I’ve been watching a lot of Jane the Virgin lately and in it they refer to Zen Rafael. As in, he’s only calm, cool, and collected some of the time. I’ve realized lately that I still struggle a lot with time anxiety and maybe it’s time to slay that giant. It’s time to find Zen Mindy.

I fight this anxiety daily when the kids are getting ready for school. I get so amped up worrying that they are going to miss the bus. This morning was the first time I actually didn’t feel stress about it. I showered while they got ready. I made my coffee while they ate breakfast. They both left on time. My heart rate stayed nice and slow, I was relaxed. I did not yell. It felt like victory. A battle won in this war against my anxiety over time.

But then came another challenge! I went to the neurologist today. I schedule my paratransit rides to pick me up in plenty of time after the visits. You always have to estimate how long it’s going to take, and while this is tricky, I’ve gotten better at it over time. I always give myself extra time to be on the safe side and I don’t mind waiting in case I’m done early. However, today ran a little longer than my estimate. I was still waiting at the lab to get my bloodwork at the exact time I should have been downstairs waiting for my ride. Historically, I would have sat and fidgeted, checked the time every 30 seconds. Started sweating and tensing up. Maybe called the paratransit dispatch to let them know I would be late (they always tell me to call back later when I’m actually done). This time, however, I decided to try a different approach. I asked myself, “what if I miss my ride?” and the answer was simple. I would call and get another ride. In the six or seven years I’ve been using this service, I’ve had to do that less than ten times and I have never been stranded. So, clearly this was not a situation warranting panic. So I just kept telling myself that, and I didn’t bother to look at the clock. And you know what? It worked! When I was all done at the lab I got downstairs as quickly and calmly as possible, and started to call the dispatcher as I exited the building. What did I see? My ride! It was still waiting for me! The driver said I had 22 seconds to spare, and he would have left. I don’t know if he was joking or not, but I was grateful. And just in awe that I was still feeling relaxed despite the close call.

See, when you have no control over your external circumstance, you still have control over one thing, and that’s how you react. How you react is a reflection of your thoughts and assumptions about the situation. Sometimes we find that our brains have been trained to assume the worst scenario and we don’t even realize it. All these times I’ve had anxiety and panic in relation to time – being late – it’s because my brain is reacting to something like being stranded in another town, miles from home. Which has *literally* never happened to me. So why? Why?!? Because my brain is WRONG. And I discovered today, that I can tell it that. Brain, you are wrong, you are reacting to something that has not happened and probably never will. So let’s back this train up and get on a more realistic track.

You can continue to stress about all the possibilities, realistic or not, or you can choose to come up with solutions to the most probable scenarios and move on with your day, enjoying the moment. That’s what I experienced today and it was incredibly freeing, so I just had to share. Signing off, Zen Mindy!