Category Archives: Bible Study Fellowship

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Coffee, Faith, Friends

Book review: The Color of Compromise

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Yesterday I finished reading The Color of Compromise, by Jemar Tisby. This libary book took me two check-out periods to read, because it had a lot of big words. I am okay with big words, but I do struggle with processing information, so it made for very slow reading. However, it was definitely worth the read. This book was about the history of racism in America and how the church has been complicit in prolonging its presence in our culture. A lot of the chapters were painful to read, heartbreaking in their detail, but I think it is all necessary to learn about. While I’m still processing everything I read, I thought it would be good to jot down the pros and cons I gleaned from the book.

As I mentioned, it had a lot of big words. While I don’t mind big words here and there, many portions of the book were just saturated with three syllable words and super long sentences, and that made it very difficult to follow along with the ideas. I did, however, appreciate that it wasn’t just a bashing of Christians. With every example of our compromise or complicity with racism over the course of history, it offered words of hope and examples of things we had done in order to better the lives of and help bring justice for people of color. There’s always more work that can and should be done, however.

The book closed with some really great suggestions of practical ways we can take action against racism now and in the future. I appreciated that the writer also acknowledged the reality that there will always be some level of racism in society, because of the presence of sin in the world. We can have hope that Christ will return and make all things new.

One thing I felt challenged to do while reading this book was to make more connections with the black people around me. I tend to get really shy at my church and Bible study, and I often avoid introducing myself to new people. Part of this timidity stems from my difficulty seeing and hearing, but that’s only part of it. For too long I mistakenly feared that many of the black women wouldn’t be receptive to me because I am white, and I therefore couldn’t possibly understand them. How wrong I was! I have been a part of BSF for 8 years and in most of those years my assigned discussion group has been mostly white, with some years one or two black women. This year my discussion group was right around 50/50 black and white. I can’t even tell you how refreshing it was to be in such a diverse group. We spent nine months studying the book of Revelation together, discussing that and lots of other facets of life and you know what? We had a lot in common after all. Sure, we had different perspectives on a million different things, but we were all there to learn and share and we respected one another’s views. It was an incredible year making new friends, and I truly look forward to getting to know them better in the years and studies to come.

The bottom line: I recommend the book, if you have the stomach for it. It’s not an easy read, but it’s a necessary one.

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Coffee, Daily Snippets, Disability, Exercise, Faith, Family, Friends, Writing

Long and Rambling, perhaps

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Oh my word, friends. I joined a challenge to do 100 push ups every day in the month of May. My sister does these challenges with a Facebook group and they have always fascinated and tempted me, but this one grabbed me because she said you could do modified versions, and you could space them out in any increment, so I thought what the hell, let’s give it a shot! I have always had super weak arms and would love to get stronger so this is proving to be good motivation. We are eight days in and I have come to love the countertop pushup. It seems to be the perfect level of challenge for me. I can’t do the 100 all at once, but even in this short number of days, my endurance is already improving.

Today I decided to head back to the gym for some elliptical time and a full body circuit workout. The bonus? A hydromassage to finish it off. The hydromassage beds at Planet Fitness are 10 minutes of pure relaxation. My muscles are thanking me.

A short walk down the street and I’m parked at the coffee shop enjoying a large Americano. I was feeling so sluggish all morning and I think it was the lack of caffeine. I really had to push through that workout at the gym. It ain’t easy folks, but it’s worth it.

The interesting thing about this morning was that I was feeling really tired, but not fatigued. It was your classic – not enough sleep, not enough caffeine, wanna go back to bed – tired. I was feeling sluggish and borderline grumpy. It was refreshing in a weird way, to feel something like “normal”. Like how I used to feel sometimes on Monday mornings, heading into the office to work. A lifetime ago.

You could say I’m still working on accepting the loss of that life. It comes in bits and pieces. I am so grateful for where I am and how God has blessed me through disability. I am able to spend days like today at the coffee shop while my husband goes to work. But there are still parts of that life I long for. I’ll always long for independence. It’s just that these days it’s a muted longing, and I’m not nearly as angry about it as I used to be.

