Category Archives: Coffee

Anxiety, Books, Coffee, Food, Friends, Health, Running

Just a Friendly Friday Chat

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I see I haven’t posted in almost a month. I keep saying I’m going to post more frequently and then… well, I guess I get caught up with life and just forget about it! I went for so long obsessing over every little detail, being hypervigilant even when it wasn’t required, and I guess you could say I’ve turned a corner. And what am I seeing around that corner? Peace. Rest. Still waters. God has freed me from the crippling anxiety I’ve suffered from for far too long. It was such a part of my life I can’t even tell you when it started. And as He has been releasing me from the anxiety, the panic, the hypervigilance, I’m having these moments where I can hardly recognize myself. I am changed. And yet, somehow, I am still ME. Praise God, thank you Jesus.

So. What was I here to chat about?

Let’s see, I’m sitting here on a Friday morning listening to the birds, enjoying my first cup of coffee. Black coffee, because I’m now an intermittent faster. I have a couple friends who are IFers, and I was curious so I read a book they recommended called “Fast, Feast, Repeat: The Comprehensive Guide to Delay, Don’t Deny” by Gin Stephens. I was so fascinated by the science behind intermittent fasting, that I decided to try it. Most people do it for the weight loss benefits, but my primary reason was to see if it did anything for my energy levels.

I’m 8 weeks into this lifestyle and I did notice a slight improvement in energy at first, but that has seemed to level back to where it was, so that may have been unrelated. My first noticeable improvement was that I had no more bloating, which has always been a huge problem for me. I would stick with this lifestyle for that reason alone, but I also love that I’m not obsessing about food all the time. What am I going to eat next, when am I going to eat, will there be food where I’m going, do I have snacks packed in case I get hungry – God forbid I get hungry!, etc. etc. All that stopped. And I love it.

Then, the icing on the cake? I’m actually getting smaller. As of my last measurements, I’ve lost almost 6 pounds and several inches all over: 1 from each thigh, 3.5 around the waist, and 2 around my chest. It’s a very slow progress but I think they say the slower it comes off the better because it’s easier to maintain. I was okay with my weight where it was, even though according to the charts I am technically overweight (don’t get me started on those stupid charts). I just know I didn’t feel good. I had gained over 15 pounds after my marathon and no matter how hard I tried, how much I ran, it wasn’t budging back down. These sound like small numbers but I’m a short woman so proportionally they make a big difference in how I feel and how my clothes fit.

Anyway, so that’s one thing that’s been going on over here. What else?

I’ve also been running. Duh. I have been training for a half marathon with my friend, and the race is two weeks away! So we are officially in taper mode, which I’m loving. She’s not even sure if she’s going to be able to run it with me however, because apparently she’s been running on a foot injury. So now that she’s getting the medical professionals involved, they are recommending lots of rest and eventually she may need surgery. So, it’s not looking good, but we are still hopeful. Because we are both overachievers and often live our lives in denial of the physical realities that attempt to hold us back. Which is one of the reasons we are such great friends, I think. When it was determined that her foot pain was something more serious, she started riding her bike along side me while I ran our long runs, and that has seemed to work out pretty well. That’s not an option for the actual race, though, so I may be running it solo. We shall see.

I could go on and on about all the books I’m reading (5 at the moment) and the podcasts that interest me, but I’m afraid I’ve already taken up all of our time today. I hope that wherever you are reading this the sun is shining and the air is fresh. Shalom, y’all.

Cochlear implant, Coffee, Friends, Funny story, Punky, Stories

Dead Birds and Dangerous Bugs

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I’ve been mulling this story over in my head for awhile now, trying to figure out how to tell it in a way that conveys the hilarity that I felt when it happened. Here we go!

My friend Tara was coming to visit from out of state. She, her husband Scott and their two sons had moved out of Michigan years ago and it had been some time since I had seen them. They were in town for a few days and she wanted to stop by and catch up. I was so excited for this visit, and for them to meet our new dog, Punky. I was letting the dogs play outside while I waited for my friends’ arrival. I like to do this when company comes over because the dogs can be a bit much and the exercise helps to calm them down (or so I like to believe). Tara and her family arrived, and I was so excited to see them! Scott was dropping Tara off for a few hours while he took the boys to the zoo, but they wanted to come in and say hello first.

Scott and Tara are dog people, so I asked if they wanted to meet our new golden retriever Punky, and of course they did. I let the rambunctious dogs inside and they did their dog greeting thing, wagged their tails, barked obnoxiously, etc. And then this conversation happened…

Scott to me: “It’s a bird.”

