All posts by Little M.S. Runner

Forty-something, married with two kids and two dogs. Trying hard to live every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Do more of what makes you happy

I have a sign hanging in my living room that says “Do more of what makes you happy”. I look at it regularly and it always makes me wonder: what makes me happy? I really want to know, so that I can follow this rule. I feel like I lost some of this self-awareness when I lost my hearing, and I certainly don’t do many of the things that make me happy. So I thought I would start a list (I love lists) here on the blog, and maybe it would help me to think of those things and perhaps take some steps to start doing those things.

What makes me happy:
1) Drinking coffee – I do that plenty
2) Tattoos – I only have four, plenty room for more
3) Concerts – The hearing loss makes this extra challenging and scary, because I don’t know if I would enjoy them the same, but it’s worth a shot, right?
4) The city – I love walking around cities, big, small, it doesn’t matter. Chicago, Lansing, Mason, they all fascinate me.
5) Reading – On any given day my mind is partly stuck in a good book. Reading makes me happy, for sure.

That’s it. I can’t think of any more. I’m sure there are more, but that’s a start. Maybe more ideas will come to me in my dreams tonight.

What about you? Tell me readers, what makes YOU happy?

I can’t believe I’m up this late

It’s quarter after 11 and I’m still awake. Meaning, my mind is still processing things like a normal person. This is not usually the case. But today I was somehow able to take a two hour nap, and I guess it was effective.

So I’m up in my bedroom, nursing a beer, and I just finished chatting with my mom (she’s an hour behind in Oklahoma). And now I’m thinking about the upcoming days. I have no plans on the calendar until Saturday. That’s three whole days of nothing, and I’m really looking forward to it. Lots of resting and recuperating will happen. But then there is Saturday, and it’s a big day.

Saturday is my high school reunion. Twenty years, baby. I know some may joke and say high school reunions are lame (or torture, if you’re John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank), but I’m actually looking forward to this one. I went to a small school, with a graduating class of 98 students (I think), and I had some really good friends and not really any enemies. I went to my ten year reunion, before Facebook and all that, and it was interesting to see that we were all still kind of finding ourselves. But twenty, that has to be different right? After twenty we may as well be different people altogether, right? I know I am. I am a completely different person than I was at 18. I am not ashamed of who I have become, and I’m happy where I am. So I don’t fear intimidation or judgment from my former classmates. And I look forward to reconnecting any way I can, even if it’s just for one night.

I’m sorry, though, I don’t have much else to say on the matter. This reunion has been on my mind for several weeks, but I still have nothing interesting to say about it. I will try to bring back some good anecdotes for you after the reunion has actually happened.

Introducing: The Lost and Found

My son was driving me absolutely bonkers today. For the third summer in a row, I’ve enfoced the “No Screen Time Until…” rule. It’s a set of tasks that must be completed each day prior to getting any screen time (tv, tablet, etc.). This year I’ve been getting a lot of grumbling and whining about the whole thing, and this morning I had decided on-the-fly to make a rule (something I tend to do and then later regret) that the kids must always put their things away when they are not in use. For example, don’t leave your laptop on the couch when you’re off doing something else. If they were to leave said item in it’s inappropriate spot, unattended, for more than five minutes, then I would dispose of it.

Yes, in the trash it would go. Harsh, I know, but I was feeling kind of desperate.

So, my son left his laptop on the couch this morning and I graciously gave him a five minute warning. When two minutes went by and nothing and nobody had moved, I let him know that he had three minutes left to clear the item. I did not realize at this time that he was in the bathroom. But he did hear my warning, and when he came out, he immediately started arguing that the “timer” should stop if and when he had to use the restroom. Knowing he loves to argue – usually only for the sake of arguing – I was hearing none of this. Yet he continued to argue his case for extra time. Which is downright laughable, because with all the time he wasted arguing, he could have put the computer away and then gone and made himself a double decker sandwich.

Pretty shortly after all this happened, I received a call from one of my best friends. The great thing about best friends is that when they ask you how you are doing, you can tell them. So I told her how frustrated I was, and she empathized. She has two boys, one who is a couple years older than mine, so she totally understands this age and behavior. She had a really great suggestion for motivating the kids to pick up after themselves, one that is far less drastic, and probably more effective at teaching them responsibility. A win-win, right? Her idea was to have a box dedicated to those toys you find lying around. When you find them lying around, you put them in the box. Then, if and when they want their toy back, they have to do a chore to earn it.

I love, love, loved this idea and implemented it right away. Now it’s evening, it’s only been a half a day, but already I’m noticing a change in my son’s behavior. We came home from his baseball game and I noticed he left his cleats in the middle of the kitchen floor. I was tempted to put them straight into the lost and found box, but decided since this is still a new concept, I would give him a little warning. I simply told him I had noticed his cleats on the kitchen floor, and without a word he got right out of his seat and put them away!! I didn’t even have to tell him to, or remind him of the rule, he remembered all on his own! He understood that it would be a lot easier to just get up and put them away NOW, than it would be to have to do a chore later to get them back. Which is totally what I am trying to get through these children’s heads!

