Category Archives: Hearing Loss

Books, Coffee, Daily Snippets, Hearing Loss

Do more of what makes you happy

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I have a sign hanging in my living room that says “Do more of what makes you happy”. I look at it regularly and it always makes me wonder: what makes me happy? I really want to know, so that I can follow this rule. I feel like I lost some of this self-awareness when I lost my hearing, and I certainly don’t do many of the things that make me happy. So I thought I would start a list (I love lists) here on the blog, and maybe it would help me to think of those things and perhaps take some steps to start doing those things.

What makes me happy:
1) Drinking coffee – I do that plenty
2) Tattoos – I only have four, plenty room for more
3) Concerts – The hearing loss makes this extra challenging and scary, because I don’t know if I would enjoy them the same, but it’s worth a shot, right?
4) The city – I love walking around cities, big, small, it doesn’t matter. Chicago, Lansing, Mason, they all fascinate me.
5) Reading – On any given day my mind is partly stuck in a good book. Reading makes me happy, for sure.

That’s it. I can’t think of any more. I’m sure there are more, but that’s a start. Maybe more ideas will come to me in my dreams tonight.

What about you? Tell me readers, what makes YOU happy?

Cochlear implant, Hearing Loss

Activation anniversary repost!

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It was on this day just two years ago that my first cochlear implant was activated. Reading my first impressions again was refreshing to me, so I thought I would share it again for those who are new here. Good times 🙂

First Impressions | Still Mindy
https://stillmindy.com/2014/06/17/first-impressions/

Cochlear implant, Family, Health, Hearing Loss, Housekeeping, Multiple Sclerosis, Music

Oh, the days

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There are some days that I feel the need to  emotionally crawl back into my safe little cave. I kind of know why this happens ever so often, and I know it always passes eventually, so I’m not worried about it. I am thankful on days like these that I’m not responsible for anything urgent or super-important. Not exactly. My responsibilities involve feeding the people and keeping things clean-ish and supplies stocked. I generally give those responsibilities my 100% effort, but I’m sure we would all survive even if I gave half that.  So on days like these when I can only muster 70%, we’re doing just fine. I’m not sure anyone will even notice. In fact, when it means processed, frozen burritos for dinner instead of my homemade beef stew, the kids are actually thankful for my slacker status. They love those burritos.

My 5k race is coming up in three whole days! I don’t think I’m nervous. It’s my first race ever, so I don’t have many expectations. If I finish on my feet I’ll be happy. I heard a song awhile back come up on my Pandora station and while it’s not the best tempo for running, the lyrics gave me some motivation. Don’t judge; it was a song by Eminem. I’m trying to hit “like” on songs that sound good to my new ears, and my musical tastes have changed quite drastically. Everything just sounds so different to me now. So I guess New Mindy enjoys some Eminem and can tolerate the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Anyhoo, the song that caught my ears is called “Till I Collapse”, and after reading the lyrics online, I can honestly apply a lot of the sentiment to my philosophy on this running thing. Of course Mr. Mathers was surely rapping about something else entirely, but the nice thing about music is you can make it what you want. What it means to you is just that – what it means to you. Here is the chorus to the song:

“‘Cause sometimes you just feel tired, you feel weak
And when you feel weak you feel like you want to just give up
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
And just pull that **** out of you and get that motivation to not give up
And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you want to just fall flat on your face and collapse”

What’s kind of funny to me is that the fear that kept me from running at first was the fear of falling flat on my face. And if I do, I do. Whatever. In the song he talks about inner strength, but my strength does not come from within. My strength comes from God. He gives me the strength I need, when I need it. So when I feel like quitting, that is where I turn.  I will look to my Savior to keep me going. He has never failed me, never left my side, and together we will run this race!

Hearing Loss, Multiple Sclerosis

MS and Running

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This is in no way an “Official” post on what it’s like to run with MS, but the build up in my mind over the past couple weeks makes it feel like it is. I searched the internet in hopes of hearing from other runners with MS, but didn’t have much luck. Sadly, it’s probably not all that common. So I guess I wanted to share what it’s like for me, and if others find me and chime in, the more the merrier, right?

This whole running thing started more than a year ago, when we lived at a different house, in a different neighborhood, and the kids went to a different school. The bus stop was a 3/4 mile walk, so after the kids got on the bus, I would walk back home the long way, completing an almost two mile walk. It got me thinking that I could maybe walk 3 miles, or 3.1, which is equal to the popular 5k run. As soon as I verbalized this idea around my son, he was anxious to participate in a race with me. Now, his intention has always been to run a race, but I told him from the get-go that I wasn’t sure I could run it. The sweetheart he is, he said he would go at whatever pace I could. He just wanted to be with me.