I have to stop right here and remind you that I am still half blind and deaf. The cochlear implants are great, but I need to be paying attention in order to hear and understand when people are talking to me. Also, if there are other loud noises happening (e.g. dogs barking), they are pretty useless. In other words, I miss out on a LOT of input. My guess is that Scott had said some things that I did not hear, and those things would have given me the necessary context to understand this bird business. Instead, I was starting from scratch with his statement. Now let’s continue…

Me looking blankly at Scott: “Huh? What’s that?”

Scott: “It’s a bird.”

Me: “What’s a bird?”

Scott: “It’s a bird. It looks like she brought in a bird.”

As understanding crept in and my heart started racing, I frantically scanned the room, looking for the “she” that Scott was referring to and that’s when I saw it. A happy, proud as can be Punky, parading a dead bird around my living room.

That’s when I lost my ever-loving mind. I scooted Punky outside as quickly as possible, not wanting her to drop the dead thing in my house. Once she was outside Scott was able to get her to drop the bird, and I brought him an old grocery bag to put it in. Then we let Punky back inside and resumed our introductions.

“So, how have you been? The boys have grown so much! Are those muffins you brought?” Blah, blah, blah.

Then I noticed Scott and the two boys jerking their heads and arms oddly around, looking up and down and all around. What the hell is going on now? Then I hear someone say, “I think we let in a yellow jacket.”

?@#$@?#%#*&!

I couldn’t find the fly swatter, but the dang thing wouldn’t land anyway. It ended up flying inside one of the window blinds and Scott had to vacuum it out. I didn’t use that vacuum for a few weeks, just to be sure it was dead before I emptied the dust cup (yes, I had to look that term up).

I don’t even remember much after this point because it was just utterly ridiculous, all this happening at once. I had gone in a matter of minutes from the excitement of seeing my friends to full on freaking out that there were dead things and sting-y things in my house. All I could do was laugh at the timing and the absurdity. I’m still laughing now.

Scott and the boys left for the zoo and Tara and I settled in for coffee and muffins and talked for hours. It was so wonderful to catch up with her and if it hadn’t been memorable enough, we’ll always share that memory of how it started off with dead birds and dangerous bugs.

Coffee, Faith, Food, God speaks, Miracles do happen, Music

The Simple Things

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I drafted the following post back in 2017 and I think of the 30 drafts I have stashed over the years, this one still rings true. The good news is that through lots of intensive therapy I have come to find and embrace that self-awareness I was so lacking. I now have a strong sense of what I love and am getting pretty good at embracing it. I praise God every day for the healing He has accomplished in my life.

*****
I sometimes notice the people around me, enjoying things, and it often seems foreign to me. How can they know what they love? It must be really great to have that self-awareness, and to embrace it.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense here, but whatever. All that was to say that lately I’ve been trying to make note of the things that make me smile from the inside, deep down in my soul.

1) Parades. I freaking love parades. I can’t not be giddy watching a parade go by. I think it began when I was introduced to Easter Parade by the girls I used to babysit for. Maybe.

2) Caramel corn. I can’t stop eating the stuff. I lament that any time good snacks come into our home they get eaten before I even realize they are here. Not the caramel corn. That’s all mine. I will wrestle you to the ground for it. And if it has nuts? I’m not afraid to send you to the hospital.

3) Paisley. This is not a new realization, of course. I know I love it, and have for decades, and everyone else knows it too. You could even say that for this list, this one was my first love. It makes my heart flutter. Every time.

4) Led Zeppelin. In particular, Over the Hills and Far Away… something about how it eases you in, seduces you for a minute and a half, and then comes in pounding with those drums. It just gets me every time. There are certainly many other songs to love, like Kashmir, Ocean, or D’yer Mak’er, but Over the Hills was I think what sold me on the band in the first place. And it didn’t hurt that I first started listening to them on vinyl.

5) Sunrises. The rising and setting of the sun are visually similar, and both beautiful, but somehow the rising sun is what really calms my spirit and whispers to my soul. When I am privileged to stop and see the sunrise, I am always, always reminded that the fact that I am here another day is an enormous gift. Oh, and coffee. You can really enjoy a good cup of coffee while staring into the sunrise.
*****

I still love all those things and have added more since then. Sipping bourbon, writing, singing karaoke, dancing in my kitchen, listening to the mourning doves cooing in my backyard, tending to the lilies in my planters. Lots of simple things bring me joy. Things that have always been around but now I’m finally able to notice them and really enjoy them. I’m three seconds away from breaking into a Barbra Streisand song so I’ll stop here. Have a wonderful night, my friends. This week I challenge you to look for joy in the simple things.

