All posts by Little M.S. Runner

Forty-something, married with two kids and two dogs. Trying hard to live every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Housekeeping

Obnoxiously Obsessive

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I love alliteration, don’t you?

So. In my quest to find meaning and purpose in my new daily life as a homemaker, I seem to have become a tad obsessive about keeping the house clean. And not in the way you may be imagining. If you are picturing me in my sweatpants, scrubbing and swishing surfaces (more alliteration, hehe) every spare minute of the day, you would be off the mark. But probably only slightly. Probably.

I clean up after myself (9 times out of 10, I would say). I wash my face on a very consistent basis. I remind the kids continually to put their toys and dirty clothes away before moving on to the next activity. I keep my flowers watered daily. I fold our clothes and put them away. I wipe down the table and counters. But here’s the kicker: I cannot comfortably go to bed at night if there are dirty dishes in the sink. Sometimes I try, but I usually end up getting back out of bed to get it done. I even wash the coffee pot so I can refill it and set the timer to brew the next morning (this small task is crucial to my morning mood).

I recently downloaded an app on my Kindle – Motivated Moms – that creates a daily to-do list. You can customize it as needed (as far as the free version will allow), but I have found that the list provided is pretty useful for me. It even reminds me to read Scripture each day, which I was doing anyway, but it’s nice to be able to check the box 🙂 There are other items on there I don’t usually track, like changing out the hand towels, or cleaning out my purse. I think the daily bathroom sink wiping is the best one. Super easy, and very motivating. I hadn’t really realized how yucky it gets with all four of us spitting into it each day. It always feels better to have it cleaned, and I’m using up the baby wipes we still had leftover from when Natalie was in diapers (years ago!).

There are other tasks that are not daily, but yet still should be done on a regular basis, like dusting, cleaning windows, and mopping. Those first two rarely cross my mind, but mopping I do almost weekly. And this is where the obsession takes on a whole new level. I hate sweeping and mopping. Two reasons: The first being that it hurts my back and exhausts me. The second reason is that I am completely disgusted by our brooms. They are filthy. I know I am not alone here. If you have a standard broom and dustpan, yours is filthy too. Unless you clean it, which I highly doubt.

I can deal with the back pain and exhaustion, but the filth needs to be dealt with. I recently learned about the magic of microfiber at a Norwex home party. This stuff is incredibly effective, easy to use, easy to clean, and horribly expensive. I will likely buy something small from the catalog, but I can’t bear to spring $100 on the mop system I was drooling over. So, in my quest for domestic perfection, efficiency, and frugality, I did some research. I found e-cloth, which is pretty darn identical in almost all aspects. The biggest difference is that it is almost half the cost. I’ll buy that. As soon as the next payday rolls around.

So now we wait. Using up the last of the disposable Swiffer mop pads in the meantime. Ugh. It’s almost all I can think about lately. It’s pathetic, really. I say obnoxiously obsessive, but I fear it’s becoming the other way around. Obsessively obnoxious. Oh, oh, okay, but the floors will be so clean and shiny! (See what I did there? 😉 )

Either I am going nuts, or… nah, I got nuthin’. Nuts it is!

God speaks, Kids

Be brave

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A friend told me once that boys really do a lot of changing around the age of 7, as they start wanting to emulate their dads and other male role models.

I see this in my son. He is just now showing a bit of discomfort with being the “small” kid, but I think he is handling it well. The other night he wanted to read to me from his old preschooler’s Bible. In particular, he wanted to read about the guy who fought a lion with his bare hands, and the kid who fought the giant. So I found the stories of Samson and the lion, and David and Goliath, and he read them eagerly. I asked what his favorite part was about each story, and for both he said his favorite was that they were brave. He really connected with Samson and David, knowing that they were each small in comparison to their opponents, but that it didn’t matter. They were brave and God was with them. Just like God is with him.

I do hope that he carries these stories, and others like them, with them as he grows up. I know what it was like to be the smallest kid, the last one picked for dodgeball. It sucked, and I still have remnants of that mindset. Those fears held me back well into my thirties. I don’t want that to be the case for my kids. I want them to know that God is with them, so they can walk into every situation life throws at them with bravery and confidence. Just like Samson and David.

God speaks, Miracles do happen, Multiple Sclerosis

Healing the blind

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Matthew 9:27-31: “And as Jesus passed on from there, two blind men followed him, crying aloud, ‘Have mercy on us, Son of David.’ When he entered the house, the blind men came to him, and Jesus said to them, ‘Do you believe that I am able to do this?’ They said to him, ‘Yes, Lord.’ Then he touched their eyes, saying, ‘According to your faith be it done to you.’ And their eyes were opened. And Jesus sternly warned them, ‘See that no one knows about it.’ But they went away and spread his fame through all that district.”

