All posts by Little M.S. Runner

Forty-something, married with two kids and two dogs. Trying hard to live every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Anxiety, Cochlear implant, Disability, Faith, Family, God speaks, Health, Hearing Loss, Kids, Low vision, Memories, Miracles do happen, Multiple Sclerosis, Partial Blindness, Photos, Running, Stories, Visually Impaired

2023 Bayshore Half Marathon

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So. I ran another half marathon. This is the one I was training with a friend for, only she was not able to run the race due to a foot injury. However, she was sending me cheers from home throughout the race and was surely with me in spirit! Also, the race went as well as could be expected. Would you like to hear all about it? Grab a tasty beverage and sit back.

This particular race, Bayshore, has been kind of a dream of mine ever since I heard of its existence. The race offers 3 distances, the 10k (which I ran last year), the half marathon, and the full marathon. The races are located in Traverse City, Michigan, where my dad’s family essentially called home for many years. The small city is located in northern Michigan and is home to the Old Mission Peninsula, which is flanked by the Grand Traverse Bay. My grandfather owned property on the peninsula, on the West Bay, and my cousins and I spent a week every summer there. We have so many great childhood memories from our time “up north”. We ate cherries, we hiked, we swam, we strolled along the shore searching for Petoskey stones. My husband and I honeymooned at the cottage, sharing my childhood memories and making new ones. We’ve had family reunions there. My paternal grandparents are both now buried on the peninsula. The property my grandfather owned was eventually sold and the cottage is now gone, but a big piece of my heart still lives on Old Mission. So when I learned there was a race that actually allows you to run all over the peninsula? Sign me up! I ran the 10k last year, which was satisfying but slightly disappointing because only a small portion of the race I felt like I was ON the peninsula. The half marathon distance starts at the north end of the peninsula and follows the coastline of the east bay all the way south into town. This was the race for me.

Now I want you to understand that racing for me is terrifying at moments. Not being able to see the start from far away, being unfamiliar with the terrain. It’s not like home where I’ve memorized the potholes and cracks in the roads and sidewalks. My anxiety for this race began building several days before the race. But standing in the chute among all the other runners was somewhat calming. I was finally here. And I had trained for this, I was ready to go. Until I realized I was standing near the wrong pace group, among runners way faster than me. Not to worry, I simply shuffled back until I found my people. As I stood there waiting I checked my phone and realized I had lost my Bluetooth connection to my cochlear implants. It’s a good thing because reconnecting involves taking off my hat in order to remove my left cochlear implant, remove the battery, replace the battery to make it “discoverable”, put it back on my ear, put the hat back on, etc. So I’m glad I had that time to make sure I was connected. I rely on my music playlist to keep me going throughout these long runs.

Once I was situated and connected I got back to bouncing around to keep my legs warm and as I’m bouncing I realize there’s a strange stillness all around me. It occurs to me that everyone is looking in the same direction, some with hands on their hearts. Ah! It must be the National Anthem playing. I hope I didn’t do anything disruptive or disrespectful. It wouldn’t be the first time. No worries, carry on Mel.

I wish I could remember more of the details of this race, but I’ll share with you what I do remember. Coming up the first hill, I marveled at the vineyards stretched out on each side of me, and the East Grand Traverse Bay glistening in the morning sun ahead. The road leading me forward, filled with runners. I don’t want to forget that moment. Or later, coming around a curve to an open expanse, my view filled with brilliant blue water on my left and lush green evergreens on my right. I thought about taking a picture there because it was so freaking gorgeous but it wouldn’t have done it any justice, and it would have taken away from my enjoyment of it. I would have wasted the moment fiddling with my phone, most likely unsuccessful anyway.

I continued running, soaking in the atmosphere and the majestic scenery. All the anxiety had disappeared. I was thanking God for this experience. It was incredible. I felt strong. I was at peace. It wasn’t until I was about 6 miles into the race, that I started to really feel the burn and the soreness of my legs. I still felt strong, and my legs were moving well. That’s also about the time I started to see more and more spectators. Kids giving high fives, dogs wondering why all these people are running in the street. Posters lovingly prepared: DIG DEEP – a POWER button – WORST PARADE EVER. I love these races. You think making a poster and standing at the side of the road isn’t a big deal, but it IS. Without the spectators, it’s just a grueling training run. We NEED these people.

