Category Archives: Domestic Engineer

Anxiety, Disability, Domestic Engineer, Faith, Family, Running, Stories, Writing

I need a new driver

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I made a note awhile back to write this post but felt stuck and left it hanging. I’ve been struggling to find my groove with writing lately. Today being the first of June, I set a goal for myself to write at least 30 minutes and run at least 2 miles a day for the entire month. Y’all, there are so many parallels between writing and running, it’s uncanny. Warming up is crucial to both. I haven’t run yet today, but I did some writing, and in the practice of writing I already feel like I’m finding my “voice” again.

Anyway, back to the subject of this post, needing a new driver. Let me explain. Healing from CPTSD has been an amazing and difficult journey, and I am so grateful to be on the other side of it. HOWEVER, it came with some downsides. I believe my constant level of anxiety was the reason I did the things I did every day. The anxiety is why I had my routines. It’s why I couldn’t leave the laundry unfolded for too long, it’s why I had to plan the meals. My routines were driven by my anxiety.

With anxiety no longer driving the car, my routines were off-roading. Wee!! It was kind of fun for awhile, liberating even. But now I’m sort of getting back to reality and realizing I need some level of routine. Because I don’t live alone, and people count on me. So if anxiety isn’t driving the routines, what is? That’s a really good question, and I think the answer had to come after a lot of soul searching. I realized that I really like having a clean home. It feels very satisfying to have laundry and dishes that are not only clean, but put away. I am able to relax when we have food in the kitchen and I have a plan for meals I can feed my family. Having this order in my home gives me a really peaceful feeling. So I’ve been reintroducing my routines bit by bit, but only after making sure it’s because I want them there, and they make sense.

This change may not be noticeable to anyone else. On the outside it looks the same to my family. The difference now is that when I have my fatigue days and can’t keep up with my routines, I am able to say to myself, “just rest, that can wait.” Or better yet, I can ask my family members to help. I don’t feel that shame and guilt that I did before. I am able to have grace for myself and this body I live in. It’s a *wonderful* thing.

This is a matter of self-care, which the culture talks a lot about and I sort of cringe at, but I do agree you need to take care of yourself first. Well, second. Jesus first, then take care of you. I am better able to take care of family now because I take care of my needs first. Only now I feel like I’m doing that because I want to, not because some invisible force told me I should. My stepmom used to say “don’t should on yourself”, and I love that saying. “Should” is a terrible driver. You may be getting things done that way, but you do it with the added baggage of guilt and shame. Find a new driver, one who gives you grace and patience. You might find, as I did, that the new driver looks a lot like you!

Cochlear implant, Coffee, Disability, Domestic Engineer, Family, Friends, Grief, Health, Housekeeping, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis

Health Update (Warning: this is a long one)

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I have great news. My fatigue levels have been going steadily down, my left leg has become way more responsive, and as of today, I am feeling zero nerve pain on my back! I can cautiously say I am back to my previous “normal”.

I first noticed the energy levels coming back a few days ago. I had been walking around the house, originally for accomplishing only necessary tasks like using the restroom and drinking coffee. But somehow along the way I realized I was *also* picking things up and putting them away, cleaning small problem areas in various rooms. It was only when my daughter said to me, “you need to sit down”, that I realized I had been doing anything extra. I thought she was telling me to sit down so I wouldn’t spill my coffee (as I often do), but she said it because she noticed I was audibly out of breath from walking up the stairs.  That was the moment it dawned on me. I had been cleaning, and that walk up the stairs to my bedroom was the last straw for my lungs, apparently.

Let me just pause the update right here and share with you the poignant realization that came to me at this time. What dawned on me was this: I am not a lazy person. I do the things that need to be done, when I am able. Even more surprising, I don’t often have to think about it; I just do it. This realization gave me such pause because one of the things I’ve been struggling with over these several weeks of constant fatigue is the feeling like I’m not measuring up because I’m not doing the things I normally do. I was feeling like an unproductive and lazy person. I don’t know why the voices in my head tell me such awful lies, but they do. So while I was happy to have some energy creeping back, I was also sad to think that all that time when I could have been resting peacefully and allowing my body to heal from this wretched attack on my nerves, instead I was beating myself up for not being more productive. I think we like to call this, “stinkin’ thinkin'”, and it’s got to stop.