I read a lot of these stories in the Bible, the stories of Jesus or his disciples healing the sick. And I have to be honest, it especially pains me to read the stories of the blind being healed. In some ways it’s jealousy, that that type of healing hasn’t happened for me (yet??), but in other ways it serves as a good reminder that Jesus CAN heal me. Believe me, I know it’s entirely possible (if not more likely) that complete healing may not come until I am ushered through the pearly gates. But that doesn’t seem to provide much reassurance. I have moments of peace about my crummy vision, and even my hearing loss, but they are just that: Moments. Some last longer than others, and I am thankful for those. Those are the times I am either really focused on connecting with God, or focused on the people I am with. Sometimes it’s both.

Today I am kind of in the middle. A little melancholy, a little at peace, but very thankful to be alive. Someday my day will come, and my eyes will be opened. Here’s to the hope that it will come sooner rather than later.

Cochlear implant, Decluttering, Kids, Multiple Sclerosis

Grandma Deb

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I had a heck of a week last week. All good. My mom was visiting from Oklahoma, and it was wonderful to spend time with her. On normal days we Skype, so it was refreshing to have real interaction. She came with me to my audiologist appointment, and then we went shopping and had lunch afterwards. That was Monday, when the kids are at daycare. We had the kids home the rest of the week, which changed everything. The kids had a great time with Grandma Deb, and she took them to Jumpin’ Jax (a local bounce-house playground type thing). She also got to see Luke play baseball, and we did some shopping for yarn so I can make afghans for the kids. She helped me sort through Natalie’s clothes for the items that no longer fit, and then took us to Goodwill to drop off a whole trunk load of stuff we no longer wanted.

So while we got a lot of work done around the house, we also had a lot of fun as well. We never did get to decluttering that damn hall closet. Oh well. I’ll get it handled eventually.

I have always been close with my mom, so it makes me happy to see the kids connecting with her so well. They each have a lot of her character in them, and it’s even more apparent to me when she’s around. Natalie has her artistic streak, loving drawing, coloring, and dancing; Luke has her creative problem solving abilities.

When we first planned this visit we expected that I would need more help, but I think we were both surprised at how well I was doing, especially with the kids. I was able to show Mom how well I can hear the kids now that I’m getting used to the cochlear implant, and also how well the kids were adjusting to it. I will always be making adjustments, but we’re headed in the right direction.

By the end of the week, I was pretty fatigued. Partly because of all the work we did, but partly because I was due for my monthly Tysabri infusion. It’s the medicine I take to manage and hopefully slow down the progression of multiple sclerosis. I noticed a few months back that I get more and more tired leading up to the next infusion. So, three weeks of fairly normal energy levels, and one week of rapidly progressing fatigue. It’s good that I can recognize this, so I’m not feeling hopelessly frustrated to be so doggone tired for no good reason. It’s unfortunate that Mom happened to be here on that fourth week of fatigue, but in a way I’m grateful, because she was happy to help and quick to recognize when I needed to rest. And, being my mother, she is not shy about telling me to take a nap when I need it.

All in all, it was a great week. Summer is flying by, and the kids will be back to school in no time. We plan to continue to enjoy every moment we are given, and thank God for all the blessings. Carpe diem!

Kids

R.I.P. Caramel Lollipop

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Oh, my daughter. Such a tender heart, with emotions very close to the surface. She cries easily, and shows very real emotion. Most times it makes me feel sad too, to see her hurting.

Not this time.

This time she was sad because the caramel lollipop she was eating was now gone. “It was so precious, I didn’t want to eat it!” And yet she did.

Let’s pause for a moment of silence to remember and honor the precious caramel lollipop.

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Multiple Sclerosis

Face plant

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My mom has come to visit! My house was already a frenzy, with grandparents returning my kids from the fair and a friend visiting to chat. When my mom walked through the doorway I was so excited to see her I rushed over to hug her and totally lost (misplaced) my balance and made a good face plant on the hardwood floor with my teeth. I was so happy, I was crying and laughing all while holding my mouth to check for blood. I think somewhere in the middle of all that I had knocked down my daughter too, so while I was lying face-down on the floor, I was looking and reaching over to make sure she was okay. She was fine. I was fine. The whole thing was hilarious.

