Our puppy, Piper, has become quite skilled at catching her tail. She loves the chase, of course, but always seems surprised to find that it doesn’t make a very good chew toy. Ouch!
All posts by Little M.S. Runner
A Saner Me
The kids are off to school, hubby is at work, the puppy is sleeping at my feet, and I am sitting at the dining room table with a hot cup of fresh coffee and the whole day ahead of me.
I feel like I can breathe again.
It’s amazing how different things can look depending on your mood. I’ve had some pretty rough days these past couple of weeks. I’ve had the kids home with me but with the added challenge of a new puppy. There have been plenty of good moments, yes, but there were also many moments I don’t care to remember. Moments I’m not proud of.
I am not one to make New Year Resolutions, but this year the timing worked in such a way that it made perfect sense to make one. So I resolved to stop the yelling. It’s only been five days, and I’ve failed a few times, but I have had victories as well. And the victories outweigh those few failures. Especially considering they are more recent, showing that I am making progress.
I thought breathing and counting was the secret to not losing my temper, but that proved to be ineffective. I think the problem runs deeper with me, and therefore requires a more extensive solution. I think the key is in changing my perceptions, my expectations, and learning how to pause and really relax. “So what if she pees? Clean it up and move on.” “The kids left their toys all over the couch? Calmly and firmly ask them to put them away.” If I practice these kinds of attitudes throughout the day, practice them in moments of calm, then they become second nature when the calm suddenly turns to chaos. The result? A saner me. One who deals with the issue at hand, rather than reacting to it.
So, here’s to a new beginning. A saner me. Go forth and be sane 🙂
Baby steps to a book.
I posted the following message on my Facebook wall the day after Christmas. Just six days ago.
“Today I have officially started writing my book. Thank you, Staci, for passing that ‘rumor’ along to our buddy Lyle. Your confidence in me was motivation to get this girl’s butt in gear.”
Of course, not much has happened since then. Which frustrates me to my core. Because I am an unrealistic overachiever, and I set ridiculous standards for myself, not having thought them through. Of course writing a book is an enormous task. I don’t even really know where to start, but that’s mostly irrelevant at this point because –
Hello? Who has time to write a book with two kids home for Christmas break and a new puppy to housetrain??
Okay. Now that we have that cleared up. A book is in process. Baby steps. Or maybe very tiny itty-bitty steps until kids go back to school. Either way, there will be steps.
2014 in review
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,600 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 60 trips to carry that many people.
Poop Emergency
Kids were playing outside with dog, dog tripped girl, girl fell into poop. Hence, Poop Emergency. But girl is clean, dog is sleeping in crate, boy is playing video games downstairs, and mom is thinking of cracking open a beer to help find motivation to fold 4 loads of laundry.
Earlier today we had a contest to see who could scream the loudest. I won, of course, because I was the only one competing.
I feel like we’re surviving okay. No serious injuries, no fatal wounds. And did I mention beer? And laundry? Clock’s tickin’… gotta go. Make it a great one, bloggy folks!! 🙂
Wasting away
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18 ESV)
Don’t I know it? I am 36 years young, yet daily I struggle with aches and pains and fatigue and several other issues more commonly associated with aging. I have my Kindle set with larger, high contrast fonts, and in my kitchen I have a special phone that offers live captioning for all my calls. I don’t use a walking cane on a regular basis, but that reality is not far off.
This is why I cling to such promises. This life here, this failing body of mine, is temporary. What really lasts, and what really matters, is what’s going on inside my heart. As of this moment, this heart is strong. Resilient, full of hope. I believe much of that strength is a result of the trials I have been through. So rather than wallow in regret or sadness, I choose today to smile and thank God for carrying me through. May I forever remain in the palm of his hand.
We found a sweet spot
Well, it’s Christmas Eve. We are getting a handle on this puppy potty-training, thanks to some great advice from Matt Libbenga at stillnothousetrained.com. I was so impressed with his write-up, I bought the book. I’m only half-way through it and it’s already been the best $15 I ever spent.
So it is 10 am and I am nestled in the recliner with my knit afghan and last cup of coffee. Both kids are next to me, snuggled together on the couch under a cozy fleece blanket, watching Home Alone. And Piper? She is passed out in her crate in the kitchen. Voluntarily, I might add. We keep her tethered with a leash so she can’t roam the house, and it’s working amazingly well. It keeps her confined to smaller areas at a time, but still with plenty of room to move around. And she loves her crate.
We don’t have much going on today. The kids and I plan to make some Rice Krispy treats and brownies later. Presents are all wrapped. Mike is working today, which sucks, but we are thankful he has a job that provides for our family. He’ll take us driving around tonight to look at Christmas lights. That’s been something we like to do every year, even before we had kids.
I’m looking forward to Christmas day. I’m happy to be where I am, even though it’s not necessarily a life I would have chosen. It’s still a life I wouldn’t trade for anything. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, amazing kids, and wonderful extended family and friends. And Jesus. He is, above all else, my strength and hope. He is my everything. I shudder to think where I would be without Him. Any of us, really. He is truly the best gift, and tomorrow we remember and celebrate that. Happy birthday Jesus, and a Merry Christmas to all.