Around the 8th mile I was starting to really struggle because the weather had warmed up quite a bit. I decided to take my shirt off during my next walk break but with the deaf/blind vest and the sweat sticking to my shirt, it took longer than I anticipated. So by the time I got reset I was running through an aid station with a gang of onlookers to my comically awkward process. It didn’t matter. There’s no shame among runners, and these people understand and have likely seen it all. In fact, later in the race I was passed by a woman carrying her shoes, running in her socks to the next aid station. You do what you have to do. So it was a bit of a chore to get that shirt off but it was so worth it to lower my temperature a few degrees. It gave me the rejuvenation I needed to keep going.

The last few miles of the race honestly felt like drudgery and I just wanted to be done but those spectators kept me going! The runners were still moving ahead of me and I just kept reminding myself what I came for, and that was to complete this race. And I did! I finished! I set a new personal record for myself, and I did not fall. Though after the finish I was struggling to walk. My left foot knew we had crossed the finish line and just refused to lift, so I hobbled along the fence line until I saw my husband and kids walking up, all smiles. They escorted me to the recovery area and found me a chair and some ice cream. It was an incredible moment, getting to share this accomplishment with my three favorite people in the world. I tear up just reliving it.

Me, in my bright orange vest, running towards the finish line!

This was such a great race. It was so difficult, but I have to accept that reality because I’m signed up to run my 2nd full marathon in October. Yes, yes I did. I swore I wouldn’t run another one but it turns out I lied. I’m glad I already committed to the marathon, because I think I would have chickened out after this race. It was a sobering reminder of how difficult and painful it is to run a lot of miles, but it was also a good reminder of the immense joy I still find in running.

It’s serendipitous that my devotional this morning actually talked about how we can have joy and pain coinciding. We can feel both simultaneously, and that’s an incredibly mysterious fact of life. There will be pain. Expect it. But also we have in us what it takes to keep moving forward and find joy in the midst of it. I am so grateful that God has sustained me as I continue to run. That He has given me the inner strength to keep challenging myself and doing these ridiculous races that both terrify and thrill me.

Isaiah 40:29-31 ESV “He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

Domestic Engineer, Family, Funny story, Grown-up Stuff, Stories, Writing

The Walking Washer

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Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a woman named Molly. Molly was a wife and a mother, and she took great pride in the work she did to keep her home and everything in it fresh and clean. A good portion of that task involves laundry. Thankfully, Molly had a machine that did all the washing for her, and another machine to dry everything. However, her washing machine was getting up in years and needed to be replaced. Molly and her husband, Marvin, drove over to the local hardware store and looked at all the fancy washing machines for sale. They read reviews of each machine and compared prices and features. After hemming and hawing, they settled on just the right machine for their home. They made their purchase, scheduled the delivery, and went home happy.

When the day of delivery came, Molly and Marvin were ecstatic. It’s new washer day! Hurray! Marvin left for work, and Molly stayed to wait for the delivery truck to arrive with her new washing machine. Soon, the truck arrived. Two lovely gentlemen stepped out of the truck and, after confirming this was indeed what Molly had purchased, they proceeded to remove the old washing machine and replace it with the new one. It was such a quick and easy process, Molly was overjoyed. She sent the delivery men on their merry way and got to working on her inaugural load in the new machine. Since this was a larger model than the previous one, she was very interested to see how it handled washing pillows. She threw a couple in the washer and let it do its work. She was so tired from the excitement of the morning she decided to take a nap. She shut the door to the laundry room and retreated to the living room to rest. 

When Molly woke from her nap she remembered right away that she had a load of laundry in her new machine. It had been about an hour and a half, so she knew it would be done by now. She bounced up the stairs to the laundry room and grabbed hold of the doorknob and turned. She pushed and immediately felt a THUD. Her son was home, he must have heard her coming and hid in the laundry room to play a trick on her. “Leonard, that isn’t funny, let me in.” She pushed on the door again. THUD. There was no give at all when she pushed. Something solid was blocking this door. 

Molly’s mind raced as she contemplated what could be causing her to be locked out of her own laundry room. Panic set in. What if? What if they were never able to access this room? All the towels, bedding, purses, and not to mention the water heater! As she panicked, it dawned on her that the only thing solid enough to block the door from opening was the new washer. The new washing machine must have walked its way forward as it spun dry the pillows, blocking the door from opening inward. 