Damn MS. I really need to remember my body isn’t cut out for running..

God speaks

Perspective

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If you’ve heard the story of the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years, you probably remember it as a punishment of sorts. Those stubborn Israelites, not trusting God, and suffering for decades because of it. We often sympathize with the Israelites. That’s how the story is generally used, as an example and admonishment to not be like the Israelites.

When I read this passage today I noticed it was told from the other side of the story. From God’s perspective. It made me chuckle.

Acts 13:17-18 – “The God of this people Israel chose our fathers and made the people great during their stay in the land of Egypt, and with uplifted arm he led them out of it. And for about forty years he put up with them in the wilderness.”

1) “During their stay” makes it sound like a vacation, doesn’t it? I have no deep insight here, I just thought it was funny.

2) God “put up with them”. Yes, because I’m sure they did not go 40 years without complaining. If you are a parent, you undoubtedly know what it’s like to put up with an ungrateful child complaining that they aren’t getting what they want or need (according to their childish understanding). It’s aggravating at best. It’s frustrating because there isn’t much you can do, other than let them work through it on their own, and hope that they eventually come to a point where they realize and become grateful for what they do have.

Sadly, some kids don’t ever get there, to that place of gratitude. Or they get there, and they forget. I have lost count of how many times I’ve been there and forgotten. I’m kind of getting back there now, again. I don’t want to be that child who God has to put up with. I want to be thankful. I want to see the streams in the desert. I want to make the most of life during my stay. I am in the desert, but God is with me here, and holds my future. For that, I am grateful.

God speaks

Attitude of Gratitude

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Don’t ask me how I’m doing.

Because I know you were about to, weren’t you?

Right at this moment I am good. I have my coffee and my yogurt (w/ granola and strawberries, of course). I am walking and healthy-ish, my kids are here with me. We have the whole day ahead of us. Natalie’s bedroom was destroyed while playing with her friends yesterday, so today’s challenge is getting her to help clean it up. Good luck, Momma.

[Let me pause right here and tell you about the coffee. A friend was visiting yesterday and she told me about someone who puts cinnamon in their coffee by putting it right in the grounds. What a fabulous idea! So I tried it this morning and it is simply divine. The flavor blends right in. Yummy!]

Today I read about Job, who was stripped of his wealth, lost his family and his health, and yet he still praised God. People thought his affliction was a result of his sins, but the Bible tells us that it was not. It just was. And his story has been both a comfort and a lesson to hurting people ever since.

I have often asked God why He allowed me to lose my hearing and eyesight, and I have yet to get a clear answer. I wonder if Job struggled with that same question, Why?. And if he did, how did he come to a place of peace? This is where I am. I don’t pretend to know why all this happened to me, but there are some things I do know, and that’s what I need to focus on.

What do I know? Well, for starters, I have been reunited with my children and my friends and countless others. While I am “stuck” at home I have the opportunity to build into my children’s lives, shape their character, learn who they are. Secondly, our “wealth” has been protected through all of this. And third, I still have sufficient eyesight to take care of myself and do most things to care for my family (like cooking, laundry, and cleaning). The bonus third is that I can still read books with my Kindle.

I have to thank God for these things and give Him ALL the praise, because tomorrow one or all may not be true. That’s not to sound pessimistic, but realistic. We know from hearing others’ stories that life can change in an instant. In the blink of an eye, it can all be gone. So you (yes you, reading this post) must recognize all that you have that is good and true and then praise the pants off the Lord for giving it to you. An attitude of gratitude starts with a simple thank you, but must be continually fed and pruned. Say thank you and mean it. Over and over and over again.

Housekeeping, Kids
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Somehow I went from having no worries about tomorrow, to worrying about today. Argh. Sometimes I drive myself crazy.

I really want to teach my kids good habits, like being polite and cleaning up after themselves. But in order to do that, I need to 1) Be consistent and 2) Remember I’m the one in charge. I think my son knows that I enjoy having him home and that I want to give him good things, and he sometimes uses that to his advantage. And my daughter is just young and strong-willed.

So tomorrow we are starting a new day, with a new resolve to be consistent with my expectations and remember that I have the final say. No snacking on junk unless we have eaten a good, healthy meal. No “screen” time until our latest mess is cleaned up. And maybe others, but we’ll start small so we can focus on making those things habit.

What do you think? Any suggestions? Do your kids struggle with manners or keeping their rooms and other play areas tidy? I am all ears, so if you have any tips or suggestions on this subject, please share!