Spring break smiles

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It’s Friday, the last day off from school for the “spring” break. It’s been snowing off and on since Saturday, which really put a damper on things. But we made our own fun. My sister and her kids (and dog) were here for five days, which was both crazy and awesome. Today the kids and I took the Spec-Tran to the nearby roller rink. I don’t skate because I don’t care for pain, but my kids love it. Only Natalie wore some low cut socks and quickly developed a painful blister. She’s pictured above, soaking her feet in a warm Epsom salt bath. And of course that’s her brother Luke photo bombing with the bunny ears. He thinks he’s funny, and sometimes he’s right. I guess.

That is all I’ve got for now. Happy Friday folks!

An anniversary of sorts

You guys. I have to tell you what just happened. I was posting a video of a cochlear implant surgery on Facebook, and wanted to note that my implants were coming up on their anniversaries (for the surgeries, not the activations). My right ear was planted first, in 2014, and the left ear was implanted a year later. Both happened to be on the Friday before Mother’s Day. I knew this, but wanted to verify the dates before posting this fact, so I opened up my calendar. The first thing I noticed was the date of my upcoming 5k run – it’s on the Friday before Mother’s Day. Get outta town! That had not even occurred to me when I signed up. And I swear to you, I didn’t plan that left ear surgery to be on that day either. In fact, it had originally been scheduled for earlier but had to be rescheduled due to a lingering infection.

But stop right here if you aren’t fascinated by the coincidence of these dates. If you think it’s silly, just stop.

For the rest of you… how cool is that? It’s better than a birthday, and in a way more exciting than my wedding anniversary. It’s an anniversary of hope and healing and victory over struggles. I want to give it a name and come up with fun ways to celebrate it every year. Any ideas?

My exciting life

I made a ginormous batch of potato soup for the crockpot this morning. Added all the leftover ham from Easter, diced an entire onion and threw that in. Threw in a little bit of chicken bouillon, dried parsley (which I’m convinced is just for show), and butter. It smells amazing and I can’t wait to eat it. There’s no way the four of us can eat it all, so we’ll have a lot leftover to freeze for another day. Win-win!

I’ve been working on laundry and dishes most of the morning. Those two never quit, do they? I just finished eating lunch, and now I’m left debating what to do next. More laundry, read a book, crochet, take a nap, run on the treadmill, walk the dog, watch more reruns of Parks and Recreation on Netflix… I just can’t decide. The nap is really tempting, but I know a walk or run would really boost my spirits.

This is my exciting life, folks! This is a normal day for me, and while it has taken quite some time to adjust to it, I’m finally starting to enjoy it and feel comfortable. I think this is the Acceptance part of the grief process. I am finally here, and can honestly say I am happy and really want to stay.

Oh, but that’s not what I got on the blog to talk about. Shoot. I guess I’ll have to draft that up and post it tomorrow 😉

A little sense of freedom

I’m trying to become a contact lens wearer. I used to wear them, years ago, but gave it up for some reason. So I figured it would be no big deal to join that club again.

I was wrong.

With my MS relapse and resulting vision loss in September 2013, I have a significantly unique challenge. While my left eye has the stronger prescription, the nerve damage left my right eye with a very small field of vision. My brain has adjusted since, so it doesn’t even pay attention to what the right eye “sees”. What normally happens when you close one eye is that everything you see shifts to the left or right, right? Well, that doesn’t happen with me. What I see with both eyes is exactly what I see with the left. Meaning my right eye is essentially blind. Where I’m going with this is, when I try to put a contact lens in my left eye, it’s jarring to see my finger coming straight at my eyeball, and it’s impossible not to blink. So I’ve been having trouble putting them in. A week ago Saturday I worked so hard to put them in, and then all day I was feeling frustrated with what I was seeing. I thought it was just because I was outside a lot, and I didn’t have the anti-glare feature that my glasses give me. That night when I went to take them out, I discovered there was no contact in my left eye. After feeling around on the bathroom counter, I found it. All dried up. I had to go back and get a replacement. Then this past Thursday when I took them out, I inspected them before putting them in the case, and noticed a small tear on the side of the left one. Strike two. I know I have to practice and find a system that works for me. The only trouble with that is that contact lenses are not really built for the level of practice that I am subjecting them to, apparently. Not to mention every time I drop the lens I have to fish around for it with my hands because even with the tint on the edges, I can’t see the lens because it blends in. I need high contrast.

All that to say, I ripped two lenses already, and was growing very discouraged. Because when the contacts are in, and I’m walking around sans eyeglasses, I feel so FREE! So uninhibited. It’s hard to describe the feeling, or rather the importance of the feeling. It’s like there is one less thing to worry about, if only for awhile. The literal weight off my ears is fabulous. The cochlear implants are there no matter what, so it gets crowded. With contacts, I can wear sunglasses come summer, I can run without having my eyeglasses slide down my sweaty nose, and I can swim with my kids and read lips and recognize faces!