Molly immediately called Marvin, explaining the predicament and ensuring he would be coming home promptly. Marvin was very handy, he would surely be able to solve this problem. When Marvin arrived home, he wasted no time getting to work. After a complete inspection of what he was dealing with, he went to the garage to grab the necessary tools. Molly stood in the kitchen, washing dishes and fiddling around to keep herself distracted while Marvin worked. He was making a lot of noise! Lots of loud banging, sporadic curses, a few trips back to the garage for tools. It felt just like the scene in A Christmas Story when the father is fixing the furnace. Eventually, Marvin was able to get the machine moved far enough back to open the door, though he had to break the feet of the machine in the process. 

Molly and Marvin stood outside, staring into their laundry room, collectively sighing in relief that it could have been worse. There could have been a flood! (Wink, wink) Seriously though, Molly’s propensity for home disasters is reaching epic proportions. She could benefit from some adult supervision.

The New Washer, still prone to walking when overloaded.

This folks, is a true story, though the names were changed to protect the innocent. Ha. Ha. We went that night to Lowe’s to order a replacement washer, and after a month of waiting, we finally have our new washer. The old one still washed fine with the broken feet, so it was not a hardship at all. However, even the new one has the tendency to walk if its unable to balance the load. The policy in our home is to never close the door when you are running a load in the washer. Maybe someday I’ll have a cute sign made to hang above it, I don’t know.

I hope you’ve enjoyed story time! Stay tuned, because this was fun to write and you may see more from me down the road. Shalom, my people.

Anxiety, Books, Coffee, Food, Friends, Health, Running

Just a Friendly Friday Chat

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I see I haven’t posted in almost a month. I keep saying I’m going to post more frequently and then… well, I guess I get caught up with life and just forget about it! I went for so long obsessing over every little detail, being hypervigilant even when it wasn’t required, and I guess you could say I’ve turned a corner. And what am I seeing around that corner? Peace. Rest. Still waters. God has freed me from the crippling anxiety I’ve suffered from for far too long. It was such a part of my life I can’t even tell you when it started. And as He has been releasing me from the anxiety, the panic, the hypervigilance, I’m having these moments where I can hardly recognize myself. I am changed. And yet, somehow, I am still ME. Praise God, thank you Jesus.

So. What was I here to chat about?

Let’s see, I’m sitting here on a Friday morning listening to the birds, enjoying my first cup of coffee. Black coffee, because I’m now an intermittent faster. I have a couple friends who are IFers, and I was curious so I read a book they recommended called “Fast, Feast, Repeat: The Comprehensive Guide to Delay, Don’t Deny” by Gin Stephens. I was so fascinated by the science behind intermittent fasting, that I decided to try it. Most people do it for the weight loss benefits, but my primary reason was to see if it did anything for my energy levels.

I’m 8 weeks into this lifestyle and I did notice a slight improvement in energy at first, but that has seemed to level back to where it was, so that may have been unrelated. My first noticeable improvement was that I had no more bloating, which has always been a huge problem for me. I would stick with this lifestyle for that reason alone, but I also love that I’m not obsessing about food all the time. What am I going to eat next, when am I going to eat, will there be food where I’m going, do I have snacks packed in case I get hungry – God forbid I get hungry!, etc. etc. All that stopped. And I love it.

Then, the icing on the cake? I’m actually getting smaller. As of my last measurements, I’ve lost almost 6 pounds and several inches all over: 1 from each thigh, 3.5 around the waist, and 2 around my chest. It’s a very slow progress but I think they say the slower it comes off the better because it’s easier to maintain. I was okay with my weight where it was, even though according to the charts I am technically overweight (don’t get me started on those stupid charts). I just know I didn’t feel good. I had gained over 15 pounds after my marathon and no matter how hard I tried, how much I ran, it wasn’t budging back down. These sound like small numbers but I’m a short woman so proportionally they make a big difference in how I feel and how my clothes fit.

Anyway, so that’s one thing that’s been going on over here. What else?

I’ve also been running. Duh. I have been training for a half marathon with my friend, and the race is two weeks away! So we are officially in taper mode, which I’m loving. She’s not even sure if she’s going to be able to run it with me however, because apparently she’s been running on a foot injury. So now that she’s getting the medical professionals involved, they are recommending lots of rest and eventually she may need surgery. So, it’s not looking good, but we are still hopeful. Because we are both overachievers and often live our lives in denial of the physical realities that attempt to hold us back. Which is one of the reasons we are such great friends, I think. When it was determined that her foot pain was something more serious, she started riding her bike along side me while I ran our long runs, and that has seemed to work out pretty well. That’s not an option for the actual race, though, so I may be running it solo. We shall see.

