This is another story that took place in late 2013 when I was still very new to vision loss and hearing loss. I have quite a few stories packed away, and plan to bring some out here on the blog, once a week or so. This one is quite funny to think about in retrospect but at the time it felt quite terrifying…

Our kids were gone to Grandma’s for the weekend (my mother-in-law) and I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. For some reason I used the one in the hallway, rather than the master bathroom. I’m not sure why, and it doesn’t really matter, only that this wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

Remember now that I can’t see well, I’m completely deaf, and all the lights are off so it’s pitch dark. I made it to the bathroom without issue, but when I turned off the bathroom light and stepped into the hallway I was rather disoriented. I knew enough to turn to the right, having lived in this house for fifteen years, but then I kept walking forward into my room. Or what I thought was my room. When I didn’t find my bed, I panicked. Legitimate, full on panic. I was reaching around trying to discern where I was but I had no idea. I was turning and flailing expecting to find our closet, a bed. a dresser, anything that would register familiar.

And then I started screaming for my husband. “Mike, Mike! Help! I don’t know where I am! MIKE! I couldn’t hear myself, or any response from him, of course, so I was just hoping I was screaming loud enough to wake him, and then I would wait a minute for him to come to me. When he didn’t come, I would start screaming again, to be sure he would know where to find me.

Did I mention this was an 1100 square foot ranch with three bedrooms? Not an escape room or corn maze. Not rocket science.

So this screaming and waiting went on for several more minutes, maybe 10 or 15, until I decided it wasn’t working and I was just going to have to sleep right there on the floor, wherever that was. So I sat down in defeat. That’s when I felt the rug, and I realized then by the texture that it was the race car rug in my son’s room. Right next door to mine. I was so relieved I didn’t even bother laughing at myself. I’ve had plenty of time to do that since. I just got up, felt around for the doorway I had just come through, and found my way to my bedroom and safely into my bed. I laid a hand gently on my husband’s chest, wondering why he hadn’t come to my aid. I could feel the vibrations; he was snoring. He hadn’t even heard me screaming. He slept right through it. I didn’t tell him about the incident until five years later. He wasn’t even sorry, can you believe that?

This journey I’ve been on since 2013, adjusting to life with disabilities, learning how to be me with limited vision and deafness, has taught me so many things, but one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that God isn’t always (almost never, if you ask me) going to tell you His plans. He may be keeping you in the dark about all the details and sometimes you just have to sit and wait until He shows you where to go, one grueling step at a time. And no matter how lost you feel, you might just find you’ve been in the right place all along.