Hoping no one dies
I’m sorry. I haven’t been able to blog because I’m losing my mind taking care of this new puppy and with the kids home for Christmas break. At least 2 out of 3 are potty-trained.
And that is the biggest challenge. Piper is young, 9 weeks now, but I know it’s possible to have her housebroken. It will take some 24/7 commitment and patience, but she will get there. If it kills me. And at times it feels like it will. Kill me, that is. I suppose that’s better than me killing someone else.
Okay, so really we’re just hoping no one dies in this process.
I am still happy we got this puppy, and while she’s adorable when she’s not peeing all over the place, I’m most excited at how she will be when she is full-grown. I think she has some great qualities tucked away that will just shine once she can get the basic rules of the house down.
No, seriously, that’s all I have this week. I may have more to write in the days to come, but it’s not likely I’ll have time to get it down on “paper”, since Christmas is only two days away (gah!!).
Ich liebe dich
Oh these days are flying by. Puppy care is ongoing (she never stops leaving puddles on the floor). Some days are better than others. Some have both good and bad. My attempt at cleaning up my language went out the window. At least I’ll have the children’s assistance for the next two weeks while they are home for the holidays. Luke is a big help with taking her out to go potty, and they are both great at playing with her, as well as showing me where she piddles (the nature of my vision loss makes it nearly impossible for me to see that type of thing).
I think evening will end up becoming my new writing ritual time, if I can manage to pull out the laptop before checking up on my Words with Friends games (Did you realize you can ave like, a zillion games going at once? And still have zero chance of winning?). I had planned to write about where I went this afternoon, before getting all pissed off at the dog who pees everywhere. But now that I got that griping out of my system, I’ll move on with that original plan.
I thank you kindly for staying with me this far.
This afternoon we went to a family Christmas gathering for my stepmom’s family. I’ve known them since I was 9, so they are just as much family as my blood relatives. We didn’t make it out last year, what with all the health issues I was dealing with at the time. So I wanted to see them, but I had been saying we weren’t going to go, because it’s a huge family, and though my cochlear implant is a miraculous thing in small, quiet settings, I knew it wouldn’t do so well in a house full of umpteen loud Germans and their offspring. I just figured it would be too depressing for me to be with all these people I loved but couldn’t interact very well with.
Read those last few sentences again. Notice a trend? My cochlear implant… depressing for me… I couldn’t… Me, me, me. After giving it more thought and discussing it with my husband, I realized how selfish I was being in refusing to go. I was making it all about MY experience, and to hell with my kids or my husband, and never mind that my extended family loves us all and wants to see us.
So, we went, and even though I did not plan well with the battery situation and it died just before we left to go home (had to let the puppy out), we all had a wonderful time. I was able to have one-on-one conversations by reading lips and using the special *battery-draining* UltraZoom program on my CI. I forget that conversations go both ways. Just as I want to hear and understand what someone is saying, they want to hear what I am saying as well, which is totally possible with or without a CI. Just being with family, seeing them laughing and having a good time was such a gift – a gift I was almost selfish enough to pass up. Just another lesson in seizing the day, I suppose, and in cherishing every moment. Hug your loved ones, people. Go!
Forced relaxation
I know, that’s sort of an oxymoron. Let me explain.
Within the past year of changes and adjustments, you could say I had grown a bit obsessive, perhaps even compulsive, about keeping our house clean and clutter-free. Which is nice, but is not without some underlying stress. Because when that order is disrupted in any way, Momma has been known to blow a gasket. So I had been working hard at not blowing gaskets, and it wasn’t really working all that well. Because the pressure is always still there, building and growing under the surface. Holding it all in proves to be very exhausting.
But now we have this puppy. This puppy that I wanted, and am determined to love the way she deserves to be loved. But this puppy is, as puppies typically are, a handful. Piper is actually rather laid back, probably more so than your typical puppy, but she still loves to chew and she is not yet potty trained. So she requires nearly constant attention. And that interferes with my previously established housekeeping routines. Which is hard for me to accept, but I have not once forgotten that having a puppy was something I chose. I signed up for this, and I am determined to make it work.
I’ve been walking around full of anxiety since we brought her home on Sunday, afraid of what would happen if she pooped in the house. Do you know she pooped in the hallway this morning and the house did not come crashing down? In fact, my vision of feces smeared all over the walls and floors – and who knows what else – did not become a reality. Everything was okay. If she poops, she poops. Clean it up and move on.
See, each new day gets a smidge better, for two reasons. One, she is learning what is acceptable here in her new home. Two, I am becoming more comfortable with imperfection. That’s a big one for me, because I thought I WAS comfortable with imperfection, but what I’ve seen of myself these past few days is that it was all a lie. It was only true on the surface. Deep down I still craved perfection, and was deeply unnerved when I didn’t have it.
That deep unnerving, that inner irritation, the precursor to every blown gasket, is slow torture, and it does no one any good. It makes for a miserable me, and then I end up taking it out on my family. They don’t deserve the miserable me. The tense, wound up, nagging woman has to go. I want my house to be a peaceful place to come home to. This new adjustment, this life with a new puppy, is forcing me to be okay with a little imperfection. Thanks to Piper, I think we’re headed in the right direction.
Little M.S. Runner 