So I’m putting this here for two reasons. One – so that I can come back to it when those awful thoughts inevitably come back to haunt me and two – so that you can learn from my mistakes and be kinder to yourself as well.

Now back to my health update…

When I realized all these symptoms that had crept up weren’t going away, I had reached out to my neurologist’s office. They ordered lab tests, which all came back normal. They would have liked to see current MRIs to check for active lesions on my brain and spine, but since I have cochlear implants that’s not an option for me. Some newer cochlear implants are safe for certain MRI machines, but not mine. I would have to have them surgically removed first. Not happening, that’s overkill. So, since they couldn’t get updated MRIs, we just moved forward with treating my symptoms. The nurse practitioner talked with me for over an hour in her office, discussing diet, exercise, sleep, stress levels. Through our discussion I think we landed on two possible culprits, poor sleep and high stress.

We’ve addressed my poor sleep quality with a small nightly dose of gabapentin. I have taken this in the past at a higher dose for nerve pain in my legs, but never on a consistent basis. She wanted me to take a small dose every night to let it build up in my system, knowing it would help me sleep but also may help with the nerve pain in my back (the technical term is dysesthesia, if you care to look it up.) The gabapentin did not have a noticeable effect on the dysesthesia. However, it is absolutely improving my sleep quality and I think that has been the #1 factor in the abatement of all my symptoms.

Sleep is an easier fix than the second factor. One of the first questions the neurologist’s assistant had asked me was, “Have you had an increase in stress level?”. Big Fat Sigh. You could say that. I told her we had recently lost a close friend to cancer. Our friend Dave passed away in January, after fighting an aggressive cancer for five months. Five months that felt like both an eternity and a blink of an eye. Dave had been like a brother to us for 25 years. His family is our family. He was only 47, and he’s left behind a beautiful and amazing wife and two grown children. He was my husband’s best friend. His wife Sarah, one of my best friends. His absence is still felt daily in our home.

I shared with Sarah shortly after his passing that I didn’t feel like I had the right to be so sad because he wasn’t MY husband. He wasn’t MY best friend. But she – so graciously and that’s why I love her so much – told me we all had the right to grieve. We all grieve in different ways, and that’s okay.

I didn’t intend for this post to be about anything other than my health update, but it has taken this turn and I’m going with it. What I’m acknowledging is that Dave’s illness and passing was more stressful than I realized. Prior to this I was fortunate to say I hadn’t dealt a whole lot with death. I hadn’t lost a lot of people I was very close with. My immediate family and close friends are all still living. But Dave was close, and I know this because his absence is still felt here in our home. Reminders of him are everywhere. When we were searching for old photos of him for his memorial service, my husband and I joked that we had more pictures of his kids than ours. We have so many great stories, memories of time spent with him. We will never forget him. We are sad, heartbroken, but we know he is now at peace and no longer suffering. And if he were reading this he would say let’s move on Mel, this is depressing.

Okay? Okay. Back to the health update…

So, externally, I can acknowledge that my grief changed the way I was eating, drinking, sleeping, exercising. All the normal, healthy habits I had worked to establish went out the window. And internally, I was holding in a lot of emotional pain. I still am somewhat, but I’m working through all that with prayer, journaling, therapy, connecting with friends and family. My heart is healing.

I have been getting back to my healthy habits, but the reality is that my body tends to delay in its reactions to stress. I am generally a slow processor – “don’t rush me!” – and this translates neurologically as well. In fact, when I had the BIG relapse in 2013 that left me deaf and half blind, it all started one week after I completed my last college class to complete my bachelor’s degree. I had been under a lot of stress, and my body held that in until after it was over. So I think that’s kind of what has been happening now. I was holding in a lot of that stress and grief and when I started to let go of it, my body reacted. Stress and M.S. are a really bad combo. I need to remember that moving forward and be more mindful of my stress levels. Know better, do better. Be kind to yourself, and rest when you need it. That lesson is for both me and you. Do you hear me? It’s for all of us. Shalom, my friends. Shalom.

Disability, Domestic Engineer, Friends, Low vision, Photos, Running, Stories, Visually Impaired, Writing

Projects!

