Kids, Memories, Photos

Happy Birthday to my baby boy

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Today my son, Luke, turns 9. It feels like a lifetime ago that he was born, but I still remember the day in vivid color. He certainly made a grand entrance. Shall I share the story? Don’t mind if I do…

I was at the doctor’s office for my 39 week checkup, and they determined I was suffering from preeclampsia. I guess. I still don’t know much about that, other than it has something to do with blood pressure, and it’s rather dangerous for mom and baby. So, since I was only three days shy of my due date, we decided now was the time. They wheeled me across the tunnel to the hospital, and I made a call to let my husband know – “We’re having the baby tonight; bring dinner.”

Mike showed up with gyros from Lou & Harry’s (it was the Wednesday special), and after they had me admitted and wired up with induction drugs, we ate. I can’t believe we could eat, because we were so excited, but it was nearing dinner time and we weren’t sure when we would get another chance. Food is important to us, clearly.

The drugs took a while to kick in, but once they did, I was laboring pretty good. All. Night. By morning I was exhausted and in enough pain that I was ready for epidural. When they gave me the epidural however, they missed and hit my spine. I was numb from the neck down. When they asked me to sit up, I toppled over, unable to move. Looking back, and after all the crap I’ve been through since, this doesn’t seem all that big. But at the time, we were new to medical emergencies and we were terrified. Nurses and doctors flooded into the room, pushing Mike to the back. They pointed to a closet and told him to put on some scrubs. He was scared, but I don’t think he ever lost eye contact with me. From what I remember of course. Time changes things.

We were rushed to an operating room, which happened to be right next door. Luke’s heart rate had quickly dropped, most likely due to the stress coming from my body, and it was imperative that they get him out as soon as possible. So I ended up delivering him via emergency C-section. He was fine. I was fine. Everyone was healthy. A C-section is not what most mothers hope for, but when the result is a healthy, happy baby, you don’t complain. And especially not after seven years of infertility.

So Luke was one of the best gifts I’ve ever received, one I thought for a long time I would never get. He is growing and changing all the time, but he’ll always be my baby boy. He’s my trickster, and often thinks he’s funny when he’s not, but he has guts and you have to give him some credit for that. He is smart, energetic, thoughtful, kind, and funny, but I love his heart most of all. He is a sweet kid and he makes me proud to be his momma.

Happy birthday Luke! Mom and Dad love you immensely. Here’s to many more happy years.

Luke 9 Birthday

Cochlear implant, Family, Food, Kids, Miracles do happen, Motherhood, Running

Anniveraries and magic…

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May 9, 2014 I received my first cochlear implant (right ear).
May 8,2015 I received my second cochlear implant (left ear).
Both days were the Friday before Mother’s Day. Being given the gift of hearing again was a pretty awesome Mother’s Day gift.

May 6, 2016 I ran my first 5k. It was also the Friday before Mother’s Day. Running it with my son, and in the presence of beloved family and friends was an even better gift yet.

I’ve decided that the Friday before Mother’s Day will now always be an anniversary to be celebrated. Whether it’s celebrating the gift of CI hearing, or the accomplishment of running a race, or whatever, each year I will set aside time to remember, reflect upon, and be thankful for what I have been given.

But really, can I just say how amazing this weekend was? Kicking butt at the 5k Friday, then having a super chill day with the kids on Saturday, and then this morning, on Mother’s DAY, my husband and children got up early so they could make breakfast for me before church. And not just those canned cinnamon rolls you throw in the oven, which was the only thing I had requested. While the kids put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher, my selfless husband whipped up some fried eggs and perfectly cooked bacon. He had even run to the store that morning to buy orange juice. And then, after I was finished eating, they all showered me with cards and gifts and chocolate (of course).

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We finished the day with a drive to take Grandma for a late lunch at IHOP, which was super duper yummy (I can’t get enough of those Belgian waffles). We visited and had a good time, and then drove home, exhausted but happy.

Oh, and I almost forgot – to top it off, on Friday we received an offer on our house! The old house we moved out of last August, affectionately called The Cottage, is hopefully getting closer to being out of our hands, and that will be such a relief. We are crossing our fingers and praying that everything goes smoothly. We shall know more in the coming days.

