Another weekly marathon training update! This week I wanted to share how I came to start running.

Some people have asked me if I have always been a runner. The answer is an emphatic NO. I was the kid in high school who waited until my senior year to take that dreaded gym class, and I cried trying to run the four laps around the track because it hurt so bad. I loathed running.

When I had the MS relapse in 2013 that left me deaf and half blind, I also struggled to walk unassisted due to nerve damage in my left leg. I was at the lowest point in my life, physically and emotionally. I had thoughts of giving up, throwing in the towel, but my friends wouldn’t let me. They came to sit with me. They prayed for me and walked with me, both literally and figuratively. I started walking around the block with a friend, using the walker and going tortoise slow, but I was doing it. After some time I was able to trade the walker for a cane, and soon I was well enough to walk my kids to the bus stop in the mornings. On one of these mornings I was walking home after the school bus left and a question entered my mind – could I jog a little without falling? I just wanted to see what would happen. How would my legs respond? If I’m able to walk unassisted, maybe I could jog unassisted. I just had to know if it was possible.

And friends, that thought is where this all started and it’s what keeps me going to this day. I just want to see what more my legs will let me do. I want to keep pushing the boundaries of this broken and scarred body. I don’t run races to beat times or earn participation medals. I do it because I CAN. Eight years ago I didn’t think I would be able to walk from the couch to the kitchen, and here I am running. I am constantly amazed to look back and see how far I’ve come. I couldn’t do this without my faith in Christ and I certainly couldn’t do it without the support from my friends and family. That’s you! I couldn’t do this without you!

MS affects people of all kinds in all different ways and threatens to steal our lives and our joy. I want to be an encouragement to others that it’s never too late to fight back. I am in your corner.

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This week’s training was a struggle to fit in, but with some persistence I got it done! We have a lot going on here at the house (more on that later) so I wasn’t able to run exactly when I planned, but I did manage to fit all the miles in: 4, 5, 8, and then 12 for the long run. My 12 mile long run was a dream, really. The weather was perfect, starting out in the upper 60s and landing in the mid 70s with not much humidity. I had made some technical adjustments to my gear that made the run go a lot more smoothly. I’ll go over those technical details for the running enthusiasts, but for everyone else, feel free to skip to the end.

Hydration: I wear a hydration backpack on my longer, hotter runs, and I discovered last week that my hydration bladder was leaking. So, Amazon Prime to the rescue, and I had a replacement in time for the next long run. I recently started using a hydration product called Tailwind to mix in my hydration pack and I love how it keeps me from experiencing that “empty tank” feeling. My cousin, who is a seasoned distance runner, recommended it and I’m super happy he did because it’s been a lifesaver.

My deaf/blind vest: This vest has become a crucial component to my running gear. I get passed by so many bikers and runners on these trails and on the city sidewalks, and they always give me plenty of space. This is reassuring to know they are getting the message that I can’t necessarily see or hear them coming and can’t always get out of their way. Because without that vest, I look like every other runner out there, and simply shouting “on your left!” isn’t always going to work.

Feet: I’ve realized that my running shoes are too small. When you are running for these super long distances, your feet swell, so it’s usually recommended that you buy your running shoes a half size larger than your normal size. Which I knew, but regrettably ignored. Last year, when I was training for my half marathon, I developed a blister underneath the second toenail on my right foot. Which turned the nail black. It hasn’t been the same since, but it didn’t offer enough discomfort for me to do anything about it. Until now. These long runs especially have been aggravating it, causing a new blister to form, and I finally just cut the nail down as short as I could and managed to pop the blister. Yet it still wasn’t healing, so after some Google/Amazon research I landed on a silicone toe

cap to wear during my runs. I ran all 12 miles Saturday wearing that toe cap. The next morning I woke up to sweet relief! No pain or tenderness in that toe! It looks pretty gnarly and I won’t be showing my face at the nail salon for pedicures anytime soon, but I’m convinced that toe cap will protect it during all my running and allow it to heal properly.

