Category Archives: Daily Snippets

Daily Snippets, Deafness, Deep thoughts, Disability, Family, Friends, Health, Holidays, Low vision, Mental health, Multiple Sclerosis, Nonsense, Running, Stories, Visually Impaired, Writing

Some Friday Ramblings

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**Note, I started this post several days ago and didn’t finish it. I just didn’t feel like I was writing the way that I used to, or would like to, or “should”. All kinds of silly reasons to abandon a post, but whatever. I’ve been trying to hop back into the art of writing that I have loved, on and off, my entire life. After completing that marathon I was exhausted in so many ways and then lots was happening here at home that required my energy and attention, and then Thanksgiving, and on and on with the reasons/excuses for my absence here. I really desire to get back to regular blogging, regular writing. Lots of changes have happened with me over the last two years so I’m hoping “Writing Mel” is still alive here. I believe she is, and we are just dusting her off a bit. Bear with me, por favor. Gracias. Now back to the original post.**

I noticed when I logged onto WordPress today that they had a writing prompt; the question was “what will your life look like in three years?”. Which is interesting to me, because I was just hopping on here to tell you about a discussion I had with my husband recently that was along these lines. We were basically discussing whether we were content with our lives. And if asked that question, I would say that absolutely, I am content. However, if you had asked me 15 years ago if I would have chosen this life for myself, the answer would have been “hell, no.” I would never have chosen to be disabled and unable to work a job. Having multiple sclerosis, being deaf *and* half-blind, simply put – SUCKS. But I’m 10 years into this, and while it’s taken time, I’ve slowly learned to see (not literally, unfortunately lol) and be thankful for the benefits that have come from it. I’ve learned from these struggles. They have made me who I am today, and I love who that is.

I feel like I’m coming into a new season of life. I’m done training for marathons (for the next few years, at least). My kids are teenagers and can feed themselves (and prefer to, actually). The dogs are pretty low maintenance. So now I’m at a point where I’m learning how to rest. I’m learning how to be okay with sitting still. For as long as I can remember, I have had trouble with sitting still. Not that I physically can’t, but that when I do, there is a general unease felt underneath my skin and deep in my spirit. Like I’m “supposed” to be doing something. I’m often noticing my shoulders are hunched up and I need to consciously pull them back down.

I was actually discussing this general unease with a friend the other day, and she expressed how completely opposite she was from me in this regard, and we had a laugh. She seemed like she was saying she rests too much, and finds herself procrastinating. Sounds a bit like we would do well if we came more to the other’s side and met in the middle. But then where would be the fun in that? I love the variety I see in all of my friends and family members. It’s funny to me the things we experience and think are normal for everybody, when really we are all so different in so many ways. It makes life a lot more interesting, and brings us closer together as we support each other in our areas of strength and weakness.

So back to the season of rest. That’s where I am currently. I still have an ongoing list in my head of all the things I want to *do*, but I’m trying to be more kind to myself. While I’ll never regret running that second marathon, I will admit that I made the commitment without full consideration of my limits; physically, mentally, emotionally. So you could say I’m taking a break. Ish. A semi-break. Evaluating what I value most, and then easing those things back in. It feels a little like riding an inner tube on a lazy river. I’m enjoying it so far.

And that, my friends, is a little taste for you of the rambling that goes on in my brain on the daily. You are welcome. See you next time.

Daily Snippets, Disability, Visually Impaired

The junk mail monster is messing with me

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Recently I started receiving regular spam email messages – not to my spam inbox, but my regular inbox – alerting me of jobs available in the area. I ignored them for awhile, then recently tried to unsubscribe so we’ll see if that worked. But LinkedIn has since jumped on the bandwagon. I suspect it was because I *finally* logged in and removed my status and long expired credentials. Because I’ve been permanently disabled and out of the job market for 10 years. Seems it was overdue.

