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Food, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Photos, Running, Stories

Sleeping Bear Half Marathon Complete!

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Finally, my post race recap. It gets a little messy in my head, so bear with me (you are welcome for that accidental pun!)…

We call this Flat Mel. It’s a runner tradition to lay out your gear the night before. One last check to be sure you have everything you need!
Allison and Mel, getting some pre-race fuel at Slabtown Burgers in Traverse City.

The Sleeping Bear race was four hours away, so I booked a motel in a nearby town for myself and Allison, my guide runner (all the lodging in the area was filling up fast!). We had to drive to Traverse City (also nearby) to pick up our race packets so while we were there I introduced Allison to one of our favorite T.C. restaurants, Slabtown Burgers. After dinner, we made a valiant effort to find ice cream for dessert, but were unsuccessful. All the ice cream shops were closed for the season!

The sun setting over Lake Michigan at Empire Beach

We drove to the beach where the finish line would be the following morning, and got some pictures of the sun setting over the water. Incredible to see. There was a local retired man with two goldendoodles there watching the sunset, and we chatted with him for a minute. I asked him about the hills on this course, after he told us he rides his bike on the trails all the time. He said there were a couple of decent hills, but assured us they were short (Spoiler alert: he lied.).

The morning of the race was cold. I think maybe around 40 degrees Fahrenheit? A little more than a few degrees above freezing. But the forecast showed it would be warming up to the 60s, so I dressed for that. You warm up quick when you are running, so it’s always wise to dress for the later weather, not the earlier. We parked at the lot near the finish line, and walked over to hop on a charter bus that would take us to the starting line. The charter bus was a welcome reprieve from the cold. Soft cushy seats, heat. I was making a conscious choice to enjoy this ride. I was excited to be surrounded by all the other runners, and excited to finally be running this race I had been training for.

Once we were delivered to our starting location, we got in line for the bathrooms for one last go. I was thankful to have a real bathroom available because I have a semi-logical fear of porta potties. And since we had gotten a pretty early start, the lines weren’t terribly long, and I was also thankful for that.

Runners waiting in line for porta-potties with the sun rising in the distance.

From the bathrooms we walked over to the starting line and waited some more. The sand dunes were to our left, and the starting line to our right. The sun had just started to peak out when we got off the charter bus, so by the time we were waiting at the starting line, it was in full sunrise glory. I got a great shot of the sun rising over the portapotties (the ones we didn’t have to use).

The starting line

While we waited we were able to cheer on the full marathon runners as they made their start, 30 minutes before us. And before long it was our turn. We counted down, and then we were off! The start of most races is always pretty crowded, and this one was no exception. I just tried to stay focused on not going out too fast, and let all the faster runners get around me (let’s be honest, they were all faster runners).

It was in that first quarter mile that I realized my Garmin watch was on my “walk” setting from the day before! So I didn’t have my pace showing in the big bold numbers, and I didn’t have my run/walk interval notifications. No worries, I was feeling pretty strong and told Allison I would just keep running at this pace (whatever that was) and see how it went. Throughout the race she was able to tell me how fast we were going, so that helped a lot. I wasn’t worried about missing walk breaks because I knew there would be hills coming that I would likely need to walk up (and down), so that was a fine compromise for me.

I can’t remember how far in I started feeling gassed, but it was a lot farther in than I had expected. I was feeling great. Super surprised at how well my legs were holding up. However, in the last half of the race there were lots of moments where I was running out of gas and needed the Gatorade that the race organizers provided at the aid stations. I knew that would be provided, so I intentionally did not bring any hydration with me. And as it turns out, that Gatorade saved me. Without those periodic pick-me-ups, I would have been slow walking the last half of the race, for sure. I would walk through the aid station, gulp my Gatorade, and minutes later that second wind would come and I felt like I could run again. It was quite fascinating to me, that such a simple thing could rejuvenate me so quickly and I was able to go from barely able to move my legs, to being able to run again.

I can’t give a play by play, because I don’t remember details of any race that way. I’m sure some people can, but I’m not one of them. I remember snippets. Like the time I tripped on a small crack and went flying forward. Allison thankfully had quick reflexes and caught me before I fell. Falls like that are so scary. They happen so fast yet they seem to happen in slow motion. During this race it happened around the 10 mile mark and I only remember that because that’s when I was starting to feel the major fatigue in my legs. Hence the trip and near-fall.

