All posts by Little M.S. Runner

Forty-something, married with two kids and two dogs. Trying hard to live every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Coffee, Domestic Engineer, Family, Food, Friends, Housekeeping, Piper, Writing

My Comfy Writing Spot

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Not sure what to write about, but I’m in my little comfy spot in the kitchen. In the corner next to the window, surrounded by shelves and with Piper puppy sleeping peacefully in her crate at my feet. And hot coffee at the ready, of course.

The exciting point of my day may be when the mail is delivered, but probably not. I already received what I was waiting for, which is the Spec-Tran approval I blogged about last night.

When I’m bored like this it’s nice to goof around on Facebook. A friend announced she found the best granola, so of course that sparked a lengthy comment thread. The food posts always do.

This has been a wonderfully uneventful week so far, which I much appreciate after last week. Last week was brutal. All the sickness and the cold. Kids home for the better part of the week, which I should love, but.. I was (am) feeling pretty fatigued. And throw a four-month old puppy into the mix? Just a little more than I can handle. And now hubby sounds like he is developing what we all had. That was inevitable, I suppose.

So when life has slowed down what do I do? I nap, first and foremost, but then when I feel mostly rested I clean. Dishes, laundry, floors, etc. It’s all never-ending. Meaning you are never “done” with laundry or dishes or cleaning floors. These are things that are constantly in progress.  Once I realized that fully, I stopped putting them on my to-do-list. It seemed silly to keep crossing them off only to put them back on again. So now my to-do list consists of more irregular things like paying bills and clipping my toenails.

I would really like to get back to writing that book. The process (which honestly hadn’t really begun) got halted when we all fell ill. And now I need to get back at it. To be honest, I feel extremely inadequate at this whole book-writing-thing. Am I even doing it right? I’m just writing, hoping it turns into something I can have published so that people can read it. But publishing, well that’s a road I have not traveled and have no clue how to find. Yet. Let’s write the book first. And this corner spot in my kitchen is the perfect place for it.  As long as Piper complies, I could make this a daily ritual. Sitting here, sipping my coffee, tapping away at the keys. That sounds like a Happy Place if you ask me.

Now, enough rambling for me. I will let you go. I have words to write!

Disability, Driving, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Partial Blindness

A glimpse at regaining independence

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I received approval today to use the paratransit service, and I am beyond excited. The service provides people like myself with rides to pretty much anywhere in the city. All I have to do is schedule the pickup within 24 hours, pay the fare, and off I go! I can apparently schedule online, which I tried already for two of my upcoming appointments, and I’ll probably call tomorrow to confirm that I did it right.

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No more pulling my husband out of work for doctor’s appointments, dragging him and the kids out at dinner time for my support group meetings, and who knows what else? I can go on shopping trips, get groceries on my own (up to 8 plastic bags), even take the kids to the library or the museum on days off! Just dreaming of the possibilities is more excitement than I have had in a long time.

Be thankful for the independence you have, because it can be taken in a heartbeat. My optic nerves were damaged as they are in a matter of weeks. I used to enjoy taking trips, sometimes just driving for the fun of it. The second to last time I remember driving (and enjoying it) was when I went to the abbey for a weekend getaway with my sister in august 2013. Even then I should not have been driving. A week later I drove my kids to their first day of school, with one eye closed to reduce the cloud in my left eye’s  field of vision, scared out of my mind and feeling reckless and over the top stupid for putting my children’s lives at risk. And that was my last time driving.

So there goes my Nascar dream. Is there a competitive arena for bumper?

Okay I got off track, didn’t I? Here’s the lesson: be thankful for your independence, whatever form of it you have. It is a gift.

