I’ve been mulling this story over in my head for awhile now, trying to figure out how to tell it in a way that conveys the hilarity that I felt when it happened. Here we go!

My friend Tara was coming to visit from out of state. She, her husband Scott and their two sons had moved out of Michigan years ago and it had been some time since I had seen them. They were in town for a few days and she wanted to stop by and catch up. I was so excited for this visit, and for them to meet our new dog, Punky. I was letting the dogs play outside while I waited for my friends’ arrival. I like to do this when company comes over because the dogs can be a bit much and the exercise helps to calm them down (or so I like to believe). Tara and her family arrived, and I was so excited to see them! Scott was dropping Tara off for a few hours while he took the boys to the zoo, but they wanted to come in and say hello first.

Scott and Tara are dog people, so I asked if they wanted to meet our new golden retriever Punky, and of course they did. I let the rambunctious dogs inside and they did their dog greeting thing, wagged their tails, barked obnoxiously, etc. And then this conversation happened…

Scott to me: “It’s a bird.”

I have to stop right here and remind you that I am still half blind and deaf. The cochlear implants are great, but I need to be paying attention in order to hear and understand when people are talking to me. Also, if there are other loud noises happening (e.g. dogs barking), they are pretty useless. In other words, I miss out on a LOT of input. My guess is that Scott had said some things that I did not hear, and those things would have given me the necessary context to understand this bird business. Instead, I was starting from scratch with his statement. Now let’s continue…

Me looking blankly at Scott: “Huh? What’s that?”

Scott: “It’s a bird.”

Me: “What’s a bird?”

Scott: “It’s a bird. It looks like she brought in a bird.”

As understanding crept in and my heart started racing, I frantically scanned the room, looking for the “she” that Scott was referring to and that’s when I saw it. A happy, proud as can be Punky, parading a dead bird around my living room.

That’s when I lost my ever-loving mind. I scooted Punky outside as quickly as possible, not wanting her to drop the dead thing in my house. Once she was outside Scott was able to get her to drop the bird, and I brought him an old grocery bag to put it in. Then we let Punky back inside and resumed our introductions.

“So, how have you been? The boys have grown so much! Are those muffins you brought?” Blah, blah, blah.

Then I noticed Scott and the two boys jerking their heads and arms oddly around, looking up and down and all around. What the hell is going on now? Then I hear someone say, “I think we let in a yellow jacket.”

?@#$@?#%#*&!

I couldn’t find the fly swatter, but the dang thing wouldn’t land anyway. It ended up flying inside one of the window blinds and Scott had to vacuum it out. I didn’t use that vacuum for a few weeks, just to be sure it was dead before I emptied the dust cup (yes, I had to look that term up).

I don’t even remember much after this point because it was just utterly ridiculous, all this happening at once. I had gone in a matter of minutes from the excitement of seeing my friends to full on freaking out that there were dead things and sting-y things in my house. All I could do was laugh at the timing and the absurdity. I’m still laughing now.

Scott and the boys left for the zoo and Tara and I settled in for coffee and muffins and talked for hours. It was so wonderful to catch up with her and if it hadn’t been memorable enough, we’ll always share that memory of how it started off with dead birds and dangerous bugs.