The last mile was an exercise in insanity. I was trying my best to stay in a running motion, but it was getting so difficult. I did have to walk some to rest my legs because I wanted to finish strong. So during the last mile I told Allison to stay close to me, because falling was definitely a greater possibility. I was starting to get mildly frustrated because there were so many turns in order to get to the finish line. I kept asking her, can you see it? And she never answered in the affirmative but assured me we were getting closer.

Allison and Mel crossing the finish line

The closer you get to the finish, the more spectators you see on the sidelines. At one point, a woman shouted to us, “You’re almost there!”. And I shouted back, “I don’t believe you! She’s (Allison) been telling me the same thing!” But alas, we did finally turn the last corner that revealed the finish. I couldn’t see it as much as I could hear it. The cheers and shouting were endearing. So many people there to support all the runners. And on our right, hordes of faster runners walking back to their cars with their arms full of snacks. That’s when I knew we were close – all the snacks. I forgot all the pain and weakness I was feeling and ran forward. Allison and I both raised our arms in the air and smiled big as we crossed that finish line.

I tried to walk out of the way of the runners coming behind me but my legs wouldn’t withstand walking, so I collapsed onto Allison instead. A photographer rushed over to help walk me over to the fence and someone offered us bottled waters. I kind of hate this drama at the end of longer races, because it really looks worse than it feels, but it’s unavoidable. When I’m pushing my legs that hard, I have to expect they are going to rebel. I think my prayer is always just that they wait until I cross the finish line for that rebellion. One of these days it could result in a DNF (did not finish) and that would be soul crushing.

After my legs resumed normal function (mostly), we sauntered (hobbled) over to the snack area and retrieved our hard-earned spoils. Banana, granola bar, beer, and orange slices!! I remember getting orange slices at one of the aid stations during the Grand Rapids Marathon and how it felt like a gift from heaven, it was so refreshing. On this day? Equally miraculous. The gentleman handed me two and I could have kissed him I was so happy. Orange slices never taste as good as they do after running all those miles.

To end the race experience we walked over to the beach area and took our socks and shoes off. The water was blocked off by a slight stone wall, so we didn’t put our feet in the water, but putting our feet in the sand was cooling enough. It felt amazing to sit and rest there. Allison didn’t know this about me, but I used to have a strong aversion to sand. I couldn’t stand touching it. Up until a trip with my family to the Michigan’s Upper Peninsula in 2020. We walked onto the beach so we could all dip our toes into Lake Superior and I found myself saying, “oh, this feels nice”. Which was such an odd thing for me to say, I surprised myself! Something about that trip I guess flipped a switch and now it doesn’t bother me. Sand, sugar, flour, it’s all okay for me to touch. It doesn’t make me cringe anymore, and I’m loving that change. But I digress…

We sat for awhile and then decided we were hungry, and ready for that post-race meal to replenish all that we had burned off. We had decided ahead of time to get pizza, because it happened to be something we both love. After some quick Google searching, Allison found us a highly rated pizza place, Papano’s, that had a location nearby. They had personal size pizzas, so we each ordered our own and got what we liked. It was a fantastic end to a full and memorable race experience.

Food, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis, Photos, Piper, Punky, Running

Sleeping Bear Training Week 13 of 14

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Woah, what?! We are almost there folks. And while I got a little off track with my long runs, I have been diligent this week about getting some miles on these legs. A 4 mile run here, a quick 2 mile run there, and ending the week with a 6 mile “long run”. That’s the taper. We don’t want to wear ourselves out before race day. These last two weeks are for maintaining fitness but giving ourselves the rest we need so we save some gas in the tank for race day. Do you like my metaphors and third person language? Who is this “we” you speak of, Mel? I don’t know, it’s just how we talk sometimes.

For the record, I started this post a few days ago, and did not end up running a 6 mile long run. Instead, I ran 4 miles with my son, which was a pleasant change! He is obviously much faster than I am, but he was gracious enough to stay with me. However, when we got to the third mile he challenged me to continue running until we arrived home – no more walk breaks! I tried, I really tried, but y’all it was so hard. I was ready to give up and walk but he kept smiling at me and telling me I could do it (he would make a great personal trainer), and with that extra encouragement I did complete the entirety of the 3rd mile without walking. I knew I was gassed because my shoulders were cramping. I’m not sure why that happens, but I suspect it has something to do with oxygen and electrolytes (I’ll have to look that up later). I walked the first chunk of that 4th mile until the cramping subsided and then finished strong. And then collapsed on the front lawn, knowing he was right there to help me up. Sorry, there are no photos of that. So it wasn’t the 6 miles that I had planned, but because I still had to push myself a little extra, I think it was a fine compromise.