I went back to the eye doctor today and she suggested getting some color contacts, which would be much easier for me to see, making the inserting process much easier and hopefully minimizing the risk of tearing the lenses. The only problem is that the colored lenses cost twice as much as the clear ones. That and the colored portion does seem to interfere a smidge with my field of vision. I’m wearing a pair right now with no prescription in them, just to try out.

So now all day I’ve been debating whether it’s worth the extra cost, and whether that smidge bothers me or not. I think the Smidge (I’m calling it that now, I may as well capitalize it) is very slight and I don’t really notice it once I get focused on other things. And after writing that last paragraph about all the benefits of contact lenses, I think I’m leaning toward going ahead and getting them ordered. I swear, I’m so indecisive at times I drive myself crazy.  But I’ll give it another day or two just to be sure. That would make Wednesday my deadline for making the decision. So there, Wednesday it is!

How’s that for letting you in on my thought process? There were other things I wanted to blog about but they will just have to wait for the next one. Happy Monday, y’all!

 

Dudes. I dropped my phone.

In the toilet. And while it’s now resting peacefully in a bag of rice, I feel lost without it.
I handle most of my communication via texting. I keep track of my household chores and things to do using apps on my phone. I read books on my phone. My daily prayer list is there. My running app is on there!
Most of the things are backed up and I will be able to recover them, and I can still communicate with people using Facebook and the good old fashioned home phone (with captions, of course), but guys! I dropped my stupid phone in the stupid toilet! I was at our old house, cleaning so we can put it on the market and get the dang thing sold, and while scrubbing the toilet I received a text from my husband and thought there was no harm in checking it immediately. It all happened so fast, and believe me, I wasted no time shoving my bare hand in the toilet water to rescue it. Tomorrow we will know for sure if it survived, but until then I’m off the grid a little.
The irony is that just last week I ordered a new battery case/cover for my phone, a paisley one, and I may have to return it. Only time will tell, I guess.
I’ll be checking my email and Facebook messages periodically, but in the meantime, send cookies!
This is so sad. Seriously, I think cookies will help.

Spring approaches

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After a healthy dumping of snow and cold weather here in Michigan, temperatures are coming back up and spring is right around the corner! Now I’m still wearing a sweater and long pants, but I couldn’t resist the flip-flops 🙂

It sure is nice to sit on the deck while Piper plays, watching the kids get off the school bus (my own kids of course, I’m not a creeper).

Hyper-Piper

I mentioned last week that some good things were happening with regards to our dog, Piper. A little background first: We adopted Piper a little over a year ago, when she was only 6 weeks old. She was a rescue puppy, so they really had no idea what her breed was. We have come to believe that she is partly Australian Cattle Dog. This explains the big ears and the high energy. High energy is kind of an understatement, hence the hyper reference. I swear she wasn’t like that when we chose her, or when we named her. I guess it was just a coincidence that it rhymes.

The other part of this story is that I am not a dog person. I am far from it. I am related to dog people, have numerous friends who are dog people, and yet I got none of it. But here I am, a dog owner, because my husband and children love dogs. I find it nearly impossible to say I love dogs (just being honest here), but especially impossible to say I love THIS dog. BUT!! I am slowly but surely coming around to, well, not hating her. I’m even starting to  feel some level of affection for her.

How did this happen? Well, it all started over Christmas break, after an enlightening conversation with my mother-in-law (one of the best dog-lovers I know). I was complaining about Piper sticking her nose in our laps during dinnertime, and so she explained to me how she trained her dog to leave the kitchen when she said “OUT”. That simple. She would say it and point, and he would leave. Just like that. I was kind of dumbfounded that this could not only be possible, but could also be that simple. Nevertheless, I went home with a new sense of hope and purpose.

The next week when we sat down for dinner as a family and Piper tried to insert herself into our laps, I got up and steered her right out, pointing my finger and firmly telling her “OUT.” Three days in a row I did this and on that fourth day do you know what happened? We sat down for dinner, said our prayer, and proceeded to eat without distraction – !because she was gone!. I was halfway done eating before I realized she was nowhere to be found. She knew our routine and had sent herself out of the kitchen! Victory!

That dinnertime victory was just the beginning. As it turns out, she’s a pretty smart dog. But I’ve gotta believe that I can be smarter. I have a college degree for Pete’s sake (and access to the internet lol). We have since taught her more tricks, like going to her “spot” (a corner in the kitchen), touching an outstretched hand with her nose, barking on command, and even playing dead when we say “Bang!”. We’ve noticed since teaching her these things on a regular basis that she has mellowed down a great deal, and seems overall better behaved. She doesn’t bark at the windows nearly as much during the day and she doesn’t pull on her leash the way she used to when we walk her.

Now the real end goal here is to teach her how to properly greet guests who come to our door. This is where she struggles the most, and the times when I most despise her. She is what I like to call “aggressively friendly” and wants to bark and jump on everyone who comes to the door. From everything I’ve read up to this point, a key in teaching dogs not to do this, is to ignore them until they are behaving properly (that’s a simplified version, of course). Of course all of my dog-loving friends and family love it when she comes to the door and they pet her and talk to her and when I’m standing behind her shouting “Piper, no! Down, Piper!”, they just say “oh it’s ok, she’s fine, I love dogs”. They think they are helping, they really do. But they really are not. I’ve only recently learned this. The reason they are not helping is because she is being rewarded for her bad behavior. And the older she gets, the harder it’s going to be to change the behavior. So, I’ve decided to be more intentional about my training with her, and to educate our wonderful friends and family on how to respond to her, as I am learning myself.