This weekend was the best weekend I’ve had in I don’t remember how long. It feels almost magical, as cheesy as that sounds. And of course, by saying that I totally ruined the magic, but whatever. Have a magical night, everyone!

 

 

Family, Health, Multiple Sclerosis, Running

Our first 5K

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The Mason State Bank 5k Run 2016:
Mindy – Age 38 – 39:42
Luke – Age 8 – 31:07

People, people. My son’s and my first 5k was a huge success. I achieved my goals and then some. And Luke, not knowing at all what to expect, ran an amazing race. He said aside from the day he was born, which of course he doesn’t remember, this was the Best. Day. Ever. He was over the moon excited, and is already talking about his next 5k. I think we have ourselves another runner in the family.

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What an amazing experience this was. I had no doubt that I would finish the race, and without much walking even. So there was no surprise there. The best part about this race though, was that I felt immensely supported by my family and friends. My brother and sister, who are both rock star runners and have been such motivation to me personally, were both there. My sister-in-law, my two nephews, my father-in-law, a couple dear friends even. All of them came. I even had one friend who told me just hours before the race that she was going to run it too! And even those who couldn’t make it wished me well beforehand and I truly felt them there in spirit. And while my husband was not there at the end (he was helping our daughter start her one mile race), he was there to give me good luck kiss at the starting line. He’s been my biggest fan through this whole process. He helped me find good running gear, like breathable shorts and shirts, and decent running shoes (my slip-on Sketchers were laughable for distance running). Just hearing him say how proud he is of me helps to keep me going. After all, I’m doing this for him and the kids. I want to be healthy, and I want to be around for them as long as I can.

The actual race was fairly uneventful. I think I must have been a little nervous, but I held onto my cookies (mostly). It really helped having a friend running beside me (at least until I left her in the dust after the first mile lol). I kept a good pace the whole time, and only tripped on my toes once, but recovered gracefully with a skip and kept on plugging away. At mile 2 (I think) my sister was waiting to take a picture, and then joined in and jogged beside me for awhile. That was nice because when you feel sluggish, like a tortoise crawling through molasses, it’s nice to have a distraction. My sister is one tough broad and she is an enthusiastic supporter. It was really, really, fun to run beside her, even if it was only for a portion of the race.

The final stretch of the race was up a major hill, and when I got to the top I was not only taxed, but couldn’t see where the finish line was. I knew it was near the end because of all the people standing around (and the smell of food from the local vendors) but the actual finish was just far enough out of my visual field that I wasn’t sure. So I decided to walk just then, to rest my legs and give myself time to gain a better awareness of my surroundings. After a few steps though, I looked to my right and I could see what I assumed to be the finish line, so I started running again. As I ran I started to recognize the banner reading “FINISH” and I started to get a smidge emotional. Not wanting to be a bawling mess at the end, I covered my face and tried to breathe as slowly as possible. As I crossed the line I saw my brother and Luke running towards me to congratulate me and bring me a water bottle. And, of course, to make sure I made it safely to a sitting position. My left leg was genuinely out of commission for a good 10 minutes. I did manage to withhold most of the tears, and just enjoyed the moment. I did it. I ran a 5k, all the way. And I can’t wait to do it again.

 

Cochlear implant, Family, Health, Hearing Loss, Housekeeping, Multiple Sclerosis, Music

Oh, the days

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There are some days that I feel the need to  emotionally crawl back into my safe little cave. I kind of know why this happens ever so often, and I know it always passes eventually, so I’m not worried about it. I am thankful on days like these that I’m not responsible for anything urgent or super-important. Not exactly. My responsibilities involve feeding the people and keeping things clean-ish and supplies stocked. I generally give those responsibilities my 100% effort, but I’m sure we would all survive even if I gave half that.  So on days like these when I can only muster 70%, we’re doing just fine. I’m not sure anyone will even notice. In fact, when it means processed, frozen burritos for dinner instead of my homemade beef stew, the kids are actually thankful for my slacker status. They love those burritos.