While there are no photos of me passed out on the front lawn, I do have pictures from one of the earlier runs. The one on the left here is of me and the dogs on the deck, and the other one is of me cooling off with an ice cream bar (below).

I’m feeling ready for this race. I still don’t have any time goals, my hope is just that I can run steady for the entire 13.1 miles, and finish with my legs still operating. There will be pain, there will be soreness, but if I can keep a steady but not too fast speed, I should be able to keep my legs functioning to the end.

The weather is finally cooling down here in Michigan and my body is very happy about that. I have become an extreme sweat-er (thank you perimenopause), so that makes running pretty uncomfortable sometimes. And up north where the race is being held, I expect the leaves are changing colors so it should be beautiful to see. This particular race is definitely all about the scenery. And – knock on wood – the weather forecast looks perfect for race day! Wish me luck folks! I’ll see you on the other side…

Exercise, Family, Food, Health, Multiple Sclerosis, Photos, Running

Sleeping Bear Training Week 11 of 14

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So. This week was all sorts of upside down as far as training goes. I only had two runs planned. A “short” run of 4 miles and a long run of 12. I also had hoped to do strength training, but it did not happen the way I expected.

Instead of doing boring Fitbod exercises, I helped my husband sand and restain our deck! He had done a bunch of prep work over the weekend while I was out galivanting over sand dunes with my girlfriends, so what was left was sanding and spraying the new stain on. The first day we sanded and I got a really good arm workout. The second day was staining, which he did with a sprayer (pictured left) while I followed as much as I could with a paintbrush and smoothed it out. This second day was more fun for me than it was for him. It turned out great, but we are still waiting for it to dry completely so I don’t have any after pictures to share.

Working on the deck took up Tuesday and Wednesday, and I was ridiculously worn out from all that manual labor, so Thursday I rested. By Friday I was ready to shake out my arms and legs with a 4 mile run, so that’s what I did! All my muscles were feeling sore and stiff, so it actually felt really good to move. Check me out here in my neighborhood, sporting my nerdy clip-on shades. I left a little late in the morning and the sun was in full force, so I was glad to have worn them.

I made the executive decision to postpone my Saturday 12 mile run so that I could attend my son’s tennis tournament. I don’t get a lot of chances to see him play, so I had to take this opportunity. I can always run another day. At this point I stil don’t know when I’ll do that 12 mile run, but it’s looking good for Tuesday. Fingers crossed!

I’ve been taking my stairs at home two at a time, trying to work those hill climbing muscles, and I imagine it is helping. We’ll see when I actually get out there. I feel good. Strong even. I’ve also been trying to eat better, increasing my healthy carbs, decreasing my processed foods as much as possible. Lots of fruits and veggies. That seems to be helping me too. Not just with physical health, but emotional and hormonal health as well. Just a theory, so it may not be true but it helps me sleep at night. Ha!

I hope you are doing well out there where you are. I wish you all health and peace. Shalom, friends!

Family, Food, Kids, Photos, Piper, Punky, Running

Sleeping Bear Training Week 8 of 14

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Okay, here’s the recap of week 8 (I feel like I’m really slipping on getting these out in time):

Sunday – Rest and stuff

Monday – Some medical stuff, helping prep kids for school starting on Wednesday. Basically all the family management tasks that wear me out. But it was a good day. Lots of steps (Also there may have been a donut or two).

Tuesday – 5 mile run, all the hills in my neighborhood and the one north of us. I need to kick up the hill training cuz these hills are getting too easy for me. Might mean a trip out of the neighborhood!

Wednesday – school started! I had the whole house to myself all morning (it was a half day). I did a 35 minute Fitbod workout: quadriceps, hamstrings, glutes, and abs.

Thursday – I ran 2 beautiful, glorious miles. It was the first full day with kids at school, so I’m sure that was a factor in my enjoyment lol
I’m pictured here with my two doggies. They love to greet me after every run and love running around in the yard while I stretch and rehydrate.

Friday – I ran 11 miles! I decided to move the long run from Saturday because the weather looked better (cooler) and also I had some afternoon plans on Saturday I didn’t want to be feeling half-dead for. This second try at a selfie near the “Trail Ends” sign was successful. The trail ends, but the low traffic side street begins, so I continued on.

Until that road ended, and you’ll see another selfie here of me being slightly disappointed I had to turn around sooner than I anticipated. It was fine, I still got my miles in. And I still might find a way to go farther. Hubby says we can take a look at it from Google Earth and see how it might connect because he’s pretty sure there’s more trail to run.