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Lest you think all I do and think about is running, here I will attempt to talk about something else. I do other things. I fold laundry, cook food occasionally, feed the dogs. Oh, and I read, I crochet, and I write. And nap a lot of the days. That’s all wildly monotonous, but sometimes exciting things creep in. This week the exciting news around here is that I am refinishing my secretary hutch. And when I say I am refinishing, I mean I chose the paint color and drawer handles, and then mostly sat back and watched while my friend did most of the work. She loves this stuff, and she’s a whiz at it. I did help with putting on the first coat of paint, since it would be covered up anyway with a second coat and wouldn’t matter if I messed it up. I have never been great at painting, even before I lost my vision. Now with a limited visual field and atypical color blindness, it’s akin to handing a six year old a paint brush and saying, “just do the best you can!”

Below is an early progress photo. We had started to paint the main unit and saw that it was coming apart in the middle. Which was fine, because it is actually two separate pieces held together by wooden dowels. So taking the top section off turned out to make it much easier to finish the painting.

I’m so excited to see the finished product and get it all loaded up and organized with my office items, but it will be a couple weeks before you’ll see that, since I’ll have to wait until the paint has fully dried and cured before I can put things on and in it. It’s going to be so worth the wait. I’ll be sure to post the before and after photos for y’all so you can see the transformation. It’s going to be magical, for real.

The other project I’m working on (again) is my memoir. This is still something I strongly feel a desire to finish, and I’m making some great baby steps towards that goal. Much of the process (perhaps all of it) is expected to be tedious so I’m not sweating the details and I’m taking my time. One of the things I’ve been struggling with is how to organize all my drafts and notes. A lot of the strategies I would have used in the past won’t work now, because I can’t read normal print, I can’t read on white paper, and I can’t see typical colors or highlighting. So I have had to come up with new strategies that work with my visual impairments, and that’s been frustrating. However, this week I was reminded of an app I use, Evernote, that allows me to move my notes into folders, and I can view it in high contrast and I have all the searching and sorting functionality I could want. So that’s been exciting for me. I’m taking some inspiration from the show “Hoarders”, when they take all the clutter out of the house and move everything to sorting tables before they decide what to put back in the house and where. So I’m moving and sorting my notes into “sorting tables” and feeling positive about the progress. With any luck, by the time I get my hutch back I’ll be ready to do some serious writing!

That’s all for now. I hope you all are having a great week! *Shalom*

Domestic Engineer, Family, Funny story, Grown-up Stuff, Stories, Writing

The Walking Washer

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Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a woman named Molly. Molly was a wife and a mother, and she took great pride in the work she did to keep her home and everything in it fresh and clean. A good portion of that task involves laundry. Thankfully, Molly had a machine that did all the washing for her, and another machine to dry everything. However, her washing machine was getting up in years and needed to be replaced. Molly and her husband, Marvin, drove over to the local hardware store and looked at all the fancy washing machines for sale. They read reviews of each machine and compared prices and features. After hemming and hawing, they settled on just the right machine for their home. They made their purchase, scheduled the delivery, and went home happy.

When the day of delivery came, Molly and Marvin were ecstatic. It’s new washer day! Hurray! Marvin left for work, and Molly stayed to wait for the delivery truck to arrive with her new washing machine. Soon, the truck arrived. Two lovely gentlemen stepped out of the truck and, after confirming this was indeed what Molly had purchased, they proceeded to remove the old washing machine and replace it with the new one. It was such a quick and easy process, Molly was overjoyed. She sent the delivery men on their merry way and got to working on her inaugural load in the new machine. Since this was a larger model than the previous one, she was very interested to see how it handled washing pillows. She threw a couple in the washer and let it do its work. She was so tired from the excitement of the morning she decided to take a nap. She shut the door to the laundry room and retreated to the living room to rest. 

When Molly woke from her nap she remembered right away that she had a load of laundry in her new machine. It had been about an hour and a half, so she knew it would be done by now. She bounced up the stairs to the laundry room and grabbed hold of the doorknob and turned. She pushed and immediately felt a THUD. Her son was home, he must have heard her coming and hid in the laundry room to play a trick on her. “Leonard, that isn’t funny, let me in.” She pushed on the door again. THUD. There was no give at all when she pushed. Something solid was blocking this door. 

Molly’s mind raced as she contemplated what could be causing her to be locked out of her own laundry room. Panic set in. What if? What if they were never able to access this room? All the towels, bedding, purses, and not to mention the water heater! As she panicked, it dawned on her that the only thing solid enough to block the door from opening was the new washer. The new washing machine must have walked its way forward as it spun dry the pillows, blocking the door from opening inward. 

