I’m trying to become a contact lens wearer. I used to wear them, years ago, but gave it up for some reason. So I figured it would be no big deal to join that club again.

I was wrong.

With my MS relapse and resulting vision loss in September 2013, I have a significantly unique challenge. While my left eye has the stronger prescription, the nerve damage left my right eye with a very small field of vision. My brain has adjusted since, so it doesn’t even pay attention to what the right eye “sees”. What normally happens when you close one eye is that everything you see shifts to the left or right, right? Well, that doesn’t happen with me. What I see with both eyes is exactly what I see with the left. Meaning my right eye is essentially blind. Where I’m going with this is, when I try to put a contact lens in my left eye, it’s jarring to see my finger coming straight at my eyeball, and it’s impossible not to blink. So I’ve been having trouble putting them in. A week ago Saturday I worked so hard to put them in, and then all day I was feeling frustrated with what I was seeing. I thought it was just because I was outside a lot, and I didn’t have the anti-glare feature that my glasses give me. That night when I went to take them out, I discovered there was no contact in my left eye. After feeling around on the bathroom counter, I found it. All dried up. I had to go back and get a replacement. Then this past Thursday when I took them out, I inspected them before putting them in the case, and noticed a small tear on the side of the left one. Strike two. I know I have to practice and find a system that works for me. The only trouble with that is that contact lenses are not really built for the level of practice that I am subjecting them to, apparently. Not to mention every time I drop the lens I have to fish around for it with my hands because even with the tint on the edges, I can’t see the lens because it blends in. I need high contrast.

All that to say, I ripped two lenses already, and was growing very discouraged. Because when the contacts are in, and I’m walking around sans eyeglasses, I feel so FREE! So uninhibited. It’s hard to describe the feeling, or rather the importance of the feeling. It’s like there is one less thing to worry about, if only for awhile. The literal weight off my ears is fabulous. The cochlear implants are there no matter what, so it gets crowded. With contacts, I can wear sunglasses come summer, I can run without having my eyeglasses slide down my sweaty nose, and I can swim with my kids and read lips and recognize faces!

I went back to the eye doctor today and she suggested getting some color contacts, which would be much easier for me to see, making the inserting process much easier and hopefully minimizing the risk of tearing the lenses. The only problem is that the colored lenses cost twice as much as the clear ones. That and the colored portion does seem to interfere a smidge with my field of vision. I’m wearing a pair right now with no prescription in them, just to try out.

So now all day I’ve been debating whether it’s worth the extra cost, and whether that smidge bothers me or not. I think the Smidge (I’m calling it that now, I may as well capitalize it) is very slight and I don’t really notice it once I get focused on other things. And after writing that last paragraph about all the benefits of contact lenses, I think I’m leaning toward going ahead and getting them ordered. I swear, I’m so indecisive at times I drive myself crazy.  But I’ll give it another day or two just to be sure. That would make Wednesday my deadline for making the decision. So there, Wednesday it is!

How’s that for letting you in on my thought process? There were other things I wanted to blog about but they will just have to wait for the next one. Happy Monday, y’all!