Can I just say though, how *aware* I am of the muscles in my legs when I’m running? Wednesday’s workout was short but effective, and I was feeling the burn, for sure. But also, I could really sense that those muscles are getting stronger and it really is helping add more ease to my running. On my long run this week I chose to play my 180 beat playlist so it would keep me on a steady pace while I focused on my form and breathing. I’m still amazed at what the human body is capable of. Focused breathing really helped with my stamina, especially with those later miles on the long run. It’s nice to have these good runs to remind me on the harder days that it’s still worth it.

Saturday & Sunday – These two days I just really focused on resting and visiting with friends. It was a wonderful respite for both my body and soul. I was ready to hit the ground running come Monday, and you’ll hear all about that in next week’s update! Have a great day y’all! Shalom…

Domestic Engineer, Exercise, Family, Food, Funny story, Health, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Multiple Sclerosis, Music, Parenting, Photos, Running, Stories

Sleeping Bear Training Week 7

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This week, I’m pretty sure *I* was the sleeping bear. I’m gonna warn you right here, this is more than a running post. I’m gonna detour and touch on family matters and a little on perimenopause. If you can’t handle that, please move along. Thank you very much. If you’re game, please continue.

Sunday – I slept 8 hours, 43 minutes the night before. Not a lot of activity. I think I went to church. Yes, yes I did and I went to Planet Fitness afterwards to use the hydromassage beds. That was needed. I was still in a lot of pain from last week.

Me and the husband, hanging out in the parking garage like a couple of dorks in love. Scene behind us overlooks Detroit: Little Caesar’s Arena, Ford Field, etc.

Monday – Slept 9 hours, 36 minutes. I had planned to do strength training but according to my records, I did not. I did take a wicked nap in the afternoon in preparation for taking our daughter to her first concert. She was going with a friend to see Pierce the Veil and Blink 182, and hubs and I had a dinner date while we waited. I got a little teary eyed seeing her walk off towards the venue, knowing how much this meant to her. It was a good day. My babies are growing up so fast (more on that to come).

Cornfield behind me, this is one of the dead-ends in my neighborhood. This was just after I hit 4 miles and I so badly wanted to quit early and go straight home.

Tuesday – Slept 7 hours, 44 minutes. Ran 5 miles with hills. We’ve got a couple gnarly hills around our neighborhood and I was very pleased to see that my lungs and legs are handling them much better! This is growth, and great progress. It can only get better from here, if I stay consistent with the strength and hill training.

Wednesday – Slept 10 hours, 30 minutes. Took my daughter to the doctor for a well child visit. She’s doing well. Very healthy. Could use some improvements in her diet, which I’m sure is true of most teenagers (she’s 14). Right after getting a mom-requested lecture from the doctor about getting more fruits and veggies into her diet, she stood up and a package of Little Debbie Zebra Cakes fell out of her pocket. And, thank you for making my point, my dear! It was quite comical.

Thursday – Slept 9 hours, 40 minutes. I guess I didn’t do any training on this day. Probably more napping. I know I did have a lot of family management stuff I was working on so that’s probably what took all my time and energy. That and we took my daughter (Zebra Cake girl) shopping for some back to school clothes. I don’t remember what time we got home but I remember going straight to bed.

Friday – Slept 10 hours, 13 minutes. More family management stuff most of the day. Fitbod workout, 58 minutes. Triceps, shoulders, chest and lower back.

Saturday – Went to bed just before 8 pm the night before, which put my total sleep at 11 hours and 37 minutes. I was so tired. I did wake up around 4 am, read a book for about 10 minutes before going back to sleep. Because why not? This has been the pattern, and I believe it’s why I can “sleep” so many hours and still be tired the next day. It’s not great. I am blaming hormones and perimenopause, and have plans to see my ob/gyn doctor about it, eventually.

I say eventually, because I’ve been super preoccupied with managing my family’s schedules and clerical needs lately. I have one teenager just about to start driving and the other one entering his senior year of high school. And yes, the older is fully capable of doing many things on his own, but he is still living here and still in school and can always use some guidance. That and many things still require parental approval because he’s under 18. I don’t talk about my kids much here mostly because they have become their own people and they don’t need mom blabbing about their lives. They have social media, if they want to blab about their lives they can. But I will say that I am super proud of both of them.