Uncategorized

Change and Control

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This is all so so true, and truth my friends and family all try to convince me of, only I’m stubborn and I forget and revert to old negative guilt – ridden patterns of thinking. So I am sharing these profound words, both for me and for my readers. I hope to return to writing this week. Lots of thoughts floating around. Lots.

hearingelmo's avatarHearing Elmo

change for the better

I’m not a big fan of change. So when faced with a year that is sure to be chock-full of change, I can feel a little overwhelmed. Ok. That’s actually not true.

I can feel freaking terrified, sick to my stomach, near panic attack, bite my nails to the quick, SOMEONE LET ME OFF THIS MERRY-GO-ROUND called life screaming, “abandon ship! abandon ship!”

I’m not even a spontaneous person. My family knows not to ever throw me a “surprise” party. To me ordinary is extraordinary. I just hate change. For me, it’s all about control. That’s right. I’m a bit of a control freak. There is an upside to being a control freak. I am very organized. I’m punctual and responsible. There are, however, all kinds of negative things that come from being a control freak and refusing to accept change too.

I had fairly significant OCD tendencies throughout my…

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Photos

Interesting holes

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I know. Holes are not very interesting. My son and I went to see a Christmas play years ago about holes. Someone stole all the holes. Donut holes, holes in straws, stuff like that. It was quite a problem for the elves (Christmas elves, of course).

I have this thermal shirt my sister bought for me years ago, with Rocky on the front, so of course I love it. And I have worn it so much, I have lovingly worn holes in the sleeves:

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It’s oddly comfortable, like a cozy little home for your thumb. Which is why I’m amused and only partly surprised to find these SEWN INTO my brand new sweater:

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And that is all for today. Sickness abounds in our home. Until next time, may you be well and may your thumbs be cozy.

Anemia, Disability, Multiple Sclerosis

Three units short

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I went to see the hematologist today.  He seemed pretty confident that my anemia is a result of many years of horrifically heavy periods. I’ll spare you the details,  but will say they must be cause for concern if they have led to permanent loss of red blood cells.  As I was educated today,  those are the ones you need for energy,  and I happen to be three units short.  A healthy person should have at least twelve,  and seven is real bad.  I have 8.7.

Of course,  I have been taking iron pills for a couple weeks now, so it’s possible that number has come up.  They took more blood today to see.  When I told the doctor I was taking the iron pills with my meals because they upset my stomach, he didn’t seem very optimistic.  He said it’s best to take them on an empty stomach so the body absorbs them before they are digested. I’m not real crazy about that,  but if that’s what it takes then I guess that’s what I’ll do.  Worst case scenario, I’ll have to get the iron via infusion, but I’m a regular at the infusion center so that doesn’t bother me.

I should hear back from the doctor with the test results and his recommendation for treatment within the next day or so. Beyond that,  I’ll see the hematologist next month for follow-up and more blood work. He wants me to see my gynecologist as well to see if we can get those monster periods under control. (Mom, don’t say hysterectomy.  I know it’s a possibility.)

I was remarking to Mike while we were waiting that I don’t think I would know what to do with myself if I were healthy.  It’s just become such a normal thing for me,  to be dealing with health issues. But – with God’s strength I am still here, still living, still thriving, and still finding joy in the simple things. Still Mindy.

Photos

New Phone Selfie

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Okay,  I don’t do “selfies”, but occasionally I make an exception.  Today is one of those days. After months of frustration with an aging and mostly useless phone,  yesterday I became the happy owner of a new-to-me Samsung Something Or Other. It is taking some time to get set up and working for me,  but I am pleased with the upgrade. And now for your viewing pleasure (be kind, it’s my first attempt,  but note I’m holding the phone! At the same time!):

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Family, God speaks, Kids, Parenting

Parenting with grace, and do-overs

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Last night the local Parks and Recreation held a daddy/daughter dance. Mike and Natalie were signed up to go. They were both pretty excited about it, and I was excited for them.

And then, our daughter decided to “accidentally” steal two cell phones from the adults at school (one teacher, one parent).