My desire to write more is coming back. A long time ago I was introduced to a memoir coach, Wendy Dale. She does paid coaching, but she also offers free coaching on YouTube videos. I had watched all the videos and was impressed with her knowledge. She was somehow able to deliver all this info in a simple and straightforward way. I was intrigued, and thought I was going to really get going at writing more, but life sort of pushed it to the side. I was more focused on my family and running than writing. And if I’m honest, that’s probably still true. Our son, our firstborn, is graduating from high school any minute now and will be off to college in the fall. You can imagine the mental load. Also, I’m working to get back into running, because I took too big of a break over the winter and my health and energy levels took that hit pretty hard. But back to Wendy. She recently published a book, “The Memoir Engineering System”, so of course I had to read it. It was all this lovely knowledge of hers, all compiled in one place. I purchased the Kindle version and devoured it in a few short days. It will be my guide book for when I am actually ready to write that book, but for now it’s all just rolling around in my head. You guys, I have so much rolling around in my head, you have no idea. Well, you have some idea because I like to ramble on here on the blog. I mean, that’s kinda what it’s here for. To help me declutter my mind. You’re welcome.

What else? I’m still reading a lot. Watching a lot of Criminal Minds reruns. Just finished up another year of BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). We studied the book of Revelation this year. In my 40 years as a Christ follower I had never read Revelation so I was a little apprehensive about it. It went well though. I had a great discussion group. Very diverse, and as my friend Cynthia noted at Share Day yesterday, full of alpha women. It was terrific. I don’t know how it is at other locations, but our BSF here in my city does a very good job at running this program. It’s always a safe space. Some days the passages we are reading are really difficult, and I have always loved that questions are welcomed and encouraged. We don’t always walk away with the answers – almost never, to be honest – but we walk away with a broader perspective and insight. I’ll miss my BSF ladies over the summer but I look forward to seeing them again in the fall!

I think that’s the bulk of my rambling updates, for now. My coffee needs my attention. Have a beautiful day, my friends.

Bible Study Fellowship, Cochlear implant, Daily Snippets, Disability, Friends, Kids, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Visually Impaired

Daily Post #7 – December 11, 2024

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It’s bedtime, folks, and I almost forgot to post! My head is all squirrely today. Trying to set up new phone and learn necessary features is such fun. I mean, not really. It’s exhausting, but I’m getting there. I had some trouble last night getting it properly connected to my cochlear implants via Bluetooth, but I handed it over to my daughter and she was able to get it working. Teenagers, you gotta love ’em!

Today was a fun day filled with great conversation with beautiful people. First, at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and then later with two of my besties. Three days in a row spending time with awesome women. I am feeling super blessed this week.

Tomorrow and Friday the plan is to wind down and regroup. I have an early morning online meeting with someone from the kids’ school – nothing major, just some routine business to take care of. Hopefully it will be quick and painless lol I had thought about going to the gym afterwards but I decided to postpone that for Friday or Saturday because not being home much for three days in a row leaves me wondering what is needing my attention. The kitchen, fridge, our personal finances. All of it needs some TLC so that’s what I’m looking at. I’m sure you’ll enjoy reading all about that after the fact, right?

I’m enjoying these quick daily updates. One thing I should mention before I go – just to keep it M.S. related for all those who may be curious – setting up this new phone, finding all the features, reading the screen, etc. is utterly exhausting on my eyes. It’s legit work, for real. I find I need to take super frequent breaks to rest my eyes. When they start acting all stabby and bouncing around, I know I’ve overdone it. It’s slow work, and I’m really trying hard to stay thankful that I still have some vision and it’s remained stable all these years.

And that is all, I’ll let you go now. Sleep well, my friends!

Bible Study Fellowship, Decluttering, Domestic Engineer, Food, Friends

What’s cooking?

