Deep thoughts, God speaks

Jesus is my healer

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Sometimes I wonder if God wants me to share something, and I’ll pray about it, and I’ll journal, and I’ll wait. And then he shows me a Scripture or a sign or I just have a serious prompting in my heart that makes it clear that yes, I should share this. And this is one of those stories.

As I was chatting with a friend Sunday  about illness, dark times, and recovery (her dad recently went through quite a bit with a cancer scare), she brought up the time I was so sick I was sleeping all day long. She told me of when she took me for walks to try to wake me up, and specifically a time she took me to Office Max. As we were walking through the store she had to catch me because I fell asleep standing up. This astounded me. I knew it had been bad, but I had no idea how bad. Then another friend joined in the conversation and told me about people visiting in the hospital. Most of the people she listed, I don’t even remember seeing there. It was surreal, hearing these stories and feeling as if they were talking about someone else. It brought me to tears.

So I went home Sunday contemplating all of this. Later that day, Mike affirmed the gravity of the situation when he told me the nights I was in the hospital he wouldn’t sleep – couldn’t sleep – because he was so afraid of losing me. That brought me to tears again, picturing where he was, and what he had to deal with. And it just made me so… so… THANKFUL. And that night I fell asleep praising God for everything; my life, my husband, kids, friends, family.

This morning I read a story of Jesus healing 10 lepers, and in essence it was God answering my question – “should I share?” –  Luke 17:14-19 – “When he saw them he said to them, ‘Go and show yourselves to the priests.’ And as they went they were cleansed. Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice; and he fell on his face at Jesus’ feet, giving him thanks. Now he was a Samaritan. Then Jesus answered, ‘Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?’ And he said to him, ‘Rise and go your way; your faith has made you well.’”

So I guess this is me, turning back to praise God with a loud voice and giving thanks to Jesus. He is still in the healing business.

Domestic Engineer, Family, Funny story

Funny story…

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My husband is out of town for work, so I’m in charge for a few days. This is another small victory in my book, as around this time two years ago I was nearly a vegetable. He took this same trip last year, but this year I have that bed-shaker alarm to wake me up in the morning, AND I’ve been feeling so much better, so I was extremely confident in my abilities to hold down the fort sans husband. Pride comes before a fall, folks.

At 8:00 am, the time we are supposed to be AT the bus stop, my daughter was still fiddling to get her shoes on and I was frantically looking for my keys. The coffee was brewing, so that it would be waiting for me when I returned from dropping off the kids. Once Natalie had her shoes on, we headed out the door. I hadn’t found my keys, but figured I would just use the keypad on the garage door when I came back. No biggie. Right?

Fifteen minutes later, the kids are on the bus, and I am back home. However, as I was walking up the driveway I remembered that I had locked the interior door inside the garage the night before. The one I intended to use to get back in the house. Because, you know, my protector husband wasn’t home and I’m suddenly paranoid about people breaking into garages. I guess. This is my first garage, what do I know?

I was pretty quickly on the verge of panicking, but I knew that wouldn’t do me any good so by the grace of God I stayed calm and I didn’t even cry! (Seriously, there were no tears shed in the making of this story) My next thought was that maybe the back door was still unlocked from when Luke let the dog out this morning. I mean, why would he lock the door back up? It’s sort of a responsible thing to do, and not likely for an 8 year old to do without being told. So, I hopped the neighbor’s fence (it’s much shorter than ours, and the gate to their yard is not padlocked as ours is) and tried the back door.

As it turns out, my 8 year old is a responsible young boy.

Did I mention I had also left my phone at home?

Yes, I was in some serious trouble here. But it was still early, and lots of people were home. In fact, I knew the guy across the street was home because he was walking back just ahead of me after dropping his son off at the bus stop. So, I walked over and knocked on the door. Sure enough, he came to the door and let me in to use his phone. I left a message for my husband and then we walked over to my house to see if we could open a window (we couldn’t, not without doing some damage). Thankfully Mike called back while we were burglarizing the house in broad daylight, and he suggested that there might still be a key in the garage where he had left it for his dad. We looked, and it was not there, so we called back and had him call his dad to come and unlock the door for me. BIG sigh of relief!!

I only needed to wait a half an hour, but a half hour sitting in a garage with no one to talk to and nothing to read can feel like an eternity. Also, my freshly brewed coffee was waiting for me just on the other side!! What was I to do?! Well, I swept the garage floor – thoroughly. Then I blew some bubbles in the front yard. And sure enough, Grandpa came pulling up the drive soon enough. I sheepishly kept my head down, embarrassed as ever, and Grandpa just chuckled at me. This stuff happens to the best of us. If you can’t laugh about it, you are taking life way too seriously. So, I’m laughing about it now. And you can bet I owe Matthew from across the street a big batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies!

Deep thoughts

Identity Crisis?