See, my MS started with balance issues. I was falling a lot back then, and I still fall sometimes, or wobble when I’m turning my head. So I don’t trust my balance. To attempt running with poor balance seemed foolish to me. At the time, of course. Fast forward a little more than a year, and somehow I got it in my head that I could actually run. We have a treadmill at home, with handles for safety. I thought, “Why not try?” So I did. I downloaded a couch-to-5k program to give me some guidance, and I started training. You know what I found? I found that the intervals where I had to stop running and just walk briskly didn’t go so well. I actually did better if I just kept running.

But here’s the inside story, the way my body reacts to the running. In case you’re interested. The first thing that happens is that the ringing in my ears gets really, really loud. This tinnitus is something I experience 24/7, but it’s usually quiet enough that I forget it’s there. It’s just something you get used to. But after about 10 or 15 minutes of running, that ringing just cranks up to full volume. It’s how I know my body is working hard, I guess. And this actually has nothing to do with my MS, it’s just a side effect of my hearing loss. But I digress.

The second notable thing that happens to me is the foot drop. This is very common for people with MS. The Mayo Clinic describes foot drop as a general term for difficulty lifting the front part of the foot. Some whose disease is more progressed experience this all the time, or when they are experiencing a full-blown relapse. Mine shows up when I’ve been sitting for too long or am super-fatigued. And when I’m running, of course.  Now, when you can’t lift the front part of your foot, you often end up tripping on it. So when I’m running and I sense those toes starting to drag with each step, I have to really be careful to use all the muscle I have in that leg to lift my foot high enough to avoid tripping over my own foot and crashing head first to the ground.  The good news is that it’s only ever one foot at a time, but I never know which one it will decide to be on a particular run. I do know that it usually starts around the 2.5 mile mark so at least I can be looking out for it.

I’ve been training since early March, and by now I can run at least 3.1 miles. I run the whole way! No walking! Now I’m just working on increasing my speed. I’m pacing myself, but each run I push a little harder, run a little faster, and pray that it doesn’t kill me or send me into an MS relapse (I’m not sure that actually happens, but I plan to ask my neurologist). Overall my fatigue levels have stabilized, my blood pressure is strong, and I think I’ve even started building muscle. I feel stronger, inside and out.

My motivation started with just running (or walking) a race with my son, but it built into a more personal goal. Now I’m doing this for my health, and to give an emphatic “up yours” to this disease. I want to prove that MS doesn’t have to limit me. It’s a permanent condition, yes. I understand it’s here for the rest of my life, and someday it very well may take my legs. But not today, damn it. Today, these legs are still within my control, and with them I am choosing to run.

Our race is coming up on May 6, so wish us luck! And if you’re in town, come on down to the Mason State Bank and cheer us on 🙂

Deep thoughts, God speaks, Hearing Loss

Timing

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I get these daily Upper Room devotionals sent to my email. I For the past couple of months I’ve been deleting them along with the rest of my junk mail, without even opening them to see what the subject of the day was.

Today for some reason I decided to open the email.

The subject? Hearing aids. More specifically, that it is such a gift that we don’t have to have perfect hearing to hear from God. He finds ways to speak to us in all sorts of ways. We just have to be listening. Well, I’m listening now.

I love how God sneaks his way back in to my wandering heart.

ASL, Cochlear implant, Daily Snippets, Deafness, Hearing Loss, Kids, Photos

Notes under the door

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When I have my cochlear implants on I can hear and understand a good majority of things, but when they are off I hear nothing. It’s true I had lost the majority of my hearing before I was implanted, but the surgeries removed what small level of hearing I had left. It’s just one of the very slight downsides to getting cochlear implants, no sweat. But what that means is that I am 100% deaf when I’m not wearing the earpieces, which is mainly when I’m sleeping and showering.

My kids understand this new reality and have adapted. If they wake in the middle of the night and need their mom, they use sign language. If that’s not sufficient, they get an earpiece and battery from my charger on the nightstand and hand it to me to put on.

And as you can see from the photo, when I’m in the shower and they want to tell me they are going outside to play with a neighbor, they leave a note under the bathroom door!

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Note under the door

Kids who live with a deaf parent learn to be creative. My kids are so smart and resilient and I couldn’t be prouder!

Cochlear implant, Hearing Loss, Music, Writing

Getting back to it

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I’m back! The illness is gone. We have recovered. We all came through unscathed; my husband and the dog both managed to avoid it altogether (I do hope I’m not jinxing my husband by saying this).

I got back to working on the book I’m writing. I gave myself a deadline of 12/31/15, which is quite aggressive I know, but I also know I have to do such things to keep me from giving up altogether. Deadlines motivate, y’all. The book is a memoir of sorts, so it’s not a cut and dried process. I understand this, and know full well that I may not have a rough draft by my deadline, but progress is progress. Phleh.