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I am not the best at cooking. I’ve never enjoyed it, and that has always deterred me from trying. I think for most, cooking is a learned skill that rarely comes naturally. You get better with practice. However, I do like to bake, and I do like to make food for people if it makes them happy. Food = love, right?

I recently attended a weekend retreat with the women in my church, and I brought a pan of homemade rice krispie treats. I love rice krispie treats, and homemade are not only the best tasting, they are fairly simple and quick to make. And they are gluten free! Which made the handful of ladies from my church who are strictly gluten free, very happy.

But also, I’ve been on a weird kick lately of trying new things in my kitchen. It started when I saw a recipe for homemade granola. I eat granola pretty regularly, but I really shudder at the price of it in the stores. So when I saw that I had all the ingredients for this recipe, I jumped at the chance. And you know what? It was so easy, so delicious, and plentiful! I am going to save so much money on granola.

That got me thinking… if I can save money by making my own granola, maybe I can save on making my own yogurt too? My all-in-one Ninja cooker has a yogurt function, and I’ve always been a bit curious. So I tried that out too. Only the recipe I found used the dehydrate function, but it worked just the same. I learned about straining yogurt, and am now the proud owner of cheesecloth. I’m 46 and I’m still building my homemaker arsenal.

Which leads me to another thing that’s been on my mind lately – decluttering. Maybe it is time to get rid of that 25 year old crockpot? I’ve been watching new episodes of Hoarders on Hulu, and while watching the show doesn’t result in me getting much done in my house, it does keep my mind on the topic. I need to be ruthless about getting rid of the things I never use. Really. Because having to sort through drawers and piles to find what I need is not fun, and often deters me from starting joyful projects in the first place. So that’s going on my goal list for the next season. Tossing stuff.

So, while I’m over here being Miss Susie Homemaker it’s been a nice distraction from the mess that was our Presidential election. Woah baby. I was conflicted going into it, and am grieved coming out of it. I’m just hearing so many of my friends and loved ones who are hurting and scared. I think most of us could admit we didn’t have great options to choose from, so there are people on both sides who are conflicted. And then there are people like myself, who don’t really align much with either side and just want to see our country healed from all the fighting.

We are studying the book of Revelation in BSF this year, and this book was so timely for this election season. I’m blown away at how much it relates, especially given the fact that it’s an international study, not limited to the U.S. I sit in my discussion group each week with people of many colors, backgrounds, and faith histories, and I am encouraged. Encouraged that we can all come together in agreement that God still has dominion over all. We have hope in our Creator that one day He will make all things new. No more division, no more hate. And we can trust Him in all things. Time and time again He has used crummy situations to grow and teach people, and He will do it again. Because His character is one of a good and redemptive God and that fact will never change.

So I guess this post took a turn for the serious, and I apologize if that was too much for you. Go grab a cup of coffee and do some coloring. Take good care of yourself and then go out and help someone else. It will do your heart good, I promise.

Bible Study Fellowship, Disability, Faith, Multiple Sclerosis, Photos, Running, Stories

Week 16 marathon training

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This week was a struggle. For reals. Not only was it my highest fatigue week, but I had appointments all week: neurology, therapy, infusion, and BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). The BSF was really the only one I was looking forward to, but with my fatigue being at such a high level, it was hard to enjoy. Can I just be really honest here? I have begun to forget why I signed up for this marathon. I’m so over it. Sure, it will be rewarding. I’ll be so glad I did it. No regrets. But I’m ready to get this thing done. So with that attitude, I was able to squeeze in some training.

Looking back, I don’t know how I managed to do this, but on Thursday afternoon – after I got home from my Tysabri infusion – I ran 2.5 miles to the local medical lab to get some blood work done, and then on the walk back home I swung by the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Marathon training, disability style. Who says running is just for the young and healthy? This is tenacity at its finest, folks. Two workouts in one day. I got ‘er done.

Friday I rested, and then Saturday I ran some more. This photo on the right here is of a place I pass on my long runs. I never think to take a picture, but as I’m winding down my marathon training, it seemed like a good idea. This is a helicopter that was used during the Vietnam war and reminds me to be thankful I live in a country where I am free to run. God bless America.