Coffee, Coronavirus, Multiple Sclerosis, Running

Mindy’s Day of Fun

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I have the house to myself on a cold but sunny winter Saturday, for 2 hours. So naturally, I’m snuggled on the couch with a cup of coffee and cookies, jamming out to Lauryn Hill, Nas, and Tupac while I prepare our tax returns. I am living The Life, people. (This is not a joke. Preparing tax returns relaxes me. I am THAT nerd.)

I would be out running (or on the treadmill) but my lungs are still recovering from Covid and I am trying to give them more time to heal up. That and I’m super fatigued so it would be a massive struggle anyway. Sometimes your body just screams “Rest!!” and you are better off listening to it. Even when you would rather be out there doing everything.

Yep, Covid. This Omicron variant is spreading like wildfire around these parts, and our family was hit with it earlier this month. The rest of the fam had really mild symptoms but I was pretty wrecked for several days. My doctors had me go in to get a monoclonal infusion to treat it. I was actually starting to feel better by that time, but they wanted me to have it as a precaution because I guess they are seeing a lot of people improve but then get worse again, and because I have MS they didn’t want me taking any chances. I’m still a little fatigued, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary for me. My throat is still a tad scratchy and I’m coughing a little, but I would say I’m almost back to full strength.

Welp. I’m going to get back to my taxes but perhaps later this week I’ll update again with other news and ramblings. Perhaps?! We’ll see…

Coffee, Food, Haiku, Multiple Sclerosis

Official Break-up

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My brain is finally letting me sit and truly relax a bit so I have a hot cup of coffee next to me, my laptop, and my cozy blankets. Yes – blankets – plural. Because snuggling up in a recliner with a couple cozy afghans is one of my favorite things about the fall season.

I learned this past week that dairy and I can no longer be friends. I learned it pretty quickly with bacon, and I accepted it graciously and moved on. But dairy has been a little harder. I gave up eating meat and eggs and dairy, all at different times over the years. Over time I have reintroduced things here and there, paying close attention to how my body responds to each food. Eggs seem to be totally fine, which makes me happy because eggs are great. Some meat, as long as I don’t overdo it with quantity, is fine. Almost no effects at all. Bacon, however, wrecks me. Stabbing, crippling pain and a headache that won’t quit. Legit wrecks me and leaves me useless for almost a day. So I don’t even mess around with bacon, and I’m okay with that.

Dairy, however, was the hardest for me to give up, and I admit I’ve been flirting with it a lot the past several months. I’ll snack on some cheese here and there, but nothing serious. Then Thanksgiving came, and with it lots of leftovers from the day’s meal, including a carton of half and half, my formerly favorite coffee additive. Sooo for the last five days I’ve been indulging in coffee with half and half in it. This morning as I rolled out of bed and padded down the stairs to make my morning coffee, it occurred to me that something had changed. I have slowly been sliding back into a state of fatigue. I’m having a harder time waking up, and my legs are heavy. It’s as if my body just doesn’t want to move. Also, my face has been breaking out more than usual, even with my new rosacea treatments. I kid you not, I have a zit right now IN MY EAR LOBE.

I’m blaming all of this on the half and half. And maybe the whipped cream and pumpkin pie. Because nothing else has changed, that I can think of. I’ve been without the debilitating fatigue of M.S. for a blissful long time now, coincidentally ever since I stopped consuming dairy. For it to show up like this so quickly, I believe, is no coincidence. So, I’m dumping out the half and half. It pains me to feel like I’m wasting it, but the alternative is to drink it and keep getting sicker. I think “wasting” it might be the wise decision here.

So you could call this my official break up with dairy. No more of this on-again off-again business. We’re done. I’ll remember fondly all the late night ice cream binges and the burritos covered in melted cheese. We had some good times, but it’s time to part ways. To commemorate this day, I leave you with this haiku:

Dairy, we had fun
Now you make me sick and tired
I must say goodbye

Books, Coffee, Food, Photos, Piper, Running

Short Runs

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Post run puppy kisses

Today’s short run was fantastic! Barely had to walk at all, and foot drop feels like just a thing of the past. I can’t believe I’m calling 4 miles a short run, but I guess that just shows what progress I’ve made in this training process. What really struck me as interesting during this run is that my breathing was not labored, and I was still able to maintain a pace around 13 minutes per mile. The other exciting thing was that my feet and legs felt lighter, and my legs seemed almost like they were propelling me forward, almost wanting me to go faster. I had to fight that urge, because that’s what landed me on my face last time. The cooler weather is nice too. Overall it was just a really great run, and I feel like I’m finding my rhythm, my groove.