Part of her punishment was that she would not be attending the dance with her dad. And that broke our hearts. It would have been lovely, getting them all dressed up for a real date. Daddy and his precious little girl. She was devastated to learn they would not be going, and we were too. We want to do nice things for our children, and to make memorable experiences. But not at the expense of teaching them they can get away with lying, stealing, or cheating.

I believe this is a lesson – an experience – Natalie will remember for years to come. Of course as a parent you would rather your children  only have warm, fuzzy memories of childhood, but that doesn’t necessarily prepare them for life on their own out in the real world, does it? They will have it all: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I know there are a million worse things, but right now this feels like the ugly. This morning I saw other dads had posted pictures with their daughters, all dolled up and ready for the dance. My heart broke all over again.

We want to bless our children. We want to give them good things. But when they go and make mistakes like lying or stealing, they ruin it for themselves, don’t they?

This is not a new concept. This theme, this story, has been occurring over and over and over again, since the very beginning of time. Ever hear of Adam and Eve? Wow. God had so much to give them. They were living in paradise. No worries, not a care in the world. God looked forward to blessing them. He wanted so badly to give them good things.

And then they listened to that damn snake.

I think I now have an inkling of what God was feeling at that moment. His heart was broken, just as mine is over my daughter stealing. Dang it girl, why did you have to go and do that? You would have had such a wonderful time at that dance. I’m just heartbroken. And angry. But angry FOR her, not AT her. It’s an anger that comes from a place of deep, deep love. Wanting to give her good things. Just like our Father God. He wants to give us good things, good experiences, and it breaks His heart when we screw it up.

But! We get second chances, and thirds, and fourths, and so on. God’s grace is endless. I am so grateful for that. Do-overs are the best! In fact, we decided to give Natalie a do-over. We are giving her the chance to earn a night out at the movies with her second favorite person: Momma.

Family

TMI, really

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Where do I begin? I have been writing this blog post in my head for the last three days, but now I don’t know where to start. Let’s just say I’m channeling my inner Gilda Radner lately – “It’s always something!”

Seriously. It’s Tuesday night, and already it’s one of the worst weeks I’ve had in a long time. Comical, in hindsight. At least, I hope so, because what follows here for you lovely readers is a recap of all the crap that has gone down in Mindy’s world for the last three days. So yes, this whole post will basically be one Long Whine, but hopefully a comical one. I know I’m almost laughing. Almost.

WARNING: If you are squeamish about women and their girly issues, just stop reading. This post is not for you.

It starts with  Sunday night. Super Bowl Sunday. We stayed in and watched the game at home, while the kids went across the street to join the neighbors for their Super Bowl party. I had been having some trouble throughout the day, increasing pain with urination. I am no stranger to this pain, as I had lots of urinary tract infections (UTIs) as a child, and even some in adulthood. I have a high pain tolerance, but this is a special kind of pain that cannot be tolerated. First of all, it’s in the most sensitive area possible. And now that I’m reliving it, I remember that it actually started Sunday morning, around 3 am, and kept me awake and UP (because it’s unbearable to SIT with something akin to razor blades in your hoo-ha) until around 7 am when I was finally able to lie down and sleep.

The pain became more bearable throughout Sunday so I hoped it was getting better. By game time, I realized it was not. So around half-time, Mike dutifully drove to the pharmacy – in a snow storm, no less – to buy some AZO. Oh, and the snow storm meant that Monday would not be a day of rest for me as the kids would be home. I really look forward to my Mondays. They are kind of like a working woman’s Saturday. And this one was especially coveted because we had a full and busy weekend of floor hockey, pinewood derby races, and time with friends. All that, piled on top of MS fatigue and anemia, and the UTI: yes, to say I needed a break was an understatement.

Monday came, and I thought I had it covered. I had a lot I thought I needed to get done, but almost all of it could wait another day. It was going fine. The kids were occupied, and the puppy was cooperating (mostly), I think I even managed to feed myself. And then Aunt Flo decides to show up early. Because I just didn’t have enough going on. I was beside myself. Nearly in tears. How on earth was I going to keep up with the kids and the dog while I’m a mess?

