments for now. For that, I am truly sorry, but I do hope to make it up to them eventually. We don’t know when, but eventually indeed.

Days like these I’m more aware of the constant battle that is MS, but it’s a battle I’m prepared to fight, and I’m not giving up. One day at a time.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.”

Daily Snippets, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis
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I’ve had lots going on over here in real life. Too busy and too exhausted to blog about it, but I thought I would check in real quick before I closed my eyes for the night. I realize how annoying that is when bloggers blog about how much they’re not blogging. I don’t care, I’m okay being the annoying one.

Things I’m excited about:

  1. I created a chore chart for the kids and it’s actually working
  2. I’m becoming a little less obsessed with what I eat
  3. I’m also pretty sure I’m becoming a vegetarian, and I’m learning to be okay with that
  4. My vision is improving and I’m done with the steroids
  5. Tomorrow I’m meeting with my favorite tattoo artist to talk about my next tattoo. Eeek!

So, you know, nothing crazy, nothing spectacular. But all good. I’ll take good all day long.

God speaks, Miracles do happen, Multiple Sclerosis

Angels Among Us

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I’ve been doing fairly well this week, dealing with this relapse with my vision and the steroid treatments. However, Friday afternoon I was approaching a meltdown. I was sitting at the kitchen table when it occurred to me that I was experiencing the dreaded MS hug. The MS hug is a neurological symptom experienced by many of us MSers. It feels, to me at least, as if I am wearing a super tight corset, and someone is pulling the strings tighter and tighter around my ribcage. It’s not dangerous or life-threatening in any way, but it can be painful. At a minimum, it’s extremely uncomfortable.

I think what bothered me about this the most is that I hadn’t experienced it in many years, and I felt that since I am currently treating a relapse, that I shouldn’t be experiencing any worsening symptoms. So, I was understandably freaked out. Knowing that I was probably overreacting, I called my mom so she could talk some sense into me. And that she did. While I freaked out, she reassuringly talked me off the ledge, consulting Dr. Google at the same time (she’s the ultimate multi-tasker), and gave me some guidance. We ended the call with a plan for me to take a warm Epsom salt bath, take a Gabapentin (the drug I take for the occasional fiery nerve pain in my feet and thankfully have plenty of), and watch a happy chick flick on Netflix. Oh, and we did a fair amount of Skyping while she helped me pick a movie to watch (I went with her suggestion of Under the Tuscan Sun). At the tail end of the call she showed me a great view of the Oklahoma sunset from her backyard. It was truly breathtaking, and left me speechless..

That sunset was the first of several ways God would speak to my heart, comforting me in very personal ways, letting me know that I am still never alone, never as long as I have HIM.

I woke up Saturday morning to a message from one of my very best friends, one whom I had purposely kept from reaching out to for help this week because she is recovering from a major surgery and I didn’t want to burden her further. It sounds so ridiculous in hindsight, and she would tell me that, I’m sure. Her message was so short and sweet, it cut right to my heart: “Love you. Miss you. And prayers for comfort.” And again I was left speechless. How could she have known how much I needed that? She couldn’t have. That’s all God right there. Grace.

One more though – ou all know I love checking the mail, right? Today my son beat me to it, so I didn’t get to run out to the mailbox like Blue, but when he handed me the mail, with a card addressed to me, I got just as giddy. A handwritten greeting card, from a familiar name. This was sent from a woman from my hometown. She knew me when I was in high school and she reads my blog. She wrote a beautiful note to encourage me and let me know she is always praying for me. I think she must have read the post about checking the mail and gotten my mailing address from my sister. But again, she couldn’t have known how much I was going to need that when she mailed it. But God must have stirred her heart to send me that note, and she took action, and my heart was comforted once again.

Guys, I believe in angels. I really do. And I believe God speaks to our hearts. I believe when we listen to that still, small voice and respond to it? We become God’s hands and feet. His angels here on earth. I have almost zero research to back any of that up, but I promise you with all my heart that it’s real to me. So you can take my word for it if you want, or you can try it on your own. Practice kindness and compassion. What can it hurt? At the very least you’ll brighten someone’s day.