Honest thoughts about the marathon training process: I don’t know if this is true of other first time marathon runners, but I’m really starting to get nervous about finishing this race in time for the cut off (because that’s really my only goal). The farthest distance I’ve run up to this point is 16 miles and that was at a snail’s pace, and still 10 miles short of the race distance. This week felt like a lot of miles and it’s not even at the peak of my training plan. I’m starting to get really tired and I’m thinking to myself “can I really do this?” As of the writing of this post, I don’t have an answer to that question. I really don’t know. But my husband believes I can. My family and friends all believe I can. So I’m borrowing some of their hope in me for the time being, until some of my own confidence is restored. One day, one mile at a time.

This past weekend my scheduled long run was 16 miles, just one more than the week before. I made the same plan as before, to run to the park and back, but this time I was more prepared. For one, I postponed the run by a day because thunderstorms were in the forecast. And two, I talked with my good friend who trained with me last year on these same trails, and she informed me that there was a way around the flooding under that bridge. If I dared, of course. The idea gave me great anxiety, but she was able to ride her bike out there and get a video of herself climbing up the side of the trail, still under the bridge, narrating the whole way. So I was able to see that it was possible, and that there was a well worn path made by other runners trying to get around the flooding issue (which apparently happens quite frequently).

It had stormed the night before this run, so I was not surprised to find the path flooded. I was not sure how I would do climbing up the side of this trail and under the bridge. I was really nervous. But I had already made sure my friend was available in case of emergency, and after the heartbreak of not making it to the park the week before, I really wanted to get to the other side. I felt I had never been more motivated to do a hard thing than at this moment.

I carefully made my way up the berm, climbing over rocks and stubble, keeping my center nice and low so as not to lose my balance. Stepping slowly in case of slippery spots. Once at the top of the berm, I had to take a photo because it was all still a little unbelievable.

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It was a pretty incredible experience, and I think the grins in my selfies say it all. However, my adventure wasn’t over yet! I still had several miles to run in order to reach my halfway point. Fueled by pride, elation, and electrolytes, I made it to my previous week’s halfway point and kept on going for that extra half mile. I was on cloud nine.

Until mile 12. I still had gas in the tank, feeling strong as ever, but my left leg hamstrings were starting to send me some serious warning signals. “We need a break, and if you continue to run, we quit.” Fearing injury and knowing that would really slow down my marathon training, I opted for walking most of those last 5 miles. Occasionally I would try running again, just to see how the legs were doing, but each time that pain came right back and only went away when I went back to walking. So, reluctantly I finished my long run with brisk walking. I spent that time giving myself pep talks and reminding myself how much of an accomplishment all this is, even if I have to walk. I remembered all the people who are rooting for me back at “home”. I remembered when I needed a walker to get around. I thought of all the other people living with MS who can’t walk, much less run. And I decided by the time I got home that I would count this run as a Victory with a capital V. I conquered my fear of climbing that dusty berm under the highway. I ran all the way to my halfway point, and I got home safely, avoiding injury. I still have my doubts about running 26.2 in September, but I’m trusting the training and just taking it one day at a time.

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We are in the thick of it, folks. Marathon training. I knew it was going to be hard, but this run was certainly a test of my endurance, my persistence, my commitment to the goal. I had the perfect route planned, 7.5 miles to the park and back to make my scheduled 15. I was so excited to accomplish this! And yet, it wasn’t to be. As you can see from the photo below, I encountered some flooding, and there was no way around it. This was a bridge that goes under the highway, and I’ve since been told that it floods often, because it dips so low. It could have been possible to run through it, as I saw a man on a recumbent tricycle riding right through it, but that wasn’t something I was willing to do. So I took a sad face selfie and headed back the way I came. This roadblock was only 1.5 miles away from my half way point, which meant that I had to make up 3 miles of distance to achieve my 15. So I took all the loops I could. Ran around all the cul-de-sacs in my neighborhood. Willed myself to NOT go home before I reached that 15 miles.