But LinkedIn did NOT get the hint. So they are sending me job notices as well, and today they sent me a really juicy one. Payroll specialist for a local company I’ve heard is great to work for. This is a job I would be drooling over if I was even remotely capable of doing it. It still breaks my heart to not be able to work. I loved accounting and I loved working. I still miss it and probably always will. It is my visual impairment mostly that makes it impossible to do the job I used to do. So unless they find a cure to fix my eyes I’m out of the accounting game. And most other things that require seeing. Big Fat Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong. I am happy. Content and perfectly accepting of my life now. I just sometimes miss the old days, or at least parts of it. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine! 🙂

Daily Snippets

Introducing Mel

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I did a thing last week. I decided I don’t want to be called Mindy anymore. This obviously requires a name change here on the blog because, well, I’m not actually “still Mindy”. I’m still ME, but with a different nickname.

Mel is actually closer to my given name of Melinda. I believe Mel suits me better. It’s a name my husband has been using for as long as he’s known me. And I happen to love it.

To be honest, I’ve never wanted to be called Mindy. I had never been successful at changing it, despite many attempts over the course of my life. This year, I’ve reached a point in my life where I am learning to ask for what I want, and more importantly, figuring out what that even is. This year has been one of great inner transformation for me, and I felt like a name change was a good way to reflect that transformation. I’m asking people to call me Mel from now on.

The new title of the blog is Meant to be Mel, and I’ve changed the url to reflect that, but I set up a redirect for stillmindy.com and will leave that up for awhile until that domain expires. Now I just have to train myself to stop answering to Mindy. Old habits die hard!

Daily Snippets, Piper

Friday the 18th

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I feel like I’ve not been writing enough and I don’t want to let myself go too long without an update, so here goes.

First, I think a lot of my absence here is a result of not having quite adjusted to my new routine, and also not having a quiet, comfortable place to sit and write. I prefer writing with my laptop, but I rarely open it nowadays unless it’s for work related purposes. I have a corner in my living room that used to hold my laptop and crochet projects, and this is where I would unwind and tap out my thoughts on the blog. But now that corner is cluttered with work things, so I guess you could say my happy place is tainted. So what I decided to do is to untaint it. I’m decluttering my bedroom upstairs, where I have a charming secretary hutch and filing cabinet. So that area will now be my work space, and the living room corner will soon be restored to its peaceful, inspiring state.

Our dog, Piper, was sick this week. She had peed in the house a couple times, on carpeting, which she never does. She’s been known to piddle a little on linoleum when she’s excited, but this was different. Then we also noticed her tail was bent downwards, when it’s normally fully up and wagging. Dr. Google informed us that the tail was likely a sign that she was in pain. We called the vet and they said she probably had a urinary tract infection and to make sure she’s getting lots of fresh, clean water, and it would likely clear up on its own. Sure enough, within a day of monitoring her water quality and intake, she was back to her old self again. I just felt so bad that she was in pain. I’ve had UTIs before and the pain is no joke. She turns 5 tomorrow and we’re just happy she won’t be spending her birthday in misery. Because she knows it’s a special day, of course.

Life is slowing down some but I expect it will pick back up soon enough. I have lots more to update but I’ll probably do that once the office space shuffling is complete and I can sit and type on a normal keyboard. This phone typing I’m doing right now is annoying.

I hope you are having a lovely day and we’ll chat again soon!!

Books, Daily Snippets, Miracles do happen

Living History

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This story is coming a week or so late, and I do want to post about yesterday’s half marathon, but I just finished reading this book and I want to get this story posted while it’s still fresh in my mind.

After my last infusion a couple weeks ago I sat on the bench in front of the infusion center reading my latest library find, The Tattooist of Auschwitz. As I’m reading, the woman next to me asks me for the time. She too, is waiting for a ride home from our local paratransit service. I notice she has a slight accent and I ask her where she’s from. She’s from Latvia, she tells me, and asks me if I know it. I regrettable do not, as geography was never my strong subject. She proceeds to tell me all the surrounding areas, and I ask her more about her story, what brought her here to America. This opened up a big can of worms.

The woman was happy to share, not at all shy, about her experience. She lived through World War II. Her family was driven from their home in Latvia because her father owned land and the Germans wanted it. My dad tells me this was common during the war. This woman sitting next to me told me how she worked in slave camps during her teen years, until her family was able to escape to a refugee camp in Sweden. She came to America in 1950 and she’s been here ever since.

As we were talking, the paratransit van arrived and it turned out we were on the same van because we lived near each other. Our conversation continued until we arrived at her home.