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I started drafting a blog post yesterday with the following (to remind myself to write about it when I had more time):
“An introvert feeling lonely after three days with minimal human interaction?”

See, yesterday I was a confused, melancholy mess, for weird and petty reasons. All day I was struggling with wanting to call someone, invite them over, but then fearing that whomever I called would be too busy for a spontaneous visit or worse, not want to see me. When my husband asked me if I was okay (knowing I wasn’t), I fought back the tears (unsuccessfully) as I explained that I had been feeling lonely. And I noted how strange that was for me, the introvert. After a healthy chat, my sweet husband offered to drop me off at the mall so I could spend the day chatting with strangers. He was joking to get a laugh out of me (which worked), but it actually sounded tempting.

Then a good friend of mine posted this link on Facebook today:
“Real Life Examples of an Extroverted Introvert So You Don’t Get Confused” I found this to be really interesting timing, having that article pop up in my news feed, validating all that I was feeling just the day before.

What I found most interesting in the article is the explanation that introversion/extroversion is not an either/or characteristic, but is more of a spectrum. That is to say, you can have tendencies for both, and some people lean more to one side than the other. I lean heavily on the introversion side, and have for most of my life. Which is why yesterday’s bout of loneliness was so dang confusing. Loneliness is not something I have encountered often. Hardly ever, in fact.

I really enjoy talking with people, hearing their stories. I want to know where they come from, what interests them. My favorite part of the day lately has been chatting with the parents from our neighborhood as we wait for the school bus. Perhaps these past two years of drastic changes have brought some extroverted tendencies my way. I suppose that’s not such a bad thing, right?

Books, Food, Piper

Shalom

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I have done almost nothing today. I mean, no real work or housekeeping or other responsible adult type of activities. Here was my day so far:

  1. Morning preparations: fed the kids breakfast, packed lunches, made coffee
  2. Took the kids to the bus stop – get this, it’s a 2 minute walk. TWO!
  3. Read a book while Piper slept at my feet. (Piper is the dog, in case you’re new here)
  4. Fixed my morning smoothie with banana, strawberries, and blueberries.
  5. Took Piper outside and played fetch.
  6. Had lunch – made a sandwich on buttered toast with leftover tomato, green pepper, onion, and fresh basil. It was surprisingly yummy!
  7. Finished reading the book (a Grisham novel…The Racketeer. Not his best work but it still kept me entertained).

Mixed in with all of that was some Facebook browsing and texting with a friend. Not much else. So it’s been a long overdue lazy day, I guess. I still have an hour before I’ll leave to meet the kids at the bus stop, and I haven’t decided how to spend it. Getting bored is kind of unnerving for me. I think I’ve forgotten how to relax.

Now, lest you get all envious of my luxurious life of no job and no responsibilities (sort of), I feel like I should remind you that what I have here is a trade-off. Multiple sclerosis, sudden deafness, visual impairment. So while it is nice on days like today to be home, I still have my regular struggles. I am extremely grateful to be home for my family and I am also extremely grateful to be able to rest when I need it. Today was a day of rest. Shalom.

Deep thoughts, Family, Movies, Prayer

I’m not dead! I’m getting better! I think I’ll go for a walk…

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That title is a Monty Python and the Holy Grail quote for those in the know… best read out loud with a British accent.

It’s true! I’m still here! Blog still somewhat active! The irony here, folks, is that when there is much going on and much to tell, there isn’t much time to sit down and write about it. But that time is coming. In fact, it’s kind of here, and as soon as the dust settles, I’m sure you’ll be hearing more from me.

Our little family of four (plus the dog) is happy and healthy. It’s beautiful and amazing and I am so thankful. However, I am surrounded by friends and family who are struggling in a variety of ways; sickness, disease, financial struggles, you name it. And seriously, my heart is aching for every single one of them. I am overwhelmed with a desire to help, now that I am awake enough to be aware of others’ needs. That fog has lifted from my internal/mental space. I am free to be aware. Which is a gift, yes, but with my limitations I don’t know HOW to help, other than to pray. So I pray, a lot, and I reach out as much as possible, because I know when I was struggling it meant the world to me when people did that. A note here, a message there, it all made such a difference. People say that it’s the thought that counts, but that’s not true. Unless the thought leads to action – great or small – it means nothing. But those actions do mean a great deal, no matter how small we think they are.

So that’s all I have for today, and I realize it’s a bit of a cheat, but oh well. Life goes on. Ob-la-di, ob-la-da.

Wait, before I go, can I challenge you all to something today? Turn your thoughts into actions. The positive ones, of course. If you think about doing something nice, DO IT. Be kind and courageous. I dare you!

Health, Multiple Sclerosis

MS buttkicking

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Most days I feel like I’m kicking butt. Today was not one of those days. My butt got kicked. It wasn’t a super hot day, but it was humid, and I was working in the house without the air conditioning on. I let myself get overheated, and here it’s 9pm and I’m calling it a night. My feet are burning, my legs are twitchy and slow to respond, and my balance is shot. I fell once already today, but then again as I was walking down the hallway (thank goodness for walls). Most days I am able to forget I have MS. Then it creeps up and reminds me it’s still here.

