Exercise, Family, Kids, Running

Family

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Okay, I’ll be honest, I’ve been fighting a respiratory gunk all this week – spring break week for my kiddos – but I’m managing to not let it keep me down. I’ve been able to really enjoy some memorable times with my family that I think are worth mentioning.

Like the other night, when I chatted through Facebook messenger with my little brother. He was up late, per his usual, and he saw I was up too so he started a conversation. This is my dear brother who is 13 years younger, and yet we have a special sort of bond. He came to be part of our family as a 9 month old baby when I was still in school. I don’t remember how old he was when we adopted him, but it doesn’t matter because he was family long before it was court official.

When I was in high school, he was learning to walk and talk and play and the two of us were best buddies. We lost touch over the years but have recently been able to reconnect and it really is a miracle to me that it feels like no time has passed. We still seem to have that connection. So while it wasn’t anything unusual or extraordinary, chatting online with him, it was a memory I’ll cherish. I’m hoping and praying that there are many more opportunities like that for us down the road.

So that was happy family memory #1. Happy family memory #2 is that my mom came to visit from Oklahoma! She flew all the way out here and split her time between her three children: first my younger sister, then me, then my older brother. She was with us for three days and it was really great to have her here sharing life with us. We went roller skating with the kids. I don’t skate, as a rule because my balance is nonexistent, but she went for one round before she discovered it was a lot harder than she remembered. Skating is hard for us old folks, you know.

We also went on a ridiculously long walk to the Mediterranean restaurant up the road, and enjoyed some delicious chicken shawarma and falafel. (I’m sorry Mom, I honestly thought it was only a mile. I should have known better.) I’m just glad we survived the walk and it was still really nice to have that time to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air.

Oh, and lastly was some bowling. We all pretty much suck at bowling except for my mom so of course she kicked our tails. We also did a lot of lounging around in between activities, and that was nice to have her sort of blend into our rhythms. We never know when we’ll be able to visit again so we like to make the most of the time we do get.

We had such a full week it’s hard to believe it’s only Friday and the weekend is just beginning! My big plan for tomorrow is to go for a long run first thing in the morning (so I don’t spend all day making excuses like I did today) and then I don’t know. Kids are still technically on spring break so maybe we’ll find something fun to do. I kicked my son’s tail in Monopoly today, so maybe tomorrow I’ll give him a rematch. Or not. Monopoly is an exhausting game.

Anyhoo, I hope y’all enjoyed your week and have a fabulous weekend! Love on your family today, will you?

Coffee, Disability, Faith, God speaks, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis

Madam Sleepsalot

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If you’re ever curious about my day to day routine, today is your lucky day. Now that kids are back in school and snow days are hopefully well behind us, I’ve settled into a daily routine. This time around I sort of just go with how my body is feeling, and it’s interesting to me how well this is working.

Every morning I get up at 5:30 with my son, and stay up until 8 when my daughter leaves for the bus stop (her school starts an hour later than his). While the kids are getting ready for school, I’m drinking coffee, reading my Bible, and sometimes eating breakfast (If my stomach is up for it). After the kids are off to school I go back to bed. I don’t set an alarm, I just sleep as long as my body needs to. Some days that’s only an hour or two, some days it’s more. Thursdays I generally sleep much longer because I’m recovering from a full day on Wednesdays, between Bible study in the morning and Financial Peace University at night.

After the morning nap I get up, eat a late breakfast or lunch, and then I get going with that day’s work. This usually includes dishes and laundry, and sometimes paying the bills and running. I’m usually done by 3:00, just before my son gets home from school, and then I can relax with a book or a tv show. Then I start thinking about what to make for dinner. The rest of the evening changes from day to day but in general I’m letting myself relax and enjoy time with family. I’m not stressing about my to do list because I’ve already done the day’s work. The rest can wait until tomorrow.

So you could say I work about 4 hours a day and sleep 10. This seems excessive to me, and the old me would think I was lazy. The new me is learning to understand this is just part of my disability and it’s what my body needs in order to heal and stay healthy.

It’s been really refreshing to be able to establish a routine that allows for a good work/rest balance. I’m getting things done, but I’m working WITH my fluctuating energy levels rather than fighting against them (or giving up altogether, as I have done in the past).

Much of this new attitude has resulted from consistent reminders of the grace God gives us. When I read in Scripture that He tells us to rest and to stop striving, or even to “strive to rest”, I am encouraged to know I’m doing the right thing. Amen? Amen.

