Category Archives: Miracles do happen

Decluttering, Miracles do happen

Removing Distractions

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I’ve been feeling numb lately. Uninspired, lacking passion, boring even. And as I sit and contemplate why that is, I come up with a train of thought. The first car on the train being that I have not been praying on a consistent basis, and that leads to shallow prayers lacking meaning and purpose. Inconsistent and shallow prayers lead to inconsistent reading of Scripture, so I’m not talking to God, and He’s not talking to me (or I’m not listening).

Now, my main desire for starting this blog was to encourage and inspire people. I can’t do that if I’m only writing about the mundane details of life (though I know you love hearing about my housekeeping habits).

But, I digress. Back to the train. There is no meaningful conversation happening between me and God, and I am uninspired. Why is this? Because I am distracted. What is distracting me? Stupid Facebook games. There it is. I confess. And if I were truly, honestly confessing to you, I would share that today I spent a solid three hours playing Candy Crush and Farmville 2. Without getting up. And it didn’t end there. I did manage to get some things done, but always came back to the games. Because, “just one more” is a lie, folks. It never happens. This is an addiction, and the only way to beat it is to turn away. I have decided to stop playing altogether as of just before I started writing this post, but I’m honestly still arguing with myself about whether I “need” to un-install the damn things. And I think that’s the proof right there. They need to go.

What will I do to fill my down time? I don’t know, read, crochet, de-clutter the junk hiding in my closets and drawers? Or I could walk, practice hearing on the phone, write a note to a friend. That’s quite a list right there, and all of those things are things I would be happy to do. Correction: WILL be happy to do. Because starting tomorrow, the games are gone. Yup, I need to un-install them. Going to do that right now…

… okay, I did it! Wait, gotta remove Candy Crush from the phone and Kindle…

… okay, now I’m done. Games are gone.

I hope you know I’m doing this for you. I just hope it’s worth it. I’m gonna go cry myself to sleep now.

God speaks, Miracles do happen, Multiple Sclerosis

Healing the blind

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Matthew 9:27-31: “And as Jesus passed on from there, two blind men followed him, crying aloud, ‘Have mercy on us, Son of David.’ When he entered the house, the blind men came to him, and Jesus said to them, ‘Do you believe that I am able to do this?’ They said to him, ‘Yes, Lord.’ Then he touched their eyes, saying, ‘According to your faith be it done to you.’ And their eyes were opened. And Jesus sternly warned them, ‘See that no one knows about it.’ But they went away and spread his fame through all that district.”

I read a lot of these stories in the Bible, the stories of Jesus or his disciples healing the sick. And I have to be honest, it especially pains me to read the stories of the blind being healed. In some ways it’s jealousy, that that type of healing hasn’t happened for me (yet??), but in other ways it serves as a good reminder that Jesus CAN heal me. Believe me, I know it’s entirely possible (if not more likely) that complete healing may not come until I am ushered through the pearly gates. But that doesn’t seem to provide much reassurance. I have moments of peace about my crummy vision, and even my hearing loss, but they are just that: Moments. Some last longer than others, and I am thankful for those. Those are the times I am either really focused on connecting with God, or focused on the people I am with. Sometimes it’s both.

Today I am kind of in the middle. A little melancholy, a little at peace, but very thankful to be alive. Someday my day will come, and my eyes will be opened. Here’s to the hope that it will come sooner rather than later.

God speaks, Miracles do happen, Multiple Sclerosis

Psalms and asides

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Oh, how I love the Psalms. I like how my thoughts follow interject as I read them. Today I read Psalm 13. I’ll tell you how it went, but for reference I need to point out that I have severe nerve damage in my optic nerves, and struggle with partial vision loss. The doctors at Mayo Clinic said it would not get better, yet I have shown slight improvements ever since. It’s been a journey within a journey. So here we go…

“How long, O Lord? (Yes, I’m impatient at times)
Will you forget me forever? (No, no, no.)
How long will you hide your face from me? (Okay, I’m sorry, I know you are here. You are not hiding from me)
How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? (Do you get tired of the same old pleading, every single day?)
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? (He will not win this battle)

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
Light up my eyes, (YES! PLEASE!) lest I sleep the sleep of death, (Ok,I suppose death would be worse)
Lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” (Negative.)
Lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. (Shaken, not stirred. I’m standing firm in the knowledge that Jesus is fighting for me and He – WE – will prevail.)

But I have trusted in your steadfast love; (Oh, I have, over and over and over)
My heart shall rejoice in your salvation. (I’ll keep doing this too)
I will sing to the Lord, (Deaf ears don’t lend well to this, but I don’t think he minds, do you?) 
because he has dealt bountifully with me.”

Bountifully. What exactly does that mean? According to the dictionary, bountiful means abundant: liberal in bestowing gifts, favors, or bounties; munificent; generous. God is a generous God, liberal in bestowing gifts. Generous as in He wants to give us gifts, good things, and lots of them!

Here is where my doubt lies – does God want to heal my vision? He has given me so much, and I am thankful for all of it. I am truly happy and know that I am blessed. That fact is not lost on me. However, deep in my heart I guess I still want to pick and choose the gifts. I’m like an ungrateful child at Christmas, who didn’t get that Cabbage Patch Doll she was so hoping for. That girl, sitting on the floor amongst scads of toys and gifts, lamenting that there is no doll. This woman, sitting here in a comfortable home, with her beautiful children and husband, wondering when her vision will be restored. IF it will be restored.

Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful. And I know I am human and that God has plenty of grace for me. Grace to cover my ungrateful tendencies. I don’t know what God is doing with my vision. I know He keeps me in the dark on that point for a good reason. He wants me to trust Him.