Putting things away, right away, makes your life so much easier in the long run. This is a habit I’ve developed for myself over the years, and I would be overjoyed if my kids grew up cultivating this same habit. Their future roommates and spouses will thank me, am I right?

On storing my children’s childhoods

Ok, so yeah, I’m feeling quite better now. Not stellar, but better. It’s after noon and I’m still in my pajamas (technically), but I’ve accomplished a lot today so far. And half the kids are fed (who knew my son liked chicken salad?), so I’m gonna call that winning.

Here’s what’s on my mind today: I get really frustrated when the house starts to become untidy, when I see things laying (lying?) around where they don’t belong (confession: that’s on my mind EVERY day). A lot of it is the kids’ stuff, but a lot of it too are areas I am intending to sort and organize. Kids bring home a lot of stuff from school. Some of it is not important, and can be pitched immediately, but then a lot of it I believe is worth hanging on to, at least for a little while. I will sometimes hang artwork on the fridge, take a picture of it for proper archiving, and then recycle it after a few weeks.

I’ve been doing pretty well at keeping up with the inflow, but those last few weeks of school were a whirlwind and I kind of gave up for a spell (yes, I said spell). So I have been wanting to get that last batch taken care of before we’re too far into the summer. And guess what? Today I did it! It’s all been archived and/or stored (some things are hard to photograph, so I keep them) and now I’m getting ready for next year!! I am abhorrently against clutter, so it may seem odd that I’m choosing to keep any of my children’s elementary school mementos, but I am sometimes a sucker for sentimental things. Also, I at one time enjoyed looking through the crap I made as a kid. I once created a watercolor painting of a giant can of Campbell’s Soup. Not exactly the kind of thing you would frame and hang in your kitchen (maybe), but even after all those years I still remembered how hard I worked on that painting, and how satisfying it was to complete. So, you know, memories. I expect my children may have some memories wrapped up in these things I’m keeping, and maybe one day they’ll want to revisit them. Or not, it will be their decision.

My only issue at this point is that the small boxes I’ve been using to keep these mementos are rather full. So I need to find the sort of boxes where I can keep these things in decent shape, but also sorted by year. Do such boxes exist? I’m sure they do. I’ll be scouring Amazon later, of course. Maybe Etsy or Pinterest will have some good ideas too. Do you have any ideas? I’ll take any suggestions you’ve got!

Warning: this may get a little whiny

Oh, well. I’m in that grumpy, bitchy, unmotivated, frustrated mood. These moods are so much easier to “cope” with when the kids are gone and I can just ease back to normalcy at my own pace. But now I feel that added pressure to be the responsible mom and take care of things like feeding the children and making sure they’re not killing each other. And of course, being available to listen when they feel the need to ramble on about the latest YouTube video they watched. I’m so not up for this.

Thankfully, my kids are not crazy demanding and on these really hot days they are content to stay in their pajamas, watch movies, and eat cereal all day. That’s very similar to how I spent most of my summer breaks too, and I loved it. I have fond memories of fried bologna sandwiches and The Price is Right and watching the same movie over and over (the Princess Bride), with the occasional bike ride or fort building with my brother and sister. So really, I feel like I’m doing my kids a favor, so they’ll grow up and have fond memories to look back on too.

I haven’t been running in the last week or so and here’s why: I can’t leave the kids home alone (only one is willing to run with me) and it’s stupid hot outside (MS and heat = very  bad). However, something occurred to me today and I felt a little ridiculous that it took me even this long: I can run on the treadmill – home with the kids, in the cool basement. That’s how I started running in the first place, for criminy sakes! So I’ll just have to use the treadmill as my primary running location for the summer, and we’ll get back to the outdoors when kids are back in school in September.

I have to mention that I do recognize that my recent increase in debilitating fatigue could very well be related to my lack of running, coupled with the timing of my Tysabri infusion, coupled with that evil curse we women have. But the running is the only thing within my control, so I definitely need to get back to that. Hopefully even as soon as tonight, if possible. Tomorrow is out, and I hate to keep putting it off. Tomorrow is out because the kids and I are meeting some friends at the local aquatic center for a day of swimming and picnicking. We are all really looking fp orward to it!

So that’s my journaly-type update of sorts. If you read this far, I’m sorry hehe. Just kidding, I’m glad you’re here. Make it a fabulous day!