The thing that has me a little perplexed is Friday’s scheduled run. My plan has me running 12 miles. TWELVE MILES! Aside from that being a really freaking long distance for me to run, I don’t even know WHERE I could run from my house that could get me to 6 miles, so that running there and back would bring me to twelve. I do have a decent 8 mile route, 4 out and back, so I guess I could shorten it to 3 miles out and back and just run it twice. That’s 12, right? I’m making a huge deal about that number, but I am curious to see how my body holds up to it, since I’ll be running 13.1 in just 25 days EEK!

I don’t know if you can tell in the photo above, but Piper is wearing a hoodie. Luke has one he wears with the sleeves cut off and the kids thought it would be fun to put it on the dog. Turns out, she doesn’t hate it, and it really seems to calm her down. She’s a high anxiety dog, and when we told our vet about the sweater, she said she would really benefit from a thunder coat, which would fit her better since they are designed specifically for dogs. So we’ve looked at them and will probably buy one for her soon. In other news, I added a pet category to our monthly budget so we can stop using our food budget to buy Kong balls and dog treats. HA!

Now I’m going to let you go because I have banana bread in the oven and the heavenly smell has me wanting to snuggle up in my recliner with a cup of coffee and a good book. Have a great day, friends!

Coffee, Deep thoughts, Exercise, Faith, ItWorks, Kids, Piper

Change of plans

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Our house came with a really awesome metal gazebo thing on the back deck. It had a cover, and when it ripped we replaced it. Then it ripped again, we replaced it again. That one ripped… I think we are on our 4th cover, but we are crossing our fingers that this one will last a little longer. Our backyard is in a wind tunnel so it gets some rough treatment. We shall see.

All this to say that one of my favorite spots at this house is on that back deck, under the gazebo. Since we put up a new cover I’ve been spending every morning out there. Piper loves it because she can play with her ball while I read my Bible and drink my skinny coffee and chocolate greens. Today was no different than any other day, except that when I first walked out I noticed it was sprinkling a little. No worries, right? What’s a little sprinkle when you are under a canopy? But within a few minutes it had turned into a downpour. Even Piper was unwilling to stay out in that mess and she quickly led me to the door to go back inside.

I am finding lately that I can handle a little change in plans. I can’t remember the last time I had a panic attack, and I know that’s a miracle. I can’t take any credit for that because all I’ve done is lean into God’s arms and let Him change me from the inside out.

Rather than be upset about having to go inside, I was okay with the change. And it turned out even better, because my son happened to come downstairs for breakfast and we ended up just sitting and talking. He’s really great to spend time with when he’s not being an energetic spaz, and I’m sure to tell him that (wink wink). We ended our little impromptu time together with some Xbox Kinect fitness game. He beat me on all the challenges except for the last one. Mom’s gotta win sometimes, right?

There’s a moral somewhere in this mundane story. I think the lesson is that sometimes our plans don’t work out, but when they don’t, we need to be on the lookout for the positive, the silver lining. If I had not been forced back inside the house, I would have missed that opportunity to spend that quality time with my son. So sometimes failed plans open us up to better opportunities. But we must be open to seeing them. So there. Stick that in your back pocket. It may come in handy some day.

Coffee, Disability, Faith, God speaks, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis

Madam Sleepsalot

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If you’re ever curious about my day to day routine, today is your lucky day. Now that kids are back in school and snow days are hopefully well behind us, I’ve settled into a daily routine. This time around I sort of just go with how my body is feeling, and it’s interesting to me how well this is working.

Every morning I get up at 5:30 with my son, and stay up until 8 when my daughter leaves for the bus stop (her school starts an hour later than his). While the kids are getting ready for school, I’m drinking coffee, reading my Bible, and sometimes eating breakfast (If my stomach is up for it). After the kids are off to school I go back to bed. I don’t set an alarm, I just sleep as long as my body needs to. Some days that’s only an hour or two, some days it’s more. Thursdays I generally sleep much longer because I’m recovering from a full day on Wednesdays, between Bible study in the morning and Financial Peace University at night.

After the morning nap I get up, eat a late breakfast or lunch, and then I get going with that day’s work. This usually includes dishes and laundry, and sometimes paying the bills and running. I’m usually done by 3:00, just before my son gets home from school, and then I can relax with a book or a tv show. Then I start thinking about what to make for dinner. The rest of the evening changes from day to day but in general I’m letting myself relax and enjoy time with family. I’m not stressing about my to do list because I’ve already done the day’s work. The rest can wait until tomorrow.