My son is growing and maturing so fast I can’t keep up. Between his sports, friendships, and various jobs, he moves through this house like a hurricane and I barely get a chance to sit down and have chats with him. But when I do, I’m always blown away at who he is becoming and I’m excited to see where he goes in life.

My daughter is almost the polar opposite of her brother. She is an introverted homebody, and we always know where she is. I suspect that may change when she starts driving and working, but I’m enjoying having her around while I can. We have the best conversations, and I love hearing how her mind works. She is confident in who she is and I love that. I wish I had that at her age.

As we look to starting another school year, I’m reflecting on how far we’ve come as a family. We’ve been through so many challenges over the years. What I am proud of is the fact that we fought through all of our challenges as a unit. When one of us was falling, the other three were around to catch them. We work together to support each other, lend a hand, and let each other know we are not alone. Sure, we argue from time to time but overall we know we are loved no matter what. I hope we never lose that.

And that concludes my weekly training/life update. I imagine once the kids are back in school I’ll put more effort into writing more frequently. But still, I make no promises.

“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human, are created, strengthened and maintained.”
― Winston S. Churchill

Family, Food, Friends, Multiple Sclerosis, Music, Photos, Running

Trail Town 10k Report

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I ran a 10k on Saturday that I only half-heartedly trained for, but I had a blast. The weather was threatening thunderstorms all week, so the days leading up to it I wasn’t sure whether to be excited or bummed or nervous. The whole time I waffled between all these emotions I was kicking myself for not securing a guide runner for myself. The race was in my hometown, and 100% on trails I’ve trained on with a friend, so I just didn’t think I would need a guide. But adding rain to the mix would change the game a bit. I can’t see puddles well, or fallen branches. Also, my cochlear implants are not waterproof, and I did not want to have to remove them and run completely deaf.

I reached out to Facebook the day before, for encouragement and advice. My Facebook friends did not disappoint. I made a plan to wear my waterproof rain hat, and bring ziploc baggies to hold my cochlear processors if the hat didn’t keep them dry. With everyone’s encouragement, and the added benefit of having my husband present for the entirety of the race, I felt confident that I could do this.

The morning of the race I had a dream I was running a half marathon, and I was killing it. Seriously kicking ass and having fun. So that was my mindset when my Garmin watch buzzed at 7:30 am. I opened my eyes and said to myself, let’s do this! I looked at the sky and the morning’s weather forecast and was pleased to see that they only expected rain up until 9 or so. No storms! I was pleased at that, for sure, but my stomach was still in knots. I was excited and nervous, as usual. My husband and I got in the truck to head to the race and I just kept focusing on my breathing, hoping to settle my stomach. As we pulled out of our neighborhood Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir came on the radio (one of my favorites) and Mike and I looked at each other with impish smiles. I said, “This is my good luck running song.” In my head I was saying “Let’s f**king go. You’ve got this.”

As predicted, it did rain for the first couple miles of the race but then it cleared up for the remainder. There are lots of wooden bridges on our local trails, and they can get pretty slick when they are wet, so I did a lot of walking on the bridges. I normally run with intermittent 30 second walk breaks, Jeff Galloway style (if you know, you know), and my Garmin watch alerts me with vibrations when it’s time to run or walk. The problem is that I didn’t verify my watch was on the correct setting before starting the race, and about a half mile into the race I realized I wasn’t getting my alerts. It was still on the walk setting. I was feeling pretty strong with the running though, and knew I would have to do all the walking over the bridges, so I decided to go with it. I would just run the whole thing, with the exception of walking on the bridges.

My last-minute strategy worked out wonderfully and I felt strong the whole race. My left leg was of course threatening to drag towards the end, but not in the way it has in the past. Certainly not as bad as the last 10k, where for the last mile I needed to maintain a constant clutch on my guide runner’s arm to keep from falling. That was the Rivertown 10k in April, and I forgot to post about it, but it was a really fun race. In spite of the leg trouble at the end. Shout out to my guide and friend Mandy for making that race way more awesome than it should have been.

I finished this race with both hands held high and a smile on my face. I searched the crowd for Mike but I couldn’t find him so I just walked unsteadily toward a clearing, and then kept walking sort of in circles to keep from falling. I was unsteady, for sure, but I was able to stay upright this time, without any assistance. I may be getting stronger, folks! As I completed a circle and was facing the finish line, I saw Mike walking towards me. He had been on the other side, so I had a 50/50 chance of seeing him, I guess. We hugged, and then walked over to the pavilion to get a banana and granola bar. A race employee came over and asked me how it went, and I blabbed that I think this was my new favorite race. And even now, I think that’s true. I know I can run those trails for free, but it’s a whole different experience when you are surrounded by other runners, you are cheering each other on, and you get a pretty sweet medal at the end.