My 5k race is coming up in three whole days! I don’t think I’m nervous. It’s my first race ever, so I don’t have many expectations. If I finish on my feet I’ll be happy. I heard a song awhile back come up on my Pandora station and while it’s not the best tempo for running, the lyrics gave me some motivation. Don’t judge; it was a song by Eminem. I’m trying to hit “like” on songs that sound good to my new ears, and my musical tastes have changed quite drastically. Everything just sounds so different to me now. So I guess New Mindy enjoys some Eminem and can tolerate the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Anyhoo, the song that caught my ears is called “Till I Collapse”, and after reading the lyrics online, I can honestly apply a lot of the sentiment to my philosophy on this running thing. Of course Mr. Mathers was surely rapping about something else entirely, but the nice thing about music is you can make it what you want. What it means to you is just that – what it means to you. Here is the chorus to the song:

“‘Cause sometimes you just feel tired, you feel weak
And when you feel weak you feel like you want to just give up
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
And just pull that **** out of you and get that motivation to not give up
And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you want to just fall flat on your face and collapse”

What’s kind of funny to me is that the fear that kept me from running at first was the fear of falling flat on my face. And if I do, I do. Whatever. In the song he talks about inner strength, but my strength does not come from within. My strength comes from God. He gives me the strength I need, when I need it. So when I feel like quitting, that is where I turn.  I will look to my Savior to keep me going. He has never failed me, never left my side, and together we will run this race!

Marriage

17 Years and counting

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Today was my 17th wedding anniversary. I don’t really have much to say about the matter. My brain feels a little fried right now. But we had a really good weekend together. The kids were at Grandma’s for the weekend so it was nice to be able to relax and get some adult conversation in now and then.

I think what’s worth saying right now is that I am more in love with my husband than I was 17 years ago. Well, maybe not more, but different. Richer, fuller, a more complete love. Not so much “in love” but simply “love”. Both the feeling and the choice. A love that’s proved itself over and over. “For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” We meant every word of our wedding vows, and if you need proof, just look at what we have been through over the years, and what we have endured – together – and you’ll see how true that is. I did a lot of reflecting and remembering this weekend, recalling memories of our early years together, and it was nice, but I wouldn’t ever consider going back. What we had 17 years ago was special, but it has evolved into something even better. It really just keeps getting better.

I am especially thankful today for my husband. He makes me laugh like no one else can, he can read my thoughts and moods (he often knows me better than I do), he calls me out on my bullshit, and above all, he has my back. I don’t know where I would be without him. Mike, if you read this far – I love you more!

Health, Multiple Sclerosis

Training for health

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Today was my first attempt at running outside. No treadmill. I tried to have zero expectations. I really tried. But when my foot drop showed up 1/3 of a mile in to the run and I started to feel extreme disappointment, I realized I did have some expectation after all.

I guess I expected it to be more like running on the treadmill. It was nothing like it. Entirely different, in fact. I was surprised. And a lot disappointed. I did not expect the foot drop to show up so soon. And let me tell you, I had felt really ridiculous and self-conscious from the very beginning, so the foot drop didn’t help. I felt like a three-legged duck.

So the foot drop was there, looming, threatening to put me flat on my face. I tripped on my toes a few times, but continued running anyway. Because I gotta get home somehow, right? And this run was really just a test to see what pace I run when I don’t have the treadmill telling me how fast I’m going. There was one trip about halfway through the run that almost took me down, but I caught myself and immediately decided to walk for a bit to allow me to rest my legs (and sooth my ego). Then I started running again. Slowly, and with small steps, SLOOOOOW-motion for sure, but I was moving! And not falling. My biggest fear is falling.

You know what though? Falling is not failing. If I fall, I can’t take the blame for it. My body chooses to do things without my permission. But I can choose to focus on what is within my control. I can keep moving. The more I move, the more I stay at it, the stronger my legs will be, the stronger my core muscles (needed for balance!) will be, and it will get better. I know this is true because I am doing more than I ever thought was possible even a year ago. I am pushing my body slowly, one day at a time, to go a little bit farther. This is one big test, to see what this body is capable of. And I am thanking the Lord that it’s not disappointing me.

I have a 5k race in less than 2 weeks. I have revised my goal slightly after today’s run outside. It was initially to finish in less than 40 minutes. I’m not sure if I can do that in two weeks, so my goal now is simply to finish. Period. Run, walk, crawl, whatever it takes. I will finish this race. And then I will continue on. I will keep running. I will keep pushing. This is not just a 5k I’m training for. I am training for my health.

