All posts by Little M.S. Runner

Forty-something, married with two kids and two dogs. Trying hard to live every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Daily Snippets, Disability, Funny story, Memories

Matilda’s Gone

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Funny story – Back when I was working I set up a dummy account with my actual email for testing a new web portal. That was over three years ago. Just this evening I received an email from the company urging me to engage them to have my tax returns prepared, only it was addressed to my alter ego… Matilda Redmond.
First it gave me a chuckle, and then it brought back some memories I had left in the past, where they belong. The job I had when I lost my hearing was a really stressful job. I’ll admit now that I hated it. I missed my coworkers when I was forced to go on disability, but I didn’t miss the stress of the job. I had nightmares for almost a year following my departure. However, with the passage of time and the progress of my recovery, I no longer have those nightmares. And I do sometimes miss aspects of the work I was doing – the accounting portion – and wonder if some day I’ll be able to do any of it again.
For now I’m content balancing our checkbook on an insanely regular basis, and managing our family budget. Also, after receiving that email addressed to Matilda, here’s to hoping the nightmares don’t start up again tonight!
Food, Health, Housekeeping

Thunder bolts of lightning

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Get this, I woke up with a pulled muscle in my neck, and it has me in such pain. I mean, searing, sharp, throbbing pains. I’m in such flippin’ agony I’ve been whining about it on Facebook all morning. If it was just one muscle, I could deal, but this thing is connected to all these other muscles, so every time I move something – an arm, a leg, whatever – I don’t know if it’s going to be okay or if it’s going to shoot fiery bolts of lightning up through my neck. It’s a crap shoot.

I slept on a heating pad for most of the morning and then managed to fix myself some lunch – baked sweet potato with butter and cinnamon YUM – and now I’m chillin’ on the couch with a cup of coffee. Coffee on the right, because apparently I can’t reach from the left or the pain kills me, and then the coffee spills. We can’t have any of that happening, now can we?

I went upstairs to get something and by the time I got to the top of the steps, I forgot why I was up there, so I distracted myself with laundry until it came back to me. Managed to rotate some loads, with slow and careful movements of course, and sure enough, it came to me! Drugs, I went up for the drugs. Because I can’t really deal with this pain. I normally boast a high pain tolerance, mainly because surgery and needles don’t scare me, but when it gets in the way of getting things done, that pisses me off. So I took some Aleve, and hopefully that eases a little of the pressure. If it doesn’t work, I’ll have to have the kids unload the dishwasher and take out the trash tonight.

Ok, I’m sorry, but that’s all I have for now. I’ve been a little neglectful of the blog so I really just wrote this to give you something, so as not to get out of the habit of writing. More will come. It always does.

Daily Snippets, Family, Food, Holidays

Pre-Thanksgiving Prep

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So Thanksgiving is almost here. We host, so that means we have a certain level of preparing that needs to be done. I keep it at a low level though, cuz I fail miserably at hosting if it try too hard.  We roast the turkey, we make the mashed potatoes, the corn, the stuffing, and everybody else brings the rest. I don’t decorate, though I do have a fall themed tablecloth I hope to remember to bring out for the occasion. I don’t even clean the house beyond what I do normally. Anything to minimize my stress and anxiety is worth it if it means everyone has a good time and we can enjoy each other’s company. Planning ahead helps me to both budget my energy and to make sure everything is ready. And if it’s not, I have to decide that’s okay too. Half the battle is changing my perspective. My family all knows this about me, thankfully, so that takes the pressure off. They see what needs to be done and fill in the cracks accordingly.

One thing I am striving for today though, is to clean out the fridge to make room for the turkey day leftovers. Which means I am working on using up our every day leftovers. In other words, I’m eating whatever I can. It’s a slight departure from my daily smoothies but my gut doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, yay! This morning I had scrambled eggs with red onion, red bell pepper, and feta. It was scrumptious, and I was able to rid the fridge of four containers. Still have lots of cleaning out to do but that was a fun way to get it started. Well not as much fun as it was tasty, I guess. You know what I mean, right?

I have a sick kid home with me today so I’ve taken plenty of breaks to tend to her needs, but overall it’s been a relaxing yet productive day so far. The best kind, if you ask me!