Cochlear implant, Coffee, Deafness

Coffee talk

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I was at the neighborhood coffee shop today and had a pleasant conversation with the barista. She remembered me (and my drink, a mocha with hazelnut and almond milk!) from the last time I was in there with a friend of mine. She had wanted to ask me about my cochlear implants, and hoped I didn’t mind. Her son has partial hearing loss in one ear, and she’s been encouraging him to get a hearing aid, but he doesn’t feel he needs one. That and he’s a high school student and probably fears the ridicule he might receive from other students. This is a shame, because there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

I wear my cochlear implants proudly, and have never felt self conscious wearing them. The barista, Dana, was nervous to ask me about them, but I told her I love it when people ask. In fact, I wish more people would. I know people must be curious. I know I would be. They are fascinating in the way they work, and not a lot of people really know much about them.

Dana was under the assumption that my hearing with implants would be much better than normal hearing, but I informed her that was not the case. Not to minimize the miracle of the invention, but scientists just cannot outshine God’s invention of the human ear. What I hear is clear, yes, but it has a different quality to it. No, it will never be the same as normal hearing, but having the gift of conversation back after losing it so quickly more than makes up for that disparity.

Dana also found it especially fascinating that what I hear now does not come at all from my ears, but from the microphones built within the earpieces. It’s true, my ears are now just placeholders for my glasses and my cochlear processors. You know when you clean your ears out with a Qtip and it makes that funny noise? Yeah, I don’t hear that anymore. Kinda funny, I suppose.

Anyway, it was good to chat with a friendly stranger about how well the cochlear implants are working for me, and to have someone share in the excitement. I will never take my hearing for granted, ever. I am super grateful for what I have. ‘Nuff said.

“A man was bragging about his new hearing aid and how great it was and how well he could hear with it. His friend asked what kind it was and the man responded, 12:30.”

Disability, Faith, God speaks

You are enough

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People like myself, who have been sort of thrust into permanent disability, use a phrase – “finding my new normal”. It refers to the process of acceptance of this new life, this new way of living, and embracing our new challenges and setbacks. For me, it refers to finding a space, figuratively speaking, that feels like home. I’m searching for comfort, for peace of mind, for a mental and emotional state where I can put up my feet and relax and be okay with just being who I am, HOW I am, as is.

This past weekend I was praying during my morning quiet time with Jesus, and I felt God speaking to me a very clear message. “You are enough. You are complete. As you are.” This blew my mind. I didn’t even know how much I needed to hear that, but boy was it a game changer. Up until now I think I’ve sort of been trying to be who I was – despite my limitations – and that’s very frustrating. Futile, in fact. What I believe God is saying to me is that I can be who I am now. That’s it. Warts and all! Just be who I am now. I am enough.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalms 139:13-14

I’m sharing this snippet from my personal journal because I want you to know this message is for you too. Wherever you are, however you are, you are enough. Right where you stand. You are enough. Your Creator knows where you are, how you got here, and He’s got you covered. He’s molding you like a potter molds the clay. It might be uncomfortable, painful even, this molding process, but the end result is a beautiful piece of work. You are enough.

“But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

Cochlear implant, Running
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This may end up to just be be a brain dump, what’s on my mind in no particular order. Just a warning.

I’m doing okay with half marathon training. However, on one of my runs last week, Tuesday, I managed to trip on the seam of the sidewalk and went tumbling hands first to the concrete. Luckily I’m short, 5’1″, so it wasn’t much of a fall. I was certain in the excruciatingly painful moment that I had broken my right index and middle fingers. I lay on the ground, whispered a few f bombs, breathed my way out of a crying fit, and stood up slowly. I walked slowly toward home, assessing the damage as I went. I was scraped and bleeding in several spots, but thankfully nothing was broken. My cochlear implants were even in place through it all, thanks to the headband I wear over them when I run. Turns out I just jammed the fingers pretty good and a nurse friend told me it could take up to six weeks to fully heal. She said I can speed up the process by icing it daily, taking Motrin for the swelling and pain, and wrapping it to keep myself from bending the fingers. I’m doing all of these things and the swelling already seems to be better.

I finished a crochet Afghan recently for one of my nephews and I bought yarn for my next project. I’m anxious to start it but I don’t think I’ll be able to until these fingers heal. Such a bummer. Can I use that excuse to get out of folding laundry or washing dishes? No? Fine. You’re no help.

Oh! I’ve discovered a new thing. Well, new to me. Sort of. Podcasts. I know this is not new because I used to listen to several when my children were just babies. Somehow I had time for that then. Well now I hadn’t considered them because I figured they would be too difficult to understand with cochlear implants but I started listening to my weekly Bible study lessons online, while I read along with the pdf version. It turns out I can understand quite well! I need something to listen to as my training runs get longer, and music just wasn’t cutting it because the tempo always screws up my pace. Plus I’ve run out of music I enjoy, and I can’t just keep replaying the same playlist, that’s so boring! So I tried running while listening to the Bible study lesson and it worked great! The time seemed to go by much faster and I was able to keep a steady pace and still focus on my form as well.