So, since I’m officially tapering in preparation for race day, Saturday’s long run was “only” 12 miles. It’s a bit surreal, still, that ten years ago I was barely walking. And now I’m what? A runner? Able to casually run 12 miles and still be smiling at the end? To be up the next day NOT feeling sore and near-death? I’m fascinated with what the human body is capable of accomplishing. Fascinated that with slow and steady progression, it learns to handle hours of pounding on pavement. I am also astonished at the healing that has happened in my toes, ankle, and knees. And, I think most of all my heart. Oh, my heart. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am ready to kick this marathon’s ass.

This week I traveled a total of 17.32 miles on my feet. Total marathon training miles, including the half marathon, is now 477.46. Three weeks until race day! I’m at the point of the process where I’m struggling to remember why I signed up for this, so I put a picture of myself running a race from last year on my phone’s lock screen. In the photo I’m sporting my bright orange deaf/blind vest so it’s a great reminder of my “why”. Why do I run? Put simply, because I CAN. Also, I could go on and on about how we can do hard things, and one of these weeks I might still do that, but for today we’re just going to leave it right here. I run because I can. Because God gave me the strength and led me to this place, and I’m going to honor Him by not giving up. He sustains me, truly. In life, and in running. All of it.

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Cochlear implant, Coronavirus, Family, Friends, Hobbies, Kids, Low vision, Nonsense, Parenting, Running, Writing

School is back in session

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This past week has been a challenging week. I was hit with some pretty crummy news on Friday, but I’m dealing with the situation and am trusting God at every step along the way. Pray for me, if you would.

We recently informed the kids they could no longer play video games all day long. From the hours of 10 am to 3 pm on weekdays, they are not allowed to be playing video games. Instead, they need to be cleaning their rooms, completing their regular weekly chores, and doing schoolwork. If all those things are done and they are feeling bored, they are welcome to do extra chores, take the dog for a walk, read a book, etc. Now if they have everything done and they’ve not given us any attitude, we are willing to negotiate extra video game time. Because we’re not monsters, usually.

We’ve known that the teachers at our kids’ schools have been working feverishly to establish online learning programs for the kids, so we’ve been warning them that the corona-vacation is ending any day now. Well, that day has come. We received instructions from all the teachers this week, and tomorrow morning we’ll have our first round of online meetings with teachers. I’m excited that the kids will have something to be working on that’s more engaging then say, Minecraft and Roblox, but I’m so nervous about how this new format is going to work. This is new for everyone so I’m hopeful that we can all be patient and gracious with each other. Again, pray for me.

I don’t know if I had mentioned, but we are still meeting for Bible Study Fellowship, only we meet on Zoom in order to comply with the social distancing. It’s worked out rather well, but I do miss seeing my ladies in person. We only have one week left as a group, and that makes me kind of sad, but relieved at the same time. Especially with this online learning for the kids ramping up. I had decided back around the Christmas break that I wouldn’t be returning next year to be a group leader, but I haven’t told my group yet. I don’t think they’ll care much. People hardly ever get assigned to the same discussion leader. And Lord willing, they’ll still see me around at regular Wednesday classes.

Oh my gosh, y’all. It snowed yesterday. Seriously. I woke up to see the ground covered in white stuff. It was a crazy day. And then here in Michigan we had a bunch of people protesting at the Capitol, which is all political nonsense that I try very hard not to get mixed up in. I absolutely despise politics and I know that probably makes me less of a grown-up, but I don’t care. I just want to stick my fingers in my ears (or just take off my cochlear implants, HA!) and pretend for awhile that it’s not as screwed up as it is. Don’t ask me how I went from snow in April to politics. All of it’s bizarre, and beyond comprehension. Moving on.

I have done almost no writing throughout this quarantine business because, well, it’s hard to write when your mind is distracted by a global pandemic. So I hear. What I’ve been doing instead is reading books and listening to podcasts. I’m actually finishing books I had started but was unable to finish in time. I recently finished The Boys in the Boat, The Greatest Generation, My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry, The Glass Castle, and Know My Name. Many of the books have been audio versions, which I find refreshing because they give my eyes a rest, and I can crochet while I’m “reading”. True multi-tasking!