Kids and clutter, and the proper spelling of memento

Your Child’s Messy Room is Your Fault – Minimalist at Home

This article is so right on. So many thoughts here. I’m currently feeling a struggle with my daughter (age 6) and her room. While she is actually not opposed to cleaning her room (she’s done it voluntarily a number of times), it’s gotten to the point where “cleaning” it doesn’t make a lick of difference. There’s just too much stuff in too small a space. So as the adult here, I do see it as my responsibility to help her.

I found some smelly and sticky things in her room today. Mementos she had forgotten she saved, because time had passed and they were hidden by so many other “important” mementos. Until now, I’ve been hesitant to take a strong and drastic stance with my kids on the subject, because I do believe that even young children deserve our respect. As parents we teach them to respect other people’s property, so if I were to go in while she was away and throw away half her toys and treasures (which constantly tempts me), that would kind of negate the whole message now, wouldn’t it? We need to lead by example.

You may ask why this is such a hot button for me. Why do I care so much about it? Well, because she is me. I was that little girl holding onto every memorable toy and trinket (and they were ALL memorable, of course), and proudly “organizing” every last item. Only it’s true – you can’t organize clutter. You may think you’re organizing but you’re not, you’re just rearranging. It takes a LOT of time and energy.  And while the end result feels nice for a second, it quickly fades (and quickly gets re-disorganized) and you are still left with the stress of the stuff and who knows what’s growing in it. I didn’t learn to come out of this cycle until my thirties, and I’ll be darned if I’m going to let my children enter adulthood stuck in the same cycle. I want to teach them good and healthy habits and attitudes toward “stuff” and I am in no way interested in a short term solution.

So that leaves me needing to land somewhere in the middle. And this article suggests a fairly simple method for doing that. Yes, this strategy involves the mom doing all the work, but she’s merely taking the blame/responsibility for letting the clutter build over the years, and is using the purge as a sort of reset button. That’s what I’m looking for. A reset button.

“Did they interrogate me about what I threw out? Yep, they did. My reply was to challenge them to tell ME what was missing and then we’d discuss it. Of course, they couldn’t identify a single thing.”

That right there not only makes me chuckle with a snarky sparkle in my eyes, but I suspect that will be exactly what happens with my daughter. So I’m gonna try it! I’ll just take a few hours, lock her out of the room, and pack up everything I suspect she doesn’t care to play with anymore (and throw away the trash in between). She’s in a stage right now where her tastes are changing quite dramatically, so I’ll be sure to have a good heart-to-heart with her beforehand, to get a good idea of what she will still make use of and what she won’t. I think as long as I do this with kind and thorough communication, it can really work. It’s worth a shot, anyway. Wish me luck!

Jesus loves you

As I’m sitting out on my newly stained deck, enjoying a hot cup of coffee on a gorgeous day, I want so badly to write. To tell you all what I did today, what I did yesterday, how my family is doing. I have so many stories swirling around in my head and I just can’t seem to pick one. So I’m going with the most important for now, and the rest I can just save for later.

I received a really great devotional this morning. It was toying with the idea of tattooing being a sixth love language, which is why it got my attention (both tattoos and love languages intrigue me, more on the latter later). In case you’re curious how the author would come up with such a preposterous idea, I’ll tell you he used the following verse as a reference: Isaiah 49:16 “I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” And then he went on to explain why God would do something like that.

Instead of making a lame attempt to rewrite the article, I just felt compelled to share the heart of the message. Why would God carve your name on his palm? Because he loves you. Jesus loves you. It gives him great joy to have a constant reminder of you. And that’s all you need to know today. He offers all the grace you need, so striving is futile. Just give it up and rest, Jesus loves you.

Sensory overload

A Trip to the Store; Sensory Overload – MultipleSclerosis.net
https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/a-trip-to-the-store-sensory-overload/

“I have to walk down the aisle like I am balancing on a tightrope in a circus, look for what I need like I am looking for an abnormal tissue cell under a microscope”

Yes! This is so so ME! And meanwhile there are people waiting to get by or to get to where I’m standing and they don’t know why I’m taking so long and I feel pressured which makes the focusing even more impossible. This is also why I let people cut in line sometimes. At fast good restaurants, for example, while I’m straining to read the menu. I just don’t like making people wait on me.

I am still working on adjusting and adapting to vision loss. I’ll get there, eventually.

It’s all good

Coffee, good.
Fruity fiber smoothie, good.
Shower, good.
Sleeping in, good!
Feeling fancy, dressed up to celebrate a cousin’s high school graduation. All good.

We stained our deck, and what a chore that was! But it looks so nice. We’ll have the furniture back on it soon and I’m really excited to get back out there for my morning coffees and devotions, now that the weather is warmer.

I did zero running last week as I was trying to get caught up on so many other things. I do miss it and hope to get back out there this week, though I’ll have to squeeze it in between kids’ end of school year activities. Even if they are short runs, we’ll make it happen.

And with that brief update, I’m off again to be with the family! Good day!