It was incredible to talk with her, and I just wished we had longer together. But even in that short time we were given I learned that she is a survivor, though she was quick to deny it. She has PTSD from her experience. And because she subsisted much of that time on soy beans, she still can’t eat anything with soy. She smiles as she tells me that even soy sauce is unbearable. Those odors bring back horrific memories that she can’t bear, even all these years later. I tell her she is a survivor because she kept going when many others did not. She keeps going even now, as she suffers the residual effects of the trauma she lived through.

Her name is Mitsy. She has a precious cat who loves to greet her at the door and she looks fabulous in her big floppy red hat. Mitsy is a survivor. Living, breathing history. I thank God that I had the privilege of that brief ride home with her. It was an encounter that left an indelible mark on my heart.

Anxiety, Daily Snippets

I’ve always been a cryer

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When I saw my primary doctor about my knee I asked her if it would be safe to stop taking my anti-depressant. I had started on a higher dose, but since have gone down to the smallest dose because it was making me too numb. But now that I’ve been feeling so good, physically and mentally, I thought it would be worth a shot at stopping it altogether. She said I was on a low enough dose that I could just stop taking it and wouldn’t have any adverse effects. So, I stopped.

Here’s how I know it was leaving my system. Last week I turned on the tv and caught a few minutes of Wife Swap. The husband did something really nice and thoughtful for the wife, and I got a little choked up. Almost shed a tear. Then, a few days later I was watching a video on Facebook of a man playing the saxophone for a herd of cows, and I kid you not, they all came to the fence to listen. Again with the lump in the throat.

Then there was the time we went up in the carousel at Cedar Point and I almost had a panic attack. It was at that moment I remembered that I was off my meds and in order to cope I had to do what I had learned to do – which is to breath slowly and tell myself what was real and true. I had to tell myself that the likelihood of anything bad happening was very minimal, or else they wouldn’t have let us on the ride in the first place. And then keep breathing, slowly, in and out.

So, these sorts of things keep happening, and it tells me that the anti-depressant that was artificially numbing my emotions is out of my system. That makes me so happy, I could *literally* cry (Sometimes people say literally when they don’t mean literally. I am not those people.). This is such a good thing. I was taking the anti-depressant because I was having anxiety attacks, but I never did like that it seemed to dull my emotions all together. You can’t pick and choose with these drugs, I guess. The upside is that while I now feel sad emotions more vibrantly, I’m also feeling the happy ones too. I’m FEELing all the FEELS. You feel me?

Daily Snippets, Food

Rainy Days and Mondays

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You know that song that goes, “Rainy days and Mondays always get me down…” Well what if the rainy day is also a Monday? AND, you’ve been sneaking too much dairy cuz that ranch dressing was so delicious and it caught up with you and your fatigue is through the roof? That makes for a pretty dreary day, let me tell you. But I managed to get some bills paid for the church, and I washed some dishes, and I fed myself.

My new discovery: roasted garlic cauliflower and brussels sprouts (Grammar Girl says I don’t have to capitalize the brussels lol). Oh my gosh, so yummy. I’ll be making that for the next few days, for sure. It was some serious comfort food, and I took a wicked nap after I ate it. So the day wasn’t all bad. On to the next!

Daily Snippets

New Year, Same Me

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I’m not big on resolutions, so I don’t make them. However, I’ve been hemming and hawing the last couple weeks about rejoining CrossFit. I stopped going a couple months ago to cut back on our expenses, but I think that was a bad move. I’ve since been sliding slowly toward depression, and have stopped running as well. It’s time someone gave me a swift butt-kicking to get me back in gear. So maybe I make this decision, to rejoin CrossFit and resume running regularly, and maybe it just happens to be the new year. So you could call it a New Year’s Resolution, or you could just call it coincidental timing.

So I’m just poking my head up to share that. I’m still here, and I’m doing fine. I’m just hibernating. I’ve been hunkered down at home, enjoying quality time with the family, and secretly looking forward to the kids going back to school so I can find a routine I can stick with. We’ve had a really great Christmas break so far, and we still have several days of it left. I pray you are all enjoying yourselves around these holidays and I wish you all a blessed and memorable 2019.