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This run was so much slower than all of my previous runs and I’ll be honest, I was hurting for much of the last third of it. I came home happy that I had finished, but doubting myself quite a bit. Why was this one so hard? I’m nowhere near ready for 26.2, can I really do this? What have I gotten myself into? But when I got home from that run, my dear husband encouraged me and told me I could do this. Not because he knows anything about running, but because he knows ME. And he knows that when I set out to reach a goal I don’t give up.

Next week my long run is 16 miles and I’m going to try to run that same route, hoping this time there is no flooding and I am able to reach my intended half way point. With every run and every day that passes, I am getting stronger and I am so excited to some day be able to say yes, I ran a marathon. With MS. I did a hard thing, and you can too. Maybe not necessarily THIS hard thing, but something hard for you. We all have challenges we face in life, and I hope by sharing my experiences with running I inspire you to face your challenges head on. Because we truly can do hard things, we just have to decide we can and go out and do it.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.” ~Winston Churchill

My long run on Saturday was 10 miles, and it also happened to be July 10. Ever the math nerd, the tens make me smile. A nice even number if you ask me. I wish I could say I have 10 weeks of training left but I’m down to 9. Nine weeks! I don’t know if I’ll be ready, but whether I’m ready or not, I’m fully committed to finishing this race.

This has been an interesting journey so far, and I still have two grueling months to go. I’ve learned a lot so far about finding where my physical limits are. I’ve learned that those limits are not static. As I slowly increase my mileage, I find those limits get stretched out a little further. I still marvel at what my legs can do. I don’t get the drop foot that I used to, but my left leg is still much weaker than the right. I have to be careful not to trip, or to get over fatigued. My vision gets more foggy as the miles roll by, but since I’m never moving at lightning speed I just trust that I’m not going to run anyone over. And with the trails I’ve been running on, there aren’t really any obstacles for me to worry about.

One of the things that’s been a challenge is finding running routes in my area that are accessible to me. I live in a town that has trails all over the place. Trails that I’ve run before, with a friend, while training for my half marathon last year. When I committed to this marathon I knew I was going to have to utilize these trails or else I would just keep running in circles around my immediate neighborhood. That gets super boring, especially after the miles get up in the double digits. When we trained last year, my friend always picked me up to drive to these trails. Since I am unable to drive, I needed to find a way to get there on foot. And I am happy to say, especially after this 10 mile run, that I have found it! It took a couple tries, but when I run this route it feels familiar and safe. So my plan for next week’s 15 mile long run is to run it again but take it further. From looking at the Google map, I’ve confirmed that I can (fingers crossed!). But if I get on the trail and find it doesn’t go where I thought it did, I’ll just turn around, head home, and make up the rest of the miles by running around my street. And it will be just fine! See, I’m trying to learn to be flexible and resilient. It’s quite the process.

Also on Saturday, I was reminded by Amazon that it’s been a year since I had this running buddy tattooed onto my leg. He doesn’t have a name really, but I’m open to suggestions! This tortoise here is to remind me that even though I’m a slow runner, I am still a runner. And I never give up. I gave him the bib number of 38 because that’s how old I was when I ran my first official race. Okay, actually 38 is just a random joke number in our family, with a really long and stupid back story, and that’s why I picked it. But then a friend asked me if that’s how old I was when I started racing and I had to check. Turns out, it is! And I think that’s definitely more significant, and a pretty awesome coincidence.

In closing, I want to share another lesson I’m learning, and that’s to rest when my body tells me it needs it. Resting is important, folks. Last week I had to postpone a scheduled run and that was hard. I went to bed the night before fully intending to run the next morning but when I woke up the next day every muscle and joint in my body was screaming at me to stay home. So I did. I took the whole day to rest, to take it easy. When I woke up the following day I was ready for that 7 mile run. I didn’t struggle, I didn’t feel fatigued. I ran the whole way with a smile on my face. Well, not literally, of course. But it was there, nonetheless. Keep smiling, folks, even if it’s only on the inside 🙂