And of course, a free banana.

Riding home post race with my medal and my favorite chauffeur, my husband Mike.

Family, Food, Multiple Sclerosis, Running, Stories, Writing

Shall we chat about food and writing?

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Well, I spoke too soon about the dysesthesia (the burning sensation) on my back. I had a day’s reprieve, but it returned today. So that was kind of disappointing, but it’s fine. It just requires some wardrobe adjustments and limiting my upper body movement until it settles down. No biggie.

With my increase in energy I was able to make more meals at home this week! One of the downsides of my fatigue is that I’m not making meals for my family. This means they are eating crap processed food from the freezer, or Ramen (my daughter’s personal favorite), or fast food. So this week it has been really nice to get back to some better meals. Wednesday I made BLTs and onion rings. Thursday I made shredded chicken for tacos in the crockpot and it was so good (and plentiful) we had it again for dinner tonight. Tomorrow I’m planning to make pulled pork for sandwiches with coleslaw, and Sunday, meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Most would probably not call any of these meals healthy, but compared to what we eat when we are in mom’s-fatigued-crisis-mode, it’s a nice change. Also, it’s mostly been food my picky family all enjoys, so that’s always satisfying.

In addition to returning to healthy habits, I’m trying to get back to writing and working on my memoir. I had been plugging along pretty steadily on that when the fatigue hit. I knew writing a memoir would be challenging, but I’m finding it challenging in ways I didn’t expect. Through the magic of the interwebs I’ve connected with a lot of other memoir writers, however, and I am learning a ton. It’s been really great to bounce ideas off other people who can relate directly to the challenges I’m facing. They offer advice that they’ve learned along the way, and hopefully I’m able to offer them helpful feedback as well. I joined a weekly writer’s group to help keep me motivated. Just being a member of the group keeps me accountable and encouraged to not give up on the process.

You might find this interesting: I’ve read in several books on how to write memoirs, that writing a memoir is akin to training for a marathon. Which is humorous to me. I’ve trained for two marathons, and writing this memoir is by far the most challenging. At least with the marathons I had cut and dried plans to follow. But while “how to write a memoir” isn’t so cut and dried and that is frustrating to me, it means there’s a lot of room for creativity and I’m learning how fun that can be. For example, this past week in my writing group I took a stab at a “quick and dirty” shortened version of what I *think* the book will end up being about. I read it to the rest of the group and it was a lot of fun! It felt silly and free, and like it had sort of gotten me “unstuck” from where I was in the process. I still have so far to go, but I at least feel like I’m headed in a (mostly) forward direction. I will include my quick and dirty short version at the end here, in case you are curious. Keep in mind, it’s not to be read for critique, it was only written as an exercise in searching for a skeleton or outline to the book, which has been one of my ginormous struggles up to this point. I have a plethora of life experiences and stories in my head as well as on the page, and needed to find a way to filter out what actually belongs in this book.

Here is what I wrote this week:

Once upon a time there was a woman. She sat at home alone, feeling helpless and hopeless. She considered swallowing a bottle of Xanax to put an end to her suffering. (They said I should start with my lowest point.)

But! A desperate cry into the interwebs resulted in a friend coming over to save her from herself. She vowed never again to give up fighting.

Why was she so hopeless? What was she fighting? Multiple sclerosis yes, but more recently deafness, permanent vision loss. How will she come back from all this? What will rehabilitation look like?

She decides to start with the basics. Cleaning, cooking, connecting with family and friends. She developed new routines, and as things were scary or feeling new to her, her friends and family helped her to adapt. She overcame fears of boiling water and cutting apples, for example. She began walking around the block with her walker, and eventually walking with her cane to take her kids to the bus stop for school. She eventually was able to give up the cane until one day, she decided to see what would happen if she jogged for a couple of sidewalk squares.

Incredibly, she did not fall!! Bolstered by her victory, she worked and worked at building up the strength in her legs, taking solo trips around the neighborhood. When news came of a local 5k race happening, she decided to sign up to run it. (And here’s where we could write more about all the races she’s run and how she had to adapt, not ever having been a runner previously, and certainly never one with physical impairments.) Five years later, we see a woman running alone in the street, leaning hard to the left, hobbling her way to a makeshift finish line. As she sobs, she breaks through the caution tape and collapses into her husband’s arms. She has just run her first marathon, 26.2 miles, in just under 7 hours. She is elated, ecstatic to have finished on her feet, but vows never to run another one.