The other hobby I have, at night when I’m too tired to do much of anything, is watching tv on my laptop (the smaller screen helps so I can see most of what’s going on while I read the captions). I have discovered an absolute gem for mental health and getting to sleep at night – Golden Girls reruns on Hulu. Check it out, and let me know if it doesn’t make you smile.

I’m hoping to get out this weekend and run a Bob Ross themed virtual 5k. We shall see. I haven’t run that far in awhile so it might end up to be a lot of walking. The original plan was to run this with friends, but now that we have shelter in place orders, that’s no longer an option. So I’m just going to run three laps around my neighborhood, and call that a race. I may even wear the bib!

I hope you are all doing well, and are safe and healthy. If you’re feeling a little lonely and blue, watch some Golden Girls. They’ll never let you down.

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Family, Food, Running

Slowing down has its perks

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When times are tough it helps to look at the positive right? The proverbial silver lining. So here is my list of things I’ve enjoyed about this mandated social distancing:

  1. All meetings are held online, so I don’t need to concern myself with arranging rides.
  2. More time to crochet blankets, hats and coasters.
  3. More time to read the ridiculously long list of library books I’ve started reading and wasn’t able to finish before the loan expired.
  4. I don’t have to arrange the family dinner around evening activities.
  5. I can make breakfast for my family on Saturday mornings.
  6. Walks around the neighborhood with my kids (well, so far 1 kid and the dog).
  7. Running nearly every day.

I feel like last all last week I had a lot to say, a lot to blog about, but it didn’t feel right to publish anything just yet. I wanted to hold it close for awhile and see how I felt about things first. The first part of the week was busy because we had to do all our BSF meetings online. It was a little nerve-wracking but it all worked out very well. The second part of the week was a whole lot of nothing, giving me more time to really process the gravity of the situation we are all in. So now I’m feel a little less unsettled. Now I can comfortably get back to boring you all with my daily minutiae. I’ll probably keep talking about running, crocheting, and maybe even about the books I’m reading. I’m sure I’ll throw some tidbits in regarding the dog too. Be on the lookout!

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Food, Housekeeping, Multiple Sclerosis, Running

Reading and Running

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Lately, I haven’t had anything very inspirational I’ve felt like writing. So I just haven’t been writing. For fear of boring you with all the details of my day to day. But the alternative to writing the mundane hodgepodge is to not write at all, and that’s maybe not great either. Because as I learned in a recent audio book I just finished “reading” (The Shallows, by Nicholas Carr, if you love science!), your brain is like a muscle. If you don’t use parts of it, they shrink and it becomes harder to access them down the road. So I’m exercising my writing muscle by writing even when I don’t have anything to write about. And as I’m writing, I’m sure something will come to mind. That’s always how it seems to work, anyway.

I’ve really been craving dark chocolate. I don’t know why I never keep any around the house.

I have not been running these past couple of weeks. I think after the bout of fatigue following Thanksgiving, I sort of fell out of the habit. I’m hoping to get back into it this weekend though. If the weather cooperates, of course. Treadmill running still sucks.

BUT! I do want to tell you how the Turkey Trot 5k went, but I want to be careful not to toot my own horn too loudly. So you know I was training, sort of, trying to increase my speed, and was hoping to beat my previous PR of 38:24. But even if I didn’t beat my PR, this was a memorable race. I ran it with my son, who is much faster than I am. I wished him luck and left him at the head of the pack with all the seriously fast runners, and scooted back as far as I could because I knew otherwise I would get trampled when the race started. This race was huge. I think the final count was around 5000 people. Maybe not large by other people’s standards, but it was by far the biggest 5k I had ever run. So with that many people the energy was pretty awesome.