I realize that up to this point, I have no one to blame but myself. But I am taking control! I have unofficially enrolled myself in puppy training 101, and I don’t care how long it takes. I am going to train this dog to be a good dog. You know, so I can love her, for real.

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When you realize you have the power to change

In some of the circles I associate with, people with MS will often say, “I have MS, but MS doesn’t have me.” It’s a statement meant to convey courage and determination that MS will not keep them down. They are not willing to admit defeat. And while I’m not one of those who often repeats that phrase, I definitely agree with the sentiment.

However, I came to a realization about a month ago. In some ways, MS did “have” me. Sure, I still smile and make jokes, and I don’t complain much about the invisible symptoms I’m experiencing. But on some level I was still letting the diagnosis limit me.

I’ve never been a fan of running, but I do acknowledge the benefits of it. My siblings are runners, one cousin, a few friends. They all thoroughly enjoy the experience of it. Also, my son loves to run, and we’ve talked over the past year about running a 5k together. I know my body can’t run a 5k at this point, but I haven’t been training for it. Why? Because I was scared. Mostly scared of losing my balance mid-stride and falling flat on my face, but also afraid that on the last lap my nerves would decide to stop communicating with my feet and I would not only fall, but land myself in another full-blown relapse.

There are so many problems with this thinking. One, I’m letting fear make the decision for me. I don’t care for making any decisions out of fear, ever. Two, there is absolutely no record, that I know of, of exercise causing an MS relapse. It just doesn’t happen.

And I don’t know how I came to this realization exactly, I just remember that I did. And when I did, I got mad. But only long enough to let it motivate me to do something about it. So I decided to make a commitment to getting on the treadmill DAILY, and we would just see how it goes. Treadmill running is not ideal, but it works. I get to stay home, so I can run in my pajamas (and I do, believe me). It doesn’t matter what the weather is like outside, so there is no room for excuses there. And there are handles to hold onto in case I start losing my balance. It’s a win all around.

I’ve been running for 3 weeks minus most of last week (self-diagnosed bronchitis) and I’m feeling stronger already. My energy level definitely feels more balanced than it was. Also, I’ve lost 3 pounds I didn’t expect to lose, so that’s an added bonus. Love it when my pants fit better! I’m on a couch to 5k program. It’s supposed to be 3 times per week, but I’m doing it every day because I know it would feel like I’m skipping a day and then I would just lose momentum. So that’s victory #1.

Victory #2 involves the training of our dog. It’s actually a lot of little victories, so I’ll save that explanation for another post later this week. I promise I’ll try to make it sound as exciting as I feel. I guess if you have any idea how much I have hated this dog (but don’t anymore), you will be able to share in my excitement. So stay tuned, folks! I’m still here!

Relishing the daily humdrum

Hmm. Well, I’ve kind of been feeling a blog post on the edge of my fingertips for some time (a couple weeks, not long), but now that I find the time and manage to sit down at my computer I’m at a loss for words. Isn’t that funny how that works? But now that I’ve started I’m sure the words will come. It usually happens like that. Usually.

Remember how I said I wanted to write a book? That’s not really all that true anymore. I love writing, yes, but the book idea was kind of daunting. It was never really my idea. Lots of people told me, after all that had happened to me in such a short period of time, that I should write a book. And I do love to write, so I thought it made sense. But I really never felt a nudge from God on that. He was pretty clear with me about writing this blog, and sharing my stories with others, but that was it. I do love to share my stories, when I can remember them, so I’m sure it’s possible that some day down the road we’ll get those stories all gathered together in a book, but I’m no longer putting pressure on myself to make that happen.

So I’ve decided to focus on other things lately. I am focusing on embracing the gift of each moment, embracing this new life I’ve found myself in. What does that look like? Nothing really out of the ordinary, really. Taking care of our home, taking care of the kids. Spending time with my family and friends. Wrestling tournaments, Girl Scout troop meetings, class parties, shopping trips. All blissfully ordinary things.

I don’t want to bore you with the details of those ordinary things, but I do want to explain why they are so significant to me. When I lost my hearing and my vision 2 1/2 years ago and I was in the hospital, they weren’t sure I was going to make it. But I did, I made it. And the recovery process that followed was tough on all of us, but I finally feel like we have made it THROUGH. We, as a family, have recovered, adjusted, adapted, and we are moving on with our lives. Granted, it’s quite different than what we may have envisioned, but I am firm in the belief that it is better. We have challenges, yes, but we are better off in spite of those challenges. Or maybe, perhaps, because of those challenges.  Life is good, folks. Real good.

“Every day is new again
Every day is yours to win
And that’s how heroes are made”

“Every Day is Yours to Win” ~R.E.M.

Deaf and half-blind runner with multiple sclerosis