So I’ve downloaded a podcast app and subscribed to a few stations, including the Dave Ramsey show, which has always been a favorite. I have to stay sharp for the Financial Peace class I’m leading so that’s more for business than for pleasure (though I’ll admit I do find it entertaining, cuz I’m a nerd).

I have other thoughts and things but it’s way too late for me to be up so that’s all for now. Until next time…

Photos, Piper, Running

Half Marathon training has officially begun!

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Me, wearing a balaclava on my head, standing in an open field covered in snow.

My current running goal is to complete a half marathon. I have one picked out for September 22, and based on my fitness level my Runkeeper app tells me my training should start… two days ago. But better late than never, right? Today I jogged a sluggish 3 miles. Three laps around the neighborhood. The sun was out, the wind was friendly enough, and I was feeling pretty solid.

Until I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk on that third lap. Peed my pants a little, but I caught myself! And the near fall seemed to boost my adrenaline, giving me the oomph I needed to finish that last mile. So it was a great run, overall. And Piper, as you can see, was really happy to have me back!

Piper is licking my face. She loves me.

Disability, Family, Nonsense

February is almost over?

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I know, I know. It’s been soooo long since I last posted. Almost a full month, can you believe that? It’s not that I have nothing going on that I could be writing about, or thoughts to share. It’s more of a quiet rebellion, the not sharing. I guess. But then I’m reading Anne Lamott recently and she inspires me to write. So I’m back again. For now.

At the end of last year I was feeling like I had this disability thing down, and then of course I realized I didn’t. Because I never will, entirely. I think what I was hoping for, striving for, was perfection in living. And I seem to remember learning that perfectionism is a curse. But how quickly we forget the most important lessons.

So how has it been? I have been tired. Continually tired and fatigued. I have my good days, or my good portions of days, but mostly they are clouded by the ever-present need for sleep and rest. This is tough for a reforming overachiever to accept, because there is so much to DO, and I can’t do it all the way I want, or when I want. I’m pretty sure I’m the only soul who really cares about that, so I could probably let that go, right?

I’m trying to learn how to relax, which as I type this I see that’s paradoxical. Trying to relax is absurd. Futile. There has to be a better way. So then I stop trying so hard, and I wait to see if it just happens, and it does! I start to relax! And then I remember there is so much left to DO, and the guilt creeps in. Back to square one. It’s a vicious and annoying cycle.

But! I have coping mechanisms for exiting the cycle. I crochet, I read, I make soup, I pray. Soup is nice, but prayer works best.

Do you know what I think it is? What’s so hard for me? I worked for so long, so many years at jobs where you got up every morning and went to work, that it’s a complete paradigm shift to be home. No one expects me to be anywhere at a certain time. I went from a full schedule to no schedule, and five years later I still haven’t got the hang of it. But I will, eventually.

All this time I’ve been quiet on the blog I’ve been busy in real life spending time with family and friends. Good, quality time, and it’s been really nice. We had some awful winter weather here in Michigan and the kids missed a lot of school, so it was fun to have them home with me even if it messed up my daily routines a little.

So that’s all I have for now, folks. Just a partially muddled brain dump. I hope you’re all having a great day today. It’s Friday! For most of you working people that means the weekend is almost here! Hurray!

“My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned…couldn’t concentrate.”

Housekeeping

Retraining my brain

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I am starting to learn, or re-learn perhaps, that I can make up my own mind and I can choose what and how I think about things. Take laundry, for example (You have my permission to leave now, if you wish. I will understand.)

I abhor folding laundry. I don’t know why. It’s not even the stinkiest of the household chores on my plate. Really. Dishes have dried food, toilets have you-know-what, showers have scum. But folding clothes is a cinch because the clothes are clean. We’re just folding and putting away. What’s the big deal? Yet, I love folding towels. This is an odd phenomenon. There’s not much difference between towels and clothing.

So, I tried to figure out what it is about folding towels that I enjoy, to see if I could apply that same logic to folding my clothes, and thus make it more enjoyable. Or at least not something to dread. I like that for each type and size of towel I have a particular way I fold them, so that they will fit in their place. So once I’m done I have all these neat piles/groups of towels. And I still don’t know why that seems to appeal to me, but the fact that it does means I could probably be looking at my clothing in the same manner. I have different types of clothing but I can group them together and fold each type a similar way so that they all end up in nice neat matching piles and they fit into their homes properly. (If you think this is sounding very Marie Kondo-like I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you very much.) So if I remember that I have a special system for folding the clothes and make it feel more like a game, it feels much less like a chore. And therefore not something I dread and put off doing.