Here’s the thing: I have a hard time with grace. I have a hard time accepting gifts. I have a hard time believing that I deserve. But you know what? I don’t. None of us do. That’s what grace is all about – the free and unmerited favor of God. I don’t know if my eyes will be completely healed this side of heaven or not, but I know God wants to give me good things. And who knows? Maybe that’s one of them. I did get that Cabbage Patch Doll, after all.

Deafness, Dreams, Miracles do happen

Gainfully unemployed

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I had a disturbingly realistic dream this morning. I dreamt I was leaving my job. As I did for real last August. All the same people were there, but the office looked very different. More like the office in Nine to Five. Do you remember that movie? Anyway, in the dream I was packing up all of my stuff (which in real life I did not do) and saying my goodbyes. In the dream I was sad and frustrated, but when I started to wake up, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and relief.

I never admitted this while I was there, but I hated my job. Yes, I was doing accounting, but it wasn’t the kind of accounting I enjoyed. I started out at the firm six years prior doing monthly statements and reports and setting up new files, but by the end I found myself in the role of debt collector. Trying to collect from clients who had come to us for help getting out of a financial mess was like getting blood from a turnip. A losing battle. Every. Single. Day.

I still have the box of my stuff my coworkers had packed up for me. It’s been sitting, rarely touched, since the day I picked it up last September. Framed pictures, my iPod speakers, my candle (coffee) warmer. I even have my framed IRS Enrolled Agent certificate, which as of this week is now invalid. I did find my notary public stamp, which is still good for another five years, so that’s useful. The coffee mugs were the first things to come out when I brought the box home. However, I just realized today that my Einstein mug was never there. It must still be back at the office. My sister gave it to me, and it was a favorite. However, I’m hesitant to contact anyone from the office. I am afraid they would not understand my need to retrieve a silly coffee mug after all this time. After all, they’ve never contacted me. I worked there for six years and no one has asked me how I’m doing. Strange, but typical I suppose. Just goes to show a bit of what I hated about working there.

Oh well. The bottom line here is that some pretty crappy circumstances caused me to lose my job, and for that I am super grateful. In a way, becoming deaf rescued me from a life I was afraid to let go of. So, in God’s great power and graciousness, He plucked me out. He knew better than I, what I was afraid of and even more importantly, what I and my family needed. This all still amazes me. Can I get a hearty Amen?

Miracles do happen, Multiple Sclerosis

Progress

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I went to see my neuro-ophthalmologist (I finally mastered spelling that word) yesterday for my three-month follow-up visit. Wonderful news – as I suspected, the tests show that my vision has improved. It’s a small improvement, but it’s movement in the right direction, and that thrills me. We asked Dr. Kaufman what he thought about me driving again, if only for short distances. I feel close to comfortable getting back behind the wheel, but I trust his opinion, and was anxious to hear what he had to say. I was pleased with his response. For one, he didn’t laugh at me or show any indication that he thought the idea was absurd. However, he thought it was too soon for me to be safely behind the wheel. He did, however, suggest we talk again in another 2-3 months and see how I’m doing then. He believes my vision will continue to improve, and thinks eventually I would be able to look at driving in a wide open lot, with Mike’s supervision. He said my vision won’t ever get back to normal, but I didn’t really expect that anyway. I’m just happy that it’s better than it was. The doctor at the Mayo Clinic last January said that it would not get better. Since then, I have been praying and believing that God knows better, and that He is healing my eyes. He invented them in the first place, so I know He can do it. And look! He IS!!

Cochlear implant, Deafness, Miracles do happen

First Impressions

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Today was the day my first cochlear implant was activated. I wasn’t sure how it would go, but I went in with an open mind, and I’m glad I did. Here are some of my first impressions:

1) Everyone sounds like chipmunks. So when they turned it on and started talking to me, I sat there, grinning like an idiot, trying not to giggle (I failed).

2) Natalie told me she loved me, and I told her I loved her too, and then I started to cry. This is what I was waiting for. I think a lot of times she speaks without sound when she talks to me, and in a very exaggerated way, so it’s going to take some learning on her part to remember to talk normally again. But thankfully, she is a smart girl and a very quick learner. I think as weird as it was for her when I went deaf, this is also a new kind of weird. So we’ll journey this weirdness together.

3) When they were setting the base volume level, they played a series of beeps. I had dried my tears from before, and this just got them going again. It’s been 11 months of having nothing sound real or normal, and those beeps, those sounds, they were beautiful. Beautifully real sounds.

4) On the drive home I could hear the beats to the music, and the road noise from the tires, and I just stared out the window. And again let the tears fall. I was struck with the simplicity and normalcy of sound. I believe I really had forgotten what I had lost. The memory of it, and then the reality of it being returned to me was just overwhelming. Simple sounds we all take for granted. The shuffling of papers, footsteps around me, my own husband’s voice. These are all things I took for granted, and they were taken from me. Yet for some reason only known to God, they are being returned to me. To say that I am grateful is a colossal understatement.

These past 11 months have been a journey, and today is the next step on that journey. I thought at first that it was a new journey, but I think that’s wrong. What I have been through has shaped me in ways I am still discovering, and it has made me who I am today. I am more patient, more courageous, more thoughtful of others. Stronger, yet tender-hearted.

Yet, still Mindy.

Miracles do happen

Answer to prayer

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I just have to share the exciting progress of God’s miraculous healing of my vision (the nerve damage the Mayo Clinic told me was permanent)

Two days ago I realized I have trouble finding the cloudy blind spot I’ve had on my left side. Today I was able to fully see Max Scherzer’s different colored eyes, which I wasn’t able to see a month ago! Yahoo! Praise God!