That ending is obviously incomplete, but it was a timed exercise so that’s where I had to leave it. I’ve always struggled with endings, so I still don’t know where to go with it, but I’ll figure that out (for those who know my story, if you have suggestions, I’d love to hear them!). If you could see the mess of chapters and paragraphs I’ve collected so far, you would appreciate that writing this quick and dirty tale is a major step forward in creating a plotline for my memoir. Beginnings seem to come naturally to me when I’m writing, but I get a little lost in my head through the middle and by the end I just don’t know how to “land the plane”. So that’s something I’m accepting about myself and working on. This writing project is proving to be a great lesson in grace and patience with oneself! For real.

And that is all, folks. It’s after 9, my brain has officially shut down. No more editing. This is what you get. Have a fabulous weekend!

Faith, Family, Food, Friends, Hearing Loss, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Visually Impaired

Thinking about the spoon theory

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Today I used up too many spoons folding laundry and fixing lunch, so I had to make the decision to stop part way through and cross some things off today’s to-do list.

Spoons? What?! No, I’m not having a stroke. I’m referring to the Spoon Theory. I was trying to explain this Spoon Theory to my therapist this week, because she had never heard of it either. This article explains it much better than I can: https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/spoon-theory. Basically, it is a way that many people living with chronic illness conceptualize how to manage our energy levels. Each day we wake up with a set number of spoons, and as we go through our daily tasks, we use up those spoons.

I can say that for me, I never know how many spoons I’ll wake up with each day. My spoon rations (I.e. energy levels) are unpredictable and sporadic. I often have moments in the day where I feel energetic, but it hardly ever lasts very long. That happened today. I woke up feeling pretty well, considering the excessive fatigue I’ve been struggling with over the last month or so. I folded a load of laundry, started on a second load, and then noticed the time and realized I needed to eat. I went down to the kitchen and fixed myself a breakfast taco. After eating, I went back upstairs to finish with the laundry and just couldn’t. I had to sit down. Lie down, actually. Like it states in the article linked above, everyday tasks demand extreme effort. Getting dressed, brushing my hair and teeth, all cost daily “spoons”. I forget that fact and tend to overdo it. Repeatedly. I may never learn. But that’s why I’m grateful to have loving family members and friends who graciously remind me of my limitations (something like, “you have M.S., remember?”) and give me permission to rest (I know, I can give myself permission, but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone outside yourself.)

So. It’s only 2:30 pm and I’m thinking about what I have on my plate for the rest of the day, and how many spoons it will take to clear that plate. I am attending a sporting event for my son tonight and I know that’s going to require several spoons, so I’m resting in order to reserve my energy for that. Because even if I have enough spoons to get there, it’s likely I won’t have enough to pay attention to what’s happening or carry on conversations. With cochlear implants, having conversations uses up a lot more spoons than it did before I was deaf. Same with the vision. It takes a lot more effort to get around than it did before. Thankfully, my husband will be there to support me. That is always reassuring. But that act of evaluating my daily activities and how it will likely affect my energy levels is a daily thing. I think about it all. The. Time.

I’m not sharing all of this to whine, and I hope that’s clear. I just thought you might be interested in hearing a bit about what my daily life is like living with this chronic illness. As I told my neurologist earlier this week, managing M.S. is like a full-time job. Seriously. And I’ve had it “easy” for a long time now, so I suppose I was due to have some difficult days. I’ll get through this. Lord knows I’ve done it before and with His help, I’ll do it again. Slowly but surely, one day at a time.

So with that I say – take a break, reader! Go outside, listen to fun music, take a nap. And happy Friday… have a wonderful weekend.

Deafness, Food, Hearing Loss, Low vision, Multiple Sclerosis, Photos, Running, Visually Impaired

Marathon prep

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Lotsa stuff!

I’m getting ready! Working through my list. This isn’t all of it, but it’s a good portion. I still need to fill my hydration backpack and have hubby drive me to the store to get some protein bars.

Physically I’m feeling ready but a little worried that I haven’t done any walking or running in the last few days. I did walk to the bus stop Tuesday, and I count some of my housework as cross training , so I haven’t been a total slug. I’m packing myself and getting lots of rest too. Eating all the foods. Eggs, bread, fruit smoothies, sweet potatoes, stuff like that. Carb loading is probably my favorite part of this!