Daily Snippets, Family, God speaks

Thankful for do-overs

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Lest you think it’s all sunshine and roses with me, I’ll share that I had a bad day yesterday. I was tired and hungry and my emotions were all off kilter and I was a complete jerk to my family. I am sparing you the details, but let’s just say it was not pretty. It’s not the first time of course, but I’ve been having this happen more frequently than I would like. And it makes me feel like a helpless crazy person and that’s just an awful way to feel. 

But then my husband talks me out of it, not taking any of my crap, and welcomes me back to earth with open arms. 

And then this morning I see this view from my front porch and I am compelled to thank God for another day.

Daily Snippets, Health, Running

It runs deep

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I have a strong aversion to folding the clean laundry. Really strong. If I can think of anything else I can do instead, I’ll do it. 

So today I’m going to the YMCA!

I know what you’re saying, I was doing that already, so not a great excuse, but eh… I woke up this morning NOT feeling it. Almost cancelled my ride to the gym. But fortunately I procrastinated on that too, until the bus came, and now I’m on my way. I know once I’m there I’ll be glad I stuck with it.

And that’s my Friday snippet. Make today a good one!

Daily Snippets, Holidays

Christmas letters

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I love getting Christmas cards. Cute pictures of people’s kids and pets, seeing how everyone is growing, I love it. Sometimes – sometimes – we get a letter. And those are my favorite. I’ve been sending out Christmas cards every year for the last few years, the photo cards you can make by uploading your favorite picture(s) from the year, but this year I’m running into some trouble. Thing is, my recipient list has grown longer and prices have gone up. I’m not really excited about spending $100 plus on Christmas cards. So I thought maybe this year I would start sending generic Christmas cards, and just insert a photo and a personalized letter into each one of them. I’m excited about doing this, but I wasted so much time this morning browsing the photo printing sites for cards that I won’t be able to get going on it today. So I’m posting this here to help me remember. It works, really. Oh, and here’s a link I wanted to save with some useful tips:

http://www.marylandwriter.net/2009/11/five-tips-for-writing-perfect-christmas.html

So I know it’s just barely November, and we are possibly all still reeling from the election results, but I have been thinking about Christmas for weeks! I’ve even made a good head start on my gift shopping. I’m not trying to pressure anyone to get going on holiday planning, because Lord knows holidays can be stressful and I don’t want to stress you out. I just wanted to share my little bit of excitement, and hopefully take your mind off that aforementioned event. Holidays are coming! Tell me, if you enjoy the winter holidays, what’s your favorite thing? What do you look forward to most?

Daily Snippets, Deep thoughts, God speaks, Kids, Motherhood, Parenting

HE KNOWS

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I’ve been trying to get back to reading scripture on a daily basis, and I’m glad I’ve been doing it. It’s a great comfort, and God still uses it to speak to me. This morning I was reading in Jeremiah where it talks about the Israelites and how God was angry with them because of their wickedness. That seems to be a common theme in the Old Testament. But after the weekend I had, it really helped me to know that God understands what I’m feeling. See, my daughter had been wanting a mermaid tail for her birthday. I bought her one, but it wasn’t the exact one that she wanted, or rather it was missing a piece she wanted. She was heartbroken and to be honest, ungrateful. It didn’t help that she was at her birthday party, in front of all her friends. I was really upset with her. Then later that night I was trying to help my son get his football uniform and equipment together for turning in the following day, and I was asking him where things were. He had a friend over, so he didn’t like me interrupting him with these questions and told me to leave him alone. So I let him do his own laundry!

But the point is, I had been pretty upset and down about having two children acting ungrateful, after a week spent doing things for them (chaperoning the school field trip, putting together preparations for the birthday party, cooking, cleaning, etc.). So it was really therapeutic and healing to read this morning, and to know that God can relate to what I was feeling. He knows what it’s like to have ungrateful children, and yet He loves us all just the same.

“Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. I will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity and will rebuild them as they were before.” Jeremiah 33:6-7

Disability, Hearing Loss, Kids, Memories, Visually Impaired

I chaperoned, sort of

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Is chaperoned even a word? It sounds weird. Well, either way, it’s what I did today. I went along on a field trip for my son. I passed out papers to kids, I supervised and walked them around a museum. It was a lot of fun overall, but also extremely challenging for me. From the get-go I was out of my comfort zone because I rode the school bus with a gang of fourth graders. Buses are loud, fourth graders are loud, it’s all loud. And since my cochlear implants can only process a handful of noises at any given moment, it was all just a bunch of gobbled-gook to my brain. But the bus ride was really the easy part.