I could go on and on about all the books I’m reading (5 at the moment) and the podcasts that interest me, but I’m afraid I’ve already taken up all of our time today. I hope that wherever you are reading this the sun is shining and the air is fresh. Shalom, y’all.

Disability, Faith, God speaks, Photos, Stories

Sweet reminders

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Sometimes God sends me little messages to remind me He loves me and that He’s thinking of me. Usually it’s a bunny running across my path while I’m running in the neighborhood, or a deer stopping long enough and close enough for me to see him. I get giddy when I happen to see these things.

Today I spotted this heart shaped water spot on the driveway after taking the trash bin to the curb. Only today I felt less giddy and more comforted. Like God knew I was having a rough couple of days and could use the reminder that He’s always – still – here with me. This disability sh** is a full time job, man. And this week I am feeling beat down. Tired. So this little “love note” was a welcome distraction and comfort.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV “8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;”

Music

Music in the morning

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I don’t know about you, but it’s a pretty normal occurrence for me to wake up in the morning with a song stuck in my head. The genre of these songs is all over the map. I was thinking today I should start keeping track of them. And then I thought maybe I would start sharing each day’s song here on the blog! Because some of you may be interested or amused. Right?! Right. Sure! Maybe there’s a poll coming down the line, because to be honest I’m wondering how many others share this affliction.

Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for these songs. They are completely random and often come out of nowhere. I do not choose them, they choose me.

So, would you like to hear today’s song? I shall dub this: Mel’s Morning Music! Today I woke up with the relentless “Move, b***h, get out the way…” I’m not sure where this came from, because it is not on an any of my playlists, I ASSURE YOU, but nonetheless, there it is. And it seemed appropriate especially as I had to climb over my dogs to get to the bathroom this morning.

I wonder what song I will wake up with tomorrow! I’ll keep you posted. Now tell me, do you ever wake up in the morning with music playing in your head? Please tell me I’m not the only one…

Disability, Family, Food, Friends, Health, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis, Running

End of Week Update

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I titled this as if I do “end of week” updates regularly. Y’all know… I do not. I’m far from regular. But, I just put a cheesecake in the oven and felt like kicking back and writing about some of the exciting things that have been going on with regards to MS and running. I may have mentioned, I’m training for another half marathon. It’s at the end of May, and I’m running it with one of my best friends. It’s been challenging getting our training runs in during the winter but since we are both committed to this race, we are able to hold each other accountable (though, I’ll admit, it’s mostly her keeping me accountable. If I had my way we would be doing far fewer long runs.)

Anyway, during this training I was noticing, and my friend was able to see as well, that my left leg had become increasingly “lazy”. Lots of scuffing of the toe, slapping of the foot as it landed, etc. I think this had started a long time ago, but I hadn’t bothered with it since I wasn’t doing as much running. I talked to my neurologist about it at my last regular check up and she recommended I get some physical therapy to help strengthen those lagging muscles. So I’ve been going to physical therapy for a couple weeks and already I have noticed improvements. The first was that the PT noticed my stride when I run is very short, and she recommended lengthening that stride to get more use of my hamstrings and quads. I tell you, it’s definitely harder to run with that longer stride, but even with that I’m seeing my pace come up. I’ve shaved almost a minute off my short distance pace since beginning our training, without really trying.

Another improvement I’ve seen is that my left leg seems to be getting more involved in the walking process. See, normally I swing my body a little to give that left leg some extra momentum. Since doing these PT exercises, that’s changing. The PT has hooked my leg up a couple times to a stim machine to activate those muscles and I know that’s helping to get them working properly again. I’m having to retrain my brain to talk to those nerves that operate my leg and foot. It’s fascinating and exciting at the same time.

I’m still struggling with fatigue; that hasn’t changed a whole lot. However, I’m learning to change my mindset and be kinder to myself about it. I remind myself that it comes and goes, and that when it comes, I just need to rest, enjoy the slow down period, and ask for help when needed. My teenagers have been real troopers with that, so I’m grateful to have them around.