Molly immediately called Marvin, explaining the predicament and ensuring he would be coming home promptly. Marvin was very handy, he would surely be able to solve this problem. When Marvin arrived home, he wasted no time getting to work. After a complete inspection of what he was dealing with, he went to the garage to grab the necessary tools. Molly stood in the kitchen, washing dishes and fiddling around to keep herself distracted while Marvin worked. He was making a lot of noise! Lots of loud banging, sporadic curses, a few trips back to the garage for tools. It felt just like the scene in A Christmas Story when the father is fixing the furnace. Eventually, Marvin was able to get the machine moved far enough back to open the door, though he had to break the feet of the machine in the process. 

Molly and Marvin stood outside, staring into their laundry room, collectively sighing in relief that it could have been worse. There could have been a flood! (Wink, wink) Seriously though, Molly’s propensity for home disasters is reaching epic proportions. She could benefit from some adult supervision.

The New Washer, still prone to walking when overloaded.

This folks, is a true story, though the names were changed to protect the innocent. Ha. Ha. We went that night to Lowe’s to order a replacement washer, and after a month of waiting, we finally have our new washer. The old one still washed fine with the broken feet, so it was not a hardship at all. However, even the new one has the tendency to walk if its unable to balance the load. The policy in our home is to never close the door when you are running a load in the washer. Maybe someday I’ll have a cute sign made to hang above it, I don’t know.

I hope you’ve enjoyed story time! Stay tuned, because this was fun to write and you may see more from me down the road. Shalom, my people.

Books, Coronavirus, Domestic Engineer, Family, Food, Hobbies, Marriage

Crochet and Books

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I hopped on today and saw that I hadn’t posted in nearly a month. Which is crazy, because it’s not like I’ve been on vacation or anything. Cuz, you know, the coronavirus and all. I live in Michigan, and if you’ve heard, we are under an executive order from our Governor to stay at home. I’m not going to go into all that because I’m so tired of all the political talk and the pandemic news and it’s all very emotionally exhausting. Which I suppose is why I haven’t been posting.

That is not to say I haven’t been up to anything. I completed an afghan for a nephew and started another one for a niece. I have 14 nieces and nephews and I’ve completed 6 blankets, so I’m almost halfway done! It’s a great way to pass the time. The pattern I use is very repetitive so I don’t even have to think about it much. I will usually crochet while listening to an audiobook or a podcast or watching tv.

I also have acquired a couple new gadgets. Mom toys, if you will. I bought myself a Ninja Foodi pressure cooker/air fryer thingamajig to celebrate my 21st wedding anniversary last month. I figured it was like a gift for both of us, because I have fun using it, and my husband gets to enjoy the food I make in it. Then for Mother’s Day my husband bought me (us) a robot vacuum. Like a Roomba but an off-brand. I didn’t think I would love it, and it’s such a cliché thing to buy for the mother of your children, but I am having fun with it. There is an APP you can use to operate it, and I’m a big fan of apps, so that kind of sold me on the whole idea. That and I believe our house is starting to smell a little less like dog and bacon grease.

I’ve been reading a lot of books lately. I recently finished Where the Crawdads Sing and I absolutely loved the entire story. It ended in a way that I did not expect, and it was beautiful. I’m not one to re-read books, but that’s one I think I could read over and over and not get tired of.

I also finished the audiobook, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, as read by it’s author, Stephen King. I haven’t read many of King’s books but what I have read I’ve enjoyed, and I love the movies that have been made based on his stories (Stand By Me, The Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption). I’m not generally into sci-fi or paranormal and I definitely don’t enjoy downright scary stuff, but those were all stories I enjoyed. And for all the crazy stuff he writes, Stephen KIng is a surprisingly normal guy. In this book he gave a lot of great advice for aspiring writers, so if that’s you, I highly recommend reading it.

Last night I stayed up super late reading The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes. I had to stay up late in order to finish it before the library loan ended, but also I just had to know how it ended! This was a great book based on a true story and was extremely thought provoking. Worth a read, for sure.

I think that’s all for now, folks. The month of May is crawling along while I hide away in my little turtle shell. Until I poke my head out again, I wish you all well!

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Disability, Domestic Engineer, ItWorks, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Writing

Time Management

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All the things. It’s just a challenge managing all the things. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it, but I’m gonna have to pray real hard about taking on this much again.

