1) I can’t be held responsible for ignoring chatty strangers.

2) I sleep awesome.

3) I’ve been known to leave the garbage disposal running after I turn the water off.

4) You know about SBDs? Silent But Deadly toots? Well, they’re all SBDs to me. No. Warning. Whatsoever.

5) I’m terribly easy to sneak up on. My 7 year old son loves this.

6) Tinnitus: Think jazz horns. 24/7. Nice, but I do miss the chanting monks.

7) Every morning wake up with a new song in my head. Yesterday it was Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam and jazz.

And to top it all off?

8) Dude. I’m getting implants! (Look left! Four more days!)