We’ve had a lot of illness and health issues going around our family for what feels like forever, but with spring comes sunshine and warm weather and I have hope that healthy days are right around the corner. I also hope that for you, dear reader, that you have healthy days and sunshine. May God bless you! Until next time…

Cochlear implant, Deafness, Family, Food, Funny story, Marriage, Memories, Photos, Piper, Punky, Stories

Flooding Anniversaries

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I had originally started this post around the new year, and forgot about it. As we are coming up on the anniversary of the events, I thought it would be a good time to finish the story. Also, a disclaimer: the photos included here lack captions because 1) I couldn’t figure out how to add captions and 2) with my vision I’m not even entirely sure what’s in each photo. So I apologize to all the other visually impaired readers out there.

In April of 2021, my husband Mike and I were looking forward to celebrating our 22nd wedding anniversary with a weekend trip up north (Up North being a big deal in Michigan). We had planned to leave Friday afternoon, while the kids were still at school, and Grandma was to come and stay the weekend with them.

On this fateful Friday morning, I was frantically awoken by my husband. When I opened my eyes I could sense there was an emergency but could not tell what. I hurried to put on my cochlear implants, and when I did Mike handed me a stack of towels and said “You work up here, I’ll work downstairs.” A few short steps from my bed, and it did not take me long to realize that the floor was soaked. Our bathroom sink had been left running when I got up several hours earlier to use the toilet. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I had gotten up in the middle of the night to go the bathroom and left the water running. Only every other time it had happened, my husband was awake enough to hear it and made sure I got back up to turn the water off. This time that did not happen. The water had been running for several hours, and because it was a slow drain, the water quickly overflowed. The water had spread from our master bathroom, to the carpeted hallway, and through the floor to the main floor ceiling to the kitchen. And then through the kitchen floor to the basement ceiling.

I was devastated. Stunned. In disbelief. In a whirlwind of activity we managed to send the kids off to school and get everything cleaned up the best we could. It was still very early in the morning so while we waited to talk with an insurance agent, I sat on my husband’s lap and sobbed into his shoulder. Not only was our trip cancelled, but I couldn’t believe the mass destruction I had caused to our home. Mike had nothing but compassion for me. He had been angry all of 3 seconds when he discovered the damage, but from every moment thereafter he was in problem solver mode. He kept saying this could be a blessing in disguise. I had always hated the look of our kitchen, and now we would get to pick out our own cabinets, countertops, floors, etc. It could be fun!

I wouldn’t say the process was fun, however it was nice to discover I did have opinions when it came to the kitchen and bathroom designs. And there were a million little decisions we had to make together, so it gave us some good practice as a married couple. After 22 years of marriage it was nice to find we could work out our differences and make compromises without killing each other.

When the restoration crew came to assess the damage they brought very loud drying machines and put them on all 3 floors of the house. They had to cut holes in the kitchen and basement ceilings to get them dried. They ripped out our soaked kitchen and bathroom cabinets, and with them the countertops they were holding up. They put up plastic sheets as barriers because they had detected mold in the kitchen. It was a mess.

We got to work right away at choosing replacement materials, but there were supply chain issues so it did take longer than we had hoped for. We still had use of our fridge and stove, but no place to prepare food or wash dishes, so we lived on fast food for the next several months.

Oh, did I mention that I had already started training for my first marathon at this point? Yep. Marathon training on a fast food diet? Not ideal. But our family got really good at knowing how to get the best deals at all the fast food restaurants. Biggie Bags at Wendy’s, Five Dollar Boxes at Taco Bell, all the value menus. It was fun! (She said, facetiously.)

Anyway, all was restored by early September, just days before my marathon, and it was beautiful. I was so happy to have my kitchen back, I swore to never talk about hating to cook every again. I am grateful for the privilege of having a kitchen to prepare food in.

We put a motion sensor faucet in our bathroom, so that this would never happen again. It took a little getting used to, but it’s been effective; I’ve never left my bathroom faucet running because I’m not able to. I seem to remember one of our kids asking around this time, “why don’t we put one in the kids bathroom too?” And the reply being that there was no reason to because Mom never uses that bathroom. Well, never say never…

Fast forward to April of 2022, almost a year following the major flood. I was blasting my music through my cochlear implants, drowning out all other sounds, and doing a bunch of power cleaning. I noticed the dryer was quite dusty, so I grabbed a washcloth and ran to the nearest bathroom (the kids bathroom, which is the other full upstairs bathroom) to wet the cloth and wipe down the dryer. I continued my work, flittering around the house. My daughter had come home from school, used the small bathroom just off the kitchen, and when she walked out of the bathroom noticed a problem. She hurried upstairs to let me know, “Mom, the kitchen ceiling is leaking!”