I had a long phone call last week with my disability insurance company to review my status. They just like to make sure I’m still unable to work. It’s always fun rehashing the details. She asked how driving was, which is funny, because it was 20 minutes into our conversation and I had already explained to her how bad my vision is. I need my family to read labels for me, I don’t think driving a car would be a wise idea. What stuck out to me about the phone call was at the very end when she asked me the primary reason I wasn’t able to work a full time job, and I answered without even really having to think about it: “because it would take me a week to accomplish what I used to be able to do in a day.” That statement essentially rang in my ears for the next few days. This is why I need to be patient with myself. Everyone around me is so gracious, yet I’m the last one to catch on.

So these responsibilities I’ve taken on over this past year, along with my normal household and mothering duties, are totally doable. One. Step. At. A. Time. I’m just going to keep at it and see how it goes. If I find that the important things are getting missed or done too late, then I know it’s too much and I need to scale back or reach out for help. But so far it seems like it’s been working well. I’m learning how to delegate as well as take breaks. It feels like a whole new way of looking at time management. New to me, at least.

I’m very much looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. We’ve always hosted, so there’s nothing new there, but this year my son and I signed up to run the Turkey Trot 5k in our city the morning of Thanksgiving. I saw that a neighbor of mine was attending, so I asked if we could tag along. I’m really looking forward to it, because this is an experience my son and I can share, even if he runs twice as fast as I do. Thanksgiving mornings are pretty low key for us anyway, because most of the prep work is done the day before. All we do is put the turkey in the oven and then wait for the family to arrive with the rest of the food.

I stopped taking the antibiotic for my rosacea and am using a medicated cleanser and cream instead. I got the cleanser late, because we were having trouble with the pharmacy, but I’ve had it for a few days now and I can tell already that it’s clearing up my skin. It’s made with sulfur so it smells not so awesome but I don’t mind. If it works, it’s worth it. I’m just happy to be off medication. The only pills I take now are vitamins and supplements, and that means it’s not the end of the world when I forget to take them. Which happens often. I’m trying to get a morning routing set with my powdered greens and my coffee, and hopefully now my vitamins too.

I’ve been reading a lot of good books lately. Most of the books I read are digital library books that I only get for a set amount of time, and I often forget to read them until they give me a 3 day warning that they are about to expire, so I have a collection of books I just didn’t finish in time. Which is why if you look at my Goodreads list, it looks like I’m reading like it’s my J.O.B., but really I’m only reading one at a time. Right now I’m reading (actually listening, cuz it’s an audio book) The Shallows, by Nicholas Carr and I’m only on chapter three but already it’s a little frightening. It’s about what the internet is doing to our brains, how it affects the way we think and process information. Very interesting so far.

I expect this weekend to be pretty chill so maybe I’ll take some time and work on writing my memoir. I was getting overwhelmed with the idea but stepping away from it seems to have helped, and I am more confident in my next steps. I’m going to focus less on the details of what happened for awhile and more on the ultimate message I want to thread through the book. Or maybe I’ll just re-read what I’ve written and fill in whatever comes to mind. Whatever I do, I understand now that writing a memoir can be a long and tedious process and the worst thing I can do is rush the process.

Tomorrow is our leader’s meeting for Bible Study Fellowship so I need to head off for now and start winding down. I hope you all survived your Monday and enjoy the rest of your week!

Bible Study Fellowship, Domestic Engineer, Financial Peace University, ItWorks, Kids, Running

All things fall

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This post is dedicated to sweater weather which, here in Michigan, is right around the corner. I love sweater weather. I love summer, spring, fall, and winter, and I love this state because we get all four seasons in equal parts. Each one is just long enough so that you love it when it’s here, but as it’s ending you are more than ready for the next one to begin.

One thing I notice is that when I’m out for a run, I’m much less miserable (that’s not to say that I’m usually miserable on a run, I’m just being overdramatic. It’s what I do.) It’s really nice to have the cool, gentle breeze, and then to come home and not be covered in sweat. Today I ran 5 miles, with a couple short walking breaks, and I was surprised when it occurred to me that I was not struggling to walk or breathe. I was quite comfortable throughout the entire run. Part of this is that I’m learning to slow down and give my body some grace when it needs it. I learned this lesson best by falling on my face last week, and I won’t soon forget it. I take shorter steps, for safety, and then when my knee gives me that warning that it’s about to give out on me, I walk for a bit. This warning comes in the form of a shooting pain in my knee just as my foot hits the pavement, and I have to really catch myself to avoid falling. As of yet, it’s not caused me to fall, and I hope it stays that way. I’m still really hopeful that I’ll complete this half marathon next month on my own two feet.