I do believe I’m ready to kick some ass ay this race. Not in the sense that I’ll be fast, I’ll still be a back of the pack runner, but I don’t compete with others. I compete internally and I’m confident I’m ready to beat my first marathon time of 6 hours 59 minutes.

Tomorrow we’ll go pick up race packets and then I’ll get another picture for you with the complete set up. Now let’s do this!

Anxiety, Disability, Exercise, Family, Food, Health, Multiple Sclerosis, Photos, Running, Stories

Week 18 marathon training – 7 more days!

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Let’s shake it up and start with the stats. This week I traveled a total of 9.51 miles on my feet and my banked marathon training miles are up to 499.2. If I had just gone for another short walk or run I could have hit 500! Oh well. This week.

So I had leg day at the gym on Sunday with my daughter. She’s been joining me at the gym, which has been a nice change. On weekdays we go after she gets home from school, so we have to walk to the bus stop to take the public bus. Unless we feel like walking the 2.5 miles, which on Tuesday we did not. So I counted the distance walking to and from the bus stop (0.7 mile each way) in my weekly miles because, hey, I used my legs so I figure it counts. If you disagree you can take it up with the manager. We were planning to go again to the gym on Thursday, but it was raining and neither of us felt like walking in that, so we skipped that day.

I’ve been doing my long runs on Saturday, but I had planned on volunteering for a local race Saturday morning. Sunday we had plans with family, so I knew that wasn’t going to be an option. So, I made sure to get my long run of 6 miles in on Friday instead. The weather has been cooling down here in Michigan, finally, so I was able to get my run done in the late afternoon, just before dinner time. It was a tad warm, but nothing like the hot summer days. I don’t miss those one bit. I loved this 6 mile run. I keep saying this, but I felt strong. Fast, even. And when I saw my overall average pace at the end, I realized it wasn’t just an illusion. I was speedy, relatively speaking. I’m not fast compared to a lot of other runners, but this was definitely the fastest I’ve been since I first started running. And the best part is that I wasn’t struggling to breathe, my knees weren’t screaming at me, nothing. Zero issues. I was rocking that sexy pace, Martinus!

I am super excited about this race. The taper has been really nice because I feel like it’s also freed up my brain and spirit to start really engaging more with life around me. To really relax body and soul instead of feeling like a running zombie. It’s still a little weird because you feel like if you’re not running, you are possibly losing fitness, but I know that’s not the case. Millions have gone before me in this endeavor and they swear by the taper. So I’m trusting the process. I’ll do some light running this week, maybe some easy strength exercises, and then Saturday we’ll head to the race Expo to pick up my packet. We’ll hopefully meet up with my cousin Zack, who is my guide runner for this race. We were never able to meet up for a training run together but we’ve talked through everything and I’m sure we’ll do just fine. Once I’m home from the Expo I’ll pack all my stuff, lay out Flat Marathon Mel with my clothes and bib so I can start the visualizing – I’ll take a picture to share with y’all – and then I’ll start the sleepless night before the big day!

Would you like to know what’s on my packing list? In no particular order, this is what I bring for a long race (don’t let anyone tell you running is a low maintenance sport, they are either lying or in denial):

  1. Garmin watch
  2. Cell phone
  3. Arm sleeves (look ridiculous but actually quite useful)
  4. Knee strap
  5. Bandana
  6. Hydration vest
  7. Running belt
  8. Clif Bloks (salted watermelon)
  9. Gu Roctane energy gel (sea salt chocolate)
  10. Protein bar (brand undecided but probably Clif)
  11. Hat
  12. Deaf Blind safety vest
  13. Guide vest for Zack
  14. Contact lenses
  15. Shoes (duh)
  16. Socks
  17. Sport bra
  18. Shorts (or pants depending on the forecast)
  19. Tank top (unless it’s below 40 degrees Fahrenheit I’m wearing a tank. The pits need to breathe)
  20. Deodorant
  21. Gold Bond Friction Defense (to prevent inevitable chafing)

I’m a list gal, tried and true. This list may look long and overwhelming, but it actually puts my mind at ease, because this is how I reassure myself I’m not forgetting anything. I loathe being unprepared. I just get so much anxiety thinking what I would possibly do if I went somewhere without the things I “need”. Yes, I’m addressing this with my therapist. It’s fine. I’m fine, everything’s fine!

In 7 days I’m going to be running another f**king marathon!! And it’s going to be amazing and I’m going to have so much fun. And when I cross that finish line I’ll get that medal and my family will be there to shower me with hugs and donuts (wink wink). Stay tuned, folks! It’s gettin’ real!