I had NO idea what could be causing that but I zoomed into crisis mode. I handed her a bunch of towels and told her to grab a large bowl from the kitchen cabinets, put it under the leak, and start drying the floor (our practically brand new kitchen floor!). I was frantic, not knowing what to do, so I called my husband. He calmly walked me through turning the water off in the house and then gave suggestions for where to check for the source of the leak. I walked upstairs and opened the door to the kid’s bathroom (why was the door shut anyway?) and walked into a cloud of steam and water dripping off the countertop. It was then that I realized I had left the water running after wetting the cloth to clean the dryer. I could not believe it. I had done it again. Thankfully my daughter had caught it in time and the damage was not as severe, but the damage to my ego was just as devastating the second time around, if not more so. I had come to learn after the first flood that it was actually quite common, for people to leave faucets running and flood their homes. I never learned the statistics for two-time offenders but I was sure it was more rare.

The ironic thing is, we had planned a trip for our 23rd anniversary, since we didn’t get to take it the year before. And when I asked Grandma to come stay with the kids, I told her – jokingly – I wouldn’t flood the house this time. And then, of course, I did. Thankfully it happened a few weeks before the trip so we were still able to go. And boy, did we need that trip. It was just for the weekend, but it gave us time to process and reflect on all that had happened, and to be thankful that we were still crazy in love even after all the difficult things we’ve been through. Maybe even more so because of the difficult things we’ve endured. And when we look at those challenges we’ve had to face over the decades, dealing with a flood or two is no big deal.

Now I’m just praying that I make it through this year without causing another major disaster. And I’m extremely grateful that my family loves me despite my propensity for calamity and can laugh about it all now!

Multiple Sclerosis, Running

This is a post about running.

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7.01 miles today!

Half marathon training is in full swing! Between winter weather, sickness, and just plain busy lives, it’s been a challenge to get these weekly long runs done, but we’re still at it! We’re up to 7 miles and are keeping a pretty decent average pace. To be honest, we are trying not to care about the pace. Just want to focus on building up that mileage without injuring ourselves. I have some hip and knee pain that’s lingering after a short run last week, where I know I ran too fast, so I need to be more careful about that.

My left leg is still an issue that I’m not sure there’s a solution for. It’s weak, yes, but I don’t know if making it stronger would make a lot of difference. Because when it’s tired, it simply doesn’t respond. At the end of most of these long runs I’ve had to lift my leg to get into my friends van. So I suppose I should count myself lucky I haven’t fallen during a run **knock on wood**. I do hear my left toe scrape sometimes and I can definitely hear how my left foot slaps on the ground when it lands each step. Over all these years of running I seem to have found a running form that works for me, but I always wonder if I could improve.

We had to switch the days we do our long runs so it just worked out that I also had my monthly Tysabri infusion this morning. I wore my running clothes to the infusion and had my friend pick me up when I was done and we headed straight to the trails to get our 7 miles in. It made for a long day and my Garmin says i only got 5 hours of sleep, so you can bet I’ll be napping as soon as I finish this post!

I have a 5k coming up that I’m excited about! It’s for pi day, math nerds know… 3.14. And guess what you get at the finish line? Pie! I love me some pie, especially after running 3.14 miles (yes, they adjusted the length of the race, gotta keep with the theme, of course). I have a couple other friends running so it should be a fun time.

Well, that’s all I have to say about running… for now. Peace out, homies.

Funny story, Hobbies, Photos, Stories

Riding horses

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My daughter has been riding horses for years. She’s been obsessed with them since she was a little girl. She’s 13 now, and that obsession has blossomed into a true love for everything equine.

This past year she has been riding a beautiful black and white pinto named Trixie. I had only seen photos until last month, when I joined her for a riding lesson. Watching her interact with Trixie was really special to see. And then to see her riding with such ease? It was such a gift to be able to see her in her element, so full of life and confidence.

I joined her for a few more lessons, as sort of a Christmas gift to myself. I had secretly been wanting to for a long time and finally decided to just do it. I was given a horse named Millie to ride. Millie was slow, stubborn, and mildly obsessed with eating. So, basically my spirit animal.

Millie, my spirit animal

My first two lessons with Millie were pretty tame. We mostly walked around the indoor arena while the other riders pranced around with their horses. Millie got really nervous when everyone changed direction and started trotting toward her. She was not a fan of oncoming traffic. I was told that they couldn’t leave Millie to hang with the other horses because they all made fun of her. So she spends her days hanging out with the goats instead. I have thankfully not dealt with too much teasing in my own life, but for some reason that information made me feel a connection to her, if only for the vague connection of emotional suffering and pain.