In more exciting news, my kids went back to school today! My son is in 7th grade and my daughter is in 5th. They both got the classes and the teachers that they wanted, so other than the fact that they can’t sleep in and sit around playing video games anymore, they are pretty hopeful this will be a good school year.

My son is going to be on the cross country team this year, which is totally new. He does love to run, and has often run with me, but I think cross will still be a challenge for him because he will need to build up his stamina. He’s a great short distance runner, but he gets tired and bored fairly easily.

My daughter is not into any sports, but she loves art and science and horses. We may get her in for more horseback riding lessons down the road. She wants to sign up again for Girl Scouts, which she has been rather finicky about in the past so I’m hoping it sticks this time. Our community has a strong Girl Scout community and its a great way for her to build friendships with her classmates and learn some cool stuff in the process.

My ItWorks business is going fairly well. I added a new customer last month but this month is kind of at a standstill because I’ve been so focused on wrapping up the summer and getting the kids back to school. I’d like to do more promoting of the products I personally use on a regular basis, so you might see that coming around in the next couple weeks. If you are interested in checking out the product line, feel free to hop over onto my webstore at stillmindy.myitworks.com. Most people who have heard of the company have heard about their weight loss products, but there’s actually a lot more there. My personal favorites are the greens and the skin care line, for example. If you see something you like, let me know and I can help you get the 40% discount.

I have my next Financial Peace University class coming up in just 3 weeks and I still only have 3 people/couples signed up! Not that I don’t love a small group, but I would really like to see more people in the class because it’s such a wonderful life-changing experience and there are so many people out there who need to learn this stuff. This is God’s way of handling money, so it works. It’s not easy, for sure, but nothing worth doing ever is.

Well. What else? Bible Study Fellowship classes start up around the same time as FPU, so I’m going to be extra busy. Actually, I’m hoping for FULL, rather than busy. I’ve been working a little at watching how I’m spending my time so that I’m using it purposefully and not wasting it. I do allow myself downtime to rest my brain, I’m just being careful not to stay there too long. It’s been helpful having the kids home because I kind of feel like they are watching me and so I’m less tempted to waste time, so we’ll see how that changes now that they are back in school.

On that note, I’m going to make sure kitchen counters are cleared off because my groceries will be delivered soon!

Domestic Engineer, Family, Friends, Multiple Sclerosis, Running

My first 10k and my 40th winter

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I logged on here to share my struggles with the coming of winter and cold weather and then remembered I hadn’t blogged about my 10k race last weekend. So we’ll take care of both here, if you don’t mind.

Yes. The cold weather. I don’t hate it. I love winter. I grew up in Michigan and I love all the seasons, but winter is a favorite. However, my body does not love it. It really resists the change. So as we are crossing over into colder temperatures, my body is screaming at me in protest. My joints ache, my muscles spasm, I have random throbbing nerve pain, and I’m just plain ol’ tired. All I want to do is curl up in a couple warm blankets and hibernate the days away. Which I could totally do, if it weren’t for all the things that need to be done. I’m behind on the laundry, dishes are constantly needing to be washed, children and the hubby like to eat once in awhile. Oh and I have doctor appointments to set and bills to pay. So now that I’ve pushed all of those tasks to Friday, it’s a pile threatening to overwhelm me. Argh. One day at a time, Mindy. One day at a time.

And then there’s the race! I actually ran the 10k I had set out to do, and I ran it in just under 90 minutes. An hour and 26 minutes, to be exact. I keep saying to people though, it was so much harder than I had expected it to be. But I don’t give up. My dad took a video of me finishing and I look incredibly hit up and worn down, as if I might possibly be actually dying, but then a minute after the finish I was smiling and laughing. Because I had finished. On my own two feet.