The gun went off and I started running, and people immediately started zooming past me. I would have moved to the side to get out of the way, but I was so worried about tripping I stayed in the middle of the road where I knew there would be fewer potholes and cracks. Did I mention this was the first race I have ever run solo? No guide runners, no sign on my back to alert people that I was a deaf/blind runner. I had this sort of overwhelming sense – throughout the race – that I belonged there. That I was a real runner just like the rest of them. Note that I had not realized until this moment that I ever felt like I wasn’t one of them. So this was a brand new revelation, and I believe it is what propelled me forward, as fast as my feet would let me.

I was getting periodic updates from Runkeeper to tell me of my current speed, but I wasn’t paying attention enough to calculate what my average was looking like. I was just trying to enjoy the moment. So when I reached the finish and saw that my time was just coming up on 34 minutes, I was flabbergasted. My finish time was 34:03 – a full four minutes and 21 seconds faster than my last PR in May. I still don’t even understand how that is humanly possible. Not for me, at least, a woman with M.S. And certainly not in that short of a time period.

I’m still in a mild state of disbelief over the whole thing, but I’m now finally able to process it a bit more. I think the difference for that race, and my speed training on the treadmill leading up to it, is that I dared to run a pace that was just a bit past my comfort zone. Then when that felt comfortable, I pushed a little harder. So if I can just remember to push myself a little bit each time I’m out there, push the envelope so to speak, I know I can complete a full marathon next year, which is my next big running goal. I just have to be careful to be wise about it, and not push myself too hard or too fast. Know my limits, listen to my body and rest when it needs rest. I’ve learned so much this year about my capabilities, both mentally and physically, that I feel ready for this next step.

So I guess this post ended up being mostly about running. Sorry, not sorry. What else? Christmas is coming! I’m not ready, but who ever is? I’ll be ready when I need to be. I’ve been keeping busy with Bible Study Fellowship, bookkeeping for the church, and taking care of the home. Sadly the home sometimes takes a backseat to the other stuff but I’m working on fixing that. In my down time, my relaxing time, I’m doing a lot of crocheting and reading. I have a growing list of books I’ve started reading but couldn’t finish before the library’s digital copy expired, so I’m one by one working through knocking those off the Goodreads list. Not to say that like it’s a chore or anything. I still love my books.

That’s all for now folks! Tell me, what’s your favorite book to read over the holiday season?

Bible Study Fellowship, Books, Disability, Domestic Engineer, ItWorks, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Writing

Time Management

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All the things. It’s just a challenge managing all the things. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it, but I’m gonna have to pray real hard about taking on this much again.

I had a long phone call last week with my disability insurance company to review my status. They just like to make sure I’m still unable to work. It’s always fun rehashing the details. She asked how driving was, which is funny, because it was 20 minutes into our conversation and I had already explained to her how bad my vision is. I need my family to read labels for me, I don’t think driving a car would be a wise idea. What stuck out to me about the phone call was at the very end when she asked me the primary reason I wasn’t able to work a full time job, and I answered without even really having to think about it: “because it would take me a week to accomplish what I used to be able to do in a day.” That statement essentially rang in my ears for the next few days. This is why I need to be patient with myself. Everyone around me is so gracious, yet I’m the last one to catch on.

So these responsibilities I’ve taken on over this past year, along with my normal household and mothering duties, are totally doable. One. Step. At. A. Time. I’m just going to keep at it and see how it goes. If I find that the important things are getting missed or done too late, then I know it’s too much and I need to scale back or reach out for help. But so far it seems like it’s been working well. I’m learning how to delegate as well as take breaks. It feels like a whole new way of looking at time management. New to me, at least.

I’m very much looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. We’ve always hosted, so there’s nothing new there, but this year my son and I signed up to run the Turkey Trot 5k in our city the morning of Thanksgiving. I saw that a neighbor of mine was attending, so I asked if we could tag along. I’m really looking forward to it, because this is an experience my son and I can share, even if he runs twice as fast as I do. Thanksgiving mornings are pretty low key for us anyway, because most of the prep work is done the day before. All we do is put the turkey in the oven and then wait for the family to arrive with the rest of the food.