Cochlear implant, Daily Snippets, Multiple Sclerosis, Piper, Visually Impaired

Little-big victories

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I went for my six-month follow-up with my neuro-ophthalmologist today (that was a lot of hyphenating lol). After reviewing the results of my Humphrey visual field test (flunked with flying colors, you could say), the standard “look straight into this bright light while I breathe loudly near your face” test, and chatting with me for a few minutes, he was ecstatic. Like, over the moon happy to see how well I was doing. He said my right eye had definitely improved. A small improvement, but it’s an improvement nonetheless. That’s the right direction to go, you know? He was very happy to hear that I was running, and feeling good. Maybe he could even sense from the way I was speaking to him that my cognition has improved? I’m definitely more “with it” than I was when I first came to his office in 2013. He even commented that my hearing was improving, even though that isn’t possible post cochlear surgery, but I took that to mean he could tell I was comprehending speech better than before. So yay!

When he walked me out to the receptionist’s office after our visit he stood there, looking at me and said, “Now, you promise to give that husband of yours a hug from me, won’t you? You promise??” (He loves Mike, keeps telling me he’s a good man, which of course I know, but it’s still nice to hear) And I said, yes of course, but I want a hug too. So I gave him a great big hug. Then he looked at me again with this stupidly proud, fatherly-type grin on his face, nodded a few times, sighed loudly, and then turned and walked away. It was the strangest interaction I’ve ever had with medical personnel, but it was beautiful. While I don’t feel a whole lot different than when I saw him six months ago, he sees progress, and that’s good news. Lord knows I’ve had my share of bad news, and I’m always down for some good stuff.

Oh, and to top all this off, the dog didn’t destroy the house while I was gone! I’ve been leaving her out of the crate while I’m gone, for an hour or two at a time. This was the longest I left her out, but she did great! Didn’t chew anything up, didn’t relieve herself in the house, and she seems even more super duper happy when I come home. Now if we can just get her to stop barking at all the neighbors walking by…

Hearing Loss, Multiple Sclerosis

MS and Running

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This is in no way an “Official” post on what it’s like to run with MS, but the build up in my mind over the past couple weeks makes it feel like it is. I searched the internet in hopes of hearing from other runners with MS, but didn’t have much luck. Sadly, it’s probably not all that common. So I guess I wanted to share what it’s like for me, and if others find me and chime in, the more the merrier, right?

This whole running thing started more than a year ago, when we lived at a different house, in a different neighborhood, and the kids went to a different school. The bus stop was a 3/4 mile walk, so after the kids got on the bus, I would walk back home the long way, completing an almost two mile walk. It got me thinking that I could maybe walk 3 miles, or 3.1, which is equal to the popular 5k run. As soon as I verbalized this idea around my son, he was anxious to participate in a race with me. Now, his intention has always been to run a race, but I told him from the get-go that I wasn’t sure I could run it. The sweetheart he is, he said he would go at whatever pace I could. He just wanted to be with me.

See, my MS started with balance issues. I was falling a lot back then, and I still fall sometimes, or wobble when I’m turning my head. So I don’t trust my balance. To attempt running with poor balance seemed foolish to me. At the time, of course. Fast forward a little more than a year, and somehow I got it in my head that I could actually run. We have a treadmill at home, with handles for safety. I thought, “Why not try?” So I did. I downloaded a couch-to-5k program to give me some guidance, and I started training. You know what I found? I found that the intervals where I had to stop running and just walk briskly didn’t go so well. I actually did better if I just kept running.

But here’s the inside story, the way my body reacts to the running. In case you’re interested. The first thing that happens is that the ringing in my ears gets really, really loud. This tinnitus is something I experience 24/7, but it’s usually quiet enough that I forget it’s there. It’s just something you get used to. But after about 10 or 15 minutes of running, that ringing just cranks up to full volume. It’s how I know my body is working hard, I guess. And this actually has nothing to do with my MS, it’s just a side effect of my hearing loss. But I digress.