Once we arrived at the museum, I was in a little more shock. It’s just hard walking around unfamiliar places, and even harder when you are with a bunch of people unfamiliar to your specific needs. I mean, on the outside I look completely normal. Well, except for the cochlear implants, but I think most people assume that since I have them, I have no trouble hearing the way they do. I had not tried to explain to any of the adults that I could only see clearly within a small field of vision eight or ten feet ahead of me, or that in loud situations I need to be standing near the speaker, within lip-reading distance. So when the person in charge is talking to the group, I have no idea what they are saying. When they say something funny and everyone is laughing, I stand there feeling rather idiotic. I mean, I never know if what’s being said is important for me to know or not. They could just be giving a history lesson, or they could be giving instructions for where to go and when. If it’s the latter, I would kind of need to know, since I was being put in charge of a small group of children. In hindsight I guess I should have done a better job educating the teacher. But, all anxieties aside, I managed and we all had a good time. Luke and another student both helped me to know what was going on, so there wasn’t much problem there. Also, we were given thorough hand-outs detailing the schedule and location of each segment throughout the day.

So I guess you could say the day was bittersweet. On one hand it was fun, and really awesome that I was able to be there to support my son and his class – he had begged me to chaperone – and on the other hand it was bittersweet. I felt a lot more impaired than I usually do. It was a big stretch out of my comfort zone and away from my physical capabilities. But I think Luke understands that, as he is an empathic kid, and he appreciates that I had the courage to do it. He knows I only do it because I love him.

Food, Health, Multiple Sclerosis

Everybody does it

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I drink a lot of smoothies. Just about every day, a smoothie packed with bananas, berries, yogurt, and spinach. Sometimes I’ll mix it up and add a little juice or milk, or vanilla for flavor. But always the banana, berries, and spinach. Because fiber, y’all. I need it. We all do, of course, cuz it’s an important nutrient, but I seem to be of the brand of human who needs a little help in the elimination department. Oh sorry, I didn’t warn you this post might be TMI for some. But seriously, folks, why does no one ever talk about this? Is it really that sensitive a subject? It’s not for lack of commonality, I assure you. I think it’s just because it’s icky. But I’m not afraid of self-disclosure (clearly, I have a blog for crying out loud) and I’m not afraid to share that I have trouble.

In fact, I’ve always had trouble, so I can’t really blame it on MS – although MS can certainly compound the issue. No, I remember as a young girl having to drink mineral oil and being given enemas. I still vividly remember drawing a picture of my poop once so I could show it to my mom, I was so proud. (You realize what we’re talking about now, right?) She doesn’t remember this, but I do. I don’t know if I should be hurt by that or thankful she didn’t save the picture!

So, back up to the smoothies. It’s really just been the easiest way for me to consume enough fiber. Berries are packed with it, as is spinach, which is virtually tasteless when you grind it up in the blender. Not that I mind spinach, I love it, just not with my fruit so much. My doctor recommends I consume 30 grams of fiber every day and OH MY GOSH, that’s a lot of fiber. So it’s been a struggle, but most days I hit the goal. And it has been helping, but not always enough, so once a day or so I go for a glass of your good ole prune juice. Yech. It’s the most unpleasant beverage I’ve ever consumed, but if you water it down it’s not so bad. It certainly beats mineral oil.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention the best part of this development. In recent weeks I was having a lot more balance problems than usual, and I was starting to use my cane on a pretty regular basis. It had not occurred to me that one issue could be related to the other, but when I started getting “regular”, my balance issues almost disappeared. I’m walking so well now! Now I know I could attribute this improvement to other things like exercise or the change in the weather, but the improvement was so sudden, like within the following day, that I have to give it credit. And the fact that my balance has remained well as I’ve been on this increased fiber – and resulting regularity – just confirms it for me.

I have so much more on my mind regarding food I want to share with you, but I’ve got a lot on my plate this week so it will have to wait for another day. Eat your fruits & veggies, people!!

**If you caught my puns, I applaud you. I love puns 🙂

Daily Snippets, Kids

Coldfront coming through…

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This morning my daughter tried to go to school wearing skimpy gym shorts and a tank top. Because it’s gym day, of course.

Then my son kept trying to argue his way out of wearing a coat to school.

My children are clearly in denial about the weather changes. It’s 38 degrees and raining.

I, on the other hand, am happily wearing a sweater, jacket, and scarf. Because I an a realist. And also I love this beautiful Michigan fall weather.