I stopped taking the antibiotic for my rosacea and am using a medicated cleanser and cream instead. I got the cleanser late, because we were having trouble with the pharmacy, but I’ve had it for a few days now and I can tell already that it’s clearing up my skin. It’s made with sulfur so it smells not so awesome but I don’t mind. If it works, it’s worth it. I’m just happy to be off medication. The only pills I take now are vitamins and supplements, and that means it’s not the end of the world when I forget to take them. Which happens often. I’m trying to get a morning routing set with my powdered greens and my coffee, and hopefully now my vitamins too.

I’ve been reading a lot of good books lately. Most of the books I read are digital library books that I only get for a set amount of time, and I often forget to read them until they give me a 3 day warning that they are about to expire, so I have a collection of books I just didn’t finish in time. Which is why if you look at my Goodreads list, it looks like I’m reading like it’s my J.O.B., but really I’m only reading one at a time. Right now I’m reading (actually listening, cuz it’s an audio book) The Shallows, by Nicholas Carr and I’m only on chapter three but already it’s a little frightening. It’s about what the internet is doing to our brains, how it affects the way we think and process information. Very interesting so far.

I expect this weekend to be pretty chill so maybe I’ll take some time and work on writing my memoir. I was getting overwhelmed with the idea but stepping away from it seems to have helped, and I am more confident in my next steps. I’m going to focus less on the details of what happened for awhile and more on the ultimate message I want to thread through the book. Or maybe I’ll just re-read what I’ve written and fill in whatever comes to mind. Whatever I do, I understand now that writing a memoir can be a long and tedious process and the worst thing I can do is rush the process.

Tomorrow is our leader’s meeting for Bible Study Fellowship so I need to head off for now and start winding down. I hope you all survived your Monday and enjoy the rest of your week!

Bible Study Fellowship, Faith, God speaks, Hearing Loss, Housekeeping, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis

Finding Contentment

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I’ve been fartin’ around on Facebook all morning, and then I did some filing, put away clean dishes from the dishwasher, and now I’m letting my phone charge back up so I can go for a run this afternoon. I could really go for a nap but I pretty much always feel better after a run so I’m opting for that instead.

I’ve allowed myself to get really busy with all the commitments I took on, and I think I’m finally getting a handle on managing it without moving around like a headless chicken. I’m finding the key is to allow myself to relax from time to time, and when I say that I mean REAL relaxing, not the fake kind. I’m giving myself permission to sit with my feet up, read a book or crochet, sip some coffee, and NOT feel guilty. It’s really nice, but it’s strange how difficult it is for me sometimes. It does take some self-talking to be totally okay with it. Otherwise I’m just pretending to relax. I may be sitting, but I’m secretly mulling over all the things I “should” be doing at that moment. So the Real Relaxing is nice. Very therapeutic.

I had an interesting thought yesterday while listening to the lecture at Bible Study Fellowship. We were studying the story of the lame beggar at the temple gates in the book of Acts, and the lecturer said that when the man was healed, his life became better because his disability was removed. Something about the way she worded it struck me, and a voice in my heart was asking,

“Mindy, would your life be better if your disability was removed?”

I honestly believe the answer to that question is no. As much as I grieve what I’ve lost, I am even more grateful for what it has added to my life. It has made me a more patient and compassionate person. It has strengthened bonds between my family members and my friends. It has introduced me to new people and new ideas. It has stretched me in so many ways to move outside of my comfort zone. But the most important thing? It’s that God is glorified through all He is doing through me. Because it’s certainly not me. I’m just following His directions. That is the most valuable outcome of all this, and what I have been praying for from the beginning.

As I’ve struggled over these past 6 years with my disability I’ve been trying to find a new normal or a base comfort level. What I realized yesterday is that I am finally at a place of contentment. I am finally at home again in this body and I am content to be where I am. Fully and completely. Hallelujah. Amen?

John 9:3 ESV “but that the works of God might be displayed in Him.”