Not to worry. A night of rest will serve me well, and I will keep moving forward. Because I may have MS, but MS will never have me.

Memories

They were in the basement the whole time

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As I was unpacking and organizing in the new house the other day, I came across all our old photo albums, pictures that have been in boxes in the basement for years and years. It’s strange, looking back at who I was. The Pre-Hearing Loss Mindy. My short-term memory took a hit two years ago when I was struggling with dementia or whatever that was, but in the stress of it all I think I also forgot a lot of the long-term stuff. Things that happened years ago. Who I was, what I loved, clothes I wore. And what’s interesting is that when I started pulling the photo albums out of the boxes Natalie asked me “are those your memories?” Yes sweetie, yes they are. I look at the pictures and it’s all coming back to me. They are not lost forever after all.

Nothing

Wasting time

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You’ll never believe what I just did. I uninstalled Farmville 2 (gasp!) from my phone. Again. That stupid game just sucks me in. I had reinstalled it after going without for awhile, thinking I could handle it, but apparently I can’t. I hate to compare it to serious addictions to substances like alcohol or drugs, but I really do just need to say no. No, no, NO. When it’s there it takes over my thoughts. 24/7. It’s flippin’ ridiculous. I find myself wasting all kinds of time, all of which is essentially Free Time for me, and leaving me at the end of the day in a puddle of regret. Because I believe my time is a gift, and I am wasting it. I could be (should be?) interacting with my kids, praying for my friends, letting the dog out, unpacking, calling my mom for Pete’s sake!

So tomorrow we start again. Again. And hopefully this time I will prove to myself that I can remain strong and abstain from the life-sucking, time-wasting ridiculous farming game. One day at a time, Mindy. One. Day. At. A. Time.

Food

Frittata First

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Since moving in to this new house, I’ve used the stove and oven for simple foods a couple times, but tonight I did some real cooking for the first time. Now real cooking for me is nothing compared to what my dad and sister can do with food, but I can do some meals well enough. Tonight was a frittata, made with bacon and green pepper. These ingredients were just what I had on hand, but they also happen to be my two favorite pizza toppings. Needles to say, I found it delicious. Hubby was happy too, but the kids didn’t care for the green pepper (shocker).

It was different using an electric range, because I’ve used a gas stove (and loved it) for well over a decade. This one that came with the house has a glass cooktop, which looks nice but is a pain in the rear to clean. It also takes longer to heat up, and may not cook as evenly, but it wasn’t enough of a difference to bother me. The real test will come when I bake my famous chocolate chip cookies!

Coffee, Domestic Engineer, Family, Friends, Photos, Piper

Every Day Is Yours To Win

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2015-08-18 09.11.40

The photo above is the view from my back porch. Do you see how the sun casts sort of a glow over the deck? Or is that just me? I took the photo this morning. Our house faces east, so the back porch is still cool from the night air as the sun is rising on the other side, and under the gazebo there is a nice breeze. So this is where I have come to love sitting in the morning (granted, it’s only Day Two), with my coffee and Bible, while Piper runs around the yard or rolls in the grass. When she’s done with that nonsense, she comes and lies down at my feet. It’s lovely. Just lovely. We are so blessed with this new home.

And if that wasn’t enough, we have some really awesome neighbors. All of them. Really. They even have a private Facebook page they use to keep in touch with each other. So while we’ve done some chatting with them leading up to the day we moved in, today we actually got to meet several of them. In fact, when people started getting home from their respective jobs, they seemed  anxious to meet us and say hello. The woman from across the street walked over to say hi, and we discovered we both have sons named Luke. A lady from the end of the street stopped at our driveway as she was leaving the neighborhood, and I was able to meet her and her son (whom I found had already met Luke yesterday). Then after Mike came home we met the man who lives next door to us, as well as his wife and two kids. It’s amazing how friendly these people are. We had heard this was a great neighborhood, but now we’re experiencing it and finding it to be absolutely true.

Oh, and get this – there are at least three other couples on the block whose first names start with the same letter, just as mine and Mike’s do (Mike and Mindy). There are the S’s next door, the D’s across the street, and another set of M’s further down. I love alliteration, I really do. What can I say? I’m a geek, all the way.

The unpacking is moving along. Throughout each day there is a constant feeling that I’m about to hit a wall, but I haven’t actually done it yet. I figure if I just go slow, then even if I do hit that wall, I won’t break anything. Just in theory, of course. I am developing some killer calf muscles, going up and down the stairs. But overall, life is good here and we feel pretty well settled. We have internet now, toilet paper, milk. You know, the necessities.

And here is where my brain is shutting down for the night, whether I like it or not. Good night!

Deaf and half-blind runner with multiple sclerosis