So you could say I work about 4 hours a day and sleep 10. This seems excessive to me, and the old me would think I was lazy. The new me is learning to understand this is just part of my disability and it’s what my body needs in order to heal and stay healthy.

It’s been really refreshing to be able to establish a routine that allows for a good work/rest balance. I’m getting things done, but I’m working WITH my fluctuating energy levels rather than fighting against them (or giving up altogether, as I have done in the past).

Much of this new attitude has resulted from consistent reminders of the grace God gives us. When I read in Scripture that He tells us to rest and to stop striving, or even to “strive to rest”, I am encouraged to know I’m doing the right thing. Amen? Amen.

Cochlear implant, Coffee, Deafness

Coffee talk

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I was at the neighborhood coffee shop today and had a pleasant conversation with the barista. She remembered me (and my drink, a mocha with hazelnut and almond milk!) from the last time I was in there with a friend of mine. She had wanted to ask me about my cochlear implants, and hoped I didn’t mind. Her son has partial hearing loss in one ear, and she’s been encouraging him to get a hearing aid, but he doesn’t feel he needs one. That and he’s a high school student and probably fears the ridicule he might receive from other students. This is a shame, because there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

I wear my cochlear implants proudly, and have never felt self conscious wearing them. The barista, Dana, was nervous to ask me about them, but I told her I love it when people ask. In fact, I wish more people would. I know people must be curious. I know I would be. They are fascinating in the way they work, and not a lot of people really know much about them.

Dana was under the assumption that my hearing with implants would be much better than normal hearing, but I informed her that was not the case. Not to minimize the miracle of the invention, but scientists just cannot outshine God’s invention of the human ear. What I hear is clear, yes, but it has a different quality to it. No, it will never be the same as normal hearing, but having the gift of conversation back after losing it so quickly more than makes up for that disparity.

Dana also found it especially fascinating that what I hear now does not come at all from my ears, but from the microphones built within the earpieces. It’s true, my ears are now just placeholders for my glasses and my cochlear processors. You know when you clean your ears out with a Qtip and it makes that funny noise? Yeah, I don’t hear that anymore. Kinda funny, I suppose.

Anyway, it was good to chat with a friendly stranger about how well the cochlear implants are working for me, and to have someone share in the excitement. I will never take my hearing for granted, ever. I am super grateful for what I have. ‘Nuff said.

“A man was bragging about his new hearing aid and how great it was and how well he could hear with it. His friend asked what kind it was and the man responded, 12:30.”

Coffee, Multiple Sclerosis, Visually Impaired

I’m the boss around here

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So, I was doing the dishes today and as I leaned over to put another clean dish in the drying rack I see that there is a full cup of coffee sitting in my Keurig. I stare at it for a second or two, trying to recall brewing a cup of coffee. No one else in this house drinks coffee, so it must have been me. Yet I can’t recall. The cup is cold to the touch, so it’s been there for some time. This worries me.

I wish I could say this is a rare occurrence for me. I wish I could say it happens every now and then if I’m rushed or exhausted or whatever. Because I know it happens to lots of people. My girl friends joke about it, reassuring me that it’s just a normal part of aging. But I don’t think that’s true. I think it happens more frequently to me than it ought to, and I have to be honest: That scares the S**T out of me.

I have multiple sclerosis, and anyone with multiple sclerosis understands that every teeny tiny symptom could be a start of a relapse, or it could be nothing. Fellow MSers understand that hovering cloud of doom, threatening to take over your body once and for all. I have the relapsing kind, for now, so if I do have a relapse I can hold on to the hope that it may not be permanent. I’ve had lots of symptoms that have popped up for a couple months and then gone away, never to reappear. But on the other hand, the damage to my nerves is always permanent and will always leave the potential for problems down the road. Take my vision for example. We’re calling that episode a relapse, but it left permanent damage that will affect me the rest of my life. I will always be visually impaired this side of heaven. I don’t struggle as much with it as I did in the beginning, because by God’s grace I’ve grown and adapted, but it’s always here as a reminder.

But memory loss? I don’t know, that one seems so much scarier to me. I mean, I can deal with losing physical functions. But losing my MIND?? I don’t know. I just don’t know. It just scares me, y’all, and that’s all I wanted to share really. That though I’ve been in the best physical shape of my life lately, feeling good and having no issues, at the end of the day I still have MS. It will always be a part of me. I just have to make sure that it knows who’s the boss around here.