I don’t know how I made it, but I did, and everything was fine. My mom, who lives in Oklahoma, had a pizza delivered to our house so I didn’t have to worry about lunch. Piper slept in her crate and Grandpa took the kids sledding, so I was able to take a nap. I survived Monday, and looked forward to Tuesday, a full day of rest and recovery.

And then they declared another snow day.

Tuesday, today, started off with a bang. Mike trying to get ready for work, kids and puppy running around, THREE puddles of pee to clean up, and me a bloody mess, all before 8 am. It gets better. By 10 am the house was running smoothly until I went downstairs to do laundry. That’s when my daughter called down needing help because there was “too much water and pee in the toilet and now it’s all over the floor!” Needless to say, the bathroom got cleaned today.

So, I don’t know. I guess it felt worse than it sounds, but we had some issues with Luke as well. The boy can’t seem to focus on a task and do what he’s told. Which is frustrating on its own, but feels unbearable when coupled with ungodly pain, overflowing toilets, and all varieties of messes to clean up.

My New Year’s Resolution to not yell? Epic fail these last two days. Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start, and it’s right around the corner. Thank you Jesus, praise the Lord.

Disability, Domestic Engineer, Driving, Food, Multiple Sclerosis

Weekly update of sorts

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I am in some super slow recovery type mode, so writing (book, blog, Facebook, journal) is not really happening. And that irritates me, but then I get irritated that I am so irritated. Vicious cycle. So today I am just going to bore you with this…

I had a rough walk to the bus stop this morning. I think the dog has gotten too big for me, and with her energy and drive, I can’t hold her back. She throws me off balance constantly. And with my balance issues, that’s a recipe for disaster. So I think we’re done with that program until she gets a little older and can be trained to behave better while walking. That is a thing with dog training, isn’t it?

So after the rough walk I put the pup back in her crate and went back to bed. The sleep probably helped, but I can’t tell. I’m still struggling with fatigue. However, I have managed to do the dishes and make dinner. Chili in the crockpot, and it smells delicious so far. Ground venison, onion, diced tomatoes, black beans, and chili powder. A simple recipe I don’t remember ever trying before, so I hope it turns out ok. We will have cheddar cheese, sour cream, and Fritos to top it off, so that can help with flavor. I thought about adding the can of spicy chili beans that has been in our cupboard forever, but the kids really don’t like spicy, and neither do I. We’ll see how the chili tastes in a couple hours, and I may still decide to add some.

I mailed an application today for the local public transportation service for disabled people. They drive the van right to your door and take you where you need to go. I’m excited about it. As my husband put it, it will give me a level of freedom back. I wouldn’t need to rely on him to take me grocery shopping, or to my umpteen doctor visits. It’s hard to describe how helpless it makes me feel, not being able to drive. I don’t miss the driving so much as I miss being able to go where I want to go. I am an introvert, so one of my favorite things is to go do things alone. Sit at the coffee shop and read or crochet, walk around a bookstore or mall just to browse the merchandise. But if you always need a driver, someone is always waiting for you, and that’s pressure I don’t handle so well. I HATE feeling rushed.

But this Spec-Tran, you plan each ride one-way, so no one is waiting. You tell them when you need a ride back, and they’ll send another driver. At least that’s my understanding. We’ll see how it actually works, but regardless there is no cause for guilt because this is their job, and they aren’t just doing it out of the kindness of their heart. Why is it that we feel guilt when someone does something for us out of the “kindness of their heart”? I mean, by definition they are doing it because they want to, not because they feel obligated. I know it’s not just me. But that still doesn’t make it rational or right.

Oh well. I declare that today is not a day for solving things. It’s a day for reflecting briefly and moving on! Coffee is waiting!