What was really extra special about this race is that I had my dear friend, Staci, running right by my side the whole way. She was my eyes and ears, to make sure I stayed on the course. It was wonderful to have her there next to me. Also, my brother Brett and sister Kari ran it as well, though they are faster so they ran ahead and met me at the finish line. My dad and younger brother, Josh, were there to spectate, so it was really a sort of family affair, and they were all celebrating with me. I think they all understand how far I’ve come and can truly appreciate what a victory it is for me. I could not have done any of this without their support and encouragement along the way. It was an extremely memorable day.

In the aftermath of that difficult race I was saying I would probably not be running a half marathon any time soon, as I had previously hoped. It just seemed too daunting. But then I was chatting with a friend on Wednesday and somehow we both decided we would train together to run a half marathon in the spring. So we will see how this goes! Training through the winter will be more of a challenge, but having a friend doing the training with me to hold me accountable should help.

I saw my neuro-ophthalmologist this week and shared with him my running victories and plans, and he cautioned me about training too hard. He suggested I talk to my primary neurologist for advice because she’s a runner and could give me some sound advice for training with multiple sclerosis. It’s a tricky thing, to find a balance so that I’m training enough to be prepared, but not so hard that I throw myself into a relapse.

I can’t think how to properly wrap up today’s post so I will just wish you all a Happy Friday! Have a great weekend!

Daily Snippets, Disability, Domestic Engineer, Food, Housekeeping, Multiple Sclerosis, Nonsense

Another random, lame update

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It’s Wednesday. I had a great visit with my neurologist this morning. It was nice to be able to tell her about all of the positive changes I’ve been making and my lack of MS symptoms. However, I did bring up my concerns with brain fog. A friend shared a really great article the other day about this, and it very eloquently listed what people with chronic illness experience. Sadly, it’s not just limited to people with MS. I am walking great, I have no fatigue, no pain (unless you count the occasional headache), and I’m overall feeling really fantastic. However, every day, throughout the days, I have issues with short term memory loss and cognitive function. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked up the stairs and forgotten why I was there. I will often use a wrong word or name when talking with people, and not realize it. Sometimes even, I’ll forget what I’m talking about mid-sentence. And friends and family will encourage me that this is just a normal part of aging and that they experience it too. Which is nice, and appreciated for sure, but I really don’t believe that they experience this phenomenon with the frequency I do. So I told my neurologist about this and she said it may or not be MS, but there are ways to check, starting with testing my blood to see if some of my levels are out of whack. If that’s the case, I suppose it’s a simple fix with supplements. If not, there is always the option of memory testing and exercises. I had no idea that sort of thing existed, so it gave me some hope that this is a problem that has been addressed by the medical community, and I’m not coming in with some sort of weird cognitive mystery.

In other news, I slacked on laundry for one measly day and it magically piled up and threatened to take over my bedroom. I folded (and put away!) five loads of laundry today and now I would love to nap but I need to stay awake so I can answer questions for my grocery shopper, and then be up when she delivers my groceries. I LOVE grocery delivery, people. Love it.

So I think I’m going to make a glass of sweet tea and read a book or do some crocheting while I wait.

Daily Snippets, Disability, Domestic Engineer

Learning life without fatigue

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I am still really super happy to be rid of fatigue. I don’t think that will ever get old. Not having fatigue feels a lot like someone just handed me my life back. Now I’m just figuring out what to do with it. I have all this energy during the day and I get feeling restless. But when I’m feeling restless it’s still hard to think of what I should or could be doing. I don’t really want to blame my brain for not cooperating, but it is what it is.

I recently decided I want to be more intentional about how I use my time throughout the day. “Going with the flow” is okay every once in awhile but I’m not real comfortable staying there. I want to be serious about keeping up with housework, but still give myself time to rest when needed (not to mention recognize when the rest is needed). My solution? I downloaded an app on my phone – because there is ALWAYS an app for that. It’s been helping me keep track of all my daily tasks, occasional to-dos, and ongoing habits I’m trying to form. Spending time with God, playing fetch with the dog, cleaning house – these are all things I want to be doing every day. The app awards me points every time I complete something, so I’ve added things like taking my medicine, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathrooms. It’s made doing stuff kind of a game, and I’m already on level 4! I haven’t quite figured out what I can do in the “game” at level 4 but I don’t really care because apparently I’m a simple girl and I’m happy enough moving up the level ladder.

I’d write more, figure out a way to cleanly close this post, but my tummy is growling at me so I’m off to the kitchen! Have a happy Friday y’all!