The second notable thing that happens to me is the foot drop. This is very common for people with MS. The Mayo Clinic describes foot drop as a general term for difficulty lifting the front part of the foot. Some whose disease is more progressed experience this all the time, or when they are experiencing a full-blown relapse. Mine shows up when I’ve been sitting for too long or am super-fatigued. And when I’m running, of course.  Now, when you can’t lift the front part of your foot, you often end up tripping on it. So when I’m running and I sense those toes starting to drag with each step, I have to really be careful to use all the muscle I have in that leg to lift my foot high enough to avoid tripping over my own foot and crashing head first to the ground.  The good news is that it’s only ever one foot at a time, but I never know which one it will decide to be on a particular run. I do know that it usually starts around the 2.5 mile mark so at least I can be looking out for it.

I’ve been training since early March, and by now I can run at least 3.1 miles. I run the whole way! No walking! Now I’m just working on increasing my speed. I’m pacing myself, but each run I push a little harder, run a little faster, and pray that it doesn’t kill me or send me into an MS relapse (I’m not sure that actually happens, but I plan to ask my neurologist). Overall my fatigue levels have stabilized, my blood pressure is strong, and I think I’ve even started building muscle. I feel stronger, inside and out.

My motivation started with just running (or walking) a race with my son, but it built into a more personal goal. Now I’m doing this for my health, and to give an emphatic “up yours” to this disease. I want to prove that MS doesn’t have to limit me. It’s a permanent condition, yes. I understand it’s here for the rest of my life, and someday it very well may take my legs. But not today, damn it. Today, these legs are still within my control, and with them I am choosing to run.

Our race is coming up on May 6, so wish us luck! And if you’re in town, come on down to the Mason State Bank and cheer us on 🙂

Daily Snippets, Family, Food, Health

A case of the Mondays? Almost.

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I tried really hard not to let Monday be the way Mondays can be, overwhelming and all. I think I did okay, despite it trying really hard to kick my butt.

I have a recurring muscle spam in my left shoulder and it was back with a vengeance today. When the pain is in full force it radiates all the way down my left arm, and it makes anything but standing up straight extremely painful. So resting was even hard to do. Go figure.

So I spent a good portion of my day trying to calm the spasm. Ice, Epsom salt baths, heating pad. Nothing has really worked, only made it somewhat tolerable.

But while that was the bulk of my day, I did have some positive moments. My new contact lenses came in the mail. And I made chicken noodle soup for dinner, which happens to be one of the few foods my entire family enjoys. So that made for a pleasant dinner time as we all just enjoyed the food and each other’s company. Still, we have leftovers, come on over! 🙂

Oh and my sister and I chatted our excitement about our upcoming appointment to get the matching tattoos we finally decided on after talking about for years (pardon the run-on). More on that later, and if later enough, with pictures!

Thanks for listening, folks. It means the world to me.

Daily Snippets, Deep thoughts, Disability, Multiple Sclerosis, Writing

How MS Defines Me

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I started this post three days ago, but didn’t get past the title. Now I’m deciding to continue with it, with the expectation that I can convey a clear and complete thought. Or maybe two.

I am fatigued. I am not handling it as well as usual, and I think that’s just because my running had given me a nice reprieve from the normal levels of fatigue. But having the kids home all week coupled with my MS medication running low (I get infused with Tysabri every four weeks), seems to have been too much on my body.

What bothers me most about the fatigue, at least this time around, is the effect it has on my cognition. I just can’t seem to make the connections, and even when I do, it takes an uncomfortably long time. So I’m awake, but I’m not really here. I struggle to finish sentences, I forget where I was headed within the house, I can’t put two and two together. And that’s frustrating, but I know this too shall pass. The kids go back to school tomorrow, I’ll go back to the infusion center hopefully Friday, and I will keep taking breaks when they are needed. And my family will be patient as always, they will pick up the slack where needed, it will be okay. We accommodate, together. I will get the rest I need. This is why I make the big bucks courtesy of Social Security, right? It will be okay.

MS is part of my life. It always will be, and I’m not sorry about that. It has taught me how to be patient and gracious, and how to laugh at myself. It has required strength I wouldn’t otherwise know I had. So yes, I guess you could say I am defined by my disability. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Deaf and half-blind runner with multiple sclerosis