I had a thought today (while in the shower… all my favorite ideas come to me while I’m washing my hair) that maybe I will start blogging every day. That sounds like another aggressive goal, doesn’t it? Well, I’m not talking about writing good stuff every day. Just every day, I will plan to share my favorite thought or event from that day. I use the term “event” loosely, as it could be as lame as “the dog didn’t piss me off today, and here’s why…” To make this daily occurrence even more exciting for you loyal readers, I would give it a snarky name, like The Daily Snippet. Or to be more true to how it will likely end up, The Sometimes Daily Snippet. What do you think? Wanna play along? Some days you may be totally bored with it, and others I may just get lucky and strike a funny bone. You just never know, you know? Sounds exciting, right? Let’s start here…

Today’s Daily Snippet:
I love Pandora. It plays the old stuff, the stuff I remember, pre-hearing loss. The songs and rhythms that are familiar to me are the only types of music I can enjoy at this point, with my cochlear implants. I’m told it will get better with time, and to just be patient. Listening to familiar songs is supposed to help. Thank you Pandora, for helping my brain re-learn how to hear and enjoy music. And thank you Beck, for being your funky cool self 🙂

Also notable today, I did some rearranging around the house and that always makes me feel happy. Helps me forget all the evil going on the world right now, if only for a moment.

Hug your loved ones today, and every day. Peace out!

Cochlear implant, Hearing Loss

It’s almost like I’m really starting over

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This letter came yesterday, sent to my new address, from my audiologist’s office. I’ve been seeing them for two years, since I first lost my hearing, and they have performed tests, administered steroid shots in both my ears, implanted cochlear devices in each ear, and conducted numerous follow up meetings to program those devices.

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Just when I’m ready to move on, they want formalize our relationship. Geesh. And how did they get my new address anyway? Weird.

Cochlear implant, Deafness, Disability, Driving, Hearing Loss

Memory Fail(s)

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Funny story (to me, anyway): This morning started out just like the previous few; ease out of bed, pack lunches for the kids, wish them well as they leave with Dad to go to zoo camp… Then I watered the flowers, made some coffee, and sat down on the couch to relax and do some reading. Forty-five minutes later I hear a honk, and the dog started barking. Perplexed, I got up to see what was going on. There was a white Spec-Tran van in my driveway. To pick me up. For the hair appointment I made just two days ago.

Oh, I was frantic. They don’t have to honk, and they certainly don’t have to wait for you to get dressed because you completely forgot they were coming. So I opened the front door, waved to let the driver know I was aware and coming, and rushed back to the bedroom to put on a bra (because I was still in my pajamas). The whole time – a matter of seconds that felt like eternity – I was praying the driver would not leave me. I hurried to put Piper in her crate, slipped on some shoes, grabbed my wallet and purse with a last minute check for my keys, and headed out the door. The sense of relief as I rode in that van was extremely gratifying.

Then as we were nearing our destination, the driver asks me if the address is 4020 (they often do this, which frustrates the crap out of me because they have GPS and I’m deaf, and it’s just hard and usually extremely unnecessary) and I say yes, that I believe it was next to a Quality Dairy, but I wasn’t sure because I’ve only been there once before. But then he pulls in to the salon’s parking lot and it’s there, right where it always has been, and the nearest Quality Dairy is at least 3 blocks away. Another memory fail. But here’s my note to Spec-Tran: don’t take navigation advice from the unlicensed deaf/blind girl. Her memory is like a sieve.

Minor mishaps, really. I was there with plenty of time to spare. I got a real haircut, and afterwards was able to chat with the stylist about cochlear implants. She had seen a video on Facebook showing several people, of all ages, reacting as their implants were activated. She was fascinated by the miracle of it, even though she knows she can’t come close to knowing what it’s like. She showed me the video, smiling the whole time, and her eyes just sparkled as she watched; she seemed to really “get it”. So it was just a good moment, to share in the awe of the CI miracle with a hearing stranger. It really is a miracle.

And then I called Spec-Tran (yes! with my cell phone!) to get picked up (we were done much earlier than I expected). When I got home I changed out of my pajamas (lol), let Piper out of her crate, and poured that cup of coffee that had been waiting for me. It’s good to be alive.

Cochlear implant, Deafness, Hearing Loss, Memories, Miracles do happen, Music

Bilateral hearing rocks!

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This is exciting news. I didn’t know what to expect with the second cochlear implant, but I was told it’s different for everyone, and that quite a lot is possible. I had zero hope of ever hearing pitches normally again.
But guess what happened tonight? I was talking with my husband, telling him good night, and when I got to the bathroom to brush my teeth I looked at my reflection in the mirror and it occurred to me that I had just been hearing my own voice. MY VOICE. Which I hadn’t heard in almost two years. And you know what? I think I’ve been hearing real voices all day! It’s as if some thing in my brain just clicked. I’m so excited to hear more tomorrow, when I will actually be paying attention. To my son’s voice. To my daughter’s voice. And I’ll be hearing what they hear. Right?
I’m just in shock, I can’t find the words. I’m listening to my old ipod, with my favorite songs from before when I was a hearing person. Tool, Cibo Matto, Rusted Root, Over the Rhine, while still quite tinny, the notes are all there. The notes I remember. In my ears. And I’m not sleeping. This isn’t just in my dreams. It’s as good as real.
No words here. Just tears of joy. Indescribable joy.