At our final lesson, I could tell right away that Millie was in a special mood. She seemed more eager this time to move around with the other horses. We were having a good ol’ time walking around the arena, trotting a little here and there. Until she caught sight of that big door out of the arena. That’s when she would ignore everything I was telling her and fight to walk straight for it. I would have to tell her to stop and just stand there until she learned she wasn’t heading that way. She was in Time Out until she learned to follow directions.

At one point during the lesson I was directing her to trot, but she had a different idea. I think she saw all the other horses loping and decided she wanted to join them. So she did! Loping (or cantering) isn’t full out galloping but when you are new at riding it might as well be. I was hanging on for dear life as I scrambled to pull on the reins and shout the key word for stop – “Woah!”. She finally stopped about 6 feet from the door; she was ready to make a run for it. I don’t know how she planned to open the door, but I guess she was just going to figure that out when she got there. Details, details. It was equal parts terrifying and exhilarating.

And that is why Lesson #1 is always: How to tell the horse to stop.

Overall it was a fun experience and I may try it again down the road but for now it was enough excitement to satisfy my curiosity for awhile. I’m happy to stick to running, where I get to decide where I’m going and how fast.

Millie and Mel – kindred spirits, sort of.

Multiple Sclerosis, Running

Can we talk about fatigue?

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This is just getting really old, so I thought I would tell you all about what it’s like, while I’m in the thick of it. I know it’s not going to be like this every day forever and ever, based on my history with MS, but Damn. It’s hard to see the forest for the trees right now. Is that the right phrase? I don’t know, my brain’s low on gas right now…

The most common symptom among MS sufferers is fatigue, and that is what I suffer from the most. I’ve learned to adapt and live with the hearing loss and the vision loss, and the weakness in my left leg, but the fatigue is the Beast I can’t seem to tame. It causes the most trouble the week before my monthly infusion, presumably because my body is running out of the medicine coursing through my veins. The problem is, once I get that infusion, I don’t get some magical burst of energy back. It just sort of slowly creeps back to a manageable level.

I have recently started charting my daily fatigue levels to see 1) if that fourth week after my infusion truly is when I’m at my highest level of fatigue and 2) how long does it usually take to get back to a functional energy level. I’ve just started charting, so it’s way too soon to have any usable data, but I’m hopeful that after a couple months I’ll be able to use what I’ve learned to plan my days better. If I can have more reasonable expectations on myself, than I can stop getting so frustrated.

Today, for example, I started out the day at about a fatigue level 6, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being plenty of energy for everything and 10 being flat out, unable to move. I went to Bible study, ran a quick errand, and came home and took a two-hour nap. Caffeine has almost no effect on me, so coffee is purely for looks. When I woke up from my nap the fatigue was actually worse, at an 8, so I went back to sleep for another hour. Not because sleep helps, but because what else is there to do when it’s such a struggle to move? I could watch tv or read but even my brain is fatigued so I would really just sit there feeling like a vegetable. The beautiful unconsciousness of sleep shields me from falling into depression.

I feel like I let down my family when I have to back out of activities or delay promises I’ve made, but they have yet to complain. In all honesty, I think I’m the only one bothered by this fatigue. My family and friends are always extremely gracious and understanding of me. I need to be just as gracious and understanding of myself. Because this is just a string of bad fatigue days, and they’ll be behind me soon enough. Until they are back again, of course.

***After I’ve had some time to think about this day, it occurred to me that maybe going back for that second nap was the wrong move. Maybe it would have been better if I had gone for a crappy run instead. I was scheduled to run 1.5 miles according to my current training plan, so I had every good reason to do it. After we had dinner tonight (a late, late dinner because my son had wrestling), I bit the bullet and got my miles in on the treadmill. It was hard to start but I kept with it and I’m glad I did. So, I’m going to try to remember that next time this beast rears its ugly head.

Oh! And speaking of my current training plan, I have another big race I’m signed up for, with a fellow friend who is crazy enough to run it with me. It’s a half marathon, and it’s happening at the end of May (because we’re only half crazy, get it??). This week is our first week of training, and so far, she’s doing better at staying on task than I am, but I feel like I gained a little momentum by squeaking out that treadmill run this evening. So here we go, wish me luck!