The other thing is that I always only ever have one basket of towels to fold at a time. With clothing this is almost never the case. However, I could trick my brain by just setting out one basket at a time, and only think of that one until it’s done and put away. Then bring out the next. I could hide any extra baskets of clothes that need folding until it’s their turn to be folded. Thus tricking my brain and not feeling so overwhelmed. Because procrastination is often borne out of the frustration of being overwhelmed, right?

I know that’s just about laundry and that’s silly and not so important, but I find it very interesting that we can train our brains to see things certain ways. I believe that’s a crucial piece of information. I have found it extremely helpful during moments of anxiety, to stop and think about how my thoughts arrived at the place they did. If you know the path they took, you can choose to reroute them. And that makes all the difference. Telling yourself something isn’t the end of the world, whether you believe it or not at the time, is the first step to convincing yourself that it’s not the end of the world.

Hey! Don’t sweat the small stuff, kid. And remember, it’s all small stuff.

Q: How much fun is doing your laundry?
A: Loads

Family, Friends, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis, Running, Writing

Hack hack, ahem ahem, cough cough

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You guys. I’ve been sick for all of two and a half days and I’m trying sooo hard not to be a baby about it, but geesh. I don’t get sick very often, but when I do, I just want to snuggle up in a cozy blanket and let people wait on me. The first part works alright but the second one, not so much. Because folks, I’m the mom. And mom doesn’t take sick days. Which is only kind of true. My family is really great about helping out and giving me my space. No one’s even complained that the laundry is piling up while I’m downstairs nursing myself back to health.  It’ll get done, eventually.

Anyhoo. Since I’ve been out of commission all I can do is sit around thinking about how little I’ve blogged lately. Not cuz my life is boring (though it is a little) but because I just haven’t been in the mood for blogging. It happens every now and then. Whatevs.

What’s going on lately, you ask? Well, the son has been busy wrestling, both for the local club and the middle school. This is exciting stuff folks. Now that he’s on the middle school team he practices every day right after school. He does not seem to be tired out by this, thankfully, and it’s been a huge load off for our resident chauffeur, my hubby. Now he doesn’t have to drop him off, then go back and pick him up. Just one trip per day, and he’s home by dinnertime. Which means we all get to eat as a family again. Every day!

The daughter is not in sports. Has no interest really, at least for now. That could change down the road but I don’t think that’s likely. Her two loves right now are art and animals. Since it’s -38 degrees outside these days, she did not want to go for more horseback riding lessons, so we found her an outlet for her art. A gentleman from our church is willing to give her weekly lessons and teach her whatever she wants to know. Right now she’s on a big Bob Ross nature scene kick, and it’s friggin’ amazing what she is able to create just after watching a few YouTube videos. I know I’m a tad biased because I’m her mother, but there’s no denying that she has some serious talent that will only get better with more training and practice.

It’s kind of weird but I’ve had zero motivation to write that book I had been talking about. I still want to tell my stories, just maybe not in that format. Maybe we’ll just keep them here on the blog for now. I could do some kind of kooky flashback series where I tell short stories about what happened to me five years ago. Or maybe I’ll get the hankering again to write the book. Who knows?

I’m just really happy doing the things I’m doing now that I don’t really feel like going back to that time. It feels too heavy. Right now good things are happening. My kids are growing and changing, and I’m able to be a part of that. I’m slowing down and trying to be more focused on the most important things. Spending time with God, family, friends. It’s been a good change.

And speaking of slow, I set myself a new goal: to run a half marathon in the fall (it’s speaking of slow cuz I’m a slow runner, get it?). I have a race picked out and a friend to run it with me. I have a training plan picked out on my Runkeeper app, and it doesn’t start until March 5th. So I have time to warm up to running regularly again. I’ve not been running since before the holidays so my legs are a little rusty.

I even spoke to my neurologist about how to train safely, and was reassured that this was not too big a goal for someone with MS. If I take it slow and am careful, it’s totally possible. In fact, she said regular exercise is just as crucial to my health as is my disease-modifying therapy. So as far as priorities, I need to bump it way back up to the top. She said that running will not cause me to relapse, but will only help to keep me from relapsing. When I run, certain symptoms flare up, like foot drop and difficulty seeing, but she said that’s because those are nerves that are already damaged. As long as I’m being safe about it, I should be fine. Which is why I always run these races with friends who can be a good set of eyes and ears for me and keep me safe. So that’s on the docket. 13.1 miles. In a row!

And that folks, is all I have for an update right now. I had a funny thought earlier and I was going to post it, but now I can’t remember it. So I apologize for my foggy memory keeping me from leaving you on a humorous note. Oh wait! I can leave you with a pun… this one I choose because we bought new winter gloves for my son today…

“I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.”

Deaf and half-blind runner with multiple sclerosis